Day 1792 Why Divorced/single in 2018 is more devastating

20 05 2018

Good happy Sunday may evening, I’m about to have a Jr and 4th grader, The school years fly by when you get older. I thought Christmas break was just over and look here we are about to end school and start smelling like BO because of the Texas heat.  Here’s to grilling, BO, sunburns, farmers tan, peeing in the pool and chlorine/swimming pool bath.

Excuse my use of the word devastating put an end to the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it. This is not directed at anyone and I know there is always another side to my argument. To save your breath, your right I’ll just be the other side.

The world we live in now is ruled by social media, the fake life of what we want you to see. You leave someones, page, site, profile and like OMG they are so great why can’t I measure up.

People quit at everything now. there is no perseverance ( yes  i know there is some) in relationships, people think the next one will be right. For better or worse or let me get to know this person that doesn’t happen. My friend said her boyfriend or girlfriend did this why don’t you?Well because were different and we all bring good and bad to the table.

Loyalty I wonder without looking could someone tell you the definition. could someone tell you that an emotional affair is the same as a physical.  And honesty. Just be honest tell me everything. I know your not single in today’s world because you did nothing wrong. If its only 10% tell me your 10%. A date ender for me is what did you do wrong in your relationships. if the other person says well he! I stop it right there! Why because I’m not going to date him and I don’t care what he did at this moment. Tell me about you. Throw every damn card on the table and let me choose if I want to move  forward.

There is nothing more refreshing than someone being real and telling, I screwed up this way, I know it now and I want to change it and I’m working so hard on it. Im insecure but if you will be patient with me we can get through. Im like heck yes someone who gets.

I hear people say sex has to be great and they have to be physically attractive. Absolutely but if you can’t communicate and your checking over their shoulder every time they are doing something you will fail. If you don’t trust in the beginning, do you really think your going to trust down the road? What about the night sex sucks. wouldn’t it be great to say let me explain where my head was today. It wasn’t you and you list out why it sucked. She understands, she cares more, she gets you. She becomes more emotionally attached then you feel like she respects and wow you have a fully functional relationship. Who knew!!!!

Finally nobody really wants to be married anymore! It might be the hardest thing to do in this twisted, social media world, where you’re told to run rather than stay and fight (not actually fight). I would much rather have someone that loves me more often, wants to choke me some days but will just poke me with a toothpick (in love) than date!!!!

Why are you in a relationship if you’re not going to be devoted/ married to the person forever. Really whats the point. That is a first date question. Dont lie, if that’s not your intention that’s okay but for the love of God tell them. Just be honest! I want to be married again, if someone tells me that they don’t that’s okay, doesn’t make you a bad person just means you dont fit me.

PS. Not everyone is going to like you! Not every person you date is going to feel it. Dont get your under roos in a wad, learn one thing from the date and move on. We are looking for one great person not an army!

Okay that’s enough for today! Love you





Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

9 03 2015

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.





Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

9 03 2015

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.





Day 725 How do you know you’ll be good after divorce

22 01 2015

I’m not sure how you can live in a state your whole life or just move here from another state and your allergies get horrible. My eyes look like I’ve been high for a week. I know people new to the area that have never had an allergy and have sworn to move back away from the Texas allergies. Here’s to it being spring. Visine takes the red out?

I was having a pretty serious conversation with one of my friends today about relationships. He asked how do you know you would even be good in  a relationship after divorce. Well after a few generic reasons like I’m a different man, I’m a good dad, I’m a great lover and more blah blah. The answer came to me like a bright bright light. I wont leave you.

I think that being loyal is one of the best qualities for any person. Sure there are times you must move on from people but loyalty is such a huge key. I could have and should have left my marriage but didn’t. I believed in the vows and I promise I tried everything to fix what was broken. I did want to leave  at times but could never pull the trigger. I had to be an example for my kids and myself. There have been friendships where the other person took and took from me. I stayed and fought through it. I have taken my space or stepped away to get my mind back but I never left!  I am one of those people who you know, If I love you I’m there always and not for what benefits me.

I believe that is one thing that God put in me and I forget that part of me. Trust and loyalty i think is what all relationships can last forever on. Even when you want me to walk away because you think its best because you’re not worthy Im the one there still trying to lift and build you up.  I’m not sure if my next marriage will be successful but I do know this. I will be there for her in every way imaginable because I don’t know any other way. Any friend of  mine that I have knows that I will never leave them. If you were honest is there anything really more  you could ask of someone than  to be loyal and trusting? Here’s to a loyal second marriage.





Day 396 Maybe not on second marriage

10 02 2014

Its official I m ready for spring. The weather in Texas has been off its Zanex and were all sick. Somebody is sneezing, couching or wiping their nose every time you turn around! I almost bought one of those white Michael Jackson masks to protect myself! I wonder sometimes if Obamacare is to blame! That’s a joke if anyone cared to laugh! Im also watching the Olympics and I wish I knew how to snowboard but not sure when you weigh 250 lbs your meant to do it!

