Day 1488 This is why you change -866 Days and counting

21 03 2017

My New Life

Hello People. 92 degrees in Texas I know its the first day of spring but Summer decided to wave hi first. I’m so thankful to have this outlet to be able to share me. I know some thinks it’s a weird way to do it but that’s okay because I know I’m weird. I’m embrace it!

I’m a single man again. Never thought I would be here again but life threw   me a huge upper cut when  my mom died. I became numb and couldn’t even fake it some days. The blended family was also a huge problem that until you’re living there is no way to know how to handle it. So in the journey again with a different path. I really need to find a path and stay on it 🙂

I’m not a glass half full, or half empty I’m just thankful something is in my glass. So…

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Day 1488 This is why you change -866 Days and counting

20 03 2017

Hello People. 92 degrees in Texas I know its the first day of spring but Summer decided to wave hi first. I’m so thankful to have this outlet to be able to share me. I know some thinks it’s a weird way to do it but that’s okay because I know I’m weird. I’m embrace it!

I’m a single man again. Never thought I would be here again but life threw   me a huge upper cut when  my mom died. I became numb and couldn’t even fake it some days. The blended family was also a huge problem that until you’re living there is no way to know how to handle it. So in the journey again with a different path. I really need to find a path and stay on it 🙂

I’m not a glass half full, or half empty I’m just thankful something is in my glass. So writing this please know The days I get I’m so thankful for but I’m here to help so this is real talk.

Since I moved out of my old house with my ex-wife almost 5 years ago. I have missed 866 days of my kids lives. Yes that means I’ve had them for 866 days and I promise I’ve done my best to make all of that time matter. You don’t have to mess up the time like I did. We all know when something isn’t right with ourselves and our relationship. You ignore it or just say that’s the way it is then your left listening to your kids grow up on phone.

866 days of their life I missed. thank God I fought for joint custody but its hard to have your kids come home and they truly changes. The first 2 days my son is here he calls me mom, they don’t feel close, they don’t communicate as much and then its Sunday and just the time of us seems like its gone because we have to get ready for school. I learn about their day  by asking questions right before bedtime. When I want to do something with them that only comes around once a year I can’t. My flesh and blood is missing. I know I will find them but I can never get those days back. Hello, I love you, thank you sounds different on the phone.

Like I said earlier, realize a few things:. we are all screwed up, we all have a hurt, habit, or hang-up, we all have a past. Some worse than others, we had someone break us down, break our heart, we all medicate our pain some how. So you’re never alone. Never. You don’t know what I’ve done Tyler, but I know someone who has. The thing is we can’t live there anymore because living “their” allows someone else to raise your kids, and just have voice memories to carry you through.

Find your weakness, absorb, accept it, and get help, counseling, recovery group, just a voice to listen. Anyone that sits on an island by themselves will drown every time. I believe in Jesus Christ so I go there but find something. Nothing  is worse than losing everything because I said said,  I don’t know what to do. There are options everywhere. Its pride and ego that will steal your life and soul. It doesn’t have to be that way. reach out to me, do something because you are worth it and those beautiful children are too. You can drink, dope, and yell your life away but you can’t get back what you destroyed.





Day 1477 Dear 30 year old Tyler Wood

9 03 2017

Life has taken so many twists and turns in the past year and half. Some I’m proud of, most I struggle to see the lesson in them but there always is. Blogging was a release for me. Nobody would understand half of the stuff that goes on in this brain of mine so I blogged. the past year I bet I only wrote 10 blogs. I’m truly going to start blogging again. Its how I release without picking up the bottle again, or creeping over to watch something I shouldn’t. I heard twice this week I really miss reading your blog so maybe they will continue to help someone or give someone something to read when their bored.

I’m going through my past and cleaning out my closet for a lack of a better term. It’s easy to go back to your closet to look at that old shirt and remember a good time in it but realize it doesn’t fit. My past is my mind not actual closet 🙂

Im writing to myself but it’s also lessons I would like to teach my two babies.

1.Find out what forgiveness is: Don’t shake your head and act like you know. You destroyed 4 different relationships because of having to have all the answers.

2. Just go dance or tell the jokes you wanted to. Take the comedy class.

3.  Stop eating eggs and drinking milk the world doesn’t need your gas any longer.

4. You stopped telling people you love them because you didn’t love yourself. They needed it no matter what you think.

5. Stop working for a trip and just take the damn trip.

6. Take the walk after dinner Im really what are you going to miss sitting on the couch.

7. Don’t ask God to show you ways to help people then when the opportunity presents itself then say that can’t be it. It was!

