Day 1828 I dont need you but want…

25 06 2018

Welcome to the season of we Texans call hell. Its hot but not just hot, your skin stings. BO is a 3 minute monster, some people’s legs chap, beads of sweat are your friends, and the smell of bacon cooking off of a bald men’s head is a pleasant smell. Well anyway come to Texas you eventuality tan to a some color other than red.

I was actually asked to write by 3 people they missed me. It’s not that I don’t want to just sometimes there’s so much it feels like theirs nothing. but here I go.

In counseling I used the word I need a lot. I need this person, i need this job, this house. Over a period of time I got straightened out fairly well. We as humans need only these things. Three basic needs of humans are drinkable water, nourishing food and adequate sleep, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The ability to breathe is also necessary for humans.

So there you have it blog is over.. No wait, I get really tired of hearing I need her or him. If that was true the moment they left we would die, or how did we make it all of those years without them. (Tyler come on your being dramatic). I understand the feeling of need but there is no need to want anybody. Now when you want the other person you have got something magical. Wanting someone allows you to do more for them. If you need them you expect them to do things they can’t or wont. Wanting holds no expectation and when you get it you feel overjoyed, blessed and lucky to have them. rather than I must have them, they need to do this for me. Do we all need love and respect yes but we can discuss that another time too.

Here’s what this means for me. I can never be a mom and a woman can’t be a dad. What I can do is be the best man I can possibly be in my life. I cannot perform the function of a woman so when the one comes into my life I will appreciate her so much more. I can do whatever is needed to provide to my kids, I can love them, I can love others, I can change my part of the world, I can do and be better always. If a woman never shows up in my life for whatever reason and decides to stay I will still be the amazing man that I am with or without one. I don’t need her to live. BUT if I find the woman I want i will experience love like I pictured in my head, my heart will be full, my family will be complete again. I will have a true partner that i always wanted. My problem is I thought I need a woman to be whole, be a better man, love my  kids more, help change the world. Truth is I needed me to be the person i was designed to be.

This might be a completely foreign concept- need vs want. You want to be successful in a relationship find the things you want and you work on you being what you need for yourself. Stop making people out to be a need. What happens when they leave or die. Then you die? No you hope the one your with mourns, misses you but can pickup and continue to want whats missing but can live because they now the basic needs.

I always appreciate you reading and WANT you to continue.  Peace out peeps

Day 807 There will always be a consequence

12 04 2015

Baseball is here! Opening day for the Texas Rangers and almost everyone is hurt already and my son’s team is 3-0.  It’s so cool to watch little kids grow in such a short amount of time. Listening to them encourage and at the same time knock each other around is so cool. I miss those days but at least I get to watch it now. Denton Texas has a lot of great outside venues and a  lot of places you can’t smoke which I enjoy. I will say this I would smell cigarette smoke over the guy or girl who crop dusts people with the most fowl odor. Remember spreading toxic fumes is a crime  or I think if not it should be. This is your friendly PSA Public Service Announcement.

One lesson I’m teaching my babies is that there is a consequence for EVERYTHING we do. If you’re doing good, good will come back in many ways. It may not come back to you today or tomorrow but it will. We don’t do good to get it back but when you need it the most it will come in. It makes God happy when we give from a grateful willing heart.

I want to make sure that I believe God doesn’t punish us. He does give s free will which I think sometimes is punishment enough but no matter what everything in life will have a consequence. Some call it karma, life, or what goes around comes around. The past month  things I did 20’s and yes 30 years ago are coming back around to me now. I know Im forgiven there is no doubt but you don’t do some of the things I did or we all do and think we get off scott free. Many of the fights I participated in my body and especially my hands don’t function the way they should, I had 9 known concussions that were diagnosed and countless others that were not. Since I was trying to show my manhood, be tough etc.. I get foggy ad lost sometimes. Yes it could be old age but it’s also the absolutely beating I took in sports and fighting. Sure I have great stories and lots of memories but they are catching up. The way I treated people not only in just dealing s but sexually have caught up to me. When I have been treated a certain way I’m like I can’t believe they did that to me but then I remember oh yeah you weren’t always the best either.

The alcoholic that drank himself  to sleep every night for 20 years liver is failing. Yes it is and it doesn’t matter what you have changed in your life, what you cleaned up or what has been forgiven it always comes time to pay the piper. The drug user that got high all the time and now they can’t function, the cheater that cheats and now they slept with a good guy and now they have something. I could go on and on. This is my belief that no matter what the decision we made and make will have a consequence. Yes God can stop some it but you can’t do bad things your whole life and get nothing in return. I still never regret my life but I do wish I didn’t hurt some people who I did. If I could the feelings they had towards me I would, or the things my kids heard during their mom  and I’s fights i would.

So the good news is God is a great redeemer!! When your past catches up to your body, your heart and mind don’t be mad or astonished that it’s happening. Use it as a learning tool so we can teach those around us young and old that there is always a consequence good or bad. make sure to tell them the good too. Out of all the rock bottom I can stand in front of 1 or 1000 and tell them through my bad choices there came great from it but man does it hurt not only physically but mentally. The best vase is a shattered vase when glued back together because the sunlight has so many more places to shine through

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