Day 759 The greatest woman

24 02 2015

It happened the 2 inches of ice came and shut Dallas/Fort worth down. Everything came to a halt but I’m not good at sitting still so I went out and drove in it. It’s pretty cool to see a big city be quiet and still. I turned the heater up and the window down and appreciated the stillness. When I got back last night I sat outside for about 45 minutes and this came to me. There may not be a better sound than the silence of the outside when the ice/snow has shielded the ground and city of its sounds. In the silence we can hear so much more. It was worth ice coming!!

I love my mom! I don’t talk about her enough on my blog. There is no doubt in my mind that she is one of the greatest women ever put on earth. Shes 72 years old and you wouldn’t know. She has Parkinson’s and unless you watch her write you wouldn’t know really. There are starting to be some changes but mostly her left hand has to hold right hand when she’s writing. She’s stubborn but the stubbornness is what causes her to be so great. She doesn’t take no for an answer, she wont let you help her unless she’s really tired or letting you think she needs help lol. Shes tough and loving. She has always given tough love but the most compassionate love to. She has slapped my head when I buried it  in my bottom and given me the hug only a mother could. She has wiped my tears as a 39-year-old man and rubbed my head like when I was a baby and couldn’t sleep. I have watched her give her last dime to someone and it was usually my sister and I. If not somebody else. She has and always put herself above everybody and everything. She did it with a smile. She has been taken advantage of many times but it doesn’t stop her.

When everybody in my life was gone there she was and didn’t tell me I told you so. She may not understand me sometimes ( but who does) she tells me all the time she’s proud of me. If I’m being an idiot she tells me too and always corrects my bad grammar or my cussing. Being honest if she had to she could still kick my butt but please don’t tell her. When I don’t have the answers she may not either but I know she’s trying and just tells me she loves me. For my kids I could have never asked for a better Grandma. She spoils them and I mean bad, corrects them when necessary and listens to them like they are the most important kids in the world and  to her they are. She always insist to pay for everything and if you know her when her mind is made up just sit down. If you don’t she’ll make you sit down.

I used to think she’s the meanest lady in the world but because of God and my mom Im here today and thriving. She never gave up on anybody including me. I’m strong, a lover, a giver and a great man because she wouldn’t allow it any other way.

I’ve thought a lot about her lately and she is getting older and her Parkinson’s is getting worse. Besides me telling her I wanted the world to know how I was blessed with the greatest woman on this earth. I have no idea what I would do without you Billie Louise Wood. I love you mom.





Day 759 The greatest woman

24 02 2015

It happened the 2 inches of ice came and shut Dallas/Fort worth down. Everything came to a halt but I’m not good at sitting still so I went out and drove in it. It’s pretty cool to see a big city be quiet and still. I turned the heater up and the window down and appreciated the stillness. When I got back last night I sat outside for about 45 minutes and this came to me. There may not be a better sound than the silence of the outside when the ice/snow has shielded the ground and city of its sounds. In the silence we can hear so much more. It was worth ice coming!!

I love my mom! I don’t talk about her enough on my blog. There is no doubt in my mind that she is one of the greatest women ever put on earth. Shes 72 years old and you wouldn’t know. She has Parkinson’s and unless you watch her write you wouldn’t know really. There are starting to be some changes but mostly her left hand has to hold right hand when she’s writing. She’s stubborn but the stubbornness is what causes her to be so great. She doesn’t take no for an answer, she wont let you help her unless she’s really tired or letting you think she needs help lol. Shes tough and loving. She has always given tough love but the most compassionate love to. She has slapped my head when I buried it  in my bottom and given me the hug only a mother could. She has wiped my tears as a 39-year-old man and rubbed my head like when I was a baby and couldn’t sleep. I have watched her give her last dime to someone and it was usually my sister and I. If not somebody else. She has and always put herself above everybody and everything. She did it with a smile. She has been taken advantage of many times but it doesn’t stop her.

When everybody in my life was gone there she was and didn’t tell me I told you so. She may not understand me sometimes ( but who does) she tells me all the time she’s proud of me. If I’m being an idiot she tells me too and always corrects my bad grammar or my cussing. Being honest if she had to she could still kick my butt but please don’t tell her. When I don’t have the answers she may not either but I know she’s trying and just tells me she loves me. For my kids I could have never asked for a better Grandma. She spoils them and I mean bad, corrects them when necessary and listens to them like they are the most important kids in the world and  to her they are. She always insist to pay for everything and if you know her when her mind is made up just sit down. If you don’t she’ll make you sit down.

