Day 1728 I bleed too

7 12 2017

Hello from a cold state of Texas. Monday putting up Christmas lights it was 84 today its 38 and we have snow flurries.  Merry Christmas to you all. Stop stressing you’ll get it all done! If not Christmas comes next year too.

The hardest thing I believe we as adults have to do now is be real! You would think that it would be real easy. People hide, I mean if this was a game  of hiding go seek, we have some real champions. People look you in the eye, tell you I’m fine, Im okay, its good. Then they walk away and go cry in the car. Im not sure when the stigma started that just give generic answers to people and I’ll be okay. It’s okay to admit that life sucks sometimes. I know we are all blessed and highly favored. We were all born that way but do you really think you’re fooling someone when it’s all okay. When you have been in the pits you know when someone is going through hell. You feel it, you know it, you understand that feeling. So why do we do it. Some say Im just trying to be positive, (You can put a dress on a pig it’s still a pig), some don’t know how to communicate, some have been told don’t say things like that, some are just to beaten down.

People care, proper to contrary belief. Not all but people care. You need the people who will let you bleed. not physically, I mean yes physically but not in this example, The emotional and mental bleeding which is healthy.

You have to get this crap out of you. Whatever your crap is You must bleed. I bleed quite often, sometimes by myself, I feel like a burden, I feel weak but then I realize I need others too. I want to be the strong one for everyone but my shoulders are only so big.

I know the holidays are tough especially the older we get, have a good cry, communicate your crap, yell but bleed it out to those who get you. If you don’t have  that person now you have something to do in 2018.  Being silent does not make you strong. bleeding out and being honest is a sign a strength and something someone needs from you too.

Make a memory this year, make that phone call you haven’t, tell someone how important they are to you. When you give a hug hold on just a bit longer. Love you

 

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Day 1629 Let’s run away

20 08 2017
School has started and I have a 10th grader and a 3rd grader. Either I’m getting old or time is passing to fast.  I know that seeing them grow up is a great feeling. Parenting is tough though. My Lord where is the manual?
We all want to run away.  Some people actually run they pack up, sell their home, and go somewhere that it will be”different”. Some people put on headphones and actually run hoping at the end of the mileage “its gone”. Some just get in the car and drive with no destination in site. Hoping when they return “its gone”. We spend hours, tears, new jobs, money, relationships, trying  to see if we can make sure “its gone”.
“Its gone” is us. Pastor TD  Jakes  says run from the garbage and people etc.. Run to what you want, problem is we usually run from the things we don’t want, not to what we do want.
I get people sending me things all the time and I was sent this:

There is no such thing as taking the right road, every time, but the road you take can turn into one you’re meant to be on. You choose whether to ‘stop’ along the way or keep going. Imperfection is part of everyone and is a part of decision making in life. Don’t let that mountain you’re traveling on crumble on top of you so that you can’t get back up. When that first rock falls, start to run and keep running until you are out of harm’s way. Stay away from the rubble.
What I take from this is that we have to be okay being imperfect! We cant run from that. We all want to be perfect and when we don’t lets run away. Now don’t get me wrong running away to break routine and getting a fresh thought is great but we have to run back.
My dad used to tell me when I was in high school that no matter where you go,  even the other end of the earth, everything will be the same because you are there. You can’t run away from you. Once the new of a person or area wheres off the person in the mirror is still you.
So run away but turn right back around because before you go trying to find this magic happiness and fulfillment stand in place and fix what is here. Then run but do it for fun quit trying to escape you because you are really great. I promise.




Day 1615 Lets get naked

6 08 2017

First I want to thank you all for reading this blog. It’s so cool that people all over the world can read this. Looking at all the countries I wonder if I weird in foreign countries too.

Second I get a lot what does the day in your title mean. Well in this case 1615 days ago I started a car trip to Virginia by myself. to see one of my closet friends. I prayed and promised myself that my life would change for the better starting that day and would never be the same. So here we are 1615 days later. Its been one hell of a roller coaster but its been a blast.

I hope the title got you to read! I have been the physical naked more times that you want to hear. It was the only way I knew to love for the longest time or feel I was important. I hurt so many women over the years. It wasn’t purposeful just thought being naked meant I was enough. So shirt off,pants off and you liked me.

I hope for most of us with age comes wisdom, if not you hit your rock bottom and I promise you get wiser or you get buried.  I learned that not only does my value not coming from being physically naked but you want someone to love, like, or respect you: LETS GET REALLY NAKED. I hate small talk every bit of it, I could care less what’s up! I’m going to give or get a generic answer anyway so why I ask. The naked I want is the soul bearing, tear filled, biggest smile type of naked, clothes on or off I don’t care. I want to talk about: death, aliens, birthdays cake, what makes you cry, why you became insecure, why you fake it, music, the meaning of life,  the lies you live, your favorite smells, the quirks that nobody knows because you feel you’ll be judged, your childhood, your first crush, why you watch the ceiling fan spin at night, why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad, why you don’t like peanuts but love peanut butter. I want to know your emotions, what your depth is. Why you’re twisted.  I learned not to judge but question. When you know someone who is  feeling that,  that feeling only comes from God. if you know me and say you’re the weirdest person I know but I love your soul. Mission accomplished!

