Day 1566 Why didn’t you just ask

8 06 2017

Hello world: On Tuesday of this week I approved my book and it went to the printer. it took me 2.5 years to decided I was worth writing a book and anyone would read it. Yes Im excited but having it my hands will feel amazing. You better buy a copy pretty please.

Why? One of the most thought-provoking questions we can ask? On the other end is the answer. Sometimes its good and sometimes it’s not. So why do we stop asking Why as an adult. A few reasons I believe: We don’t care, the answer is going to hurt, we think we already know the answer. Little kids ask why all the time yes we get tired of hearing why and finally because we said so. That doesn’t stop them though.  Brian Dodge was a speaker I heard once and he said as an adult when we stop asking why our learning is over. How scary is that? So then we go to the famous art of assuming. Every time I assumed I was wrong. Do you remember the last time someone said Why didn’t you just ask me? You say I don’t know and walk away like why didn’t I just ask?

I’ll agree that when you ask sometimes the answer is awful. I asked my ex-wife when it was over do you love me anymore. She said no. My heart dropped to me knees I felt sick but I knew I needed to hear it. In college I asked a girl who was out of my league that I flirted with forever why wouldn’t you go out with me. She looked me in the eye and said I will you just have to ask me.

Why is  gathering wisdom, understanding, caring and respect. So the next time you don’t ask why just remember this is what you’re missing out on:

Showing someone you care, asking why is letting them you took time out for them their special, To eliminate confusion, To demonstrate humility to another, To enable a person to discover answers for themselves, To gain empathy through better understanding another’s view, To begin a relationship, To strengthen a relationship, To gain a person’s attention, To solve a problem.

Why you don’t ask these things are also possible: To find a culprit, To embarrass and shame, To appear superior, to create fear, To manipulate, To play the victim, as in, “Why is this happening to me?

Every time I don’t ask why I miss out on something. If you know me I ask a lot of questions not because I’m nosy but I care. I want to know you, I want to know what makes you tick, you’re special but I don’t know why until I know you. Its called conversation which I know is a dying art, but my best relationships are the ones where I know why and Im talking the dirty why too.

Why ask why. We need to know, someone needs to know you care. Love is asking why. Sometimes you don’t want to the but you might be pleasantly surprised what the answer really is.

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Day 916 You can’t be mom and dad

29 07 2015

One of the many things I’ve learned since my divorce is that being a single parent maybe the hardest thing I’ve attempted to accomplish. You have your normal life of being an adult and then a parent to. At the end of the day there’s a lot more day than there is of you. You go back at the end of the day process and say I missed the boat on ABC but if you think about it you did pretty good. If your truly single and not in a relationship with the opposite sex you realize how much the other parent either male or female needs to be involved. sometimes they are but sometimes not. When there not I hear this. I have to be both mom and dad, or I guess I’m dad and mom. Nothing makes me cringe more than when I hear it. If you’re a woman you can read, every book, pray every day, but your DNA is not designed to be a man or understand as a man what your child needs. You might be cursing me or saying what an idiot but its true and that will never change. It’s not my opinion its fact. Women are caring, nurturing, loving, understanding, softer. yes  men have those characteristics and I do to but I’m not a woman. I’ve never carried a child or understand that bond nor can I ever. As a man to say that I’m all the things a woman is and I can do just as good of a job is laughable and vice versa. Men are risks takers, teach worth,  they are stern, they understand or see life in a different way, they like things most don’t, they respect differently and love totally differently. The bible lays out exactly how were different and whats expected of each.

So you want to argue with me and say you’re an idiot.If you read nothing else and understand nothing else let it be this:  If you’re a woman and tell your son your dad doesn’t matter I’m your dad, or your a dad and tell your daughter Im mom and dad what you have done is tell them that the other sex parent doesn’t matter. So what your telling them is that they being a woman or man doesn’t matter when they grow older and become a parent. I mean if one person that’s an opposite sex isn’t needed what will my role be. You take away what they were born or designed to be.  Tyler you don’t understand the other parent is absent. I do get it actually and it hurts you as a parent that the other parent just doesn’t give a damn but you are only who you are.

