Day 1549 so this is what its come to

22 05 2017

Remember naps, kool aid, recess, playing outside until you were so tired you came in I took a bath passed out and did it again the next day.  What about getting something in the mail,run out to the mailbox but no yet, drinking from a water hose, jumping into a pond just because, or taking your shoes off just because. trying to have fun because it was fun,  not to have fun to compensate to make yourself feel better. Anyway I’m saying being an adult is dumb and we continue to do the same thing.

Let say the stats are correct and 2% of people live they life they want. I’ll be generous and say 10% are living the life they want. So that leaves us the other 90%. Here are the things we celebrate now,

  1. I got to work on time,
  2. They canceled the meeting,
  3. Jeans day,
  4. A catered lunch,
  5. Getting to leave 5 minutes early
  6. Living to get a tax return check that we shouldn’t have paid over tot he government anyway
  7. Getting to eat a meal at home. It used to happen everyday
  8. 2 weeks of vacation to work 50 weeks. Then we dread the end of vacation because how much work we have when we get back
  9. Praying to God that the dr., lawyer or bank stay open past 5 so you can get business done so you don’t have to do everything Saturday.
  10. That someone will celebrate your birthday
  11. You go to the mailbox hoping its empty
  12. That somebody would do their laundry
  13. Can we order pizza because I don’t give a crap about anybody eating
  14. Someone body I cared about texted me but I haven’t heard their voice in 2 years
  15.  I worked to retirement YAY, now my health sucks so bad I can’t enjoy it
  16. We get 2 breaks a day to go to the bathroom
  17. Somebody waved at me. Do they like me. It used to mean people were friendly.
  18. You have to be sick to feel like you can stay in bed
  19. Someone pays you a compliment.
  20. I paid my bills for the month yes, oh crap its time to start paying them again.

 

I could go on but how freaking sad is it that life has become this. Routine is a killer of the soul. Why have we accepted this. It’s not God’s plan. ts not our plan but we stick ourselves in the butt with it and wonder why it hurts. It’s just dub, we stopped having fun, or our fun is were going to drink until we don’t remember, because Hangovers are a blast.

My boss is a dumb arse and if you don’t think you’re a dumb arse you are the boss. We live this life to get to a point to enjoy it then our health fades,  our love dies, kids move on forget about us until were dying.

Im not trying to be a pessimist but I’m sick of people not living.  Take them damn trip,  eat the food you shouldn’t , if your job sucks find another one, if you want a dog buy one. Just live because if you were giving a month to live you would start but its to late.

Oh but Tyler I don’t what to do. Okay good stop doing this stupid crap I listed that’s a good start. The only person going to make your life better is you. I mean nobody else will. Don’t blame, just do it.





Day 1361 You cant see it

9 11 2016

The election is over and we survived. I think most people did. I wish people cared about their own lives as much as they care about things they have no control over. It’s a lesson we as a people may never understand or follow. In my short 41 years I see people fighting over politics trying to change someone else’s mind but they will continue to go to a job everyday they hate and they have control over it.

If I had my life to live over again I wouldn’t need to see it. I would just do it.  What are you talking about Tyler? We resist change because we have to see the whole staircase put together but until we do life stays the same. We wake up unhappy, stay in turbulent times, continue making the same mistakes, not wanting to deal with pain of rejection, failure, criticize  , losing, defeat, not being liked etc.  So we duck the pain popping up to see if the staircase is complete then we think we will walk right over and take the world by the private parts. Martin Luther King said that faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole staircase. Think about how many things in life you didn’t do because you didn’t the end of the road or top of the staircase. Life is about pain you can’t hide from it. So we think lets not take the step and therefore I don’t get hurt. That’s such a lie because of the regret of life is the hardest to cope with and it never is forgotten.

Most us go through life trying to pretend it okay when it’s not. Hoping we please someone else that can’t please themselves. Rather than saying I listened to them long enough and I know what I’ve already lost and now I’m going to do what is best for me. There is a quote not sure who from but it goes something like this: Courage is what feels most right for you! Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste death but once. Meaning they taste the fear but move forward.

Please today take the leap of faith, build the staircase one step at a time, start putting the puzzle together. You already know what its like to live in pain and fear and all we’ve done is created more fear and deep seeded pain. Where our lives are right now is just now they can be so much better. Think about the mistakes we’ve made, the destruction we created and look how far we have come. Since tomorrow isn’t promised now is a great time to start. Love you!





Day 822 Just go ahead and quit

27 04 2015

What do you do with a sick boat? You take it to the doc!! Okay I laughed but you don’t have to. A busy weekend seems to always find me but I m not good at sitting still so good for me. We at Rock Bottom Outreach had a photo shoot Sunday that was fun. Most photo shoots aren’t but being around people you share a common bond with  and knowing we will do with our marketing material is very exciting. We were told to look serious and smiling. Here is my serious. I look so scary!! 🙂

RBO photo shoot

It’s hard to beat a person that doesn’t quit. Sometimes you can’t do it. You never fail at anything until you quit. Just because it didn’t work the way you wanted you still succeeded until you just throw int he towel. To be:honest Ive quit twice in my life: First time is when I left TCU and decided I wasn’t playing football anymore. And in August 2011 when I decided it was time to take my life. Both of those moments in my life were the most pain staking but my life actually got better from both. I can relate to anyone is ready to throw in the towel. No matter how much better life gets life is about peeks, valleys, Sometimes you’re at the top and sometimes at the bottom. The top is not always as good as we think and the bottom is never has bad as we think. Saying all of this I’m just in a dead place in my life. It’s not horrible but its nothing.  The nothing of life sucks. So much so that you can’t appreciate right in front of you.  I know in this place God is working on me and in me. It frustrates those around me so much and I’m sure more than they tell me, but I do know and I promise I’m working on it.

