Day 1808 You choose your hell

5 06 2018

Hello blog peeps. In the airport people watching getting ready to head to Florida. I should get paid to people watch, what  an awesome sport.

I m trying to find my purpose and slowly I think I am. I want to serve young men and women and give them hope that they can change. We have all been told people don’t change well that’s the biggest line of crap we have ever been fed. If someone tells you that it’s the hardest thing you will ever do that may not be enough to tell someone, you have to show them.

We all have to face our mistakes either out loud in a blog, group, with the ones me hurt or in our own silent hell,  My hell which is still going on is every Friday afternoon when I have dropped off my kids to go to their moms and I have the turn-key hell. Turn key hell= When I get to my house door and I open the door and the no sound, emptiness feeling of my house.  I’m about to walk into without the laughing of my kids, the pushing of my kids, the no cartoons, the i don’t want to eat that, Can I have more, I m bored, I don’t want to brush my teeth and mostly the I love you daddy. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I haven’t got used to that yet. My dog greets me and she looks for the kids and I tell her no Vaida next Friday and she walks over to her bed because she misses them. There is no women to say how was your day, the smell of a women, the we need to do this, can you go do this or a hug or kiss. So I put my bag down in the chair and every time I hope for a different feeling but I have to stop when the door closes behind me take a deep breath and realize this is the hell you created. The great thing is I have the feeling because I will remember it. You can’t make the mistakes that we all do and not expect the to be repercussions. So men if you don’t deal with your crap, ego, your pride, you fear and your left with and empty house don’t blame anyone expect yourself. Man up, there are to many resources for you to have to say at 60 I’m sorry for what I didn’t do, because it can be done. Or keep doing what you’re doing, be separated from your kids, have the hollow empty feeling of loss that can only be stitched up, and go into the empty, quite, lonely hell that you created. It will happen you’re not one of the stats that gets away with it. I can promise that the Friday turn-key hell is worse than any hell she, or your ego supposedly has put you through.

That was it in a nutshell. I don’t want anyone to feel that you can’t change and you cant restore. AS NIKE SAYS: JUST DO IT

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Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!





Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!





Day 736 Shut up and change one thing already

1 02 2015

You never get to pick your family but God got it right for me. My baby sister Meagan Wood turned 34 yesterday . From the moment they brought her home in her pink onesy   I was so proud. Thank you for your giving, caring heart, infectious laugh, and that brand of humor that only a few of us get. I love you sis. Happy birthday.We also have a hedgehog now in the Wood family. He’s 6 weeks old and his name is Henry because it just is my daughter said. They have a great personality  and yes the quills hurt.
There is a punishment is our house for using the word can’t. Those words have sunk more lives, than I hate you, u suck, your an idiot. I have used those words in my life between the ages of 25-36 and guess what I didn’t. There is a difference  in I can’t and I won’t.  How in the world can u say I can’t do that  if you have never once tried? Why would you listen  to someone else who says you can’t because that idiot hadn’t and doesn’t want u to do something they haven’t done so they make u feel like crap. Can’t keeps you from change. I get so sick of people saying I can’t change, it’s just the way I am. My family was this way, my friends said that I can’t. In the words of my son that’s a bunch of boo boo. I myself said the lies that we believe I can’t change. So much so that August of 2011 all the lies I told myself and what others said  I believed and sat on top of a hill in Aubrey Texas ready to take my life. When you look at everything wrong with us as people I would agree it would seem to much to handle but I promise you it’s not if you do this:…

You have to put your problems in a bowl yes a real bowl of the things you want to change. Dont put 50 put 3-4. Then grab one out. Okay your saying that is so stupid really hows your plan working out. Just try it! Then the one you grab out tell God from this moment forward we will change this issue please Lord take this from me. Tell yourself I CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE! Then whatever you need to change that could be alcohol, drug addiction, anger, procrastination, laziness, bad spouse or parent etc.. you do whatever is necessary and find the answer. it maybe Google, support groups, new friends, pastor, Rock Bottom Outreach, counseling. The answer is there. There is never a reason not to change. The ONLY and mean only REASON you haven’t change is you don’t want to. I was that guy. He can’t change, I was a selfish, self-centered, jerk,  a hollow, excuse making man, that never cared what you had to say unless it benefited me. I was a dad but not a good one and a crappy husband until it was too late. I hit my knees and told God I will do whatever you say no matter how uncomfortable, hard, or terrified I was. There were so many people who helped and pushed me but I had to do it. I’m proud of that but if I would have looked at the toilet full of crap I had to change I would still be back there today. So what was my one thing I picked was my anger. I could snap and break your neck or belittle you before you could say hi. I promise through punching, swearing, crying and yelling at the top of my lungs we figured it out. Sure I still get angry but I see why and I don’t take it out on others. My crap is my crap and not yours. Nobody is responsible for my behavior or how I react except me. The truth is change is right in front of us and I mean blatantly right in front of us. It’s never to late to start. Dont say next week or when this happens. Just start by shutting up, and finding one thing you want to change: JUST ONE! And attack it like a fat kid would cookies.I promise the other side of change  is amazing. Once you start and do one the 2nd and 3rd are going to be so much easier.Many of you that read this don’t know me but I’m offering help. Life is too short to waste, but just know when I offer you help and you accept it I am like a fat kid on cookies so wear a bib it’s about to be an amazing ride.