I used to think she’s the meanest lady in the world but because of God and my mom Im here today and thriving. She never gave up on anybody including me. I’m strong, a lover, a giver and a great man because she wouldn’t allow it any other way.

I’ve thought a lot about her lately and she is getting older and her Parkinson’s is getting worse. Besides me telling her I wanted the world to know how I was blessed with the greatest woman on this earth. I have no idea what I would do without you Billie Louise Wood. I love you mom.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

23 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

22 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.

 





How to Change a Man

19 02 2015

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

I met up with a friend the other day. She’s at a crossroads with the man she’s been dating for the past year or so. She wants marriage. Not now, but she wants to move that direction and wants that to be the mutual end goal. At this point, he states he does not want marriage. Now or at any point. They’re in that difficult place where the relationship works, but the objectives of the partnership don’t align.

Having known Brock back in the days when he said he never wanted to be married, she inquired, “How did you get him to change?”

The short answer?

I didn’t.

And I couldn’t. At least not in any meaningful and lasting way.

I didn’t make him change. I didn’t ask him to change. I didn’t expect him to change.

But here’s what I did do:

I Accepted Where We Were

I always…

View original post 403 more words





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.

 





Fay 750 Faith or Control

16 02 2015

It’s a blessing and a curse to have joint custody of your children after divorce. The blessings are too many to count but the hardest is when I get them back I have actually seen them change. Not only physically but mentally and emotional. I get my kids back on Fridays and seeing my daughter had a 7th grade Valentine dance. When I saw her in her dress I couldn’t believe that it was her but it was like looking at what I thought she would look like in the future. I’m just thankful I can see her and my son as much as I do but its tough watching them grow up and I’m not there.

Faith or control? Which one are you and if 100% of people were truthful we are all about the control. Faith- Faith is defined as confidence or trust in a being, object, living organism, deity, view, or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion, as well as confidence based on some degree of warrant. It can also be belief that is not based on proof. The word faith is often used as a synonym for hope, for trust, or for belief. Control-Toexercise authoritative or dominating influence over. 

The question to me is why. Faith you cannot see. Control you can. You can make someone do something and you control that situation or you perceive you do. Faith is letting go and not many of us a real good at that. I was the worlds worst control freak and we all know that control freaks control nothing no matter how much we want to believe we do. We can’t make someone love us, we can’t make problems go away, we can’t solve addiction, we cant  control people decisions at work. No matter the best plans ever put together Gods plan is what it is and that’s the bottom line. My favorite saying is that if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. If your plans are based on your control and not your faith then your plans will fail. You may get what you want but in the long run it winds up turning into sour grapes.

My whole life was like this: God its  11 I’m going to lunch and Ill be back at 1. If you don’t accomplish what I need by then  Ill take over. I mean I’ve always taken care of the way it was supposed to go (sarcasm). Here is a great example from this past week. I needed my sub contractors  to finish building a fence for a house were building. I set it up and even called the sub Wednesday morning to make sure he was going to be there. I had taken control  and we were golden. Well long story short the sub I talked to died in a car accident Wednesday morning, I was sad for him but I was also upset because now the fence wasn’t going to be  get finished which then would push back the closing and so on and so forth. What wound up happening is that the inspector that was supposed to be there the next day couldn’t make it and the customer and to push back the closing a day. It worked out the way it should. My control I put on it did nothing. Faith would say the only thing I can do is my part and the rest has nothing to do with me. Every morning we wake up once we hit the alarm the only thing we control if were allowed to wake up is hitting the alarm to go off and getting out of bed. After that its a crap shoot no matter how organized, put together or what a great planner you are. It’s easy to think we can control our kids, our life, and everything it. I know some great parents that I’ve patterned myself after and guess what their kids fell of the wagon. Not because the parents were  but because we don’t control our kids once they leave the house. We all that all american couple and because they tried to control the spouse they pushed them further away. In your life when someone tries to control you how do you feel and your like I don’t think so sucker.

