Day 1856 Assuming? You will be a%%hole

15 04 2018

Good evening. Hope wherever you are you can just stop and say thank you for something in your life.

No matter how open, or honest I am or unafraid to ask someone something I still assume. It’s usually because I think I know, or past behavior or just you get used to it from that person. In honesty, if there are 50 times I assumed I might,just might, be right 5 times. Those are not good odds but since its easier than asking someone we take those horrible odds and assume. You can say I think, I know, I guess but bottom-line its assuming.

Every time I assume I look like an asshole, or I am an asshole or come a cross like I don’t care. I try so hard not to assume because it really hurts people. Usually its something important but even more important to them.  So why do we do it? Pure stupidity and laziness. I truly don’t think the intention is to hurt the other person but we do. Then we get upset that we hurt that person because we knew better. So whats my point?

This time I’m not going to tell you how I screwed up but how a few people this week hurt me bad. One broke my heart but because I’m a big tough guy I’m supposed to take. If you know me I’m the most real, honest (you may not want to hear it) person. All I want is you to do that back to me. If I react the wrong way that’s on me, you walk away and say hey I did what you asked. When you assume and are so blatantly wrong you are an asshole. I know we live in a world where everyone hides from true human connection, we think we know how someone is or whats going on by social media. Thats just stupid in the first place but to assume, that someone doesn’t need you, or they are okay, or you thought something they posted was about you. Come on people!! The good ole days were good in that people actually talked out their issues, or concerns and walked away agreeing to disagreeing but were still, friends, lovers whatever.

Or how about whenever someone gives you their answer that’s actually the answer, you don’t have to assume anymore they told. I dont give a crap if you like the answer or want it to change but thats their answer. I miss people, I miss real relationships, I miss love because people assume what they want. We are becoming the world of less courageous know it alls that know nothing but assume we know everything.

I guess my rant is over, just know you need to ask me, be honest with me, just don’t leave me hanging, then I’ll just assume  you’re an asshole. (See what I did there) .  Goodnight

 

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Day 1852 Alone or Lonely? This hurts to hear.

11 04 2018

Hello from lovely Naples Florida. I have a job now that I travel when my babies are with their mom. So I get to jet set around the U.S. Its better than sitting at home with an unoccupied mind.  I enjoy it because I see a lot I haven’t seen. It’s cool how after a few years how areas change. So I try to soak it up and not stand out which is hard because I don’t hide well.

Alone or Lonely. I believe these get so misunderstood so often and there is a huge difference. I have never met one person who likes to be lonely but I have met many people who enjoy being alone. Being alone is a necessity in learning how to be a fully mature adult. You have to learn how to be with you, what do you like, are you comfortable in your own skin, can you do something by yourself. You need the alone time to reflect, talk to God or whoever you talk to. Alone is learning to be free or have freedom. I believe learning to be alone is a positive, you rely on you, even in a relationship you need to learn to be alone.

Lonely is a feeling you would probably come up against right after a break up, divorce, separation, distance, etc. The contact you had with another is no longer there, but you are wishing and longing for it. You are wanting it so bad that it affects you. We all l know people, not  a person that can’t stand being alone or lonely. Thats called Co-Dependant. Someone has to be there, they don’t feel loved, cared for or that they matter. They find their happiness in someone or something else and cannot stand being with themselves. Social media is a great place to watch people bounce from one relationship, to another.

Everyone gets lonely especially if your by yourself a lot and there is nothing wrong with be lonely except when you can’t do anything by yourself. have you ever went to a movie by yourself, dinner by yourself, sat at the lake by yourself etc… and it felt good? If not I think its imperative. If you are looking at people to fill that void you will be truly let down.

Before you can start another  relationship, whether it be a friend, you must first learn the joy and see the bliss of alone. If you search for someone or something to fill the void of your loneliness, you will find the exact same thing. Another person who is lonely and looking to fill a void. No one should start a relationship of any kind while they are lonely. It is an equation for failure which will push you to start over on your own journey of loneliness. Once you are alone and are perfectly happy with your alone, it is only then that one might open their eyes to the possibility of another relationship. You will naturally be attracted to someone else who is alone. You will find an equal to you, not someone who adds or subtracts something from you. You will share so many things in common, because you overcame loneliness and found your bliss being alone.

So another something I learned from being co-Dependent for most of my entire life. Like attracts like. Be alone so you will never be lonely.

Love you and carry on.

 

 





Day 1842 Do you even believe in yourself.

1 04 2018

Happy Easter. I got to spend mine with extended family, my beautiful children, my sister, nephew, and in 55 days my 100-year-old Grandma. She is still doing great and funny. Must run in the family!

Grandma

Do you believe in yourself? It’s a simple question that we answer quickly. Yes I do. I’m not talking in every aspect because we simply aren’t good at everything. I mean at the core of who you are do you believe that you and only can get XYZ done. No support system, no encouragement, it’s just you and the past failures you have dealt with. Can you take those and no matter believe that you and God have it?

Nobody can answer that except you. Dont ask anyone elses opinion. They don’t know its up to you. You only. I want you to ponder that. I have no answer to your belief in yourself, but i want you to answer that. Until you do you are stuck! I mean stuck deep nothing pulls you out except Jesus and you finally truly pouring out yourself so you can fill yourself up. Think about it, find please





Day 1836 How about you kiss my ……..

