Day 672 Why the holidays are so hard

30 11 2014

I’m part of one amazing organization. Rock Bottom Outreach does so much for each one of us but we give back to our community is amazing. We did a Coat drive for children  called Coats for Kids and the goal was 2000 coats. We got 2190 what an effort and I’m so thankful to be a part of the selfless group of people.

The holidays one of the best times of year. There are so many good things that happen this time of year. Concentration on Jesus, Friends, family, giving, the weather, people, special moments that don’t just happen throughout the year. The holidays are geared to happiness, relationships and everything good in the world. While that is so true and I’m glad it is let’s get real. The is the toughest part of the year for many people. December and July are the two highest rates of suicide. If your single or married it doesn’t matter. If this doesn’t pertain to you then stop reading but this is real. This time of year brings back traditions, nostalgia, lots of hurt, pain, death. If were missing, a parent, or so glad that there gone, somebody we loved died, relationships that ended, you’re in a horrible marriage and you can’t fake your way through it, Your kids are grown and gone, you can’t go home, money is short, people are sick, your sick, it’s the end of another year and nothing has changed in your life, you hate Santa. If you single your might have lost custody of your children, you don’t have children yet and you want them so bad, this time of year brings back memories good and bad of failed relationships, everything is geared for family and love. People hate to be alone during this time of year more than any. You can be alone in a relationship as well. Movies stir more emotions than normal.  I know for me tonight I decorated my place by myself. I would loved to have my kids with me but it will be ready when they get here. I would love to walk the stores/mall hand in hand with someone laugh at all the idiots and smiling just sharing and making memories. It reminds so much of my dad and how much he loved us coming home. My mom making miracles happening with nothing because of what life had dealt us. This year my kids wake up Christmas morning with their mom and I’m sorry its just not the same without them here.

So why share all of this. People isolate this time of year. Please reach out to them. There are so many good things about this time of year that we forget because we feel sorry for ourselves. This is the season of love for a reason. Insist on people coming with you,, keep checking on people if yo get that gut feeling. Most people are very private and would never tell you what their feeling and thinking. I promise it’s a tough time of year lets share our blessings and then they get passed on.





Day 668 Yes Im a racist

27 11 2014

Pre-thanksgiving eve to all. I hope your time with family and friends is great. I know this is a hard time for many as well and I’m thinking about you as well.

I’m don’t have to go in whats going on in our country. If I do then wake up or actually don’t its better for us if you stay under your rock. I’m writing this because one I get who I am and no I m no an idiot to anyone. I could sit and defend myself or all of “us”. I could pretend I have never said, felt, or acted an idiot when it becomes about another race. That would be a bold face lie. I could tell you about all my black friends, that I had more black friends growing up than white friends. I can give you all the excuses but here’s the truth I’m racist and a sinner. I was racist towards everyone but this is about black and white.

Racism- from Wikipedia.

Racism consists of both prejudice and discrimination based in social perceptions of biological differences between people’s. It often takes the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems that consider different races to be ranked as inherently superior or inferior to each other, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities.

Before my life crashed around me and I was humbled I would say I was a 7 on the racist scale. I was ignorant about many things, closed-minded but also my surroundings, people, books, neighborhood etc.. helped in aiding me. I saw the news, I witnessed acts with my own eyes, I heard “them” say things that I just couldn’t understand. When you are removed from a different aspects of society you get jaded, filled full of hate and stupidity and I for one did that. If my friends joked I would jump right in. I know racism goes both ways but I’m talking about what I know and see. I  had my own jokes and laughed at them. I could always be around my black friends and love them but when a dog pile took place I was right there maybe leading the way. I ve used the N word more than I can count, I talked in generalities about things that I knew nothing about. I said I would never let me daughter date a black guy, blah blah..

All the crap that we white people say. Almost every white person says I’m not racist. Well there sure is a lot of racism if I’m the only racist. Growing up I played football and on defense. Majority of the guys I played with and hung out with were black. Do I have more of an understanding about black cultural and life sure about 1%. i have been places, eaten food, watched hair be braided,  went to black church, heard parents talk about being ashy, white people when they get wet smell like wet dog etc.. So do I know a tiny bit yes. Truly I know nothing.

