Day 1728 I bleed too

7 12 2017

Hello from a cold state of Texas. Monday putting up Christmas lights it was 84 today its 38 and we have snow flurries.  Merry Christmas to you all. Stop stressing you’ll get it all done! If not Christmas comes next year too.

The hardest thing I believe we as adults have to do now is be real! You would think that it would be real easy. People hide, I mean if this was a game  of hiding go seek, we have some real champions. People look you in the eye, tell you I’m fine, Im okay, its good. Then they walk away and go cry in the car. Im not sure when the stigma started that just give generic answers to people and I’ll be okay. It’s okay to admit that life sucks sometimes. I know we are all blessed and highly favored. We were all born that way but do you really think you’re fooling someone when it’s all okay. When you have been in the pits you know when someone is going through hell. You feel it, you know it, you understand that feeling. So why do we do it. Some say Im just trying to be positive, (You can put a dress on a pig it’s still a pig), some don’t know how to communicate, some have been told don’t say things like that, some are just to beaten down.

People care, proper to contrary belief. Not all but people care. You need the people who will let you bleed. not physically, I mean yes physically but not in this example, The emotional and mental bleeding which is healthy.

You have to get this crap out of you. Whatever your crap is You must bleed. I bleed quite often, sometimes by myself, I feel like a burden, I feel weak but then I realize I need others too. I want to be the strong one for everyone but my shoulders are only so big.

I know the holidays are tough especially the older we get, have a good cry, communicate your crap, yell but bleed it out to those who get you. If you don’t have  that person now you have something to do in 2018.  Being silent does not make you strong. bleeding out and being honest is a sign a strength and something someone needs from you too.

Make a memory this year, make that phone call you haven’t, tell someone how important they are to you. When you give a hug hold on just a bit longer. Love you

 

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Day 1392 My first Christmas without my mom

14 12 2016

Merry Christmas! These last 2 months have been crazy. Trying to balance it all and dealing with the holidays have been tough but today I wanted to write/blog.  I hope you realize how great my mom was. Until the next one!

I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since my mom left us to go be with my dad in heaven on 12-29-15 .  Christmas will never be the same but how I appreciate her so much more now which I didn’t know was possible.

Christmas are the best memories of my mom. when we were younger and finances were better we were spoiled. my parents had a hard time saying no. We got what we asked for. so much so my dad told  years later my mom drove 4 hrs to Oklahoma city to get Junkyard Dog wrestling figure  an 8 hr trip for a $20 dollar toy.
starting in 8th grade my dad became disabled and we tried to live on a teacher’s salary .  nobody knew we were poor my mom didn’t allow for it. i never knew sometimes how were going to eat but things worked out . after my freshman year of high school I stopped asking for things. I didn’t want to ask for things because I felt selfish. When Christmas started rolling around mom asked over and over just tell me just one thing you want. Finally after she tried to rip my ear off I would tell her but told her I never expected anything, what you  do for us is enough. then Christmas morning Santa always came. I never could grasp how in the hell when we struggled to eat sometimes how she did it.
When I got to the point I appreciated my parents in my late 20’s I sat down one day and said how did you do it.
She said you always sacrifice and you try you damnedest  to never let your kids down. She said you sell things, you ask favors, you  drop your pride. which I told I promise you never did let us down . I have so many stories of her undying sacrifice ,  love, her heart of gold, her love of other people.
I have no idea how she juggled the job of a wife caring for a disabled husband, an amazing mother,  a school teacher, a friend, daughter, sister, super woman, a great cook, a disciplinarian, the loudest fan at her kids games, the first one to offer to help and then do it and finally the jolliest, most giving Santa Claus, whose  toy bag always  had the right toy in it every time.
This Christmas will never be the same but what she taught me on Christmas  is one thing I will cherish and pass along forever .




