Day 1728 I bleed too

7 12 2017

Hello from a cold state of Texas. Monday putting up Christmas lights it was 84 today its 38 and we have snow flurries.  Merry Christmas to you all. Stop stressing you’ll get it all done! If not Christmas comes next year too.

The hardest thing I believe we as adults have to do now is be real! You would think that it would be real easy. People hide, I mean if this was a game  of hiding go seek, we have some real champions. People look you in the eye, tell you I’m fine, Im okay, its good. Then they walk away and go cry in the car. Im not sure when the stigma started that just give generic answers to people and I’ll be okay. It’s okay to admit that life sucks sometimes. I know we are all blessed and highly favored. We were all born that way but do you really think you’re fooling someone when it’s all okay. When you have been in the pits you know when someone is going through hell. You feel it, you know it, you understand that feeling. So why do we do it. Some say Im just trying to be positive, (You can put a dress on a pig it’s still a pig), some don’t know how to communicate, some have been told don’t say things like that, some are just to beaten down.

People care, proper to contrary belief. Not all but people care. You need the people who will let you bleed. not physically, I mean yes physically but not in this example, The emotional and mental bleeding which is healthy.

You have to get this crap out of you. Whatever your crap is You must bleed. I bleed quite often, sometimes by myself, I feel like a burden, I feel weak but then I realize I need others too. I want to be the strong one for everyone but my shoulders are only so big.

I know the holidays are tough especially the older we get, have a good cry, communicate your crap, yell but bleed it out to those who get you. If you don’t have  that person now you have something to do in 2018.  Being silent does not make you strong. bleeding out and being honest is a sign a strength and something someone needs from you too.

Make a memory this year, make that phone call you haven’t, tell someone how important they are to you. When you give a hug hold on just a bit longer. Love you

 

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Day 1700 So I met this girl

9 11 2017

The journey after divorce is a roller coaster. That might be an understatement. I started out with 6 months of no dating and then I dated a lot and often. I knew within about 10 minutes of every date well this wont work. After divorce you know what you want and don’t want if you don’t you shouldn’t step into another relationship. So I learned, I got frustrated, I got hopeless then I got engaged. It was good then my mom died. I went from having one parent to no parents. I wasn’t the same, and it was difficult on her to. We parted ways and you realize people do come in for seasons and it never makes sense to me but that’s God way so we go with it. Then I met this girl!

KAS and T

Im big on smiles, I’ve learned that on my worse days seeing someone smile can change my mood. So I was on an online dating site wasting time really when I was without my kids and her smile popped up. I was like wow her smile is amazing and she is super hott! Then her first line was mom of 2 angels in Heaven and I was intrigued. So I went through the generic questions and finally just asked to text. I had to know what the 2 angels in Heaven meant. Never in a million years did I think I would hear that her ex-husband killer her 2 kids and then killed himself. To stay I was speechless was crazy but me being speechless is unheard of. So while Ill gathered my thoughts i asked generic questions trying not to cross any lines. I was expecting my mind to push away because Im really good at pushing away but especially in this situation. Something was pulling me to her and not pushing. Yes Im drawn to helping others but this was more of I could love her.

We went on a date and typically she is very shy she said and she wasn’t and she looked so amazing. I was enthralled in listening to her. Trying to understand her story, how she made it, how she didn’t take her life. I couldn’t get enough of listening to her. She is the strongest woman I know. She helps others and strives to make others lives better. Shes so funny, witty, a little bit of a smart arse, but mostly she accepts me. I’m a weird dude, who has an opinion, who loves everyone, whose striving to make my corner of life better, who wants to change stereotypes and excuses, but mostly I wanted someone to understand grief and the pain that I carry and accept it and love me through it. Don’t give up on me and see the greatness I carry. Mission accomplished!

I have never met someone so selfless, that loves at a depth I’ve never seen, I believe because of what she has lost she sees what others can’t. She reminds me so much of my mom, strong, would do anything for anyone, and loves at a depth I had never seen. Everyone loves her and that smile can light up the darkest places in the world.

I would say I’m lucky but I don’t believe in luck. I believe in blessings and you get what you deserve it maybe tomorrow or 40 years from now but Im blessed to find what I prayed for  sitting alone in my high school football stadium when I was 18 years old.

God willing we continue to grow together and take our stories to help change the world, but mostly that we love each other with a love that neither of us ever experienced.  So thank you Karen Ashley for being on this amazing journey, you help make my world a better place. I love you! Love never ends

 





Day 1690 Will you open my chest please

30 10 2017

Yesterday I had a lot of thinking going on. My mind wandered and I couldn’t reel it back in. When I get emotional I like to drive. Lucky for me and my son the weather was great. We rolled down the windows. I made him put the tablet down and I put my phone away. He asked what we were going to drive and think and spend time together. He said that’s weird but okay. We were both quiet for a bit and he said the sun feels different today daddy. I said what do you mean he said its a happy sun. I just smiled and rubbed his head. During the drive I gave him some life pointers on things to do and not do. Like stop and take a deep breath and feel the happy sun. Never make someone feel bad. We have a favorite song we listen to so we played it over and over and I thought a lot.

If you could open up my  chest and see whats inside would you run, marvel at the mess was in there. Would you run your fingers across the scars and wish to heal them. Would you laugh or be appalled  at the places Iv been. The lies I told you and myself.

I thought a lot about what I’m trying to do, why I get “stuck” why I get shy and nobody knows, why Im on phone too much, why I wont reach out knowing that’s exactly what I need. The painful moments that added up to me wanting to leave this world and all the people alone. That when people I hurt I truly hurt, when I need to be cheered up most people can’t because where they are that day.