So why write this: From my perspective and I hope my children’s I’m sorry. I’m not apologizing for everyone else just me. I’m apologizing for every bit of my stupidity, my anger, my fear my sin, my jokes, and just me. I will never understand the life of a black person and I’m sorry I even said I did. After my life was ripped apart I was  humbled and I tried do right and I started over trying to see  everyone equal. Doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t run through my head, it means I’m retraining my brain, training my children to see everyone just as a person. Yes we all do stupid things, and I don’t agree with the violence etc.. in Ferguson but I’m trying to change me. If I change me and the way I think I can slowly start changing my section of the world. I’m not proud to say I’m a racist but I’m not a liar either. I have a bi-racial nephew, 3 of the coolest black guys that I would do anything for. I believe in turn they would do the same.If there was a fight I would fight right there with them. This isn’t for me to get a bunch of alright brother great blog, or you’re a good man. It’s to let the world know racism is a problem and I see it. I can say it and I will do my best to try to end it in my part of the world. I hope in turn people follow me. If not at least I’m raising my kids to see people and not color..





Day 668 Yes Im a racist

26 11 2014

Pre-thanksgiving eve to all. I hope your time with family and friends is great. I know this is a hard time for many as well and I’m thinking about you as well.

I’m don’t have to go in whats going on in our country. If I do then wake up or actually don’t its better for us if you stay under your rock. I’m writing this because one I get who I am and no I m no an idiot to anyone. I could sit and defend myself or all of “us”. I could pretend I have never said, felt, or acted an idiot when it becomes about another race. That would be a bold face lie. I could tell you about all my black friends, that I had more black friends growing up than white friends. I can give you all the excuses but here’s the truth I’m racist and a sinner. I was racist towards everyone but this is about black and white.

Racism- from Wikipedia.

Racism consists of both prejudice and discrimination based in social perceptions of biological differences between people’s. It often takes the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems that consider different races to be ranked as inherently superior or inferior to each other, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities.

Before my life crashed around me and I was humbled I would say I was a 7 on the racist scale. I was ignorant about many things, closed-minded but also my surroundings, people, books, neighborhood etc.. helped in aiding me. I saw the news, I witnessed acts with my own eyes, I heard “them” say things that I just couldn’t understand. When you are removed from a different aspects of society you get jaded, filled full of hate and stupidity and I for one did that. If my friends joked I would jump right in. I know racism goes both ways but I’m talking about what I know and see. I  had my own jokes and laughed at them. I could always be around my black friends and love them but when a dog pile took place I was right there maybe leading the way. I ve used the N word more than I can count, I talked in generalities about things that I knew nothing about. I said I would never let me daughter date a black guy, blah blah..

All the crap that we white people say. Almost every white person says I’m not racist. Well there sure is a lot of racism if I’m the only racist. Growing up I played football and on defense. Majority of the guys I played with and hung out with were black. Do I have more of an understanding about black cultural and life sure about 1%. i have been places, eaten food, watched hair be braided,  went to black church, heard parents talk about being ashy, white people when they get wet smell like wet dog etc.. So do I know a tiny bit yes. Truly I know nothing.

So why write this: From my perspective and I hope my children’s I’m sorry. I’m not apologizing for everyone else just me. I’m apologizing for every bit of my stupidity, my anger, my fear my sin, my jokes, and just me. I will never understand the life of a black person and I’m sorry I even said I did. After my life was ripped apart I was  humbled and I tried do right and I started over trying to see  everyone equal. Doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t run through my head, it means I’m retraining my brain, training my children to see everyone just as a person. Yes we all do stupid things, and I don’t agree with the violence etc.. in Ferguson but I’m trying to change me. If I change me and the way I think I can slowly start changing my section of the world. I’m not proud to say I’m a racist but I’m not a liar either. I have a bi-racial nephew, 3 of the coolest black guys that I would do anything for. I believe in turn they would do the same.If there was a fight I would fight right there with them. This isn’t for me to get a bunch of alright brother great blog, or you’re a good man. It’s to let the world know racism is a problem and I see it. I can say it and I will do my best to try to end it in my part of the world. I hope in turn people follow me. If not at least I’m raising my kids to see people and not color.





Day 665 But what about what I do have

24 11 2014

My babies are back which means were busy. I baked my first two pies yesterday for extended family thanksgiving and a Rock Bottom event today. I was impressed and so was everyone per what was said. Two points for me. I love this time of year because either forced or not we get together  with our family and friends and laugh and share memories. We had one of our quarterly rallies with Rock Bottom Outreach. It’s so great to get together and hear how people rise from the ashes. Life is about overcoming and I’m surrounded by so many people who have done just that.

For many years it was about me, I was entitled, greedy, selfish, and downright rude when I needed or wanted something. needed is always a loose term because what we need is so is so less compared to what is really needed. I never told anyone how many things I had but all the things I didn’t. Even when I got one of the needed items I still complained and just added something else to my list.It was always stuff to. I’m damn sure wasn’t the important things that mattered. About 9 months ago in a talk with Rick Smith he mentioned something in a talk we had that you have to learn to be thankful for what got you here. I kind of ignored it at the time but the more I thought about it. I never gave thanks for the bad things or what really mattered. It was I was taking credit for God’s work and not giving thanks. When I speak or just having a conversation I try to let people know how I got here but how thankful I am for the struggle and the people in my life. Its one of the hardest things to understand but here I go.

