Day 1615 Lets get naked

6 08 2017

First I want to thank you all for reading this blog. It’s so cool that people all over the world can read this. Looking at all the countries I wonder if I weird in foreign countries too.

Second I get a lot what does the day in your title mean. Well in this case 1615 days ago I started a car trip to Virginia by myself. to see one of my closet friends. I prayed and promised myself that my life would change for the better starting that day and would never be the same. So here we are 1615 days later. Its been one hell of a roller coaster but its been a blast.

I hope the title got you to read! I have been the physical naked more times that you want to hear. It was the only way I knew to love for the longest time or feel I was important. I hurt so many women over the years. It wasn’t purposeful just thought being naked meant I was enough. So shirt off,pants off and you liked me.

I hope for most of us with age comes wisdom, if not you hit your rock bottom and I promise you get wiser or you get buried.  I learned that not only does my value not coming from being physically naked but you want someone to love, like, or respect you: LETS GET REALLY NAKED. I hate small talk every bit of it, I could care less what’s up! I’m going to give or get a generic answer anyway so why I ask. The naked I want is the soul bearing, tear filled, biggest smile type of naked, clothes on or off I don’t care. I want to talk about: death, aliens, birthdays cake, what makes you cry, why you became insecure, why you fake it, music, the meaning of life,  the lies you live, your favorite smells, the quirks that nobody knows because you feel you’ll be judged, your childhood, your first crush, why you watch the ceiling fan spin at night, why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad, why you don’t like peanuts but love peanut butter. I want to know your emotions, what your depth is. Why you’re twisted.  I learned not to judge but question. When you know someone who is  feeling that,  that feeling only comes from God. if you know me and say you’re the weirdest person I know but I love your soul. Mission accomplished!

Don’t get me wrong I love the physical naked but learning what it takes to be real makes relationships powerful. I know you can’t get naked with everyone because most wont get it and that’s okay. So to me from you let’s get naked. Real is exposing your soul and not giving a damn! I’m ready for the real naked time!!

Thanks for reading

 

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Day 1516 Find your joy idiot

18 04 2017

Joy isn’t like happiness which is based upon happenings or whether things are going well or not. No, joy remains even amidst the suffering. Joy is not happiness. Joy is an emotion that’s acquired by the anticipation, acquisition or even the expectation of something great or wonderful. It could be described as exhilaration, delight, sheer gladness, and can result from a great success or a very beautiful or wonderful experience like a wedding or graduation but the definition of joy that the world holds is not what it should be.

I hear find your joy.  U really need to find your joy. Okay I’m an idiot I can’t find it. I thought happiness  was joy. Then I started reading what joy was. I came to the conclusion I don’t know anyone that’s joyful. I probably just pissed one of my friends off but based on the definition no. Now I know some of my friends parents who are but their at the stage that they don’t give a crap about the “important stuff”. They’ve been there done that and the t-shirt has already shrank. So I see these list 40 things to find joy.

Here are some of them: 1. Learn something new (play a new sport or game, learn how to cook a new dish). 2. Get out in nature. 3. Help someone in a small way (by carrying their groceries or paying their toll on the highway). 4.Count your blessings. 5. Spend time with your pet. 6 Laugh and smile, no matter how you’re feeling. 7.Sing out loud. 8.Connect authentically with friends and family, sharing your vulnerabilities. 9.Dance. If you can’t dance, just skip.

So I would agree with this list. I found myself being very happy in each of those but what about when Monday rolls around, or I’ve had a life event or I’m not doing one of those things. I think between 35-50 is the toughest part of being an adult. Life is complicated, hard to understand, kids are in their toughest stages. then we hit mid-life crisis.  So how do you find joy? I have no idea I’m still trying to know the difference between happiness and joy. I need to find what I like and do those things. In time joy comes from that? I think joy comes from the things that we don’t do because we think we don’t have the time, money, or dumping of fear to do so.

So something for us all to think about.  What is joy? Where do I find it? When I find it how do I keep it? More to the journey so here I go!

 





Day 1361 You cant see it

9 11 2016

The election is over and we survived. I think most people did. I wish people cared about their own lives as much as they care about things they have no control over. It’s a lesson we as a people may never understand or follow. In my short 41 years I see people fighting over politics trying to change someone else’s mind but they will continue to go to a job everyday they hate and they have control over it.

If I had my life to live over again I wouldn’t need to see it. I would just do it.  What are you talking about Tyler? We resist change because we have to see the whole staircase put together but until we do life stays the same. We wake up unhappy, stay in turbulent times, continue making the same mistakes, not wanting to deal with pain of rejection, failure, criticize  , losing, defeat, not being liked etc.  So we duck the pain popping up to see if the staircase is complete then we think we will walk right over and take the world by the private parts. Martin Luther King said that faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole staircase. Think about how many things in life you didn’t do because you didn’t the end of the road or top of the staircase. Life is about pain you can’t hide from it. So we think lets not take the step and therefore I don’t get hurt. That’s such a lie because of the regret of life is the hardest to cope with and it never is forgotten.

