Day 759 The greatest woman

24 02 2015

It happened the 2 inches of ice came and shut Dallas/Fort worth down. Everything came to a halt but I’m not good at sitting still so I went out and drove in it. It’s pretty cool to see a big city be quiet and still. I turned the heater up and the window down and appreciated the stillness. When I got back last night I sat outside for about 45 minutes and this came to me. There may not be a better sound than the silence of the outside when the ice/snow has shielded the ground and city of its sounds. In the silence we can hear so much more. It was worth ice coming!!

I love my mom! I don’t talk about her enough on my blog. There is no doubt in my mind that she is one of the greatest women ever put on earth. Shes 72 years old and you wouldn’t know. She has Parkinson’s and unless you watch her write you wouldn’t know really. There are starting to be some changes but mostly her left hand has to hold right hand when she’s writing. She’s stubborn but the stubbornness is what causes her to be so great. She doesn’t take no for an answer, she wont let you help her unless she’s really tired or letting you think she needs help lol. Shes tough and loving. She has always given tough love but the most compassionate love to. She has slapped my head when I buried it  in my bottom and given me the hug only a mother could. She has wiped my tears as a 39-year-old man and rubbed my head like when I was a baby and couldn’t sleep. I have watched her give her last dime to someone and it was usually my sister and I. If not somebody else. She has and always put herself above everybody and everything. She did it with a smile. She has been taken advantage of many times but it doesn’t stop her.

When everybody in my life was gone there she was and didn’t tell me I told you so. She may not understand me sometimes ( but who does) she tells me all the time she’s proud of me. If I’m being an idiot she tells me too and always corrects my bad grammar or my cussing. Being honest if she had to she could still kick my butt but please don’t tell her. When I don’t have the answers she may not either but I know she’s trying and just tells me she loves me. For my kids I could have never asked for a better Grandma. She spoils them and I mean bad, corrects them when necessary and listens to them like they are the most important kids in the world and  to her they are. She always insist to pay for everything and if you know her when her mind is made up just sit down. If you don’t she’ll make you sit down.

I used to think she’s the meanest lady in the world but because of God and my mom Im here today and thriving. She never gave up on anybody including me. I’m strong, a lover, a giver and a great man because she wouldn’t allow it any other way.

I’ve thought a lot about her lately and she is getting older and her Parkinson’s is getting worse. Besides me telling her I wanted the world to know how I was blessed with the greatest woman on this earth. I have no idea what I would do without you Billie Louise Wood. I love you mom.

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Day 759 The greatest woman

24 02 2015

It happened the 2 inches of ice came and shut Dallas/Fort worth down. Everything came to a halt but I’m not good at sitting still so I went out and drove in it. It’s pretty cool to see a big city be quiet and still. I turned the heater up and the window down and appreciated the stillness. When I got back last night I sat outside for about 45 minutes and this came to me. There may not be a better sound than the silence of the outside when the ice/snow has shielded the ground and city of its sounds. In the silence we can hear so much more. It was worth ice coming!!

I love my mom! I don’t talk about her enough on my blog. There is no doubt in my mind that she is one of the greatest women ever put on earth. Shes 72 years old and you wouldn’t know. She has Parkinson’s and unless you watch her write you wouldn’t know really. There are starting to be some changes but mostly her left hand has to hold right hand when she’s writing. She’s stubborn but the stubbornness is what causes her to be so great. She doesn’t take no for an answer, she wont let you help her unless she’s really tired or letting you think she needs help lol. Shes tough and loving. She has always given tough love but the most compassionate love to. She has slapped my head when I buried it  in my bottom and given me the hug only a mother could. She has wiped my tears as a 39-year-old man and rubbed my head like when I was a baby and couldn’t sleep. I have watched her give her last dime to someone and it was usually my sister and I. If not somebody else. She has and always put herself above everybody and everything. She did it with a smile. She has been taken advantage of many times but it doesn’t stop her.

When everybody in my life was gone there she was and didn’t tell me I told you so. She may not understand me sometimes ( but who does) she tells me all the time she’s proud of me. If I’m being an idiot she tells me too and always corrects my bad grammar or my cussing. Being honest if she had to she could still kick my butt but please don’t tell her. When I don’t have the answers she may not either but I know she’s trying and just tells me she loves me. For my kids I could have never asked for a better Grandma. She spoils them and I mean bad, corrects them when necessary and listens to them like they are the most important kids in the world and  to her they are. She always insist to pay for everything and if you know her when her mind is made up just sit down. If you don’t she’ll make you sit down.

I used to think she’s the meanest lady in the world but because of God and my mom Im here today and thriving. She never gave up on anybody including me. I’m strong, a lover, a giver and a great man because she wouldn’t allow it any other way.

I’ve thought a lot about her lately and she is getting older and her Parkinson’s is getting worse. Besides me telling her I wanted the world to know how I was blessed with the greatest woman on this earth. I have no idea what I would do without you Billie Louise Wood. I love you mom.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

23 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

22 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.

 





How to Change a Man

19 02 2015

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

I met up with a friend the other day. She’s at a crossroads with the man she’s been dating for the past year or so. She wants marriage. Not now, but she wants to move that direction and wants that to be the mutual end goal. At this point, he states he does not want marriage. Now or at any point. They’re in that difficult place where the relationship works, but the objectives of the partnership don’t align.

Having known Brock back in the days when he said he never wanted to be married, she inquired, “How did you get him to change?”

The short answer?

I didn’t.

And I couldn’t. At least not in any meaningful and lasting way.

I didn’t make him change. I didn’t ask him to change. I didn’t expect him to change.

But here’s what I did do:

I Accepted Where We Were

I always…

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Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.

 








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