Day 1808 You choose your hell

5 06 2018

Hello blog peeps. In the airport people watching getting ready to head to Florida. I should get paid to people watch, what  an awesome sport.

I m trying to find my purpose and slowly I think I am. I want to serve young men and women and give them hope that they can change. We have all been told people don’t change well that’s the biggest line of crap we have ever been fed. If someone tells you that it’s the hardest thing you will ever do that may not be enough to tell someone, you have to show them.

We all have to face our mistakes either out loud in a blog, group, with the ones me hurt or in our own silent hell,  My hell which is still going on is every Friday afternoon when I have dropped off my kids to go to their moms and I have the turn-key hell. Turn key hell= When I get to my house door and I open the door and the no sound, emptiness feeling of my house.  I’m about to walk into without the laughing of my kids, the pushing of my kids, the no cartoons, the i don’t want to eat that, Can I have more, I m bored, I don’t want to brush my teeth and mostly the I love you daddy. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I haven’t got used to that yet. My dog greets me and she looks for the kids and I tell her no Vaida next Friday and she walks over to her bed because she misses them. There is no women to say how was your day, the smell of a women, the we need to do this, can you go do this or a hug or kiss. So I put my bag down in the chair and every time I hope for a different feeling but I have to stop when the door closes behind me take a deep breath and realize this is the hell you created. The great thing is I have the feeling because I will remember it. You can’t make the mistakes that we all do and not expect the to be repercussions. So men if you don’t deal with your crap, ego, your pride, you fear and your left with and empty house don’t blame anyone expect yourself. Man up, there are to many resources for you to have to say at 60 I’m sorry for what I didn’t do, because it can be done. Or keep doing what you’re doing, be separated from your kids, have the hollow empty feeling of loss that can only be stitched up, and go into the empty, quite, lonely hell that you created. It will happen you’re not one of the stats that gets away with it. I can promise that the Friday turn-key hell is worse than any hell she, or your ego supposedly has put you through.

That was it in a nutshell. I don’t want anyone to feel that you can’t change and you cant restore. AS NIKE SAYS: JUST DO IT

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Day 903 He’s not done with me yet

17 07 2015

On Tuesday of this I was in a car accident. I was making a left hand turn and a lady ran the red light at 55. Its one of those moments where I started to turn and then I saw her coming and all I could say was oh crap. She spun me around 360 degrees I was facing the other direction. I could see that I was facing the wrong way and all my airbags had deployed, my car stopped running, Onstar was trying to talk to me and needless to say I was confused for a bit. I kept asking OnStar how they got into my car. I was dripping in sweat because of adrenaline but the AC was off too. My kids weren’t with me which was the biggest blessing because it would have hit on their side. I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there for a minute I wanted to check myself out but thought I was hurt so I just sat still.I started feeling around and throwing glass off of me. My stomach and shoulder hurt but I was just bleeding from my hand and the airbag was upsetting me so I cut it out of way. I started getting out of my car and the fire department was there and he was trying to help me get my door open. He said what are you doing. I said getting out of this car its hot in here. He said how are you getting out. I said I’m about to walk out if you move, but he said have you seen your car. I said no but I’ve been hit harder in a rugby or delivered a bigger hit. He said  wow man your supposed to be here. I got out called my buddy Jim and asked him to come get me. I then walked around the car and just shook my head. I couldn’t believe that I was hit that hard and at that speed and I was okay.

I put this part into not to brag but to show how far I’ve come as a man. The lady was hysterical she was yelling its my fault, I don’t have insurance, and I’m so sorry. My natural instincts and new heart took over. I just grabbed her and told her I love you its okay. She pulled back and said why are you saying its okay. I said because it’s an accident, I’ve had many times I hadn’t paid attention in the car to. I told her don’t worry its money and its all going to be okay. Please go get looked at! I hugged her one more time and she said you okay. I said my stomach hurts but otherwise Im good.  I started grabbing crap out of my car which looked like my son was let loose inside. My buddy Jim got there said you sure your okay you should get to the hospital. I’m good man I know my body well. He didn’t argue just drove me to get a rental car and then he picked up my kids. While standing in the rental car line I showed him my stomach and he said yep that’s going to hurt. He also said something else: Nobody walks away from that except you.

So after processing my thoughts here is what I’ve come up with. God’s not finished me yet. You might be saying stop being dramatic but its true. I’ve seen people die in wrecks a lot smaller. I walked away and was able to love someone who 5 years ago I would have went ballistic and lost it on the lady. It was just a reminder that when I doubt my purpose, my significance, or does God love me. I get a wink and told absolutely Tyler Wood you are one of my warriors carry on. So here’s to no more wrecks and a new car. Sad thing  is that car was only two weeks old. So here’s to even a newer car. Have a great weekend.





Day 800 Why God Why

6 04 2015

Happy Easter! It was a great day for so many people. The best part is watching families get back together and celebrate. Lucky for me I had my babies we were so busy but had so much fun! My kids wound up with money from Easter egg hunting. I think our generation got screwed because I don’t remember money or tasty candy we had hard-boiled eggs that smelled like farts and candy that was harder than concrete. Also the Easter bunnies back then were creepy. They all had mange or some  disease that hadn’t been discovered.  Anyway sorry for the rant lol.

There is no greater peace for me than getting my babies for my week. On this Easter weekend I’m reminded that Jesus died for my sorry butt that I could have the chance to be a real father not just a guy who helped make babies. It’s never to late to start over no matter what u have done. I’m just thankful I’m here and my babies have an active father.

I was the worst  and still sometimes ask Why God why. Why for my past but today it’s why can’t a hear your voice more clearly, why can’t I find my purpose, why is my career so confusing, why can’t I find love and blah blah blah. I have heard these 3 things by 4 different people, why can’t I follow through, Why  does God always do this to me, why am I destined to fail, why do bad things always happen to me. Well after years of pain stacking research and lots of practice. Why God Why leads to we are just plain dumb and make some really horrible decisions. Do you think that a lot of the decisions we make on a daily basis that God would make them. No but he gave us free will. Thats a whole other blog. We do things based on fear, failure, other people and just our stubbornness to have to be right. Sometimes we do not make stupid decisions  one but two and maybe three times.  If we actually followed what God said and put on our heart we wouldn’t but saying why God why but thank you. I love watch people always say My life is so good and God is good because they got a job, or found true love, or got  a house but take each one of those thing sand they lose it or it’s not showing up and it’s why God why are you doing this to me. Maybe you shouldn’t quit that job or got fired because you mouth wouldn’t be quiet, or that house you blew your money on things you couldn’t afford and can’t pay your house payment. I’m sorry if you don’t pay your bills you lose your house, or I cheated on that person and they want to leave me now. Umm yeah treat people like crap and you get crap back.

Past month I’ve truly struggled with the why’s but now I’m blaming me. I know my heart and mind and I tend to lean on me because I’ve always worked it out. ( That was sarcasm folks) Doesn’t mean I don’t struggle or question God. People have told me you should never question God. If you really believe that because I didn’t voice God didn’t hear it you’re not getting it. Question God and having struggle creates conversation with God and that’s all he wants. Why God why should be I’m sorry Im dumb sometimes and make bad decisions but help me lean on you an don’t me. So rather than blaming God look at you and ask yourself would God make that decision or did I just drop the ball again. The answer your searching for you already know go with God he hasn’t been wrong yet!





Day 800 Why God Why

5 04 2015

Happy Easter! It was a great day for so many people. The best part is watching families get back together and celebrate. Lucky for me I had my babies we were so busy but had so much fun! My kids wound up with money from Easter egg hunting. I think our generation got screwed because I don’t remember money or tasty candy we had hard-boiled eggs that smelled like farts and candy that was harder than concrete. Also the Easter bunnies back then were creepy. They all had mange or some  disease that hadn’t been discovered.  Anyway sorry for the rant lol.

There is no greater peace for me than getting my babies for my week. On this Easter weekend I’m reminded that Jesus died for my sorry butt that I could have the chance to be a real father not just a guy who helped make babies. It’s never to late to start over no matter what u have done. I’m just thankful I’m here and my babies have an active father.

I was the worst  and still sometimes ask Why God why. Why for my past but today it’s why can’t a hear your voice more clearly, why can’t I find my purpose, why is my career so confusing, why can’t I find love and blah blah blah. I have heard these 3 things by 4 different people, why can’t I follow through, Why  does God always do this to me, why am I destined to fail, why do bad things always happen to me. Well after years of pain stacking research and lots of practice. Why God Why leads to we are just plain dumb and make some really horrible decisions. Do you think that a lot of the decisions we make on a daily basis that God would make them. No but he gave us free will. Thats a whole other blog. We do things based on fear, failure, other people and just our stubbornness to have to be right. Sometimes we do not make stupid decisions  one but two and maybe three times.  If we actually followed what God said and put on our heart we wouldn’t but saying why God why but thank you. I love watch people always say My life is so good and God is good because they got a job, or found true love, or got  a house but take each one of those thing sand they lose it or it’s not showing up and it’s why God why are you doing this to me. Maybe you shouldn’t quit that job or got fired because you mouth wouldn’t be quiet, or that house you blew your money on things you couldn’t afford and can’t pay your house payment. I’m sorry if you don’t pay your bills you lose your house, or I cheated on that person and they want to leave me now. Umm yeah treat people like crap and you get crap back.

Past month I’ve truly struggled with the why’s but now I’m blaming me. I know my heart and mind and I tend to lean on me because I’ve always worked it out. ( That was sarcasm folks) Doesn’t mean I don’t struggle or question God. People have told me you should never question God. If you really believe that because I didn’t voice God didn’t hear it you’re not getting it. Question God and having struggle creates conversation with God and that’s all he wants. Why God why should be I’m sorry Im dumb sometimes and make bad decisions but help me lean on you an don’t me. So rather than blaming God look at you and ask yourself would God make that decision or did I just drop the ball again. The answer your searching for you already know go with God he hasn’t been wrong yet!





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

23 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

22 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.

 





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.








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