I would to preface this by saying  this is something that I hope doesn’t happen! My dad had a friend we called uncle and at 29 he got divorced and had two kids. The month before I graduated  he told me that he was never getting married again and that the pain that divorce caused him and his children just wasn’t worth it! Well in all my infinite wisdom at 18 I told him how stupid he was and that there is no way that would happen and the loneliness would catch up to him. Well  Uncle died at 72 and his longest relationship was 3 months between the ages of 29-72. I couldn’t imagine how that would have felt until now. I thought of it many times but I get it now.  That whole thing that time heals all wounds is crap! With Time the mind protecting its sanity covers it with scar tissue and it lessons and the pain  but it never disappears. Please don’t give me the crap that you’re not healed and you haven’t  dealt with it. I promise that Im better than 95% of the men in the world dealing with divorce because I dug myself into making myself better and learning and trying not to escape the pain. So if your over your divorce and you never think about and it never bothers you will congrats. I will let you borrow my Superbowl trophy and Grammy I won!

Here’s what I believe which makes me think today I may never be married again! I have a fear to learn to love someone else! Sure I could be in a hollow, go through the emotions relationship. I could find the women that is gorgeous, fake, can’t carry a conversation, doesn’t know how to laugh and judges everyone, but I’ll pass. Sure at times I crave so much to be touched and hold a  womens but then Im like nope that’s too much to do! I know Im a strange bird. I could just go have sex with random women and feel that temporary relief and that person cares about me and then move on but I will not do that. I played that game and hear this ladies: It does bother us men and we carry a burden but we are to macho to let you know it!

Im not blaming women this is my problem: I think if I ever came to love again I would be better at because I learned how bad I was at it the first time even though through society standards for 10 of the 14 years I was pretty good. I will never be the exception to the rule either no matter how hard I try or pretend. I have to stop seeing Jesus the way I do myself so then maybe I would let someone in. I have to ask Jesus to let me be the man he sees me for. Okay so I do that but I never want to walk around in a relationship again where these feelings were present: hurt, thinking she has never loved me, alone in a relationship, no loyalty and giving up at just the moment you need them.

God is not an enabler he gives you what you seek (see free will) and I can say this my picker of women was broken and as two of my friends tell me all the time( every girl you like is really hot, fake and bitchy) Then when they slap realty into my face Im like crap this train I have been on picking women is not good! Why can’t I change it! So we go with what is comfortable! No matter how bad it is for us! I have to change my type but also I can’t look for a women that’s like me. I don’t want to be rescued or have to rescue someone else.  Ive done that and I sank the boat.

So what do I do: First and foremost don’t lead another women on! I have to give someone a chance. I keep hearing when you find the right one! Well you actually have to give “her” a chance” for her to ever be the right one!  I have to know she will hurt me but hopefully its out of an accident and not intentional!  Want to be loved again not just say it! Finally pray and listen. I have to come to the end of myself so God can open the door! All these things apply to me and you as well! Otherwise I will be 72 and die alone!





Day 396 Maybe not on second marriage

10 02 2014

Its official I m ready for spring. The weather in Texas has been off its Zanex and were all sick. Somebody is sneezing, couching or wiping their nose every time you turn around! I almost bought one of those white Michael Jackson masks to protect myself! I wonder sometimes if Obamacare is to blame! That’s a joke if anyone cared to laugh! Im also watching the Olympics and I wish I knew how to snowboard but not sure when you weigh 250 lbs your meant to do it!

I would to preface this by saying  this is something that I hope doesn’t happen! My dad had a friend we called uncle and at 29 he got divorced and had two kids. The month before I graduated  he told me that he was never getting married again and that the pain that divorce caused him and his children just wasn’t worth it! Well in all my infinite wisdom at 18 I told him how stupid he was and that there is no way that would happen and the loneliness would catch up to him. Well  Uncle died at 72 and his longest relationship was 3 months between the ages of 29-72. I couldn’t imagine how that would have felt until now. I thought of it many times but I get it now.  That whole thing that time heals all wounds is crap! With Time the mind protecting its sanity covers it with scar tissue and it lessons and the pain  but it never disappears. Please don’t give me the crap that you’re not healed and you haven’t  dealt with it. I promise that Im better than 95% of the men in the world dealing with divorce because I dug myself into making myself better and learning and trying not to escape the pain. So if your over your divorce and you never think about and it never bothers you will congrats. I will let you borrow my Superbowl trophy and Grammy I won!

Here’s what I believe which makes me think today I may never be married again! I have a fear to learn to love someone else! Sure I could be in a hollow, go through the emotions relationship. I could find the women that is gorgeous, fake, can’t carry a conversation, doesn’t know how to laugh and judges everyone, but I’ll pass. Sure at times I crave so much to be touched and hold a  womens but then Im like nope that’s too much to do! I know Im a strange bird. I could just go have sex with random women and feel that temporary relief and that person cares about me and then move on but I will not do that. I played that game and hear this ladies: It does bother us men and we carry a burden but we are to macho to let you know it!

