Steps For Breaking Out of a Negative Feedback Loop

19 09 2016

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

It’s been a tough few months for me. Professionally. Physically. And even and especially personally.

The kind of tough where the tears have come hard and frequent. The kind of tough where long nights have led to longer days. The kind of tough where I want to open up yet I’m afraid of breaking down. The kind of tough that calls on me to put in action all that I’ve learned over the past several years.

I’m not ready to write about much of it. And in truth, I may never choose to share much of the past few months. But I’ve also done quite a bit of thinking and now that some of the pressures are lifting, I’m ready to share some of those thoughts.

One of the hardest things in a relationship – any relationship – is to learn that you have been unintentionally bringing pain to another…

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Day 1302 A BUT makes you a BUTT

8 09 2016

I miss writing so often but when the day ends there is not enough time or energy. I’m trying to make it a point to get back and blog. my mind needs the writers release. Even if nobody reads it, I still need it if that makes sense.

I have always defended myself even when it wasn’t necessary. I still do now because I still forget that I am worthy and I’m enough. That if I’m wrong I’m not that little boy who didn’t have his dad to guide my way so I had to be right or I was going to always make mistakes. I like to be right and who doesn’t but that’s an excuse. We were made not to be perfect but I keep thinking i have to always be perfect and if not I’ll argue with you until I am. The past 6 months have been filled with as many changes in my life than any other time. I’m trying to always be better but!!!! That word gets me always because I might agree with you but I need you to hear my side so you know that I’m okay. So Im still insecure, frightened, unsure, changing ball of a mess. I listen to God and then I stop listening and when I stop listening welcome to Tyler Wood and his interchanging “Buts”

Have you ever went and listened to yourself when you try to defend yourself. It sounds so stupid and when you’re having a good day you step back and say what in the hell did I do that for. What did it matter if I was right or wrong. I didn’t hear the other person, I probably hurt them and I didn’t listen to anything they said. All because Im so insecure, feel unloved, unattached from anyone or anything that I just need to be heard.

I was in an argument with my fiance and we were both wrong but God forbid if I actually shut up and not have to be the heavyweight champion of arguing. So I got the title that night and I hurt her feelings and made her feel that what she had to say wasn’t important. As soon as I said But i should have stopped because the moment I kept going I became a BUTT!

Im always a work in progress like we all are but if I have to  be the champion of But I will become the champion of the BUTTS too and I really don’t need another crappy crown.

We don’t always have to be right even when we are right. The BUT stops here. I hope it can stop with you too!

Day 1291 Today is my 5 year sucicide anniversary 

27 08 2016

​At 7:10 am 5 years ago I sat on a hill in Aubrey Texas ready to finally take my life. Sucicide was my only way out. I had written a letter to my ex wife explained why I was doing what I was doing and saying I’m sorry. I had kissed my kids and over explained in my head  that this was best for everyone. 

I had done science work and realized if I hit the 18th pole going 57 miles hour on the Lewisville lake bridge the crash wouldn’t kill but I would drown in the Lake.

I sat there then  turned the car on put my foot on the gas and heard a voice, what about your kids. I looked around looking for who was talking to me and I realized I finally heard from God. I yelled out I’m doing this for my kids they don’t need this broken, loser of a father. I asked why are you showing up now I waited 36 years to hear from you and now you show up.

I turned the car around drove back home and when I got out I suddenly hit my knees and said God I have no idea what you’re doing but either you fix my life or I’ll take it.

As I sit here typing this I still remember  that day and the feelings I had which  I’ve realized over 5 years that so many struggle with hatred, unworthiness, lack of love, doubt, failure etc..

I’m living proof that God restores the most broken of souls, even though I still lost everything, I gained back everything the locust ate and more. 

I will tell you every time I see you that no matter what you have done you are loveable, you are worthy, you were never a mistake and there is so much good in you.  The world still needs you because you’re still here. 

There is never a day where I’m not thankful to be here. I have a purpose and if it’s only to provide hope I’m great with that.  I love you and I’m here for you even if you don’t know me because I know the feelings and I would do anything to stop those feelings.

I’m not sure why I was soared that but I’m going to make sure to pack as much into others as I can.

Here’s to another amazing 5 years and changing lives 1 person at a time.

