Day 1856 Assuming? You will be a%%hole

15 04 2018

Good evening. Hope wherever you are you can just stop and say thank you for something in your life.

No matter how open, or honest I am or unafraid to ask someone something I still assume. It’s usually because I think I know, or past behavior or just you get used to it from that person. In honesty, if there are 50 times I assumed I might,just might, be right 5 times. Those are not good odds but since its easier than asking someone we take those horrible odds and assume. You can say I think, I know, I guess but bottom-line its assuming.

Every time I assume I look like an asshole, or I am an asshole or come a cross like I don’t care. I try so hard not to assume because it really hurts people. Usually its something important but even more important to them.  So why do we do it? Pure stupidity and laziness. I truly don’t think the intention is to hurt the other person but we do. Then we get upset that we hurt that person because we knew better. So whats my point?

This time I’m not going to tell you how I screwed up but how a few people this week hurt me bad. One broke my heart but because I’m a big tough guy I’m supposed to take. If you know me I’m the most real, honest (you may not want to hear it) person. All I want is you to do that back to me. If I react the wrong way that’s on me, you walk away and say hey I did what you asked. When you assume and are so blatantly wrong you are an asshole. I know we live in a world where everyone hides from true human connection, we think we know how someone is or whats going on by social media. Thats just stupid in the first place but to assume, that someone doesn’t need you, or they are okay, or you thought something they posted was about you. Come on people!! The good ole days were good in that people actually talked out their issues, or concerns and walked away agreeing to disagreeing but were still, friends, lovers whatever.

Or how about whenever someone gives you their answer that’s actually the answer, you don’t have to assume anymore they told. I dont give a crap if you like the answer or want it to change but thats their answer. I miss people, I miss real relationships, I miss love because people assume what they want. We are becoming the world of less courageous know it alls that know nothing but assume we know everything.

I guess my rant is over, just know you need to ask me, be honest with me, just don’t leave me hanging, then I’ll just assume  you’re an asshole. (See what I did there) .  Goodnight

 

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Day 1852 Alone or Lonely? This hurts to hear.

11 04 2018

Hello from lovely Naples Florida. I have a job now that I travel when my babies are with their mom. So I get to jet set around the U.S. Its better than sitting at home with an unoccupied mind.  I enjoy it because I see a lot I haven’t seen. It’s cool how after a few years how areas change. So I try to soak it up and not stand out which is hard because I don’t hide well.

Alone or Lonely. I believe these get so misunderstood so often and there is a huge difference. I have never met one person who likes to be lonely but I have met many people who enjoy being alone. Being alone is a necessity in learning how to be a fully mature adult. You have to learn how to be with you, what do you like, are you comfortable in your own skin, can you do something by yourself. You need the alone time to reflect, talk to God or whoever you talk to. Alone is learning to be free or have freedom. I believe learning to be alone is a positive, you rely on you, even in a relationship you need to learn to be alone.

Lonely is a feeling you would probably come up against right after a break up, divorce, separation, distance, etc. The contact you had with another is no longer there, but you are wishing and longing for it. You are wanting it so bad that it affects you. We all l know people, not  a person that can’t stand being alone or lonely. Thats called Co-Dependant. Someone has to be there, they don’t feel loved, cared for or that they matter. They find their happiness in someone or something else and cannot stand being with themselves. Social media is a great place to watch people bounce from one relationship, to another.

Everyone gets lonely especially if your by yourself a lot and there is nothing wrong with be lonely except when you can’t do anything by yourself. have you ever went to a movie by yourself, dinner by yourself, sat at the lake by yourself etc… and it felt good? If not I think its imperative. If you are looking at people to fill that void you will be truly let down.

Before you can start another  relationship, whether it be a friend, you must first learn the joy and see the bliss of alone. If you search for someone or something to fill the void of your loneliness, you will find the exact same thing. Another person who is lonely and looking to fill a void. No one should start a relationship of any kind while they are lonely. It is an equation for failure which will push you to start over on your own journey of loneliness. Once you are alone and are perfectly happy with your alone, it is only then that one might open their eyes to the possibility of another relationship. You will naturally be attracted to someone else who is alone. You will find an equal to you, not someone who adds or subtracts something from you. You will share so many things in common, because you overcame loneliness and found your bliss being alone.

So another something I learned from being co-Dependent for most of my entire life. Like attracts like. Be alone so you will never be lonely.

Love you and carry on.

 

 





Day 1842 Do you even believe in yourself.

1 04 2018

Happy Easter. I got to spend mine with extended family, my beautiful children, my sister, nephew, and in 55 days my 100-year-old Grandma. She is still doing great and funny. Must run in the family!

Grandma

Do you believe in yourself? It’s a simple question that we answer quickly. Yes I do. I’m not talking in every aspect because we simply aren’t good at everything. I mean at the core of who you are do you believe that you and only can get XYZ done. No support system, no encouragement, it’s just you and the past failures you have dealt with. Can you take those and no matter believe that you and God have it?

Nobody can answer that except you. Dont ask anyone elses opinion. They don’t know its up to you. You only. I want you to ponder that. I have no answer to your belief in yourself, but i want you to answer that. Until you do you are stuck! I mean stuck deep nothing pulls you out except Jesus and you finally truly pouring out yourself so you can fill yourself up. Think about it, find please





Day 1836 How about you kiss my ……..

