Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.
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Day 1615 Lets get naked

6 08 2017

First I want to thank you all for reading this blog. It’s so cool that people all over the world can read this. Looking at all the countries I wonder if I weird in foreign countries too.

Second I get a lot what does the day in your title mean. Well in this case 1615 days ago I started a car trip to Virginia by myself. to see one of my closet friends. I prayed and promised myself that my life would change for the better starting that day and would never be the same. So here we are 1615 days later. Its been one hell of a roller coaster but its been a blast.

I hope the title got you to read! I have been the physical naked more times that you want to hear. It was the only way I knew to love for the longest time or feel I was important. I hurt so many women over the years. It wasn’t purposeful just thought being naked meant I was enough. So shirt off,pants off and you liked me.

I hope for most of us with age comes wisdom, if not you hit your rock bottom and I promise you get wiser or you get buried.  I learned that not only does my value not coming from being physically naked but you want someone to love, like, or respect you: LETS GET REALLY NAKED. I hate small talk every bit of it, I could care less what’s up! I’m going to give or get a generic answer anyway so why I ask. The naked I want is the soul bearing, tear filled, biggest smile type of naked, clothes on or off I don’t care. I want to talk about: death, aliens, birthdays cake, what makes you cry, why you became insecure, why you fake it, music, the meaning of life,  the lies you live, your favorite smells, the quirks that nobody knows because you feel you’ll be judged, your childhood, your first crush, why you watch the ceiling fan spin at night, why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad, why you don’t like peanuts but love peanut butter. I want to know your emotions, what your depth is. Why you’re twisted.  I learned not to judge but question. When you know someone who is  feeling that,  that feeling only comes from God. if you know me and say you’re the weirdest person I know but I love your soul. Mission accomplished!

Don’t get me wrong I love the physical naked but learning what it takes to be real makes relationships powerful. I know you can’t get naked with everyone because most wont get it and that’s okay. So to me from you let’s get naked. Real is exposing your soul and not giving a damn! I’m ready for the real naked time!!

Thanks for reading

 





Day 1201 Inside the Minds of men

26 05 2016

Its been a while since I blogged. The world is crazy busy like everyone’s but I promise my mind is still working. Probably too much. Every-time I try to sit down either something drags me away or I my time is gone.

It’s almost been 5 years on August since my recovery journey started. I’ve always knew that I was destined for more than the standard work, eat dinner, dinner, spend time with kids and do it all over again. After reading close to 400 books in the past 5 years, digging into counseling, being a part of Rock Bottom Outreach, counseling people I knew I had to get this information out of my head and into others. I’ve been told I have a presence and when I speak people listen. I just never knew how or what to do about. My counselor Brian Hackney and I  fiddled around with ideas for 2 years how we could help with others. One is we’ll start an organization to help men, we never got excited about it. How about this and that but nothing stuck. I started checking around about speaking groups, there were a ton of women speaking to men, and men speaking to men but I couldn’t find any where men speaking to women. I was excited about the idea and about 6 months ago I was in counseling and finally brought the idea up to Brian. His eyes lit up and we started going through how we would be as real, vulnerable and authentic and let women really know whats inside the minds of men. The stuff nobody wants to talk about, porn, anger, yelling, workaholic, pride, fear lack of communication, and truly let it all hang out. We have a close friend John Finch that  started The Perfect Father ministry and https://www.facebook.com/The-Father-Effect-Movie-211007652267276/ and thought John would be a perfect complement and he gets it. We knew his struggles and we knew his heart. We asked him to join and be apart.

After months of trying to figure out what to and how we finally had a Guinea pig meeting. There were about 50 women there. It was truly an eye-opening experience. To have a vision, and allow it to happen is truly amazing. The ideas and words that the women left us with were truly awe-inspiring, We wanted to make a difference and after we had that meeting we all knew this was something great. Last night we had our first event that was paid. We had 42 women show up. there were tears, a few gasps, a few women holding on to their chair because it made them uncomfortable but what it did make a difference. When we closed and thank them we said that we hope you walk out knowing something more about men or you can go home and change your relationship. Every head nodded and the energy was amazing. We have something great here. We just need the word of mouth and positive  vibe to continue. I’ll ask you to look at or website and go to our Facebook. Hear the testimonials and if you can get us booked with your women’s group please go online. Just pass the word we appreciate it so much.

http://www.facebook.com/insidethemindsofmen.org/

http://www.insidethemindsofmen.org/

 





Day 1121 Day 1119 The ghost I can’t catch

28 02 2016

Good evening from Durango Colorado.  After my mom passed away I didn’t take any time off so with two of my best buddies we are going to get away, snowboard, and enjoy the great outdoors. Nothing brings you back to what this life was created for than being in the great outdoors.