8. If you don’t like your job quit doing it and do what you wanted.You lost everything doing something you hated.

9. Take care of your health. I know you were invincible but it catches up to you.

10. You are not your mistakes. Try just one day not beating yourself up. Your worth it.

11. Skydive- do it twice

12. When your kids ask you to play with them stop and play. There is nothing more important than that moment. Those moments don’t come back.

13. Believe in forever no matter what happens.

14. Stop and look at the historical marker,or pet the cow or horse that you thought was beautiful on your road trip. You’ll get there. PS. Keep looking for bears one day you’ll see one.

15. Dont ever forget where you came from. If you’re looking down on someone it better be because your picking them up

16 Dont lose track of your friends. They may day and you never saw them or  spoke to them again.

17. Tell your daughter everyday how amazing, and beautiful she is if not some gross boy will.

18. Call you mom everyday. Don’t skip a day. Trust me on this!

19 Love your sister she thinks  your pretty awesome.

20. Dont think your since your son is  just like you so much he’s going to do the things you did. Thats why your teaching him.

21. Dont say something to a woman that you wouldn’t want to hear about yourself.

22. When you know you shouldn’t be driving after trying to drink your thoughts away, thank God he let you get home and don’t do it again.

23. Never stop asking why. You cant stop learning.

24. Apolgise for hurting someones feelings.

25. When you don’t think someone needs you thats when you must be there.

26. Take the word cant and replace with must!

27. When you find someone who kisses like her hang onto her.

 

 





Day 1466 You better be good for goodness sake

26 02 2017

Good early Sunday morning.  My mind is still usually asleep  now but every now and then a good thought or at least a bunch of words pop into this brain. I miss football and pumpkin spice cookies, cardboard and any other thing in the world they made pumpkin spice.

Yesterday we had a memorial for one of our Rock Bottom brothers and speakers. In his celebration of life you see the good one person can do and it provides hope that if we continue to just what we need to do we can change our section of the world.

I was sent this today. I love when you get something from someone and it hits you right where you need it. We always want the dark to go away but there’s always a reason

I reached Wyoming’s Yellowstone Park late, much later than I had planned. The park was sprawling. I wasn’t certain how to find the lodge. I couldn’t find anyone to ask for help or directions. Tired and exhausted, I couldn’t make sense of the map. I found myself driving around and around, becoming almost frantic. Suddenly, beyond the treetops, I spotted a bright light. Good, I thought, it must be the lodge. I drove a little further, then stopped the car and stared in awe. What I saw stilled my heart, and calmed my frantic pace.

Above Yellowstone Lake, nestled between two mountain peaks, glowed a huge, white, full moon, the largest I’d ever seen it. The pines stood guard, quiet and still. A light layer of snow and ice frosted the lake’s surface. I pulled to the side of the road and watched the moon set. It was the single most beautiful, breathtaking scene of the journey.

 I would never have seen this scene in the daytime. I would never have seen this moon, had I not gotten lost. I would never have seen it, had it not been this particular time of night. So maybe I’m not lost, I thought. And maybe I’m not late. Maybe what I’m really doing is taking a beautiful evening drive.

 When we’re lost, when the way gets dark, sometimes we see things we never would have seen in the daylight. Sometimes, the lessons we learn in the darkness are breathtakingly beautiful.

 Enjoy the sunshine, but trust the darkness too. It is more than to be endured. It is to be experienced, and later cherished. I am faith-filled and fear-free because … I am diligent! I am patient! I am built for the victory!

 Bad is not going to leave you alone just because you are a good person. Bad makes its living trying to make you forget about what is good! Bad doesn’t care that you go to work on time, give to charitable organizations and help old ladies across the street. Oh no! What you call bad times, bad experiences and, sometimes, bad people are going to find their way into your life. Working its way into the lives of good people is what makes bad so bad!

 Bad is not going to pass you by because you read self-help books, have an I LOVE YOU bumper sticker on your car, own a string of prayer beads or know how to meditate. Get real! Bad is going to show up in any disguise available in an attempt to beat you up, knock you down, run you over and tear you apart. Good! Show bad that you are made of good.