I then thought about how I love to hug people, I remember almost all of  my hugs. The transfer of love and feelings in a hug even for a few seconds makes me happy, that being in love is truly the best feeling a person can have. The sense of pride I feel looking at my kids cannot be matched. I love to sing and even get compliments sometimes, the moments when my family growing up got to spend holidays together. I love when dogs curl up with you.  When I see someone accomplish they didn’t believe they could I want to just cheer so loud. The power of a kiss, the power of words used in a positive way to change someones broken heart.

Just some random ramblings because writing them down helps me. Thanks for reading.





Day 1678 What happened- is this real Mom

18 10 2017

Good afternoon peeps. It has finally cooled off and my mood is good. You can actually go outside  and not need a shower immediately. Pumpkin spice is in full roar. I think I got 87 Octane pumpkin spice gasoline yesterday. It’s good for horsepower or something.

Today my mom would have been 75 years old. I wanted something poetic or breathtaking to honor her I’m not sure this will do it. I can’t believe this is your 2nd birthday without you.

There is no shock today like last year. It has set in your gone. It is more real than I could imagine. I shed my tears today but there are more smiles too. Your impact on this word is missed but the impact on us cannot be put into words. I fight this life harder now because I know more than anything that’s what you wanted. I try everyday to make you proud and honor you by trying to be like you.

When I walked into your room that morning and saw you weren’t  breathing but peaceful I knew that you were in a much better place but we still needed you. You touched so many lives as a Grammie, teacher, friend, sister, aunt but what you did for Meagan and I could never be measured. You were my best friend, at times my punching bag, you loved me when no one else did, had a way with words that other person could, you never left my side, you had a way of getting through my stubborn head in a way nobody could.
Life has not been the same, I hear your voice in everyday life and when things get tough saying never quit. You were the most amazing creation from God. I wish today you were calling me to tell me all about the flowers we bought you and all the colors in them and smell the white diamonds perfume on you.
I know your watching us with a smile and probably cooking for everyone on your birthday because that’s who you are.
These words are not enough with tears streaming and a broken heart just know you were my everything. I love you mom and thank you.
Happy birthday Billie Louise Wood.





Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.




Day 1656 My book is finally here

17 09 2017

After 2.5 years my book is finally here and published. Never in my life would I thought I could say I was a published author or hey go to amazon and buy my book.

I would ask you to please buy one. Even if you don’t like to read please purchase and give it away. I truly believe someone can be helped from it.

Here are a few links to buy the book:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/are-you-kidding-me-god-mr-tyler-wood/1127058008?ean=9781974133673

https://www.amazon.com/Are-You-Kidding-Me-God/dp/1974133672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505691890&sr=8-1&keywords=are+you+kidding+me%2C+god

What I want to write about is my process to writing this book. I had to go through a lot of memories that you think okay I dealt with this I’m done with it. Then we have to go back to those memories to get the book write. I have cried, laughed, smiled, frowned. Thought for hours on in, how Im still alive, missed my mom, thought about failed relationships, my kids,  my relationships, people who have left me,  people who i questioned why they were in my life. This book is one of my greatest accomplishments.  It was hard, i quit for a year (who would read this), I couldn’t believe I took so long and let my mom down.

Bottom line we did it. I’m a published author and that cannot ever be taken away from me. I hope you can help me help others. My first goal is to sell a 1000 books. We will change goals after that.

This blog has been a part of my journey now for 5 years. It has helped me in so many ways. I have people from all over the world that follow this and have encouraged me. I can’t thank you enough for following me, helping me encouraging me and only God knows where we go from here.

Thank you again. Love you all very much





Day 1615 Lets get naked

6 08 2017

First I want to thank you all for reading this blog. It’s so cool that people all over the world can read this. Looking at all the countries I wonder if I weird in foreign countries too.

Second I get a lot what does the day in your title mean. Well in this case 1615 days ago I started a car trip to Virginia by myself. to see one of my closet friends. I prayed and promised myself that my life would change for the better starting that day and would never be the same. So here we are 1615 days later. Its been one hell of a roller coaster but its been a blast.

I hope the title got you to read! I have been the physical naked more times that you want to hear. It was the only way I knew to love for the longest time or feel I was important. I hurt so many women over the years. It wasn’t purposeful just thought being naked meant I was enough. So shirt off,pants off and you liked me.

I hope for most of us with age comes wisdom, if not you hit your rock bottom and I promise you get wiser or you get buried.  I learned that not only does my value not coming from being physically naked but you want someone to love, like, or respect you: LETS GET REALLY NAKED. I hate small talk every bit of it, I could care less what’s up! I’m going to give or get a generic answer anyway so why I ask. The naked I want is the soul bearing, tear filled, biggest smile type of naked, clothes on or off I don’t care. I want to talk about: death, aliens, birthdays cake, what makes you cry, why you became insecure, why you fake it, music, the meaning of life,  the lies you live, your favorite smells, the quirks that nobody knows because you feel you’ll be judged, your childhood, your first crush, why you watch the ceiling fan spin at night, why does asparagus make your pee smell so bad, why you don’t like peanuts but love peanut butter. I want to know your emotions, what your depth is. Why you’re twisted.  I learned not to judge but question. When you know someone who is  feeling that,  that feeling only comes from God. if you know me and say you’re the weirdest person I know but I love your soul. Mission accomplished!

Don’t get me wrong I love the physical naked but learning what it takes to be real makes relationships powerful. I know you can’t get naked with everyone because most wont get it and that’s okay. So to me from you let’s get naked. Real is exposing your soul and not giving a damn! I’m ready for the real naked time!!

Thanks for reading

 








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