So what do you do. You only be the best mom or dad you can be. Don’t diminish the opposite sex parent. They will figure out eventually how the other parent is but they need to know that there are things that you can’t provide because you weren’t designed that way.  Help them find a mentor, push them to read about being a man, woman parent so they can appreciate what were doing but build who they are and what is expected of them as they become parents. I know this isn’t going to be a popular blog but I would tell you study this before you blast and if your into books read the oldest book made The Bible and see what is expected of a man and woman by God himself. No matter what your opposite sex parent is doing your job is to continue to be the awesome parent you are.





Day 852 Its time to let go

27 05 2015

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning and its the last placed I thought I would be sitting. I wont go into details  but I was trying to get something that had belonged to me for three years. It was something that I never thought would get to this point but it did. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and I did. I should have done it sooner but I can’t understand why in God’s name why this person still feels the way they do towards me, So that leads to this.

Call it forgiveness, letting go or just finding your happiness. It really doesn’t matter what someone has done or perceived done to you. If you still hold hatred, bitterness, fear, anger towards someone I’m betting they have moved on and your still holding on to it. Its like your drinking poison from a big cup but hoping the other person gets sick. They don’t get sick only you. Life will never be what you want or dream it to be if you hold onto the crap. You think if I continue to rip them apart, talk and say the worst things about them, poke holes in their weaknesses I’ll feel better and I’ll show them. It will never happen. The person being hurt is you! Again the only person hurt is you. Since we are human we are entitled to the feelings and hurting a hurt with a hurt sometimes would feel better until you do it then you realize you lowered yourself to the level of the person you can’t stand.

God forgave us all! Tyler stop talking about God you don’t understand. I do understand, what forgiveness does and you don’t forgive, you don’t get it back. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person its for you. Believe I have a list of about 5 people who if I could give a piece of my mind to I could make them cry and bring them to their knees but truthfully what does that do.  What you’re hoping for is that somebody that you loved or maybe didn’t doesn’t ever feel the way you did. I can honestly say I still care for the person and truly wish only great things for them, but seeing the feelings that they have cared with them their whole not about me but everyone from their past is downright sad.

IF your stuck and the only things you want to do is make someone like a fool in public, rip them apart on social media or talk crap to your kids about someone your truthfully the one that looks like a fool. Its time!!! Its time to let it go. Your life begins again when you realize the crap you hold onto is only poisoning you.

God gave me a 2nd chance to change my life and without forgiving my dad, and a few other people I would still be the miserable piece of crap I was. I’m living proof that forgiveness or letting go opens your eyes to life. Let go and let God. If you don’t believe in God I’m sorry but believe in something or your fall for anything!!!!





Day 824 This is what its like when someone understands you

30 04 2015

Howdy yall! I just wanted to sound like a Texan for a minute. The sun is shining and almost every lake around us is full of water which hasn’t been that way for 5 years. They are lifting water restrictions so most people are ready for the heat. I am, except the top of my head which is ready to burn and smell liked cooked bacon. Stayed tuned for further burning head debates.

I have some of the best friends,. They’re real and everyone is different but everyone  is needed to make my life where it is today. This person has been my friend for 25 years now. We took  a different path to become friends but have been able to talk about any and everything even with a 10 years of not talking much.

I don’t know anybody that wouldn’t want someone who at least trys to understand them. Sometimes they get you and sometimes even if they don’t they try really hard well this person below is that person for me. I’ve been searching for 7 weeks for the words to explain to the people who love me and you my blog reader where I am at. I saw this person Saturday spent about two hours talking and I received this last night. All I could say is wow and I teared up because they hit it on the head and said everything I couldn’t. If you want to know what its like to have someone understand you here it is for me.