I have the best mom and sister in the world. My kids I think you know how much they mean to me. I also have the 6  best people in my life beside my family. I used to have yes people and people who wouldn’t tell me the truth or what I needed to really here. The 6 folks love me more than I know and will also set me straight when I need it. I have my health, I have a few things wrong  but lucky to be where I am at. My job. There are things about my job I don’t like because it’s a job. I can pay my bills and live a little. When I got divorced in 2012 I had lost so much I thought: I had lost my marriage,  house, full-time custody of my kids, Theses “friends” my dignity, who I was, Then in a matter of two years every one of those thongs Im thankful I lost. I’m actually thankful for my divorce. I would have never become the man I am today. People look at me so weird when I say that. Sure I would love to be married but we were miserable and at that time we  were never going to change for each other. I know moving forward some woman will get a great man and I could have never said that before. I appreciate my apartment. My home is coming but I didn’t appreciate my home. I thought it should be something I was supposed to have. My finances were all about spending, not saving or giving and that has happened. I appreciate my children so much. I don’t love them for how they perform I love them because they are here and mine. I love people I don’t know, I want to help them and I see their pain and want to help them. I used to just blow them off, or just be disgusted by them. No matter how many times I said I didn’t care I always did care what people thought. Now I want you to like me but if you don’t that’s on you. If I do something wrong you wont have time to get mad at me because I will make it right. If you choose to not like me it’s on you. It’s the best feeling because I go to bed every night with no enemies I created. I would have never have let you see me all the dirty and lonely places. I hated them and I didn’t want you to know them either. Now I bear my soul so maybe just maybe somebody will change their life. Finally I’m thankful I fell away from God. I played “church” better than most. i always knew what to say and said really good prayers. Then I would go live exactly the opposite of everything I prayed or said. Sure I still struggle at times, but I know how to be real and come to Jesus with my real stuff. It’s easy to be thankful. We always choose not to be and we complain. I should have this and get what I asked. Be thankful for the easy things but be thankful for the stuff that has formed you. Your still here and your life isn’t nearly bad as you think. If you think so just wait it can be worse. Just be thankful. Listen to what someone says about where you were and where you’re at now. Be proud of the struggle because your pretty darn amazing just like me..





Day 665 But what about what I do have

23 11 2014

My babies are back which means were busy. I baked my first two pies yesterday for extended family thanksgiving and a Rock Bottom event today. I was impressed and so was everyone per what was said. Two points for me. I love this time of year because either forced or not we get together  with our family and friends and laugh and share memories. We had one of our quarterly rallies with Rock Bottom Outreach. It’s so great to get together and hear how people rise from the ashes. Life is about overcoming and I’m surrounded by so many people who have done just that.

For many years it was about me, I was entitled, greedy, selfish, and downright rude when I needed or wanted something. needed is always a loose term because what we need is so is so less compared to what is really needed. I never told anyone how many things I had but all the things I didn’t. Even when I got one of the needed items I still complained and just added something else to my list.It was always stuff to. I’m damn sure wasn’t the important things that mattered. About 9 months ago in a talk with Rick Smith he mentioned something in a talk we had that you have to learn to be thankful for what got you here. I kind of ignored it at the time but the more I thought about it. I never gave thanks for the bad things or what really mattered. It was I was taking credit for God’s work and not giving thanks. When I speak or just having a conversation I try to let people know how I got here but how thankful I am for the struggle and the people in my life. Its one of the hardest things to understand but here I go.

