Day 320 Time to be honest again like my beginning blogs

26 11 2013

Day 320 Time to be honest again like my beginning blogs.





Day 320 Time to be honest again like my beginning blogs

25 11 2013

I truly need a job like a weatherman! You never have to be right  and still get paid. We were supposed to have one of the worst winter storms and wound up raining! I swear the weatherman and retail places have a deal to get us paranoid so we buy all of this stuff and then nothing happens. The only good thing is that every checkout line was open at Wal-mart so I know something fishy was going on!

Denton Rugby is now 2-0 after we beat Arlington/Grandprarie 36-5 in the cold and mud! 60 minutes of playing for me leads to a happy but extremely sore old man!

I’m not sure why I stopped pouring myself out in every blog like I did when I started.  Oh there was complete sincerity and honesty in all my posts, but I also only shared those parts of me that more and more people began to praise and come for. I became this perfect specimen of a human being because I shared only those parts of me that made me seem like I was so. Even when I shared my weaknesses back then, it was usually in a way that would make me look even more awesome for sharing them. Problem with that was that I started to feel so alone! Never really feeling like I had a true connection with anyone except by laptop and fingers.  I would get encouraged by the words of praise and down when I would get attacked.  I knew the attacks were not my problem but the guilt or shame someone else was feeling and I was the only person they could take it out on! Everyone is a badarse behind the computer screen! I wanted you the reader to say wow this guy is awesome, recovered, a great catch for a women, etc.. but what I actually felt was a fart in the wind! I will say I have more good days then bad. I think on my good days wow I’m really awesome, I’m a great dad, I m an awesome giver and a voice that men and hopefully women see as someone they could look up to or maybe strive to be like. but like  everyone my bad days are bad. I’m an ahole, loner, my thoughts are self condemning, I’m afraid and mostly boring. I waste time on my phone, Facebook and wonder what in the heck am I doing with my life. I wonder why didn’t yo do more with your kids, you just went through the emotions again Why didn’t you cook dinner rather than eat out. Who did you love, why didn’t you speak something nice to someone.
So I start dating: Sometimes I have such an active and fulfilling dating life. There is hope, and potential, and good things happening. Other times, it is falling apart or just fell apart, and I know I’ll probably never find my forever someone. I think I went through all of this learning and changes and I really suck at this! SO I push it away!

Some would think they know me but you don’t probably because you don’t want to. I’m a strange a bird and different from most. I could tell I don’t care if you like me but guess what I do. I want you to just see the great part of me and overlook the crappy side! I know its impossible but we can all want. There is obviously a reason why so many people in this world (I’d even say the overwhelming majority) hide so much of themselves. The world can be hard and cruel. But even more than that, it’s not always fun to acknowledge the weaker parts of yourself, and the more douchey parts of yourself, and the more faulted parts of yourself. It’s a lot easier to forget those things and pretend like they aren’t a part of you or that they don’t always exist. am so tired of this bull crap sentiment that bloggers put themselves out there, so they should be willing to take anything that is thrown at them. That is just something said by high-pressure, highly judgmental, lousy, and hurtful jerks. There is no excuse to condemn and harshly judge others and so openly, so quit hiding behind whatever it is you’re lying to yourself about, and leave the other people in this world alone so that they can actually be okay with themselves.I am never going to be less sensitive so that you feel better about being judgmental toward me. I am not going to only put out ridiculous and constant rainbows and sunshine so that you feel better about hiding the less than ideal parts of yourself the way I did for so long. And I’m not going to pretend I’m something I’m not so that you like me more. Those days are done for me.

So what am I saying! When I write I will continue to be honest and open. Yes it hurts but I owe to myself and honestly I owe it to you! Your taking the time to read and there isn’t a lot of time in the day.  I do love each and everyone one of you and hope that something I say sticks with you and I can make you laugh, smile, angry, vomit whatever you wish  is my command! Lol! Have the best holiday! Thank you Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing for the motivation!





Day 314 My losses really don’t mean crap

20 11 2013

Day 314 My losses really don’t mean crap.





Day 314 My losses really don’t mean crap

20 11 2013

A great weekend because it was a Rugby weekend! We played our first game that counted and won 49-9. I got to play 35 minutes and I played well and feel “okay” I love the sport and looking forward to this year I think we are really good!

IF your single and reading this I know the holiday season is tough and lonely but please surround yourself with people who you love and love you! Don’t sit around and be by yourself. Enjoy the season its our holiday too! I read a lot of other blogs about being single during the holidays which I will share. Just keep working to a happy holiday.

Have your ever not been able to shake your losses.I was told today that you have done a great job getting to the point of where you have overcome but you have to change your focus because really your losses don’t matter anymore. They shaped who you are but that crap is over now! If you want true positive change you have to do what the great Socrates said!