Most us go through life trying to pretend it okay when it’s not. Hoping we please someone else that can’t please themselves. Rather than saying I listened to them long enough and I know what I’ve already lost and now I’m going to do what is best for me. There is a quote not sure who from but it goes something like this: Courage is what feels most right for you! Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste death but once. Meaning they taste the fear but move forward.

Please today take the leap of faith, build the staircase one step at a time, start putting the puzzle together. You already know what its like to live in pain and fear and all we’ve done is created more fear and deep seeded pain. Where our lives are right now is just now they can be so much better. Think about the mistakes we’ve made, the destruction we created and look how far we have come. Since tomorrow isn’t promised now is a great time to start. Love you!





Day 913 All his strings broke

26 07 2015

You have those moments when parenting when you hear something that you didn’t know you would.  Before I get my kids back, I get nervous because I want to be a super dad but also please don’t let me mess up but every time I do which is okay and because of that this made my day: We were bringing all the their stuff inside from their moms and my son says: Daddy I want to be just like you, I want to be cool and funny like  you, have your cool haircut, get into a car accident and get out okay but most daddy I want to love you the way you love me and sister. I stopped in my tracks and I told him lets please not do the car wreck thing okay, but that means so much to me. I asked him to go inside I’ll be there in a second. I just cried there in the parking lot. Knowing my 6-year-old had those thoughts of me let me know no matter how many times I think I’m blowing it he doesn’t see me the way I see myself. I walked around with a little bigger chest than normal on Friday.

Since Thursday I received 3 phone calls from folks about I think I want to commit suicide. Side note: You want to serve God believe me he will give you ample opportunity. Most of the time people have had the talk with themselves but they truly don’t want to kill themselves they just want to know if their okay, if there going to be okay and what to do next. Ive learned what to say but mostly they are lonely and want to talk. Every time I hang up the phone I remember the day I was ready to end it all and better the world without me that takes me to last night. I went and saw Paper Towns and in the first 5 minutes of character development the two main charters are riding their bikes as young kids and there is a man who shot and killed himself. She goes up to the man and says it’s so sad. It later tells in the story he was a 36-year-old man who was getting a divorce and he couldn’t stand the burden or failure ( me). so he killed himself. She then looks at the other character and says all his strings broke. I was stunned because those are the words I had been searching for since that August day to explain how I felt.

If you have ever seen a piano or guitar with every string busted it’s a mess. Your thoughts are throw it away and start over. I felt at that moment in 2011 all of my strings were broke and its time to throw it away but with no starting over. When all your strings are broke there is no God at that moment, you see every mistake you, made worse than it really was, every emotion is sad and depressing, and every person you want to love you only sees you as a pathetic, nobody that will never change. We all know that is a truly a lie from the pits of hell but I promise if you’ve never been there its true and is only justified by the people who called me this week reaching out for help. It’s funny how blogs come together for me because Thursday since I’m a big strong guy people think I like helping them move heavy things. I’m always first on the list for some reason.  My buddy asked if I could come help move his piano from the living to the garage because he couldn’t fix all the strings and he was sending it out to get a remodel a guess. When we got it into the garage I lifted the lid about half the strings were busted and rolled up and the other strings were perfect. I asked him why he didn’t finish he just said he wasn’t good at it but they looked okay but sounded horrible. Then comes the movie. To see the strings that were all busted up and rolled up into ball or just hanging there looking worthless that was my life almost 4 years ago. To see what I used to think of myself but to see the other strings my buddy fixed that were in place, looked pretty good, but maybe didn’t sound perfect that is who Tyler Wood is now. Busted, bruised, rolled into a ball and supposedly worthless, have turned into a string that could be used, and when tuned properly make a beautiful sound when all the strings are finished the piano will probably sound better, work better and be used in a way it never would have. I finally found a metaphor that works for me and I have no idea how to play the piano but I know when its working and sounds good. I beg of you to let the brokeness of your life be found in a string of something for you. God did not make mistakes, you maybe lost right now, you might feel worthless, at your rock bottom, you may feel nothing is working out at all, but all your strings are not broken, they just need to be handed over to God for a little adjustment.





Day 835 Look its the incredible hulk

10 05 2015

Happy mothers day to all of you that brought us into the world and still keep us upright. I know so many amazing mom’s but none like my mom. I appreciate her so much! She is a bad arse. To all the moms that forget how amazing you are just remember you carried another human inside of you, birthed that baby and still had the ability to remember what you needed from the grocery store! That makes you awesome!

My daughter is a teenager and I’m not sure if I feel old or feel like I need to buy so body Armour for whats coming. She had a great birthday and I’m one proud daddy of her for sure!