25 03 2018

Hello people and hope life is going great for you. Past 4 weeks, I had to put my dog to sleep, got  a new job where I travel, a new cell-phone which there is a learning curve,  and sat in the middle seat twice on a plane. 1 st world problems but still, the middle seat!

 

One thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days I’m a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. It’s still new in the year and a lot of time to have the year I want.  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared.  I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by urself and you  cry that’s God just getting me to cleanse myself so I can see what I  forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes mom and dad are proud of who you are. You work so hard to be a great parent. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

Just throwing out my thoughts because thats what a blog is for. Happy Easter and eat a cadbuy for me. Oh and you dont have to kiss my …. I just liked the title





Day 1815 When do you stop outsourcing yourself Tyler

4 03 2018

One of the best things about writing a blog besides expressing yourself, the reach across the world you can get. I had a guy in a small Russian Village of 500 people reach out and say keep telling your story.

BTW thank you for reading and responding. It’s very cool to get responses even if you don’t like what I’m doing. On to the show.

I hired a life/business coach about a month ago. I’ve had 2 sessions with her. What am I supposed to be when I grow up is why I hired her. First session left me with a bunch or questions and a lot of deep thinking. Those things are good but as usual I wanted more, more answers, dig inside me deeper. So welcome the 2nd session on Friday. I spent 10 minutes telling about my thoughts, whats next, why I’m doing coaching. Then I told her how I was upset that Im always have to fight to be accepted and loved.  I pour myself into everyone, I bleed for them, I love them, i want more for them than I do myself, then she stopped me and said: Tyler when do you stop outsourcing yourself, you been doing it since you were 10 years old.  I paused and for some reason I started crying. I had to ask her to give me a minute. Nobody had worded that statement like that to me before. I know I’ve heard something like that many times but Friday it hit me.  I feel guilty, when I buy something for myself, I feel Im taking away from someone else. What do I like to do I like to put others first, that makes me happy but that doesn’t ever allow my tank to be filled. In relationships I’m the giver, and people take and take but don’t give back to me like I deserve. If I got paid to be a outsourcer i would be rich.

I have a plan,  baby steps, just a few hours a week. Learning to care for me but keep this heart that loves and wants people to succeed in life. I have to learn it’s not selfish to care about myself. If I don’t care for me who will. Love you





Day 1807 the last 6 months

24 02 2018

Good saturday afternoon. This week in Texas we had a thunderstorm, ice and flooding all in one day. We are out of drought and now growing mosquitoes. Hold on my friends we might have snow before its all over.

As i sit and think about my dad today i remember the last 6 months of his life. Its the only time i got to know him. He told me the way he felt the day i was born, how he dreamed of me, how strong i was, how i always made him laugh. That besides my mom and sisters that we were the only good things that he did. His band he had in Germany, the way he felt when he drew and painted. How he and Buddy holly got in trouble. Why he started drinking, women he shouldnt have met. How he got scared, what he feared, when i first broke my leg how much he cried, when i took his alcohol away because he couldnt, when i shelled his peanuts so he wouldn’t go crazy when he stopped smoking.
The pride he felt when i walked across stage with my degree. The pain he felt when i looked him in the eye and he knew he didnt measure up, how much my mom was the greatest gift he had ever received. How much he loved my sister and asked me to promise to watch over until the day i die.
The final words i ever heard him speak were i wish i was half the man you were son and i love you please never forget that.

I ask you today if your relationship with your parents is on the outs, put down your pride and go to them. It took me 6 years after my dad died to appreciate the last 6 months he was with us but im so thankful i got to know him.
Take my advice not my pain. Go to them





Day 1777 Arrest that man

24 01 2018

Hello readers and friends. Hope 2018 has been better than expected and you haven’t had the flu. Most people I know have had the flu or stomach virus run through their home. Wash your hands and wash little kids. When they come home just dip them in soap and water please lol.

In all of my fun times in my youth I was never arrested I’m not saying I shouldn’t have been at least once or 12 times but I was lucky. Many of my friends were  arrested and at the times would have said they were innocent and didn’t do anything. With age most know why and understand why it was necessary.

If we could arrest that part of us that needs to be locked up and thrown away or would we make excuses and justify. Let me explain If you knew the fear holding you back but because it been with you your whole life would you make excuses to hold it. Would you listen to those around who couldn’t do whatever it is talk you out of it or say its my life I have to do this with or without your support. Or do you just put your hands behind your back, duck your head and get into the cop car.

Would you arrest the part of you that picks the same person, different name in a relationship because at the beginning it feels right but you know whats coming. Or that type person which is out your league (that’s a lie, there is no league) you finally talk to them. You accept, I will be loved, I will have someone who does something for me, that doesn’t quit, and truly sees me and loves that part of me. Or do you handcuff yourself again and go sit in the cop car waiting to go sit in the same damn jail cell that has held you since you were 18.

What about the jail in your head that you deserve better, your smart and have a great idea that you know will work and now you look back and you’ve been at the job you hate 10 years with your imagination and creativity dying because you need the paycheck. A paycheck that has made you miserable and a life left unfilled. So you take your paycheck stub and use it to handcuff yourself and now you’re sitting in the jail sail with nothing but others like you.

You can’t smoke, drink, complain, drug, hope away your arrest. When your arrested you’re sitting in the cell by yourself. Its nobody’s fault except yours. We have the key but what if it works, what if I can get out of this arrest and be free. The only way we will know is stop getting handcuffed. You have been arrested your whole life its time to clean your record. Love you!!








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