25 03 2018

Hello people and hope life is going great for you. Past 4 weeks, I had to put my dog to sleep, got  a new job where I travel, a new cell-phone which there is a learning curve,  and sat in the middle seat twice on a plane. 1 st world problems but still, the middle seat!

 

One thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days I’m a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. It’s still new in the year and a lot of time to have the year I want.  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared.  I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by urself and you  cry that’s God just getting me to cleanse myself so I can see what I  forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes mom and dad are proud of who you are. You work so hard to be a great parent. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

Just throwing out my thoughts because thats what a blog is for. Happy Easter and eat a cadbuy for me. Oh and you dont have to kiss my …. I just liked the title





Day 1815 When do you stop outsourcing yourself Tyler

4 03 2018

One of the best things about writing a blog besides expressing yourself, the reach across the world you can get. I had a guy in a small Russian Village of 500 people reach out and say keep telling your story.

BTW thank you for reading and responding. It’s very cool to get responses even if you don’t like what I’m doing. On to the show.

I hired a life/business coach about a month ago. I’ve had 2 sessions with her. What am I supposed to be when I grow up is why I hired her. First session left me with a bunch or questions and a lot of deep thinking. Those things are good but as usual I wanted more, more answers, dig inside me deeper. So welcome the 2nd session on Friday. I spent 10 minutes telling about my thoughts, whats next, why I’m doing coaching. Then I told her how I was upset that Im always have to fight to be accepted and loved.  I pour myself into everyone, I bleed for them, I love them, i want more for them than I do myself, then she stopped me and said: Tyler when do you stop outsourcing yourself, you been doing it since you were 10 years old.  I paused and for some reason I started crying. I had to ask her to give me a minute. Nobody had worded that statement like that to me before. I know I’ve heard something like that many times but Friday it hit me.  I feel guilty, when I buy something for myself, I feel Im taking away from someone else. What do I like to do I like to put others first, that makes me happy but that doesn’t ever allow my tank to be filled. In relationships I’m the giver, and people take and take but don’t give back to me like I deserve. If I got paid to be a outsourcer i would be rich.

I have a plan,  baby steps, just a few hours a week. Learning to care for me but keep this heart that loves and wants people to succeed in life. I have to learn it’s not selfish to care about myself. If I don’t care for me who will. Love you





Day 1752  Destroy that please

31 12 2017

Happy new years eve.  2018 so weird to say but glad we made it.  

Have u ever watched a building be blown up, a fire destroy a home, a car accident shrink a car to nothing. Those are devastating and heart breaking for sure.

Not everything that is destroyed is bad though. As we all reflect on the new year i would hope and pray for each person reading this that 2018 is a year that you destroy. Destroy anger, relationships, past brain trash, your divorce, your hate,  the death you already created thats causing us not to be able to live. 

WE CANNOT MOVE FORWARD WITH THE LIFE THAT IS INTENDED HANGING ONTO THE THINGS THAT KICK OUR ASS EVERYDAY.

I struggle with never being enough, not being able to believe enough in myself to get out of the well. 

I struggle with anger because since i cant let go of things that strangle me, so i get angry thinking that will fix it, what it does is drives me away from everything i love.

Im not strong enough to do this alone.  God actually likes me enough to know if you want to leave behind is holding you down he will take it away but i must want to do it by actions not words.

I have to let go, destroy what is destroying me, or look up this time next year writing another blog about the crap that has a hold of me.

You may read this this and say man Tyler you have issues, yes i do and always will. I dont want this garbage anymore, i pray for me its not about resolutions that nobody follows through on but destryoing whats plagued me since i was a 10 year old boy.

To live like nobody else, you must live like nobody else.

I love you and pray that you get what you deserve and you can smile a real smile in 2018.





Day 1728 I bleed too

7 12 2017

Hello from a cold state of Texas. Monday putting up Christmas lights it was 84 today its 38 and we have snow flurries.  Merry Christmas to you all. Stop stressing you’ll get it all done! If not Christmas comes next year too.

The hardest thing I believe we as adults have to do now is be real! You would think that it would be real easy. People hide, I mean if this was a game  of hiding go seek, we have some real champions. People look you in the eye, tell you I’m fine, Im okay, its good. Then they walk away and go cry in the car. Im not sure when the stigma started that just give generic answers to people and I’ll be okay. It’s okay to admit that life sucks sometimes. I know we are all blessed and highly favored. We were all born that way but do you really think you’re fooling someone when it’s all okay. When you have been in the pits you know when someone is going through hell. You feel it, you know it, you understand that feeling. So why do we do it. Some say Im just trying to be positive, (You can put a dress on a pig it’s still a pig), some don’t know how to communicate, some have been told don’t say things like that, some are just to beaten down.

People care, proper to contrary belief. Not all but people care. You need the people who will let you bleed. not physically, I mean yes physically but not in this example, The emotional and mental bleeding which is healthy.

You have to get this crap out of you. Whatever your crap is You must bleed. I bleed quite often, sometimes by myself, I feel like a burden, I feel weak but then I realize I need others too. I want to be the strong one for everyone but my shoulders are only so big.

I know the holidays are tough especially the older we get, have a good cry, communicate your crap, yell but bleed it out to those who get you. If you don’t have  that person now you have something to do in 2018.  Being silent does not make you strong. bleeding out and being honest is a sign a strength and something someone needs from you too.

Make a memory this year, make that phone call you haven’t, tell someone how important they are to you. When you give a hug hold on just a bit longer. Love you

 








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