Don’t get me wrong I love the physical naked but learning what it takes to be real makes relationships powerful. I know you can’t get naked with everyone because most wont get it and that’s okay. So to me from you let’s get naked. Real is exposing your soul and not giving a damn! I’m ready for the real naked time!!

Thanks for reading

 





Day 1608 I mean, I just assumed…..

30 07 2017

You smell that outside! That’s football coming back and thank the Lord. It’s almost time to remember back when I was great and tell people and say I could have made that play Haha. Cowboys go to the super bowl for my predication for 41 years in a row.

Even when we tell someone what were thinking and feeling were wrong.  I mean I just assumed that’s what you meant. Really every time we assume we look like an a$$hole. Okay so out of 10 times we get something right 1 time. The reason assuming gets us in such a foot in the mouth situation is we assume based on our past experiences. So how in the world can we assume what someone else, feels, thinks, or acts based on our past. Even if its their past not situation in life is ever the same. I was the worlds worst assumer. I lived a lot of life so I thought I knew. We think because someone is a butthole we know why, I mean maybe their parent beat them everyday so they carry years of pain and suffering. Or that girl that gives herself to every guy we call her a whore but all she’s doing is searching for that one guy to finally love her because her daddy never did. Or why would she date him. Well maybe she fell in love with a real man who loves her and doesn’t use her. Or people assume that someone has it all together but can’t see himself and why. Maybe because he was raised to be a perfectionist, and he felt he failed at everything touched and you don’t just let that mentality go overnight (me). Or why someone quits going to church and believing in God. So we just say how horrible they are without every knowing the real reason.

My God, we are still learning about a significant other years after we marry, but we think we know, when we don’t. Bottom line when we assume we actually coming out looking the worst. I know intentions are usually good but until you ask then don’t run with anything in your head, that leads to running head first into a wall. Even when you think you know just ask. Otherwise you become part of the masses and when you do, take away the m and you become of those (the asses).

I assume you’ll like this blog. Hope you enjoyed!

 





Day 1549 so this is what its come to

22 05 2017

Remember naps, kool aid, recess, playing outside until you were so tired you came in I took a bath passed out and did it again the next day.  What about getting something in the mail,run out to the mailbox but no yet, drinking from a water hose, jumping into a pond just because, or taking your shoes off just because. trying to have fun because it was fun,  not to have fun to compensate to make yourself feel better. Anyway I’m saying being an adult is dumb and we continue to do the same thing.

Let say the stats are correct and 2% of people live they life they want. I’ll be generous and say 10% are living the life they want. So that leaves us the other 90%. Here are the things we celebrate now,

  1. I got to work on time,
  2. They canceled the meeting,
  3. Jeans day,
  4. A catered lunch,
  5. Getting to leave 5 minutes early
  6. Living to get a tax return check that we shouldn’t have paid over tot he government anyway
  7. Getting to eat a meal at home. It used to happen everyday
  8. 2 weeks of vacation to work 50 weeks. Then we dread the end of vacation because how much work we have when we get back
  9. Praying to God that the dr., lawyer or bank stay open past 5 so you can get business done so you don’t have to do everything Saturday.
  10. That someone will celebrate your birthday
  11. You go to the mailbox hoping its empty
  12. That somebody would do their laundry
  13. Can we order pizza because I don’t give a crap about anybody eating
  14. Someone body I cared about texted me but I haven’t heard their voice in 2 years
  15.  I worked to retirement YAY, now my health sucks so bad I can’t enjoy it
  16. We get 2 breaks a day to go to the bathroom
  17. Somebody waved at me. Do they like me. It used to mean people were friendly.
  18. You have to be sick to feel like you can stay in bed
  19. Someone pays you a compliment.
  20. I paid my bills for the month yes, oh crap its time to start paying them again.

 

I could go on but how freaking sad is it that life has become this. Routine is a killer of the soul. Why have we accepted this. It’s not God’s plan. ts not our plan but we stick ourselves in the butt with it and wonder why it hurts. It’s just dub, we stopped having fun, or our fun is were going to drink until we don’t remember, because Hangovers are a blast.

My boss is a dumb arse and if you don’t think you’re a dumb arse you are the boss. We live this life to get to a point to enjoy it then our health fades,  our love dies, kids move on forget about us until were dying.

