8 Truths You Have to Accept Before Your Second Marriage

29 02 2016

Read this article. Absorb it

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

It’s easy to be carried away in love.

It’s easy to believe that a different spouse will make everything different.

It’s easy to think that the past always knows its place.

And it’s easy to get married again without accepting the truths from your first marriage.

If you want your second marriage to be better and more lasting than your first, it starts with accepting these 8 truths.

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Day 1121 Day 1119 The ghost I can’t catch

28 02 2016

Good evening from Durango Colorado.  After my mom passed away I didn’t take any time off so with two of my best buddies we are going to get away, snowboard, and enjoy the great outdoors. Nothing brings you back to what this life was created for than being in the great outdoors.

I’ve been in Counseling since September 2011 I’m so thankful I put my pride down and decided to make the life changing decision. It started so I could figure out why I wanted to take my life. From that moment on I learned about anger, worth, love, forgiveness, starting over, God, parenting. I could go on but mostly I learned to become a changed man. I thirsted for the knowledge, I couldn’t get enough, some of it was the worst feelings I have ever had. I wanted to quit, I wanted to run away, I wanted to give up, thankfully here I am.  I call this journey because of the peaks and valleys. I’ve never had a real even kill time since I started counseling. Then my mom dies in December and I knew I had to dig deeper in counseling and find out this emptiness I’ve had for about two years. With all the interceptive thoughts going along with my grief I kept asking myself why, why do you feel this way about yourself? Why can’t you get over this hill? Then this past Tuesday I counseling comes with only 10 minutes left in my session… Please don’t feel pity, or say something generic. I’m trying to be real to help me and maybe someone else!!

Brian I’ve been a failure at everything I touched and I mean everything. It’s the first time in my life I verbally said that. I think I thought it but no way I would say it. I started listing my failures, from sports, friendships, marriage, business, parenting, my personnel finances, addiction, sex etc.. With those thoughts I could never be truly happy or feel worthy. Brian my counselor looks at me and said you have to go back again and fix that. Go back where to what. I already forgave my dad. He was what I blamed, for everything wrong. So what do you mean. I said I struggle with love to. I feel like I don’t do it well and I struggle to receive it.  So with one minute left in the session he said I don’t know where you need to go to start but you have to.

Walked to my car sat down and wanted to throw up. All I could say is are you fing serious all of this and I left something in the rear view that I didn’t cleanup. I wanted to cry but I was to angry. I had a very brief conversation with God that a little something like you can Kiss my … God. AS I drove to an apt for work I sat there thinking this issue is like a ghost. You can see a ghost but you go to grab it and there’s nothing there. Yes, I know I can pray and have but God wants me to put the work in too. I’m fighting a ghost and even though I consider myself a pretty scrappy fighter this one I’m at a loss on now.

You might be fighting something too that seems like a losing cause. All I know If I can overcome so many of my demons this will fall to it just doesn’t come in my time. Here’s to sitting and listening and taping up these weather beaten and bruised hands for another round with me.





Day 1121 Day 1119 The ghost I can’t catch

26 02 2016

Good evening from Durango Colorado.  After my mom passed away I didn’t take any time off so with two of my best buddies we are going to get away, snowboard, and enjoy the great outdoors. Nothing brings you back to what this life was created for than being in the great outdoors.

I’ve been in Counseling since September 2011 I’m so thankful I put my pride down and decided to make the life changing decision. It started so I could figure out why I wanted to take my life. From that moment on I learned about anger, worth, love, forgiveness, starting over, God, parenting. I could go on but mostly I learned to become a changed man. I thirsted for the knowledge, I couldn’t get enough, some of it was the worst feelings I have ever had. I wanted to quit, I wanted to run away, I wanted to give up, thankfully here I am.  I call this journey because of the peaks and valleys. I’ve never had a real even kill time since I started counseling. Then my mom dies in December and I knew I had to dig deeper in counseling and find out this emptiness I’ve had for about two years. With all the interceptive thoughts going along with my grief I kept asking myself why, why do you feel this way about yourself? Why can’t you get over this hill? Then this past Tuesday I counseling comes with only 10 minutes left in my session… Please don’t feel pity, or say something generic. I’m trying to be real to help me and maybe someone else!!

Brian I’ve been a failure at everything I touched and I mean everything. It’s the first time in my life I verbally said that. I think I thought it but no way I would say it. I started listing my failures, from sports, friendships, marriage, business, parenting, my personnel finances, addiction, sex etc.. With those thoughts I could never be truly happy or feel worthy. Brian my counselor looks at me and said you have to go back again and fix that. Go back where to what. I already forgave my dad. He was what I blamed, for everything wrong. So what do you mean. I said I struggle with love to. I feel like I don’t do it well and I struggle to receive it.  So with one minute left in the session he said I don’t know where you need to go to start but you have to.

Walked to my car sat down and wanted to throw up. All I could say is are you fing serious all of this and I left something in the rear view that I didn’t cleanup. I wanted to cry but I was to angry. I had a very brief conversation with God that a little something like you can Kiss my … God. AS I drove to an apt for work I sat there thinking this issue is like a ghost. You can see a ghost but you go to grab it and there’s nothing there. Yes, I know I can pray and have but God wants me to put the work in too. I’m fighting a ghost and even though I consider myself a pretty scrappy fighter this one I’m at a loss on now.