Im not blaming women this is my problem: I think if I ever came to love again I would be better at because I learned how bad I was at it the first time even though through society standards for 10 of the 14 years I was pretty good. I will never be the exception to the rule either no matter how hard I try or pretend. I have to stop seeing Jesus the way I do myself so then maybe I would let someone in. I have to ask Jesus to let me be the man he sees me for. Okay so I do that but I never want to walk around in a relationship again where these feelings were present: hurt, thinking she has never loved me, alone in a relationship, no loyalty and giving up at just the moment you need them.

God is not an enabler he gives you what you seek (see free will) and I can say this my picker of women was broken and as two of my friends tell me all the time( every girl you like is really hot, fake and bitchy) Then when they slap realty into my face Im like crap this train I have been on picking women is not good! Why can’t I change it! So we go with what is comfortable! No matter how bad it is for us! I have to change my type but also I can’t look for a women that’s like me. I don’t want to be rescued or have to rescue someone else.  Ive done that and I sank the boat.

So what do I do: First and foremost don’t lead another women on! I have to give someone a chance. I keep hearing when you find the right one! Well you actually have to give “her” a chance” for her to ever be the right one!  I have to know she will hurt me but hopefully its out of an accident and not intentional!  Want to be loved again not just say it! Finally pray and listen. I have to come to the end of myself so God can open the door! All these things apply to me and you as well! Otherwise I will be 72 and die alone!





Day 396 Maybe not on second marriage

9 02 2014

Its official I m ready for spring. The weather in Texas has been off its Zanex and were all sick. Somebody is sneezing, couching or wiping their nose every time you turn around! I almost bought one of those white Michael Jackson masks to protect myself! I wonder sometimes if Obamacare is to blame! That’s a joke if anyone cared to laugh! Im also watching the Olympics and I wish I knew how to snowboard but not sure when you weigh 250 lbs your meant to do it!

I would to preface this by saying  this is something that I hope doesn’t happen! My dad had a friend we called uncle and at 29 he got divorced and had two kids. The month before I graduated  he told me that he was never getting married again and that the pain that divorce caused him and his children just wasn’t worth it! Well in all my infinite wisdom at 18 I told him how stupid he was and that there is no way that would happen and the loneliness would catch up to him. Well  Uncle died at 72 and his longest relationship was 3 months between the ages of 29-72. I couldn’t imagine how that would have felt until now. I thought of it many times but I get it now.  That whole thing that time heals all wounds is crap! With Time the mind protecting its sanity covers it with scar tissue and it lessons and the pain  but it never disappears. Please don’t give me the crap that you’re not healed and you haven’t  dealt with it. I promise that Im better than 95% of the men in the world dealing with divorce because I dug myself into making myself better and learning and trying not to escape the pain. So if your over your divorce and you never think about and it never bothers you will congrats. I will let you borrow my Superbowl trophy and Grammy I won!

Here’s what I believe which makes me think today I may never be married again! I have a fear to learn to love someone else! Sure I could be in a hollow, go through the emotions relationship. I could find the women that is gorgeous, fake, can’t carry a conversation, doesn’t know how to laugh and judges everyone, but I’ll pass. Sure at times I crave so much to be touched and hold a  womens but then Im like nope that’s too much to do! I know Im a strange bird. I could just go have sex with random women and feel that temporary relief and that person cares about me and then move on but I will not do that. I played that game and hear this ladies: It does bother us men and we carry a burden but we are to macho to let you know it!

Im not blaming women this is my problem: I think if I ever came to love again I would be better at because I learned how bad I was at it the first time even though through society standards for 10 of the 14 years I was pretty good. I will never be the exception to the rule either no matter how hard I try or pretend. I have to stop seeing Jesus the way I do myself so then maybe I would let someone in. I have to ask Jesus to let me be the man he sees me for. Okay so I do that but I never want to walk around in a relationship again where these feelings were present: hurt, thinking she has never loved me, alone in a relationship, no loyalty and giving up at just the moment you need them.

God is not an enabler he gives you what you seek (see free will) and I can say this my picker of women was broken and as two of my friends tell me all the time( every girl you like is really hot, fake and bitchy) Then when they slap realty into my face Im like crap this train I have been on picking women is not good! Why can’t I change it! So we go with what is comfortable! No matter how bad it is for us! I have to change my type but also I can’t look for a women that’s like me. I don’t want to be rescued or have to rescue someone else.  Ive done that and I sank the boat.

So what do I do: First and foremost don’t lead another women on! I have to give someone a chance. I keep hearing when you find the right one! Well you actually have to give “her” a chance” for her to ever be the right one!  I have to know she will hurt me but hopefully its out of an accident and not intentional!  Want to be loved again not just say it! Finally pray and listen. I have to come to the end of myself so God can open the door! All these things apply to me and you as well! Otherwise I will be 72 and die alone!








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