I’ve been in Counseling since September 2011 I’m so thankful I put my pride down and decided to make the life changing decision. It started so I could figure out why I wanted to take my life. From that moment on I learned about anger, worth, love, forgiveness, starting over, God, parenting. I could go on but mostly I learned to become a changed man. I thirsted for the knowledge, I couldn’t get enough, some of it was the worst feelings I have ever had. I wanted to quit, I wanted to run away, I wanted to give up, thankfully here I am.  I call this journey because of the peaks and valleys. I’ve never had a real even kill time since I started counseling. Then my mom dies in December and I knew I had to dig deeper in counseling and find out this emptiness I’ve had for about two years. With all the interceptive thoughts going along with my grief I kept asking myself why, why do you feel this way about yourself? Why can’t you get over this hill? Then this past Tuesday I counseling comes with only 10 minutes left in my session… Please don’t feel pity, or say something generic. I’m trying to be real to help me and maybe someone else!!

Brian I’ve been a failure at everything I touched and I mean everything. It’s the first time in my life I verbally said that. I think I thought it but no way I would say it. I started listing my failures, from sports, friendships, marriage, business, parenting, my personnel finances, addiction, sex etc.. With those thoughts I could never be truly happy or feel worthy. Brian my counselor looks at me and said you have to go back again and fix that. Go back where to what. I already forgave my dad. He was what I blamed, for everything wrong. So what do you mean. I said I struggle with love to. I feel like I don’t do it well and I struggle to receive it.  So with one minute left in the session he said I don’t know where you need to go to start but you have to.

Walked to my car sat down and wanted to throw up. All I could say is are you fing serious all of this and I left something in the rear view that I didn’t cleanup. I wanted to cry but I was to angry. I had a very brief conversation with God that a little something like you can Kiss my … God. AS I drove to an apt for work I sat there thinking this issue is like a ghost. You can see a ghost but you go to grab it and there’s nothing there. Yes, I know I can pray and have but God wants me to put the work in too. I’m fighting a ghost and even though I consider myself a pretty scrappy fighter this one I’m at a loss on now.

You might be fighting something too that seems like a losing cause. All I know If I can overcome so many of my demons this will fall to it just doesn’t come in my time. Here’s to sitting and listening and taping up these weather beaten and bruised hands for another round with me.





Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

17 02 2016

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.

Source: Day 1112 We don’t have to agree





Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

16 02 2016

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.





Day 922 When you sleep in somebody elses bed

5 08 2015

A buddy yesterday texted me and said my wife and I want to know why your single you could have your pick of women. I said: over the years a few didn’t say yes and the other reason is me.  So I picked up the phone and got real. There’s so much about me that very few know. I like it that way because that is saved for the next Mrs. Wood but there are things that people need to know so they can see the outside of the puzzle. Today in counseling it was brought up again and we addressed it. I don’t trust! Most of you that read this blog know that already but it’s what people tell me all the time that drives me crazy. I hear (you that’s a lot of people in the world) tell people just forgive and forget. Forgiveness absolutely one of the most important aspects of a healthy life but stop telling people to forget. God not one time asked us to forget. He asked us to forgive.

My 3 three longest relationships in my life I was cheated on and bad in each one. I had no idea it was happening either. I was oblivious to it because never in my wildest dreams would I cheat on someone. After it happened I was so upset with everyone except me. Then I got into well you didn’t treat women right until you got married so its your punishment. I never understand why if you’re so unhappy tell that person and walk away because never will cheating be better than just being brutally honest. We all know that its stupid to believe that its better in today’s society to be honest. I mean how hard is it to look someone in the eye and say I don’t love you anymore but its easier to say I dropped my clothes on the floor and had sex with ABC.  I never heard the person respond OMG thank you for letting me know after the fact. So where am I going with this.

Love is a decision it is not or never will it be a feeling. Once the newness of a relationship wears off and the real hits you better have two things: You better have Jesus guiding and you better know without a shadow of a doubt that I will lay my life down for this person because I just said in my vows till death do us part. It didn’t say because I had a crappy Monday and he didn’t listen, or we haven’t had sex in two months, or I’m sick of being broke. No it said til death do u part. That’s one hell of a decision but I see a lot of people I know doing it.Oh and that grass is greener on the other is BS too. They still have pee and poop on their side but you forgot to look.

I know I have to trust again because if not I will be single! I will not forget what happened. How come people never say man you need to forget that really cool thing that happened to you? Why? That would be dumb. Same as telling people to forget something bad. It’s through the bad and unfortunate things in life that make us who we are today and with that I’m slowly turning over my heart to trust again and my eyes are opening.

There are some amazing people who are loyal. Not everyone is a cheater, sure capable but hasn’t yet and probably won’t. I don’t forget because it’s through not forgetting I will find what I deserve. Remember this that a cheater gets what comes to them, it’s just the way the world works. Its our job to be graceful , understanding and open with our thoughts to show a cheater that there is life on the other side. When that person sleeps in someone elses bed and it ripped your soul out don’t take it out on the next person. Start believing that people are still good, listen to what God says about us. He didn’t make us perfect but made us good.

Sorry for the little rant and my brain puking on you, but now you know.  So if someone asks why is Tyler still single send them to this blog. Save someone a phone call! Love ya








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