You might be fighting something too that seems like a losing cause. All I know If I can overcome so many of my demons this will fall to it just doesn’t come in my time. Here’s to sitting and listening and taping up these weather beaten and bruised hands for another round with me.





Day 1116 What you didn’t do for me.

22 02 2016

Good evening from 70 degree Texas. We haven’t had a winter and it makes me mad. Just a little cold and snow is that too much to ask.  It has allowed the weeds in my yard to grow so we can swing from each one of them and some trees are blooming so everything is green 🙂

Think about this before you answer in your head. Do you do something so that you can get something in return? Are you nice so someone will be nice in return. Do you cook for  your spouse or anyone else  hoping that you  will get something back in return After a while do you keep a scorecard of all the things you have done but they didn’t do for you. Then when you gave them a back rub or foot rub and then all of a sudden you lose it and spill your scorecard out. There is no doubt the score card is in you favor and its 21-7 in your favor and your pounding your chest look what I have done for you and you didn’t even do half of what I did. Guess what we both just lost. Sure my scorecard was more on the positive than yours but since I only did for you so I would get back in return I lost too.

I get so sick of relationship problems when they area truly simple. This is just a spouse, or significant other, it’s a friend, a work relationship, a family relationship etc.. Do you do it to get something back? If you do quit now! Stop giving because if you’re expecting everyone to be a giver like you it doesn’t happen. We are all different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are takers usually one is a taker and one is a giver. A lot of people have no idea how to give, they didn’t come from it and never have. So it seems so foreign to you when they accept and never give back. We givers really stink at receiving just FYI.

I have two friends of mine that are failing miserably in their relationships. I’ve viewed from afar and close up. I was asked by both of them this past week : What do I do? Well first off throw away your scorecard! It doesn’t matter what you have done because it only sounds like what I have viewed and you told me that you gave only to get. You throw around what you have done like a badge of honor and it doesn’t matter  what have you done people don’t want to get beaten down by how great you are of you’re the master giver. (One relationship is a marriage and the other is a friendship). I have seen more damaged in relationships because the giver thought they were a Heisman Trophy winner in the giving world. One of many faults in my marriage was I was great at giving but you better bet your bottom I wanted her to recognize and repay me.

I got a text from one of my buddies today and all it said was its working she said thank you. My advice to him was if you don’t want to give to her then don’t but think about why you decided not to. If you give to her then shut up. Your appreciation will come but not when you already gave to yourself.

For me and everyone reading this: You don’t have to do anything for anyone but when its your nature you have to let nature take its course. Then give until your heart is filled and then be quiet. Give because that’s who you are, not for what you’re  getting back. Oh yeah and if someone takes advantage of you then you learned and you move on.

 





Day 1116 What you didn’t do for me.

21 02 2016

Good evening from 70 degree Texas. We haven’t had a winter and it makes me mad. Just a little cold and snow is that too much to ask.  It has allowed the weeds in my yard to grow so we can swing from each one of them and some trees are blooming so everything is green 🙂

Think about this before you answer in your head. Do you do something so that you can get something in return? Are you nice so someone will be nice in return. Do you cook for  your spouse or anyone else  hoping that you  will get something back in return After a while do you keep a scorecard of all the things you have done but they didn’t do for you. Then when you gave them a back rub or foot rub and then all of a sudden you lose it and spill your scorecard out. There is no doubt the score card is in you favor and its 21-7 in your favor and your pounding your chest look what I have done for you and you didn’t even do half of what I did. Guess what we both just lost. Sure my scorecard was more on the positive than yours but since I only did for you so I would get back in return I lost too.

I get so sick of relationship problems when they area truly simple. This is just a spouse, or significant other, it’s a friend, a work relationship, a family relationship etc.. Do you do it to get something back? If you do quit now! Stop giving because if you’re expecting everyone to be a giver like you it doesn’t happen. We are all different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are takers usually one is a taker and one is a giver. A lot of people have no idea how to give, they didn’t come from it and never have. So it seems so foreign to you when they accept and never give back. We givers really stink at receiving just FYI.

I have two friends of mine that are failing miserably in their relationships. I’ve viewed from afar and close up. I was asked by both of them this past week : What do I do? Well first off throw away your scorecard! It doesn’t matter what you have done because it only sounds like what I have viewed and you told me that you gave only to get. You throw around what you have done like a badge of honor and it doesn’t matter  what have you done people don’t want to get beaten down by how great you are of you’re the master giver. (One relationship is a marriage and the other is a friendship). I have seen more damaged in relationships because the giver thought they were a Heisman Trophy winner in the giving world. One of many faults in my marriage was I was great at giving but you better bet your bottom I wanted her to recognize and repay me.

I got a text from one of my buddies today and all it said was its working she said thank you. My advice to him was if you don’t want to give to her then don’t but think about why you decided not to. If you give to her then shut up. Your appreciation will come but not when you already gave to yourself.

For me and everyone reading this: You don’t have to do anything for anyone but when its your nature you have to let nature take its course. Then give until your heart is filled and then be quiet. Give because that’s who you are, not for what you’re  getting back. Oh yeah and if someone takes advantage of you then you learned and you move on.

 

 





Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

17 02 2016

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.

Source: Day 1112 We don’t have to agree





Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

16 02 2016

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.








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