New Living Translation Ecclesiastes 1:18
The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
You are such a great speaker and dynamic and winsome that it is so easy to see you and see your facade.  Not that it is all a facade, but a facade in that you KNOW life.  You are not swayed by life’s antics and you are not faked out by what the world has to offer or what the world is promoting at the moment.  But in that, you are (in my opinion) striving to reach something different.  And in that you find discontentment in the gap between your knowledge and your desires.  Being unwilling to settle leaves you as a constant sojourner.  I think your soul is weary.  Very weary.  How else could a soul so full of vitality not be able to come up with any dreams except that it is burdened beyond capacity by the dreams themselves.  You do have dreams.  You have many, but you can’t name them.  I think you can’t name them because they are buried under the rubble of your tiredness of trying to live life to the fullest.
For days I have wanted to have a thought they made sense to me about your current “state”.  I was focusing on the fact that you can’t name a dream, but this morning I heard a sermon on Psalm 23 and it hit me!  It is not that you can’t dream, it is that you are so weary.  The man who wants to bridge the gap between this dreadful world and the world that Jesus promises.  The man who stands strong for his family, gives his heart to others, speaks to share his story, donates of his time and resources, reads, studies, prays, works, searches for love, searches for a career, carries a financial burden, carries the wreckage of his divorce,  wants a better life for his kids, wants to be there for his sister, nephew, and mom, the man who would give of his last breath is completely breathless.
So what do weary people need?  They need rest and reprieve.  I looked up Psalm 23 in several translations until I found this…
The Living Bible
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength.
The Message Bible   True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
The Amplified Bible
2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self);
What if you forgot all the other promises of God and just meditated on this?  What if you let go of striving and just focused on breathing?  Maybe for a week?  It is hard to not feel the burden of your knowledge. I am not suggesting it is easy, but I feel you are drowning in such a way that you don’t even realize the depth of your breathlessness.
I don’t know the answer for you, but I want you to take in a deep breathe and just let go.  Stop reading and thinking and contemplating and striving and trying to reach others.  Just breathe…
This is my prayer for you until I get something new.  I love you too much to let you wither.  =)
That my friends is what a friend is. This took time and concern. You know who you are and for that I can’t thank you enough….. For those that care now you know where my mind is, now time to find that restful spot.





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.

 





Day 668 Yes Im a racist

27 11 2014

Pre-thanksgiving eve to all. I hope your time with family and friends is great. I know this is a hard time for many as well and I’m thinking about you as well.

I’m don’t have to go in whats going on in our country. If I do then wake up or actually don’t its better for us if you stay under your rock. I’m writing this because one I get who I am and no I m no an idiot to anyone. I could sit and defend myself or all of “us”. I could pretend I have never said, felt, or acted an idiot when it becomes about another race. That would be a bold face lie. I could tell you about all my black friends, that I had more black friends growing up than white friends. I can give you all the excuses but here’s the truth I’m racist and a sinner. I was racist towards everyone but this is about black and white.

Racism- from Wikipedia.

Racism consists of both prejudice and discrimination based in social perceptions of biological differences between people’s. It often takes the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems that consider different races to be ranked as inherently superior or inferior to each other, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities.

Before my life crashed around me and I was humbled I would say I was a 7 on the racist scale. I was ignorant about many things, closed-minded but also my surroundings, people, books, neighborhood etc.. helped in aiding me. I saw the news, I witnessed acts with my own eyes, I heard “them” say things that I just couldn’t understand. When you are removed from a different aspects of society you get jaded, filled full of hate and stupidity and I for one did that. If my friends joked I would jump right in. I know racism goes both ways but I’m talking about what I know and see. I  had my own jokes and laughed at them. I could always be around my black friends and love them but when a dog pile took place I was right there maybe leading the way. I ve used the N word more than I can count, I talked in generalities about things that I knew nothing about. I said I would never let me daughter date a black guy, blah blah..

All the crap that we white people say. Almost every white person says I’m not racist. Well there sure is a lot of racism if I’m the only racist. Growing up I played football and on defense. Majority of the guys I played with and hung out with were black. Do I have more of an understanding about black cultural and life sure about 1%. i have been places, eaten food, watched hair be braided,  went to black church, heard parents talk about being ashy, white people when they get wet smell like wet dog etc.. So do I know a tiny bit yes. Truly I know nothing.