I have the best mom and sister in the world. My kids I think you know how much they mean to me. I also have the 6  best people in my life beside my family. I used to have yes people and people who wouldn’t tell me the truth or what I needed to really here. The 6 folks love me more than I know and will also set me straight when I need it. I have my health, I have a few things wrong  but lucky to be where I am at. My job. There are things about my job I don’t like because it’s a job. I can pay my bills and live a little. When I got divorced in 2012 I had lost so much I thought: I had lost my marriage,  house, full-time custody of my kids, Theses “friends” my dignity, who I was, Then in a matter of two years every one of those thongs Im thankful I lost. I’m actually thankful for my divorce. I would have never become the man I am today. People look at me so weird when I say that. Sure I would love to be married but we were miserable and at that time we  were never going to change for each other. I know moving forward some woman will get a great man and I could have never said that before. I appreciate my apartment. My home is coming but I didn’t appreciate my home. I thought it should be something I was supposed to have. My finances were all about spending, not saving or giving and that has happened. I appreciate my children so much. I don’t love them for how they perform I love them because they are here and mine. I love people I don’t know, I want to help them and I see their pain and want to help them. I used to just blow them off, or just be disgusted by them. No matter how many times I said I didn’t care I always did care what people thought. Now I want you to like me but if you don’t that’s on you. If I do something wrong you wont have time to get mad at me because I will make it right. If you choose to not like me it’s on you. It’s the best feeling because I go to bed every night with no enemies I created. I would have never have let you see me all the dirty and lonely places. I hated them and I didn’t want you to know them either. Now I bear my soul so maybe just maybe somebody will change their life. Finally I’m thankful I fell away from God. I played “church” better than most. i always knew what to say and said really good prayers. Then I would go live exactly the opposite of everything I prayed or said. Sure I still struggle at times, but I know how to be real and come to Jesus with my real stuff. It’s easy to be thankful. We always choose not to be and we complain. I should have this and get what I asked. Be thankful for the easy things but be thankful for the stuff that has formed you. Your still here and your life isn’t nearly bad as you think. If you think so just wait it can be worse. Just be thankful. Listen to what someone says about where you were and where you’re at now. Be proud of the struggle because your pretty darn amazing just like me.





10 things more attractive than the booty pic that cracked the internet

19 11 2014

Great outlook

The Isaiah 53:5 Project

image

An awful lot of fuss has been made lately about a celebrity booty pic that supposedly broke the internet.

I haven’t seen it, have no desire to see it, won’t see it, and won’t, although I have an opinion, comment on it.

What I will do however, is give you ten things that are always more attractive than any booty pic.

1. A woman in cowboy boots

As the self-appointed spokesman for American men, there is something awesome about boots on a woman.

Christmas is coming up ladies, if you don’t own a pair of boots, put them on your list.

2. A woman at a game, play, award ceremony, etc. for one of their kids that does not have a phone in her hand.

Unless you are obviously taking pictures, put the phone away, you can waste your time on Facebook later.

There is nothing more unattractive than a…

View original post 408 more words





Day 660 This realization hit me like a brick today

18 11 2014

If you have friends that are single during the holidays reach out to them. This is a tough season on anybody but single people get alienated in society this time of year. I promise just do it please its needed.

Got a an email yesterday about a guy in my men’s group. Brad was trying to make a fire in his home – at some point poured gasoline on a smoldering log, and it flashed, catching him on fire.  He ran outside and pulled his shirt off, dropped and rolled, then ran back inside to put fire out in-house.  He is in Parkland with 2nd and 3rd degree burns from waste up. (His face didn’t look too bad in pic, mostly side of face and ears I think. I went to see him and I hate hospitals, nothing good happens there but I needed to go to let him know he was loved and not by himself. They were doing a skin peel when I got there which is something I hope to never see again. I talked to his wife and her mind was everywhere, she was handling so much and doing an amazing job. I just kind of watched him  sleep and said a few prayers. He eventually woke up and  he was doing rather well considering what he had gone through. He made a few points to his wife about things that needed to be done which she had already done them and then listed off a few more she already taken care of. Then my being uncomfortable and seeing someone I cared about being burned up got to me and I left. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

If something happened to me I’m alone and I have nobody to take care of me. Sure people would come by and do things but I’m talking about caring for my every need until I can again. I’m a stubborn ahole so I would try my best to not let people help me but there comes a time and place where somebody has to help. I watched my mom take care of my dads every need and I mean every need and want. She lived her vows like God asked us to so I’ve seen it and know what it’s about. I had a long walk to my  car and I thought i have never thought about it but I’m alone and I would just be sitting in a room waiting for a nurse to take care of me. The realization made me so sad. I wasn’t afraid of it but its something that you don’t want to think about, but could happen. I know there’s nothing I can do about it, well I guess I could but you know what I mean. I know that I was in love once and would have done anything for her. I hope this time I find someone who would do that for me because I would for them. Just knowing if it’s now or when were 80 to know that one person would do anything for you no matter what the circumstance stance is a very peaceful feeling. If you have that someone be thankful, it’s always easy to find all their faults but when you need them to live the vows there may not be anything more rewarding in life.








iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

This is My Story, This is My Song.

This is my journey with faith, love, acceptance, redemption through God's incredible grace and mercy!

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Sound of Silence

There is a better place than this silence

The Time Lock

photos by amsang

simple Ula

I want to be rich. Rich in love, rich in health, rich in laughter, rich in adventure and rich in knowledge. You?

%d bloggers like this: