Day 85 Get real said Dr. Phil

28 03 2013

I didn’t mean to make the title rhyme I’m just that cool. I finally get my babies back tomorrow. They have been gone since Wednesday a week ago. It’s amazing how alive I feel when I have them. I honestly wonder how many changes a person can endure in a year. This was just my depression medication change, but what a butt kicking this has been. I was on one medication for two years and finally I felt it stopped working. Depression runs very deep in my family and no matter how happy or prayerful I am I have to be on the medication. I never have had to change medicines before so this has sucked. Anxiety, tired and irritable are a few of the emotions I’ve dealt with and you wonder why you take it but another week they said I would be normal. I laughed because I have never been that. So if I have ignored you or pissed you off I’m sorry.

I know Dr. Phil gets made fun of but the guy is good at what he does. His line that we will all know is “Get Real”. That can mean so many different things for different people ( Tell the truth, see its right in front of you, Tell them you love  them etc..) For me get real happened Tuesday of this week. Many times men get together and we just bull shit. We never talk about what means something, what we struggle with, what we fear, but Tuesday that happened from the last place I would have thought. I met with one of my Fraternity brothers that I hadn’t seen since 1998. In a fraternity you know everyone but not on an intimate level. He had been reading my blog and just asked to get together for lunch. what transpired in that 1.5 just continues to let me know I’m not an island and honestly it was a breath of fresh air. He had always been a good guy, some may say arrogant and closed off, but I can say my perception of him was blown out of the water. If anyone will listen I will tell you how bad of a screw up I was it only helps me to continue to heal. I never expect it back in return but I got it back and it was great. Once he knew where I was coming from he felt a connection and so did I. We talked about things that all the other men sitting around us probably thought we had lost it. We spoke loud and proud about God, the arrogance, the fear, the fake, the way we hurt our wives and the way we judged others.  I can honestly say that I can’t be more proud of the hell I have endured because otherwise I would never sat down with my brother. The biggest thought that came from this meeting was “Get Real when you do the truth will set you free”

It doesn’t matter how smart, good-looking, rich, famous you are. You an imperfect man and that’s okay. Your afraid, you don’t feel like God hears you, you never are enough.  If you don’t ever feel that way I got some other news for you.

Day 82 Help vs Serve

24 03 2013

I drove a lot yesterday went to Houston for work purposes and met a friend of  mind. By the time I was done I was going to Head to Austin by time and life had other plans. So I went on my way back to DFW. When I left yesterday it was 48 and when I got to Houston it was 78. Got to love Texas weather. If your ever on 45 Stop at the Collins Street Bakery. They have sandwiches and Bakery goods. There most known for their fruit cake and I can honestly say that it was really good. I know fruitcake mostly sucks but this was really good. I read that not ones person in the NCAA Bracket on ESPN was correct. It’s amazing how college basketball becomes so important then in a matter of 3 days know body cares because their bracket is shot.

I hired a business/life coach to help me find what I should do when I grow up. We talked about many things in our first session and what I was passionate about. I get asked that more often than anything. They say if you do what your passionate about you never work one day in your life. Or i get if money wasn’t an object what would you do. I DON’T KNOW. This is why I hired the coach. We did get this out of the first meeting. I want to help people. I truly enjoy life’s being transformed rising from the ashes. I kept saying the word help and my Coach Roger said stop using that word and say serve. I was like why that’s what I want to do. He said you want to serve people. His question was name the last time you know somebody who wanted help? Everybody would like to be served. When you go to a restaurant if the serve says How may I help you or how may I serve you the response you give is different. If you down on your luck somebody says I would love to help you or I would be honored to serve you Which one sounds better?

Help is always a negative statement. The person asking for help takes it as a negative and the person giving it’s a positive.  I thought a lot about it and I agree and it does sound more soothing. I think if you’re serving people honesty flows more if your helping.If your helping that only tell you about the need not the core how they got there. So as I go forth trying to figure out me I will be serving and not helping. How may I serve you!!

Day 80 Domestic Violence (You better not)

21 03 2013

I got my kids early last week for spring break and they missed their mom. Last night I gave them back to their mom. I hate what we have done to them, but their moms place is their home, their friends, and they love their mom so it was easy to let them go back. Now I have free time. Actually it’s time to do a lot of the things I don’t do when I’m being daddy.

Sometimes I find my life boring but sometimes I’m in the right or wrong place at that time. Yesterday was one of those days. I had pulled into a convenience store and these this man and female were yelling at each other and say some awful stuff. I was amazed that they didn’t care  that their were people all around. I walked in but sideways to be that person about to watch a train wreck happen. I went and got a drink set it on the counter and then I couldn’t believe what I saw. (Slap) the guy while in the car slapped the lady in the face. Immediately her nose started bleeding. I sat my drink down at the counter and started walking outside. By the time I got to the car door he had punched her 3 times. Her eyes were swelling and she was no bleeding out of her mouth and nose.

Lets stop for a second: There was around a 70-year-old lady filming what was going on her phone. She was pretty hysterical and yelling I called the cops. If you have read my blog from the past and I had a horrible anger problem. I fought a lot in high school and my early 20’s but I have hurt people pretty bad so I tried to stop fighting. Thank God rugby came along to help me deal with that.

Okay back to it: So I’m telling myself to be calm and not hurt the guy and just stop it before something bad happens. I open the door jerked him out by his shirt and slammed him to the concrete. I put my boot on his throat and told him if he moved his day would get a lot worse and I would seriously kick his ass. It had only taken the police about 30 seconds to get there. When they arrived they pulled up behind the care and told me to back away from the car and I did. The 70-year-old lady was yelling at the cop he’s not the bad guy he saved the lady. Leave him alone it’s that piece of shit there. I was asked to go stand by the front door. I knew I wasn’t in trouble but still I was nervous. The cop said first of all you didn’t have to do it and still good to see people who will do what is right. He  said most of the time people will video and watch while someone is getting hurt. He asked me about 10 questions and seriously that was about it. They were putting the lady on a stretcher she had bit through her lip and her nose was broken. I told her so sorry and left.

I say this to say this: Unless is trying to kill you there is never a reason to hit a women never. It’s a cowardly issue. I know that your spouse or significant other can enrage you but you as a man are responsible for the outcome of that situation. We are bigger, stronger, and we know better. If I see you hit a women I may go to jail bus I will not tolerate domestic abuse. I m not writing to brag or get hey great job. This happens daily and we hardly ever SEE IT but it’s there.  If you see it report it just help. Do the right thing, because if someone dies your conscience will live with you forever.

Day 79 Life Rules Reblog

20 03 2013

I wrote this article blog back at the end of October and I like it more than most. Its a true depiction of who I am and what I stand for. Please enjoy and give me your feedback.

I wrote over a period of time my life rules. I never finished them but here they are and my last one:

1. You will receive only this body

2. You will be presented with lessons

3.There are no mistakes only lessons

4. A lesson is repeated until learned

5. Learning will never end

6. There is nothing better than the here

7. Others are only mirrors of us

8. What our life becomes is only up to us

Finally  Number 9:You will remember and you will forget

Each lesson in our lives is like a rock along our path. As we travel along and learn lesson some look and feel familiar. When something resonates in  for you or yo finally get one of the lessons you are remembering what you originally knew. When you have an “aha” moment you are remembering. When we remember and forget with are dancing with our consciousness. remembering is waking up to the truth Forgetting is the temporary amnesia that sets in when your truth is occluded. When we feels tuck, when we cannot break through we have forgotten.

I believe all of my rules come down to this one basic point remember the truth. . We have to find ways, either by faith, wisdom, time, to go to a deeper level so we can always remember the truth.I have heard ignorance is bliss, We have to forget that and live with life’s luster. It’s the only way to have an amazing and meaningful life.

Faith: Faith is the gift of the spirit that allows the soul to remain attached to its own unfolding. Thomas Moore

If you have faith you will remember the truth stored deep in all of us. Faith is the only thing that can help us through the darkness. We may stumble but every time we come out of the darkness where we should be. Without faith there is no joy. I lost the joy but with faith I was ale to experience a true me and what was truly in my soul.. Faith sometimes has to be restored by surrounding yourself with people who will speak the truth and see things in you that we stopped seeing. When we forget keep those people close to remind you of who you are and where you came from.

Wisdom: We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us : Marcel Post

Limitlessness: What we call results are beginnings : Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know this is deep but remember this: God did not put a limit  to our compassion, patience, willingness, commitment, tolerance or any other pocket of understanding. We have infinite permission to love, grow and to remember.

Day 77 Music and My soul

18 03 2013

We are home and tired but we got through the day pretty well. I did have a flat on my truck when we got home but I just laughed what can you do.  Im not sure whats worse the week after Spring break or Christmas. To many Zombie walkers today.  I had the server at Chick Fila drop my drink twice while getting me a refill and the lady at QT looked at me and twice and asked me what I needed. I said receipt she said its at the pump. So either people forgot caffeine or people were out of it.

I love road trips because of music. I love everything about music. The lyrics, the beat, the moment it takes me to or back to. My dad was best friends with Buddy Holly and played with the Crickets some. He was an amazing musician and so I know where I got the love of it. I never played an instrument I was to busy playing sports. I regret that more than anything now, but I’m starting to learn the piano so I can play the song by  Coldplay The Scientist.

I’m one of those who truly listens to everything. Classical, rap, R&B, hard rock, Adult Alternative, Country, Bagpipe,  Christian, you name it I listen to it. We all have that song that takes us back to that moment. Tuesday’s Gone is one of those songs, when I used to get drunk or just wanted to relax I play that song.  The Freshman from the Verve Pipe I played about 2000 times when I got drunk for 38 days straight after one of the girls I loved dumped me.  Yes 38 days in a row I was drunk. If I hear that song my mind goes back to that place. I wish it didn’t. NWA, Tu Pac,  Bone Thugs and Harmony. I hear those songs and remember some things I m not proud of but had one hellve a time. AC DC Thuderstruck makes me want to go through a wall.  anything by Jodeci makes me want to have sex. I hear Amazing Grace played by Bagpipes and remember the day my dad was laid to rest.

I know we all do but I want you to remember the words not just the beat. There are many people who write great music that you never have heard the words because you hear the beat. Aaron Lewis of Staind is an amazing writer. He had some women treat him like crap. I related and I heard his words and it was comforting to know someone else felt the way I did it also helped me to cope. Find the music that appeals to your soul feel it but hear it too. Lift a jambox over your head and play he music loud for that person you love!!

Day 75 Get your guard up

16 03 2013

All good things come to an end and tomorrow we go home.  We have had a blast and enjoyed the beach twice while here. It was so cold though and not good for the man parts. So many things we got to do and so much more we will do in the future.  When you get out of the ordinary you get to see how much your kids change and wonder why you can’t see it in our everyday life. I learned about my daughter. She is one of the most witty and kind-hearted kids I have ever met. She will help anyone and then say the most off the wall statement.

I had my first coaching session today. ITs amazing what a different perspective  will do. The things others can see or hear. I hope in two months I hope I will know in two months where or what I should be doing. Thanks Jennifer L. for passing along the referral

Growing up when my dad taught me how to fight he always said keep your guard up and never drop up. Once you get into a fight and drop your guard you know why  it freaking hurts and bad. I ve had stitches, black eye and broken noses. I had to try it myself and learn that when you drop your guard it’s really going to hurt. Take that into life and I m not talking about  a fist fight but fighting another person hurting you in an emotional way. I believe this about keeping your guard up It means you keep your emotions and inner feelings to yourself and you don’t share them.
If you keep your guard up it means you’re not letting someone in because you’re afraid they might hurt you. We are going to hurt each other. You hope not on purpose but its going to happen. So what do you do? Do you leave your guard up and let something amazing pass you buy or drop the guard and just see. Its worth the pain? What if it doesn’t work. What if it does. I m ready for whatever beating I might take but I m more ready to let 15 years of my wall disappear. You can’t find true love, or happiness without the chance.
We find this most with love. We have all been screwed over and our heart-broken and I promise that if we don’t drop our guard we will never get what God has designed for us. So if you feel this is for you. Drop your guard please!

Day 73 I can do it

14 03 2013

This trip has been great so far. It’s amazing how much your kids grow up before your eyes and the things they will say. My kids have no governor comes from their dad so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. So far on this my daughter has told the Cajuns they talk funny, My son told the front desk lady at the hotel he likes boobs.  Wes topped at Waffle House in some God forsaken part of Louisiana and the Cajun accent was so rapent. Its awesome but I couldn’t understand anything they said. We saw dolphins today swimming about 15 feet from the bank. We also got to see the devastation still from Hurricane Katrina. So many places for sale. It was cold here today. My kids just had to get into the water so I let them and I did to. I’ve lost my private parts but I shall find them one day. Only thing missing was a crab biting me.

This may sound weird but I was fearful of this trip. I’ve been a single dad since may 2012 but I have never done a family vacation by myself. Its weird but I m being honest. You never see many single dads with just their kids. I know women love it had 3 mention today how refreshing it was to see.  I know you just do what you always do. It’s another part of the journey that you never know how to prepare for. I love the memories and what the next few days hold. I guess more than anything you never thought you would be on vacation single. It seemed everybody was a family and I was the only person being single with kids. I know that wasn’t true but it’s amazing what your brain can make you think. So I can do it and I’m doing it. I love being a dad so much and hopefully in the next few years I will love being a husband again.

Day 71 Fire your Mom

12 03 2013

Tomorrow we are headed to Gulfport Mississippi. This will be my first vacation in 5 years and the first as a single dad. Here’s to new memories and an amazing time with my babies. Ive been sitting in Starbucks for 3 hours and people is a sport if you didn’t know. The quirks that people have are amazing. You have to know there is a God that would make us so special and “unique” and still be able to get along with each other.

Please know from this point on these are not my words but that of Robert D. Smith the author of 20000 days and counting. If you get offended take out mom and put in someone else. lol

Fire Your Mom

Posted March 12th, 2013 by & filed under Entrepreneurship.

mom.firedA common mistake entrepreneurs make, particularly those in a creative field like writing, speaking, singing, etc., is that they go to great lengths to seek advice and guidance…from horrible sources.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen a terrible headshot that was defended with something like,

“Well, my mom took it…she’s a professional.”

Feel free to substitute dad, wife, husband, son, daughter, college roommate, best friend, whatever, for “mom.” Bad business choices, whether they’re something as seemingly small as the headshot on your website, or something as large as where to invest your money, can usually be traced back to one thing—crappy advice from someone who was totally unqualified to give it.

Seeking outside opinions is one of the key qualities that separates successful entrepreneurs from failed ones. You have to be coachable, able to take advice, and follow directions.

However, something that often gets lost is the fact that those outside opinions have to be from people whose opinion actually counts.

Guess what? If that person whom you’re taking direction from is your “mom”…it’s time to fire her.

Why is “mom” in quotations? Because “mom” can really be anybody.

A “mom” in this sense is the person who loves everything you do. It’s the person who doesn’t stop at just telling you your bad headshot is great, they also show it off to EVERYONE they know.

  • “Mom” is the person who has no track record of success in your field whatsoever.
  • “Mom” is the person who has never made money off his or her opinion.
  • “Mom” is the person with no skin in the game, other than the fact that he or she wants to see you succeed.

Remember, YOUR livelihood is depending on your ability to sell yourself as a brand. If you’re going to seek an outside opinion, you better find one from someone who has THEIR livelihood tied up in you as well.

Many new entrepreneurs have this crazy notion that opinions are not worth paying for. They’ll just get their friend who designed one website back in college for free to look at the website they just spent an entire month creating. They’ll just get their friend who majored in English to edit the manuscript on which their dreams are riding.

Do you SEE how crazy this way of thinking is?!

If you have chest pains, are you going to ask your next-door neighbor what his opinion is? Are you asking your friend who occasionally donates blood?

No! You’re going to get your butt to a hospital right away! You want someone who is educated and well informed. And not only that, once you get a diagnosis, you’ll probably do some research to determine who the BEST is in the entire field.

If you want your career as an entrepreneur to take off, start treating it like it’s an extension of your physical wellbeing. Think of it as something you would do anything for, like a child. Nurture it with the best you have to offer.

Stop trusting opinions from people who will still be able to eat whether they are right or wrong.

Fire your mom.

Day 69 pull the damn trigger

10 03 2013

Spring break week for us Texans. Heading to Gulf-port Mississippi this Wed with my babies so ready to get away. Its been a whirl wind of a weekend. I got to see my buddies band the Jimmie Jones Band, hang with my fraternity brothers and today lots of personal work stuff. I spent about an 1.5 reading other blogs of people who follow my blog. There are some amazingly creative people in this world. I m glad blogging is out there so you can appreciate others ideas.

Ready aim, aim, aim, well shoot idiot. I have this conversation with myself about twice a week.  It could be guns or it could be a life decision. Why do we have to have the perfect shot before we pull the trigger. we don’t want to miss or we don’t want to be wrong. If we still have all of our bullets at the end of the day what good was that? Okay so we buy more bullets but we come back  with an experience and the feeling we tried. We may have missed every time but I would rather have known that rather than what I have been doing.

This maybe career, dating, money, family etc..  I want a new career but here I am still aiming and have done nothing. I want to date but still aiming. My money isn’t growing either because I’m waiting to put it in the perfect place. There is nothing perfect. Nothing! Why do spend our life at something that is impossible to reach. I’m a recovery perfectionist along with many other things. What a perfectionist is someone who is afraid of everything and can’t admit it.Yes failure but so many other things. It’s okay to be wrong and is okay if you miss what your shooting at.

Just remember tomorrow pull the trigger. Its okay!


Day 65 There is a reason

6 03 2013

I’ve done a lot wrong and my life and I’m recovering well I must say but the one thing I want for my kids is not to repeat my mistakes. Having a Godly start always helps. One of my goals in 2013 is for my daughter to get baptized. We talked at the beginning of January about what it meant and if she was ever ready we could do it, but I didn’t want to push her.. Two weeks ago she came to me and said thank you for following God and being a good daddy and I want to be like you so can I get baptized. Well my heart filled with happiness and tonight we went through the class. April 14th I will baptise my daughter at our church and to this point in my life nothing could make me happier.

I posted this on my Facebook today and it so easy to forget why we love or loved someone. I wish I would have had this before I got divorced. I remember in counseling that I had to go back and remember why I loved my ex-wife. When I brought it up in my mind she defiantly wasn’t as bad as I had thought she was. Please read!!!

She married him today.
At the end of the wedding party, her mother gave her a newly opened bank savings passbook, with $1000 deposited in it.
She told her, “My dear daughter, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. Whenever something happy and memorable happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it’s about next to the amount. The more memorable
e the event is, the more money you can put in. I’ve done the first one for you today. Do the others with your husband. When you look back after years, you will know how much happiness you’ve both shared.’

She shared this with him after getting home. Both of them thought it was a great idea and couldn’t wait to make the next deposit! This is what the passbook looked like after a while:

– 7 Feb: $100, his first birthday celebration after marriage
– 1 Mar: $300, she gets a salary raise
– 20 Mar: $200, vacation to Bali
– 15 Apr: $2000, She’s pregnant!
– 1 Jun: $1000, He gets the big promotion
and so on…

However, as the years went by, they began fighting and arguing over trivial things. They didn’t talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty person in the world…There was no more love.
One day she talked to her Mother. ‘Mom, we can’t stand it anymore. We have decided to divorce. I can’t imagine how I decided to marry this guy!’

Her mother replied, ‘Sure, that’s no big deal. Just do whatever you want, if you really can’t stand it. But before that, do one thing. Remember the savings passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn’t keep any record of such a poor marriage.’

She agreed with her. So she went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to her. Her eyes were filled with tears. She left and went home.

When she got home, she handed the passbook to him and asked him to spend the money before getting divorced.

So the next day, he went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While he was waiting, he took a look at the passbook record. He looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to him. His eyes were filled with tears. He left and went home.

He gave the passbook back to her. She found a new deposit of $5000. And a line next to the record: ‘This is the day I realized how much I’ve loved you throughout all these years. How much happiness you’ve brought me.’

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back into the safe.

If you like this story then from now on give a print out of this story to every couple who is getting married along with a nice notebook to record their happy times…who know you may just be able to help them !!

I will remember this and I promise that I will have this with me when I get married again. The only reason the grass looks greener somewhere else is because that’s where we spend our time looking. There is a reason to remember.



Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor)

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