It’s Time For Me to Move Out

28 09 2016

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

Out of my head, that is.

I have a long-entrenched tendency when things get difficult of retreating deep into the recesses of the thinky place. It’s a comfortable place for me where I can maintain the illusion of being able to out-deliberate any problem and I can pretend that I am in control.

It’s comfortable.

And it’s a lie.

It’s the security blanket that keeps me from getting all panicky and catastrophic. The analysis keeps me at a safe distance, as though I’m giving advice rather than being the one who needs to accept it.

It’s the remnants of the, “If I try hard enough, nobody will leave me again,” as I exert mental effort through my actions in a twisted game of barter.

It’s the voice that tells me that I can always do more. Be more. And has trouble receiving the moment.

It’s the tightened grip on the handlebars…

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Steps For Breaking Out of a Negative Feedback Loop

19 09 2016

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

It’s been a tough few months for me. Professionally. Physically. And even and especially personally.

The kind of tough where the tears have come hard and frequent. The kind of tough where long nights have led to longer days. The kind of tough where I want to open up yet I’m afraid of breaking down. The kind of tough that calls on me to put in action all that I’ve learned over the past several years.

I’m not ready to write about much of it. And in truth, I may never choose to share much of the past few months. But I’ve also done quite a bit of thinking and now that some of the pressures are lifting, I’m ready to share some of those thoughts.


One of the hardest things in a relationship – any relationship – is to learn that you have been unintentionally bringing pain to another…

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Day 1302 A BUT makes you a BUTT

8 09 2016

I miss writing so often but when the day ends there is not enough time or energy. I’m trying to make it a point to get back and blog. my mind needs the writers release. Even if nobody reads it, I still need it if that makes sense.

I have always defended myself even when it wasn’t necessary. I still do now because I still forget that I am worthy and I’m enough. That if I’m wrong I’m not that little boy who didn’t have his dad to guide my way so I had to be right or I was going to always make mistakes. I like to be right and who doesn’t but that’s an excuse. We were made not to be perfect but I keep thinking i have to always be perfect and if not I’ll argue with you until I am. The past 6 months have been filled with as many changes in my life than any other time. I’m trying to always be better but!!!! That word gets me always because I might agree with you but I need you to hear my side so you know that I’m okay. So Im still insecure, frightened, unsure, changing ball of a mess. I listen to God and then I stop listening and when I stop listening welcome to Tyler Wood and his interchanging “Buts”

Have you ever went and listened to yourself when you try to defend yourself. It sounds so stupid and when you’re having a good day you step back and say what in the hell did I do that for. What did it matter if I was right or wrong. I didn’t hear the other person, I probably hurt them and I didn’t listen to anything they said. All because Im so insecure, feel unloved, unattached from anyone or anything that I just need to be heard.

I was in an argument with my fiance and we were both wrong but God forbid if I actually shut up and not have to be the heavyweight champion of arguing. So I got the title that night and I hurt her feelings and made her feel that what she had to say wasn’t important. As soon as I said But i should have stopped because the moment I kept going I became a BUTT!

Im always a work in progress like we all are but if I have to  be the champion of But I will become the champion of the BUTTS too and I really don’t need another crappy crown.

We don’t always have to be right even when we are right. The BUT stops here. I hope it can stop with you too!








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