Socrates

To be honest I suck at it! I have overcome a lot but I have stopped building the new. I have no idea why maybe fear, anxiety, worth, acceptance not sure but it has to start now or I will look up and 10 years from now being doing the exact same thing!

 

So today I hear this from a friend of mine and then I read this from Evan Sanders: The Bettermanprojects! He said exactly what I needed to. I have heard it twice so now I need to get off my arse!

Responsibility

What truly changed my entire life was realizing that I was indeed responsible for my own life. Of course there will be things in life that are completely out of your control. You have no ability to see them coming and when they happen they completely pull the rug out from under you. Were things truly turned around for me was when I realized that I had the power to act…not react. Action: the difference between movement and progress. I can tell you, there were moments that I thought I really wasn’t going to make it out. I would say to myself, “I don’t foresee any possible solution to this. How is this going to turn around.” Well it did…but that only came with the realization that taking responsibility for my own life was the only answer. The only way I could get myself into a better position was to create it. The only way to get to where I wanted to go was to build a foundation based off of my pride and determination. It’s in that moment when you bet on yourself when the script is flipped. Tighten your belt and string up your boots.

I’m going to give you an analogy.

And here comes another baseball analogy. When you are reacting to life…you are standing at the plate, bat on your shoulder, watching the balls and strikes come in…and waiting to be walked or struck out. You don’t swing…you just let the pitcher determine whether or not you are going to be successful that game. You are just watching and your reaction will be whatever the pitcher decides its going to be. However, when you are in action, you are sitting on your pitch and adjusting your strategy as the at bat moves along. You are waiting for your moment, hands ready, and when that pitch comes you try to make the best contact you can.

Life works in a very similar way. If you wait for your pitch, and you are prepared to hit it, you increase your chances of doing something great. But if you sit around and wait for things to happen, that is exactly what you are going to get: a lot of sitting around. I believe that whatever may be above us is watching to see what we do with what we have been given…what we can create…what we can make with our minds and our hands. Because those are the two greatest tools that we will ever have. We have the infinite capacity to either love or hate. We have the ability to send out incredible amounts of positive energy into this world…or choose to darken it…to dim the lights…to spread pain.

Life becomes a series of actions then…and with every action there is a result. When you choose to text someone and tell them that you miss them and that you care about them…you are doing out of love. When you choose to help someone in need, or pick someone up when they are down, you are making a choice…a positive choice. And that love and those choices have a ripple effect on the rest of the world. If we can all make those positive choices, starting with taking responsibility for our own lives and the things we decide to do – that is when this ship is going to truly set sail for a better place.

I choose, and I hope you will join me, to spread love every single day. I chose this path because that is what was done for me and brought me out of the worst. If you make that choice…you will become infectious – and for the best reason in the world: love.

– Evan Sanders

 





Day 314 My losses really don’t mean crap

19 11 2013

A great weekend because it was a Rugby weekend! We played our first game that counted and won 49-9. I got to play 35 minutes and I played well and feel “okay” I love the sport and looking forward to this year I think we are really good!

IF your single and reading this I know the holiday season is tough and lonely but please surround yourself with people who you love and love you! Don’t sit around and be by yourself. Enjoy the season its our holiday too! I read a lot of other blogs about being single during the holidays which I will share. Just keep working to a happy holiday.

Have your ever not been able to shake your losses.I was told today that you have done a great job getting to the point of where you have overcome but you have to change your focus because really your losses don’t matter anymore. They shaped who you are but that crap is over now! If you want true positive change you have to do what the great Socrates said!

Socrates

To be honest I suck at it! I have overcome a lot but I have stopped building the new. I have no idea why maybe fear, anxiety, worth, acceptance not sure but it has to start now or I will look up and 10 years from now being doing the exact same thing!

 

So today I hear this from a friend of mine and then I read this from Evan Sanders: The Bettermanprojects! He said exactly what I needed to. I have heard it twice so now I need to get off my arse!

Responsibility

What truly changed my entire life was realizing that I was indeed responsible for my own life. Of course there will be things in life that are completely out of your control. You have no ability to see them coming and when they happen they completely pull the rug out from under you. Were things truly turned around for me was when I realized that I had the power to act…not react. Action: the difference between movement and progress. I can tell you, there were moments that I thought I really wasn’t going to make it out. I would say to myself, “I don’t foresee any possible solution to this. How is this going to turn around.” Well it did…but that only came with the realization that taking responsibility for my own life was the only answer. The only way I could get myself into a better position was to create it. The only way to get to where I wanted to go was to build a foundation based off of my pride and determination. It’s in that moment when you bet on yourself when the script is flipped. Tighten your belt and string up your boots.

I’m going to give you an analogy.

And here comes another baseball analogy. When you are reacting to life…you are standing at the plate, bat on your shoulder, watching the balls and strikes come in…and waiting to be walked or struck out. You don’t swing…you just let the pitcher determine whether or not you are going to be successful that game. You are just watching and your reaction will be whatever the pitcher decides its going to be. However, when you are in action, you are sitting on your pitch and adjusting your strategy as the at bat moves along. You are waiting for your moment, hands ready, and when that pitch comes you try to make the best contact you can.

Life works in a very similar way. If you wait for your pitch, and you are prepared to hit it, you increase your chances of doing something great. But if you sit around and wait for things to happen, that is exactly what you are going to get: a lot of sitting around. I believe that whatever may be above us is watching to see what we do with what we have been given…what we can create…what we can make with our minds and our hands. Because those are the two greatest tools that we will ever have. We have the infinite capacity to either love or hate. We have the ability to send out incredible amounts of positive energy into this world…or choose to darken it…to dim the lights…to spread pain.

Life becomes a series of actions then…and with every action there is a result. When you choose to text someone and tell them that you miss them and that you care about them…you are doing out of love. When you choose to help someone in need, or pick someone up when they are down, you are making a choice…a positive choice. And that love and those choices have a ripple effect on the rest of the world. If we can all make those positive choices, starting with taking responsibility for our own lives and the things we decide to do – that is when this ship is going to truly set sail for a better place.

I choose, and I hope you will join me, to spread love every single day. I chose this path because that is what was done for me and brought me out of the worst. If you make that choice…you will become infectious – and for the best reason in the world: love.

– Evan Sanders

 





Holiday Survival Tips for the Divorced and Separated

16 11 2013

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

There is no season more polarizing than the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Years. For some, it is eagerly anticipated as they welcome the time with family and tradition. For others, it is a season filled with dread, as it has an uncanny ability to highlight what we do not have. For those in transition from one life to another, from partnered to single, from big family to small, it can be a tricky season to navigate but a little effort and reframing can go a long way. The following are some tips for the divorced and separated that can can help you reclaim your holiday rather than hiding from it.

Let Go of the Way it Was

It will not be the way it was before. Don’t even try to make it stay the same. It is an exercise in futility. But here is the most important part –…

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Day 310 Don’t be afraid

16 11 2013

My kids are back with their mom and that’s always tough! I enjoy them so much! There are many times I feel I m not doing enough or being the best I can be but last night I go tot post this to my Facebook account: Men there is nothing to make u prouder than being a good daddy. My daughter for no reason looked at me and said thank you for being a great man! Two years ago that would have never happened! There is always hope. There’s hope because I changed me and let my kids know through actions not words that they mean everything to me. I got to be a part of an event last night called Handsome Hunks of Johnson County. It was to raise money for charity. We got to walk/strut our stuff and get bid on. It was great and got a new set of friends that if you would have just put us in a room I never would have thought would have worked.

I get of my inspiration to write my blog from you or people I listen to during my day. They may not know I’m listening to them but I am. I do a lot of work in Starbucks and people are open with their coffee and that environment. If we were honest we get afraid and have no idea what to do in life sometimes. No matter how much you pray, don’t worry, etc.. sometimes human instinct kicks in and you just get afraid. I think the first time I felt the most afraid in my life was the first night I was in my apartment by myself after moving out of my house. I had no idea what the hell to do, no wife, no kids and no dog. For the first the first time in 15 years I was in absolute  silence, no guidance, not knowing what was next, no identity, no words of encouragement. I cried, I reflected and I was afraid like nothing I had ever been. You never think at 36 what now! I wanted something normal “for me” and it wasn’t coming back.  I had a friend tell me every night gets better and I wanted to flip him off because he hadn’t gone through it but now I know he was correct!Being afraid is natural for a child but its something your looked down upon when your older. It’s actually at this point in my life  the best/worst feeling because with the feeling of being afraid you either sink or swim. It caused my to get up and do something even though it may have been weird to walk the mall, or go to Sams or go to a movie by myself but that feeling helped me deal with the real me!

Divorce, death, betrayal whatever brings on the following: anger, sadness, hate, fear, loneliness but at the core of that were afraid! When we don’t “know” life is black hole and there is nothing that scares us more than the fear of the unknown. I hope nobody has to deal with being afraid, but right now or in the future you will get that feeling and embrace. I know that sounds stupid because in fear is when we learn the lessons that we missed. It’s okay to fight it but we lose every time. You might think you win this time but it will get us let your feelings be real to your self so your able to help yourself and someone else in the future.

 








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