 You are made of divine power! Infinite wisdom! Pure love and powerfully piercing insight! Show bad that you have unshakeable faith and staying power! Demonstrate to bad that you are put together with the unfathomable intelligence of the Chief Architect of the universe, who issued a lifetime warranty on the durability of your goodness. Ward bad off by showing it that you have everything you need, whenever you need it, to do whatever needs to be done. Demonstrate to bad that you know what to do by doing it! Put on your faith boots! Cover yourself with a faith shawl! Pull out your faith tools, and be willing to stand in the faith of good. If you feel a little weary, take a prayer break. Allow yourself to take a meditative pause. Indulge yourself with a deep breath and tune up your faith.

 Until today, you may have forgotten that you are good enough to withstand anything that you may call bad. Just for today, flex your faith muscles and shake your good fist in bad’s face. Today I am devoted to showing bad just how good I am!

 

 





Day 1455 one more lift Tyler

15 02 2017

Hello! I just sang that in Adele voice! Here is another award-winning blog or at least  a bunch of words.

I write today to give you a story about overcoming.  It seemed like every year of high school I was hurt that’s because I was. Freshman, sophisticated, and Jr year I had operations on my legs. My junior year in November I had a total reconstruction of my right knee. If you knew me I hated crutches and had to get off of them because I had to earn a football scholarship.

I worked my knee out 3 times a day nothing was going to stop me. Come February  I told my Dr I was going to lift in a power lifting meet. He says I know your superhuman but 2.5 months isn’t long enough to heal. I said  test it. In 2 months I passed every stress test. He said I wish you well and come back after the meet  and we will look at.
I actually went to a jv power lifting since it was the last chance to qualify for regionals and in all lifts combined left with a total of 1275. Not bad for no practice. I knew it wasn’t enough to get in but I was proud of tried.
On Tuesday my coach Said hey you qualified for regional in 7th place.
I told him I’m going to state. Like a good coach he said let’s go compete and see what happened. Which means don’t get your hopes up Tyler your knee is brand new.
I had 2 weeks to practice and again I knew what I was going to  do.
At this time my parents had nothing for money,  how we ate sometimes was a miracle.
My mom gave me 10 dollars to eat after the meet and I know to this day it was all the money she had.
When I left she said please don’t be disappointed if you don’t win you’ve proved everything already and overcome more than anyone there.
I hug her pulled back and said  I will win.
I was scared to say the least. I was going to have to lift more than I ever had in my life and on a knee that was only 3 months old.
After the first event I squatted 550 which put me 5th.  I had lifted more than I had but I knew  it wasn’t enough.  I had already defeated myself but knew I had to finish.
Next was the bench press I lifted 375. I got 2nd in that but because of my lower squat  I had to go do an event that I had only practiced 3 times since surgery.
The most I had ever done was 500lb but knowing to go to state I was going to need to do at least 525.
My first lift of 475  was a bit of a struggle but it counted. The guy in first had already done 500. He missed his second attempt. I did 525 on my 2nd attempt and thought my knees were going to shoot off. I was 20 lbs behind him on total weight to win and his 3rd attempt he dropped the weights. It didn’t count. I was like omg I have a chance to do this. Trying to not to show my fear and excitement my coach ran over and said we can do this but to make sure nobody can bet you, 575 lbs has to be lifted off the floor. I gulped. He said I know  you can do it but do you. I said yes he’ll why not. BTW I did promise mom.
It fitting fashion I was the last lifter. The whole gym had stopped. Here I was dripping in sweat, fear, and hope but truly not knowing what I could do.
Right before my lift my coach came up to me  I didn’t know if physically you could hold up but now I know you can go show these people who you are.
As I squatted down to dead-lift 575 lbs off the floor, every person that laughed at me for always being hurt,  not believing me and my parents who couldn’t be there because they gave their last bit of money I grit my teeth and slowly pulled the weight up. I stood up with it got the call to sit it down and got all 3 green lights. I jumped up and my coach caught me and said that was the most awesome thing I’ve seen. I was regional champion and going to state.
The best of the story was the 25 cents I spent calling my parents.
I called in a sad voice and said hi mom. She said oh son it’s okay.
Mom I won on my last lift. She yelled out omg (Jay  my dad) he won. You could hear an audible cry and he yelled out that’s my boy. My mom was crying and said son you are the most amazing kid I’ve ever known. I love you and I’m proud of you.
We all have obstacles and fears but we are also the ones that can overcome them. I know you can do whatever your mind is set to do.




Day 1411 It cant be you

2 01 2017

Happy new year blog peeps. I can’t believe its 2017. When I graduated high school in 1994 making it the year 2000 seamed impossible, Now 17 years from that date. I’m here bald and better looking than before. Okay I’m bald at least.