So why write this: From my perspective and I hope my children’s I’m sorry. I’m not apologizing for everyone else just me. I’m apologizing for every bit of my stupidity, my anger, my fear my sin, my jokes, and just me. I will never understand the life of a black person and I’m sorry I even said I did. After my life was ripped apart I was  humbled and I tried do right and I started over trying to see  everyone equal. Doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t run through my head, it means I’m retraining my brain, training my children to see everyone just as a person. Yes we all do stupid things, and I don’t agree with the violence etc.. in Ferguson but I’m trying to change me. If I change me and the way I think I can slowly start changing my section of the world. I’m not proud to say I’m a racist but I’m not a liar either. I have a bi-racial nephew, 3 of the coolest black guys that I would do anything for. I believe in turn they would do the same.If there was a fight I would fight right there with them. This isn’t for me to get a bunch of alright brother great blog, or you’re a good man. It’s to let the world know racism is a problem and I see it. I can say it and I will do my best to try to end it in my part of the world. I hope in turn people follow me. If not at least I’m raising my kids to see people and not color..





Day 668 Yes Im a racist

26 11 2014

Pre-thanksgiving eve to all. I hope your time with family and friends is great. I know this is a hard time for many as well and I’m thinking about you as well.

I’m don’t have to go in whats going on in our country. If I do then wake up or actually don’t its better for us if you stay under your rock. I’m writing this because one I get who I am and no I m no an idiot to anyone. I could sit and defend myself or all of “us”. I could pretend I have never said, felt, or acted an idiot when it becomes about another race. That would be a bold face lie. I could tell you about all my black friends, that I had more black friends growing up than white friends. I can give you all the excuses but here’s the truth I’m racist and a sinner. I was racist towards everyone but this is about black and white.

Racism- from Wikipedia.

Racism consists of both prejudice and discrimination based in social perceptions of biological differences between people’s. It often takes the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems that consider different races to be ranked as inherently superior or inferior to each other, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities.

Before my life crashed around me and I was humbled I would say I was a 7 on the racist scale. I was ignorant about many things, closed-minded but also my surroundings, people, books, neighborhood etc.. helped in aiding me. I saw the news, I witnessed acts with my own eyes, I heard “them” say things that I just couldn’t understand. When you are removed from a different aspects of society you get jaded, filled full of hate and stupidity and I for one did that. If my friends joked I would jump right in. I know racism goes both ways but I’m talking about what I know and see. I  had my own jokes and laughed at them. I could always be around my black friends and love them but when a dog pile took place I was right there maybe leading the way. I ve used the N word more than I can count, I talked in generalities about things that I knew nothing about. I said I would never let me daughter date a black guy, blah blah..

All the crap that we white people say. Almost every white person says I’m not racist. Well there sure is a lot of racism if I’m the only racist. Growing up I played football and on defense. Majority of the guys I played with and hung out with were black. Do I have more of an understanding about black cultural and life sure about 1%. i have been places, eaten food, watched hair be braided,  went to black church, heard parents talk about being ashy, white people when they get wet smell like wet dog etc.. So do I know a tiny bit yes. Truly I know nothing.

So why write this: From my perspective and I hope my children’s I’m sorry. I’m not apologizing for everyone else just me. I’m apologizing for every bit of my stupidity, my anger, my fear my sin, my jokes, and just me. I will never understand the life of a black person and I’m sorry I even said I did. After my life was ripped apart I was  humbled and I tried do right and I started over trying to see  everyone equal. Doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t run through my head, it means I’m retraining my brain, training my children to see everyone just as a person. Yes we all do stupid things, and I don’t agree with the violence etc.. in Ferguson but I’m trying to change me. If I change me and the way I think I can slowly start changing my section of the world. I’m not proud to say I’m a racist but I’m not a liar either. I have a bi-racial nephew, 3 of the coolest black guys that I would do anything for. I believe in turn they would do the same.If there was a fight I would fight right there with them. This isn’t for me to get a bunch of alright brother great blog, or you’re a good man. It’s to let the world know racism is a problem and I see it. I can say it and I will do my best to try to end it in my part of the world. I hope in turn people follow me. If not at least I’m raising my kids to see people and not color.








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