My closet friend Jim said about me on my trip back from California that you seemed not to give a crap. That you were so care free with your decisions. My response. I lacked faith. God allowed me with my free will to control my life and with it, hit rock bottom,  I burned so many bridges, lost my best friend, lost my business, filed bankruptcy, lost my marriage, my home and essentially everything I thought I controlled. You see how well that turned out.  The last three years I’m LEARNING that God will handle it if I allow him with my walk of faith. I may not like his plan but his plan has worked out every-time. I really wound up liking it in the end and all I did was give up my control which I truly sucked at. You cannot see faith  but I promise if you follow faith you will be standing  exactly where you wanted to be.  So I expect all of you to read this or I wont blog tomorrow! (Get it)





Fay 750 Faith or Control

15 02 2015

It’s a blessing and a curse to have joint custody of your children after divorce. The blessings are too many to count but the hardest is when I get them back I have actually seen them change. Not only physically but mentally and emotional. I get my kids back on Fridays and seeing my daughter had a 7th grade Valentine dance. When I saw her in her dress I couldn’t believe that it was her but it was like looking at what I thought she would look like in the future. I’m just thankful I can see her and my son as much as I do but its tough watching them grow up and I’m not there.

Faith or control? Which one are you and if 100% of people were truthful we are all about the control. Faith- Faith is defined as confidence or trust in a being, object, living organism, deity, view, or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion, as well as confidence based on some degree of warrant. It can also be belief that is not based on proof. The word faith is often used as a synonym for hope, for trust, or for belief. Control-To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over. 

The question to me is why. Faith you cannot see. Control you can. You can make someone do something and you control that situation or you perceive you do. Faith is letting go and not many of us a real good at that. I was the worlds worst control freak and we all know that control freaks control nothing no matter how much we want to believe we do. We can’t make someone love us, we can’t make problems go away, we can’t solve addiction, we cant  control people decisions at work. No matter the best plans ever put together Gods plan is what it is and that’s the bottom line. My favorite saying is that if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. If your plans are based on your control and not your faith then your plans will fail. You may get what you want but in the long run it winds up turning into sour grapes.

My whole life was like this: God its  11 I’m going to lunch and Ill be back at 1. If you don’t accomplish what I need by then  Ill take over. I mean I’ve always taken care of the way it was supposed to go (sarcasm). Here is a great example from this past week. I needed my sub contractors  to finish building a fence for a house were building. I set it up and even called the sub Wednesday morning to make sure he was going to be there. I had taken control  and we were golden. Well long story short the sub I talked to died in a car accident Wednesday morning, I was sad for him but I was also upset because now the fence wasn’t going to be  get finished which then would push back the closing and so on and so forth. What wound up happening is that the inspector that was supposed to be there the next day couldn’t make it and the customer and to push back the closing a day. It worked out the way it should. My control I put on it did nothing. Faith would say the only thing I can do is my part and the rest has nothing to do with me. Every morning we wake up once we hit the alarm the only thing we control if were allowed to wake up is hitting the alarm to go off and getting out of bed. After that its a crap shoot no matter how organized, put together or what a great planner you are. It’s easy to think we can control our kids, our life, and everything it. I know some great parents that I’ve patterned myself after and guess what their kids fell of the wagon. Not because the parents were  but because we don’t control our kids once they leave the house. We all that all american couple and because they tried to control the spouse they pushed them further away. In your life when someone tries to control you how do you feel and your like I don’t think so sucker.

My closet friend Jim said about me on my trip back from California that you seemed not to give a crap. That you were so care free with your decisions. My response. I lacked faith. God allowed me with my free will to control my life and with it, hit rock bottom,  I burned so many bridges, lost my best friend, lost my business, filed bankruptcy, lost my marriage, my home and essentially everything I thought I controlled. You see how well that turned out.  The last three years I’m LEARNING that God will handle it if I allow him with my walk of faith. I may not like his plan but his plan has worked out every-time. I really wound up liking it in the end and all I did was give up my control which I truly sucked at. You cannot see faith  but I promise if you follow faith you will be standing  exactly where you wanted to be.  So I expect all of you to read this or I wont blog tomorrow! (Get it)





The Two Words You Should Never Say

14 02 2015

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

We often utter these two words under the guise of empathy and compassion.

We say them almost automatically when something said triggers a memory in ourselves.

But when we say these words, we are not being empathetic. Or compassionate.

We are being egotistical and worst and narrow-minded at best.

Assuming that we know more and that others’ experiences parallel our own.

“I understand.”

Those two words are dismissive and minimizing.

Rather than provide comfort, they lend an air of superiority that leaves the “understood” one feeling invisible rather than appreciated as it reduces an entire lifetime of experiences and reactions to a mere sketch comprised of conjecture.

“I understand” is built upon a foundation of assumptions.

It assumes that everyone perceives as you do.

Feels as you do.

Responds as you do.

But they don’t.

You can relate. You can identify.

And you can certainly empathize.

But you will never…

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