Im not trying to be a pessimist but I’m sick of people not living.  Take them damn trip,  eat the food you shouldn’t , if your job sucks find another one, if you want a dog buy one. Just live because if you were giving a month to live you would start but its to late.

Oh but Tyler I don’t what to do. Okay good stop doing this stupid crap I listed that’s a good start. The only person going to make your life better is you. I mean nobody else will. Don’t blame, just do it.





Day 1361 You cant see it

9 11 2016

The election is over and we survived. I think most people did. I wish people cared about their own lives as much as they care about things they have no control over. It’s a lesson we as a people may never understand or follow. In my short 41 years I see people fighting over politics trying to change someone else’s mind but they will continue to go to a job everyday they hate and they have control over it.

If I had my life to live over again I wouldn’t need to see it. I would just do it.  What are you talking about Tyler? We resist change because we have to see the whole staircase put together but until we do life stays the same. We wake up unhappy, stay in turbulent times, continue making the same mistakes, not wanting to deal with pain of rejection, failure, criticize  , losing, defeat, not being liked etc.  So we duck the pain popping up to see if the staircase is complete then we think we will walk right over and take the world by the private parts. Martin Luther King said that faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole staircase. Think about how many things in life you didn’t do because you didn’t the end of the road or top of the staircase. Life is about pain you can’t hide from it. So we think lets not take the step and therefore I don’t get hurt. That’s such a lie because of the regret of life is the hardest to cope with and it never is forgotten.

Most us go through life trying to pretend it okay when it’s not. Hoping we please someone else that can’t please themselves. Rather than saying I listened to them long enough and I know what I’ve already lost and now I’m going to do what is best for me. There is a quote not sure who from but it goes something like this: Courage is what feels most right for you! Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste death but once. Meaning they taste the fear but move forward.

Please today take the leap of faith, build the staircase one step at a time, start putting the puzzle together. You already know what its like to live in pain and fear and all we’ve done is created more fear and deep seeded pain. Where our lives are right now is just now they can be so much better. Think about the mistakes we’ve made, the destruction we created and look how far we have come. Since tomorrow isn’t promised now is a great time to start. Love you!





Day 822 Just go ahead and quit

27 04 2015

What do you do with a sick boat? You take it to the doc!! Okay I laughed but you don’t have to. A busy weekend seems to always find me but I m not good at sitting still so good for me. We at Rock Bottom Outreach had a photo shoot Sunday that was fun. Most photo shoots aren’t but being around people you share a common bond with  and knowing we will do with our marketing material is very exciting. We were told to look serious and smiling. Here is my serious. I look so scary!! 🙂

RBO photo shoot

It’s hard to beat a person that doesn’t quit. Sometimes you can’t do it. You never fail at anything until you quit. Just because it didn’t work the way you wanted you still succeeded until you just throw int he towel. To be:honest Ive quit twice in my life: First time is when I left TCU and decided I wasn’t playing football anymore. And in August 2011 when I decided it was time to take my life. Both of those moments in my life were the most pain staking but my life actually got better from both. I can relate to anyone is ready to throw in the towel. No matter how much better life gets life is about peeks, valleys, Sometimes you’re at the top and sometimes at the bottom. The top is not always as good as we think and the bottom is never has bad as we think. Saying all of this I’m just in a dead place in my life. It’s not horrible but its nothing.  The nothing of life sucks. So much so that you can’t appreciate right in front of you.  I know in this place God is working on me and in me. It frustrates those around me so much and I’m sure more than they tell me, but I do know and I promise I’m working on it.

When I need answers I look to others because I know if I rely on myself I fail. Ive asked for help and direction and listened. I heard the same answers I was used to or expecting.  I was looking for different so I went to my atheist buddy. He was a christian and devote but he just go tired of the what he called ” Jesus crap and people” and became and athiest. When we talk we debate not don’t argue and his points are very valid. You need friends  not like you because different views and ideas is what helps you grow as a person. I could bore you with the details but after 45 minutes he said you should just go ahead and  quit. He said your burden of knowledge has you head locked and just quit because you’re not going to get there with what you know. He said what you are dealing with is why I left God because I never got the answers I thought he was going to give me.

I looked  at him and told I always appreciate our talks but not this time. I will bust my butt to get where God wants me this time without throwing in the towel. I have quit and know better. People are relying on me and I’m so close to a breakthrough in my life-like I’ve never had.  I know some days are going to be good and some will suck but that door for you and for me is 6 inches away and if we claw, scratch and struggle when the door opens the life we thought is right there.

If you’re at the end of your rope, lost, lonely or just want an answer people don’t give up. Only when you quit do you fail. God is waiting for you to ask and he’s telling you just a bit further and trust me. He never left us, we left him and for me not this time Satan, take a hike.








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