When I need answers I look to others because I know if I rely on myself I fail. Ive asked for help and direction and listened. I heard the same answers I was used to or expecting.  I was looking for different so I went to my atheist buddy. He was a christian and devote but he just go tired of the what he called ” Jesus crap and people” and became and athiest. When we talk we debate not don’t argue and his points are very valid. You need friends  not like you because different views and ideas is what helps you grow as a person. I could bore you with the details but after 45 minutes he said you should just go ahead and  quit. He said your burden of knowledge has you head locked and just quit because you’re not going to get there with what you know. He said what you are dealing with is why I left God because I never got the answers I thought he was going to give me.

I looked  at him and told I always appreciate our talks but not this time. I will bust my butt to get where God wants me this time without throwing in the towel. I have quit and know better. People are relying on me and I’m so close to a breakthrough in my life-like I’ve never had.  I know some days are going to be good and some will suck but that door for you and for me is 6 inches away and if we claw, scratch and struggle when the door opens the life we thought is right there.

If you’re at the end of your rope, lost, lonely or just want an answer people don’t give up. Only when you quit do you fail. God is waiting for you to ask and he’s telling you just a bit further and trust me. He never left us, we left him and for me not this time Satan, take a hike.





Day 189 Lost in the world

17 07 2013

Sometimes a good burp fixes the day. I had one today and afterwards I laughed and felt better. I guess whatever it takes right! I highly recommend divorce care if you have been divorced or not married but in a long relationship. It works but so does the truth, I have never been slapped in the face with so much reality but I came out on the other side.

When you put yourself in a place to make changes you also get to see a lot of people like you. Some see the light and some never leave the darkness. The light is always there it’s within ourselves and we don’t know that.  I have a friend and will call her that, that still today sits in the darkness lost in the world. She reads my blog and sometimes reaches out, but mostly I never hear from her. She is so beautiful not just physically but inside. When we started counseling and divorce care I could relate to her and it was good to get a female perspective on divorce, but she sent me a long email last night and here are a few of the words: I’m so lost, I can’t find myself, I’m afraid of everything, nothing is easy,and life seems to only get harder.

Here is what I told her and what I had to tell myself. It’s not just crap but true words and it worked. There are words and aspirations that disappeared every day. I carried a heavy heart, I was so lost everyday ( I pretended well until I just gave up and became honest), I’m still afraid, and life is hard but then:

There is a spark and light in the dark that only you can find, you are so much stronger than you ever knew, there is really a silver lining, you made it this far and you are a fighter, what others do to tear us down is just fotter to fight harder, we really do bleed all the same, there are people who will stand beside you and help you fight the fear, there is never an easy way and finally sometimes the hardest and the right thing are the same.

There was more from a personal standpoint but if you can read this paragraph and follow it and believe it. Im walking proof that the most destroyed people can lift themselves up. Please try if anything try to prove me wrong.





Day 189 Lost in the world

16 07 2013

Sometimes a good burp fixes the day. I had one today and afterwards I laughed and felt better. I guess whatever it takes right! I highly recommend divorce care if you have been divorced or not married but in a long relationship. It works but so does the truth, I have never been slapped in the face with so much reality but I came out on the other side.

When you put yourself in a place to make changes you also get to see a lot of people like you. Some see the light and some never leave the darkness. The light is always there it’s within ourselves and we don’t know that.  I have a friend and will call her that, that still today sits in the darkness lost in the world. She reads my blog and sometimes reaches out, but mostly I never hear from her. She is so beautiful not just physically but inside. When we started counseling and divorce care I could relate to her and it was good to get a female perspective on divorce, but she sent me a long email last night and here are a few of the words: I’m so lost, I can’t find myself, I’m afraid of everything, nothing is easy,and life seems to only get harder.

Here is what I told her and what I had to tell myself. It’s not just crap but true words and it worked. There are words and aspirations that disappeared every day. I carried a heavy heart, I was so lost everyday ( I pretended well until I just gave up and became honest), I’m still afraid, and life is hard but then:

There is a spark and light in the dark that only you can find, you are so much stronger than you ever knew, there is really a silver lining, you made it this far and you are a fighter, what others do to tear us down is just fotter to fight harder, we really do bleed all the same, there are people who will stand beside you and help you fight the fear, there is never an easy way and finally sometimes the hardest and the right thing are the same.

There was more from a personal standpoint but if you can read this paragraph and follow it and believe it. Im walking proof that the most destroyed people can lift themselves up. Please try if anything try to prove me wrong.








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