Day 1257 Im engaged

22 07 2016

4 years ago I walked out of the courthouse in Denton Texas and with my divorce paperwork in hand said this was it. Never did I want to be married or be in love again. It hurt too much. Everything I knew and believed about relationships and women was flushed away with the gavel hitting the stand.  I was in the process of rebuilding me but that part I just didn’t want a part of. I went 6 months of dating nobody as I worked on repairing my bitterness, anger and the stitching back my heart. I started dating and hated it. I would meet a nice girl then get afraid and run like a kid playing hide and go seek at school. When I started believing in myself more I started to believe that maybe my goal was just to be a daddy, work and enjoy be single. I had done online dating, meeting my friends, (not recommended) and randomly asking someone for a date that I never met.

Last June I was done with dating. I was ready for God to just drop her in my lap otherwise screw it.  I got an email for 1 month free then pay for one month for online dating. I tried it and July 5th of last year was my last day. On July 4th I sent a message to a girl named Stephanie in Austin. It was long distance and that wouldn’t work but why not. She responded and we started messaging. She was in Iowa visiting family so I couldn’t meet her. August 18th I drove to Austin and went on a small date just to meet because I had to get back and go to work. She was stunningly beautiful and the best thing is at dinner she put her arm around my arm.  I left and said she was pretty cool but I can’t make that work. I suck at distance and I need someone here everyday. After going back and forth mostly her coming here. I decided in October I wanted to be her boyfriend. I went back and forth not because I didn’t like her or was starting to love her but my fears. I wasn’t worthy, this can’t be real.

The Monday before my mom died we had a serious conversation about Stephanie. She said son I love her and she’s great for you. Stop finding things wrong and find the things right. My mom died the next day! Since that moment she has been my rock. She had no idea what to do for a man who was so close to his my mom but she has done it. She loves me and my kids unconditionally.  She tries everyday to understand how weird I am. I love her and never knew what it was like  to love someone like this. Faults, quirks, great things. i love her.

Last Thursday we went to Puerto Vallarta Mexico for a short vacation: I had made plans to ask her to marry me but she had no idea. Everything fell into including the ring get through the airport screening. Last Friday night i hit my knee on the beaches of Puerto Vallarta and asked Stephanie Ann Lemburg to be my wife and she said yes. I was so nervousness and didn’t want to screw up. I succeded

Never give up, God said he will restore what the Locusts ate. Here is another part of rising through the ashes. I couldn’t be more blessed to have put down my will and accept his.

Day 1242 Remember when you were going to be great

7 07 2016

Hello long-lost blog world. I’m still alive. I guess I took a break from me and my brain for a bit. It’s a hard job but someone has to do it.🙂 The summer is great and so are sun burns. So much so Im shedding my skin from what the sun did to me don’t worry. I don’t have a disease I’m just finding my 40-year-old skin.

Do you remember when we dreamed, remember when we hunted and weren’t the hunted, when we were going to be great, when nothing would stop us. Then life that we never knew or understood slapped us and even though we are still standing our knees are knocking but people can’t see it.  Remember when we weren’t afraid to fail. Maybe because we were 20 and stupid and now we know what life is capable of. We only see the negative of life and because of that we get afraid, apprehensive, we just stand there and say I want to be great BUT! Then we don’t! We get to our death-bed and say all the things we should have done and we speak them out loud but we thought them for 40 years. We settled, told our heart to stop, we forgot life is about ups and downs, but only want to talk about the downs. We lost our faith, not only in God but in ourselves. We don’t want to start over because “we can’t” but if tomorrow wasn’t coming we could. Nothing is easy! Not one damn thing and we know that.  We cannot let our past destroy us! We must stand up for ourselves because nobody else will. Decide today is my last day because it could be. Smile again, and push yourself places you have never been.  Tell yourself I can and will! No excuses!

Maybe Im writing this blog only for me! If so thats okay someone needs it.


6 07 2016

Guest Post: How Life’s Struggles Shouldn’t Rob You Of Its Joy

5 07 2016

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

My grandmother has faced so many enormous struggles in her almost 100 years on this earth. And it seems she has emerged from each one wiser and more joyful. Not because of the struggles, but because of her determination to not allow the bad days to steal her smile.

When my own bad days threatened to consume me, I thought of my grandmother and her continued joy. It seemed like a good mindset to strive for.

Guest poster Dave Scott has also reached that mindset and he shares with you his story along with some encouragement to keep your smile bright.

How Life’s Struggles Shouldn’t Rob You Of Its Joy

Life has never been easy for me.

There’s never been an ‘simple-street’ that I got to live on.

My journey on this earth has been one challenge after another, and it often times seems like one monumental conflict.

Can you relate?


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simple Ula

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