Day 698 Merry Christmas and My Merry Go round

26 12 2014

Merry Christmas to all my friends,family and blog buddies. My kids got more stuff than I know what to do with. I got a great idea yesterday to join my kids Santa picture. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. When people asked me how I changed  or why this picture sums it up for me.I love my kids so much. I’m very lucky for another opportunity to be their father.

Wood christmas

My merry go around. Yesterday around 4 30 I dropped my kids with their mom. I went to a Christmas party and then came home and cooked had a few drinks and thought a lot. I know many parents didn’t get to see their kids at all for Christmas or just got a few hours. it makes my heart so sad. I was really sad that my kids didn’t get to wake up with me Christmas morning. You have limited years with Santa and when the magic stays in their eyes. I shed some tears this morning but I remembered this and prayed when I got up. Its my reminder to stay close to God  and remember the man I was  and will never be again. I got to get them today around 11:30. My world was complete but still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.

For the parents  that missed their kids. i sorry. I’m never sure why the other parent is such a butt-hole and keeps the kids from the other parent. It hurts you but the kids suffer the most. I have friends this is their first year without their kids. I had no words except I love you. Here is the only advice I can give on this day or any other. Dont’ bash the other parent, no matter how right you are, Take this time to reflect and continue to get healthy with yourself, No better time to learn to pray than when your by yourself Christmas morning.

Those that don’t have to deal with this. God bless you, but don’t get high and mighty. Sometimes the rug gets pulled out from you. Work on your marriage, make divorce the last option. If two people are willing anything can be fixed. If you don’t make your spouse and kids a priority don’t worry they will become someone elses priority. Start now. It starts with I’m sorry and a consistent burning desire to never be the person you were before.In my opinion the worst part of divorce is missing out on the big life events like Christmas because your kids are with the other parent.

Finally those of us that woke up without someone to love on Christmas day. There right there under your nose. When your ready mentally it will happen. Things don’t happen in our time and if you try to make them that way this time next year you will be single again. Be patient and faithful.  I love you and to all a goodnight.





Day 698 Merry Christmas and My Merry Go round

25 12 2014

Merry Christmas to all my friends,family and blog buddies. My kids got more stuff than I know what to do with. I got a great idea yesterday to join my kids Santa picture. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. When people asked me how I changed  or why this picture sums it up for me.I love my kids so much. I’m very lucky for another opportunity to be their father.

Wood christmas

My merry go around. Yesterday around 4 30 I dropped my kids with their mom. I went to a Christmas party and then came home and cooked had a few drinks and thought a lot. I know many parents didn’t get to see their kids at all for Christmas or just got a few hours. it makes my heart so sad. I was really sad that my kids didn’t get to wake up with me Christmas morning. You have limited years with Santa and when the magic stays in their eyes. I shed some tears this morning but I remembered this and prayed when I got up. Its my reminder to stay close to God  and remember the man I was  and will never be again. I got to get them today around 11:30. My world was complete but still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.

For the parents  that missed their kids. i sorry. I’m never sure why the other parent is such a butt-hole and keeps the kids from the other parent. It hurts you but the kids suffer the most. I have friends this is their first year without their kids. I had no words except I love you. Here is the only advice I can give on this day or any other. Dont’ bash the other parent, no matter how right you are, Take this time to reflect and continue to get healthy with yourself, No better time to learn to pray than when your by yourself Christmas morning.

Those that don’t have to deal with this. God bless you, but don’t get high and mighty. Sometimes the rug gets pulled out from you. Work on your marriage, make divorce the last option. If two people are willing anything can be fixed. If you don’t make your spouse and kids a priority don’t worry they will become someone elses priority. Start now. It starts with I’m sorry and a consistent burning desire to never be the person you were before.In my opinion the worst part of divorce is missing out on the big life events like Christmas because your kids are with the other parent.

Finally those of us that woke up without someone to love on Christmas day. There right there under your nose. When your ready mentally it will happen. Things don’t happen in our time and if you try to make them that way this time next year you will be single again. Be patient and faithful.  I love you and to all a goodnight.








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