I never just come home on a Saturday night. I’m usually out and about but plans fell through so I headed home but before I did I stopped at BJ’s restaurant and got dessert. Sitting at the bar eating dessert a guy that used to work for me named Steven  taped me on the shoulder and said do you remember me. I said sure its been a long time but great to see you. He asked the generic questions when you talk to someone you haven’t seen a while and then he said do you remember the last time I saw you. No sorry I don’t I try not to remember a lot from that time. He said you lost your stuff in the front yard at the subs working on that job. He said you were so scary its like you became the incredible hulk but without the green guy part. He asked do you remember that now! He said I quit for that reason and do you know why you did that. I said was terribly sorry and if I could change it I would. He said you don’t have that look anymore  you seem pretty happy. I told him that once you pull the rug out from underneath you can either stay the same or change. I lost everything but I’m glad not to be the green guy anymore.

After he laughed I went to my car and asked God was that necessary to hear that tonight. I know what I did and Im trying not to be that guy anymore. I understand why. I have no idea about the collateral damage I caused around me. I knew exactly why because I needed the reminder of where I am now compared to where I was. When you walk to the bathroom mirror in the morning what do you see. Do you grab the fat around your stomach, find gray hair, push your boobs upward toward where they used to be, do you criticize every aspect of the person you see? If you do that’s what you take int the world that day, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, nothing good ever happens to me, why would someone love me, my life will never change, I hate my job, my kids don’t love me, my spouse never did love me. That’s why I turned into the incredible hulk everyday. I still do now but maybe just once a week. You can’t walk away from that mirror with those negative thoughts going through mind and be positive about you or your surroundings. So what do you do? The crap you spewed out at the mirror you take to the world and the world sees the green guy the hulk. 5 years after seeing a guy that’s the last thoughts I left him with. 5 years and that’s the only good thing he could think.

My favorite thing about the incredible hulk is when he comes back to just being Bruce Banner they guy that isn’t angry. He seems to be loving, caring and misunderstood but okay with it. You have to find what causes you to be angry, unloved, worthless and that you will never be enough. It starts with these two things remember what God thinks and tells you in the bible and when you look in the mirror. Say something nice about yourself. What you speak about yourself is what you believe good or bad.  Try it! Just start with one thing! I know many of you that beat yourself up and if you knew how great I thought you were you would at least smile. Incredible Hulk is great on the big screen but in life he’s just a big scary green guy. I’m sorry for those I have offended in my past but now I’ll just stick to Bruce Banner!





Day 835 Look its the incredible hulk

10 05 2015

Happy mothers day to all of you that brought us into the world and still keep us upright. I know so many amazing mom’s but none like my mom. I appreciate her so much! She is a bad arse. To all the moms that forget how amazing you are just remember you carried another human inside of you, birthed that baby and still had the ability to remember what you needed from the grocery store! That makes you awesome!

My daughter is a teenager and I’m not sure if I feel old or feel like I need to buy so body Armour for whats coming. She had a great birthday and I’m one proud daddy of her for sure!

I never just come home on a Saturday night. I’m usually out and about but plans fell through so I headed home but before I did I stopped at BJ’s restaurant and got dessert. Sitting at the bar eating dessert a guy that used to work for me named Steven  taped me on the shoulder and said do you remember me. I said sure its been a long time but great to see you. He asked the generic questions when you talk to someone you haven’t seen a while and then he said do you remember the last time I saw you. No sorry I don’t I try not to remember a lot from that time. He said you lost your stuff in the front yard at the subs working on that job. He said you were so scary its like you became the incredible hulk but without the green guy part. He asked do you remember that now! He said I quit for that reason and do you know why you did that. I said was terribly sorry and if I could change it I would. He said you don’t have that look anymore  you seem pretty happy. I told him that once you pull the rug out from underneath you can either stay the same or change. I lost everything but I’m glad not to be the green guy anymore.

After he laughed I went to my car and asked God was that necessary to hear that tonight. I know what I did and Im trying not to be that guy anymore. I understand why. I have no idea about the collateral damage I caused around me. I knew exactly why because I needed the reminder of where I am now compared to where I was. When you walk to the bathroom mirror in the morning what do you see. Do you grab the fat around your stomach, find gray hair, push your boobs upward toward where they used to be, do you criticize every aspect of the person you see? If you do that’s what you take int the world that day, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, nothing good ever happens to me, why would someone love me, my life will never change, I hate my job, my kids don’t love me, my spouse never did love me. That’s why I turned into the incredible hulk everyday. I still do now but maybe just once a week. You can’t walk away from that mirror with those negative thoughts going through mind and be positive about you or your surroundings. So what do you do? The crap you spewed out at the mirror you take to the world and the world sees the green guy the hulk. 5 years after seeing a guy that’s the last thoughts I left him with. 5 years and that’s the only good thing he could think.

My favorite thing about the incredible hulk is when he comes back to just being Bruce Banner they guy that isn’t angry. He seems to be loving, caring and misunderstood but okay with it. You have to find what causes you to be angry, unloved, worthless and that you will never be enough. It starts with these two things remember what God thinks and tells you in the bible and when you look in the mirror. Say something nice about yourself. What you speak about yourself is what you believe good or bad.  Try it! Just start with one thing! I know many of you that beat yourself up and if you knew how great I thought you were you would at least smile. Incredible Hulk is great on the big screen but in life he’s just a big scary green guy. I’m sorry for those I have offended in my past but now I’ll just stick to Bruce Banner!





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.








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