Resolutions and all the other January not going to happen things is not why I’m writing this. I’m writing this to show you all the crap we believe we can’t do and here is my list to show why I can. Im just a normal guy like you. You have over come as much or more than me. Please list what you have overcome and stop for the love of God telling yourself why you can’t or you live in fear.

I was thinking the last 2 weeks about why I’m not exactly where I want to be in my life. I don’t say can’t but if it’s not happening I must not believe it. So I started listing out these things in my life:

I started out in life with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and came out feet first.
I had a blood disorder for 8 weeks and bleed out of my eye and ear.
Diarrhea for 11 weeks as a baby
My first concussion and 12 stitches above my eye at 5.

My dad and I almost drowned at the lake at 6 years old after our boat flipped over
7 years old broke my orbital bone under my left eye wont be able to see  Everything was blury for 6 months.
Broke my femur in the growth plate my leg stopped growing, 2 weeks later bone was growing wrong had to re-brake and reset. He wont play sports again
Got an infection month 6 into the bone healing and fever got to 107 I almost died.
My dad became disabled in 8th grade and never worked again. All Christmas presents and anything of value we had was pawned or taken from us
9th grade 2 scopes on my knee
10th grade had my left legged shortened to match my right by 2.5 inches I would never play sports again
11th grade total reconstruction of my knee
Dreams shattered because I was injury prone colleges didn’t want me.
Left one college to the next to try to  catch the answers when I was the answer.
19 Years old beaten up so bad lost 2 pints of blood
2 abortions
21 years old The girl I loved left me
27 years old total reconstruction of my left knee
29 years old my dad dies
35 years old business and personal bankruptcy
Lost my business
Lost my best friend
Lost full custody of my kids
36 years old lost my marriage
36 years old Lost my house, dignity, and my life, all hopes and dreams shattered
36 years old tried to take my life
40 years old lost my best friend and unconditional love in my life my mom.

WHEN I LOOK AT THIS LIST SAYING CANT IS A LIE FROM THE PITS OF HELL. I CAN AND HAVE. AS YOU PLAN FOR 2017 LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE OVERCOME AND SEE YOU CAN!! YOU CAN! YOU CAN! LIFE WON A FEW BATTLES BUT WITH GOD WE ARE WINNING THE WAR!
NOTHING STOPS US EXCEPT US. RISE UP AND BE WHO YOU WERE INTENDED TO BE. NO EXCUSES BECAUSE LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!





Day 1392 My first Christmas without my mom

14 12 2016

Merry Christmas! These last 2 months have been crazy. Trying to balance it all and dealing with the holidays have been tough but today I wanted to write/blog.  I hope you realize how great my mom was. Until the next one!

I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since my mom left us to go be with my dad in heaven on 12-29-15 .  Christmas will never be the same but how I appreciate her so much more now which I didn’t know was possible.

Christmas are the best memories of my mom. when we were younger and finances were better we were spoiled. my parents had a hard time saying no. We got what we asked for. so much so my dad told  years later my mom drove 4 hrs to Oklahoma city to get Junkyard Dog wrestling figure  an 8 hr trip for a $20 dollar toy.
starting in 8th grade my dad became disabled and we tried to live on a teacher’s salary .  nobody knew we were poor my mom didn’t allow for it. i never knew sometimes how were going to eat but things worked out . after my freshman year of high school I stopped asking for things. I didn’t want to ask for things because I felt selfish. When Christmas started rolling around mom asked over and over just tell me just one thing you want. Finally after she tried to rip my ear off I would tell her but told her I never expected anything, what you  do for us is enough. then Christmas morning Santa always came. I never could grasp how in the hell when we struggled to eat sometimes how she did it.
When I got to the point I appreciated my parents in my late 20’s I sat down one day and said how did you do it.
She said you always sacrifice and you try you damnedest  to never let your kids down. She said you sell things, you ask favors, you  drop your pride. which I told I promise you never did let us down . I have so many stories of her undying sacrifice ,  love, her heart of gold, her love of other people.
I have no idea how she juggled the job of a wife caring for a disabled husband, an amazing mother,  a school teacher, a friend, daughter, sister, super woman, a great cook, a disciplinarian, the loudest fan at her kids games, the first one to offer to help and then do it and finally the jolliest, most giving Santa Claus, whose  toy bag always  had the right toy in it every time.
This Christmas will never be the same but what she taught me on Christmas  is one thing I will cherish and pass along forever .







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