Day 597 What is wrong with you really?

15 09 2014

We did it we completed the busiest weekend ever. From Friday night dance, Saturday flag football game, TCU Football game, birthday shopping, and a Chuck E Cheese birthday we packed a little bit of living in. My kids had a great weekend but my daughter was so tired she fell asleep on the toilet tonight.

What is wrong with you? I ve asked that many times after my first 6 months of divorce and learning what I did about relationships. I can tell you 10 people on Facebook right now that hop from relationship to relationship and yes even marriage to marriage since I ve been divorced. I used to hate being alone and I did that in my 20’s . I was married for 14 and I promise that’s the first thing I wanted to do is find someone to “complete me” (That makes me want to vomit when I hear it). People enhance your life they damn sure can’t complete you when they barley can complete themselves. When we rely on the opposite sex to fulfill our life we will search the rest of our life trying to find “whatever it is we are looking for”. IF WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH US, WE WILL NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER BE HAPPY WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. The reason we fail at relationships is for many reasons but the reason we continue to hop to one after another is for many reasons: hurt, or insecure, or very vulnerable, they have  the need of being in a relationship so they can lick the wounds they were dealt, Some people cannot stand to be alone and must have the intimate bond of a relationship. That intimacy is usually more important than choosing the right person, By changing people, they develop new feelings for them, and since there’s only room for so much the old exit, you love to rebound, you think you need sex, you’re a cheater, you love to pass the pain, You love the abuse, emotional, physical or mental. So how do you fix it. If you don’t fix it you will ALWAYS wind up in the same relationship, different name and face but the outcome is always the same. Try me and argue with me and I can show you that you have been dating the same person or married to the same person and we attract whats comfortable. Not whats right.

You see after 2.5 year of counseling I know this is what I’m normally attracted to and I promise one of my friends pointed out that there could be 50,000 great women in Cowboys stadium and you would find that one. She needs to be rescued, shes tall, darker hair, mean, bigger boobs, fake,  bitchy and hollow and will never be truthful.. Every time we go out I have to ask my friends is she mean and bitchy and I always pick her. I could date her but I don’t even ask. It’s comfortable to me and I have been dating that person since I was 15. Not all, but if they were good I pushed them out the door like a bad dog.

How do you stop it. Stop telling people the following, you’re judging me, you have never walked in my shoes, you don’t know me. We are not some mythical creature from a book. Most people are the same. We can sit back and watch your world crumble around you and know whats causing it and you would never know because your to busy telling everyone how wrong they are. We all need help and counseling. We don’t know everything and we cant. We know how to fail at relationship but don’t know how to succeed. I PROMISE ITS NOT ALWAYS THE OTHER PERSONS FAULT. If we have failed at many relationship guess who the common denominator is.

For me I may have gone to far and now I don’t have anyone in my life because I’m to picky. I would rather be safe than sorry. I made a promise to myself to never purposely hurt another woman. I know whats wrong me which is a lot and why would I bring someone into my life that I knowingly know will not work. It’s just stupid and I don’t want to bring tears to another woman’s eyes. I know it takes two but I’m only responsible for me so If I can save “her” from me I will. I don’t need the blind the blind leading the blind anymore.

So now go ahead and attack me and tell you’re a  know it all, and you think your right about this. I was a world-class relationship failure so yeah I made it a goal to change it. If you haven’t even tried to learn leave your crap and hot air at the door. It’s not even worth it. I know everyone has an opinion but that doesn’t mean it needs to be heard. Your reading my blog that I’m not writing about you so if it touches a nerve look in the mirror and you’ll find all the answers you need to right there.

PS I know my grammar and writing style sucks sometimes. I don’t care but I appreciate the feedback. If I go back and correct it Ill change what I wrote. So I’m uncut and unprotected.





Day 597 What is wrong with you really?

14 09 2014

We did it we completed the busiest weekend ever. From Friday night dance, Saturday flag football game, TCU Football game, birthday shopping, and a Chuck E Cheese birthday we packed a little bit of living in. My kids had a great weekend but my daughter was so tired she fell asleep on the toilet tonight.

What is wrong with you? I ve asked that many times after my first 6 months of divorce and learning what I did about relationships. I can tell you 10 people on Facebook right now that hop from relationship to relationship and yes even marriage to marriage since I ve been divorced. I used to hate being alone and I did that in my 20’s . I was married for 14 and I promise that’s the first thing I wanted to do is find someone to “complete me” (That makes me want to vomit when I hear it). People enhance your life they damn sure can’t complete you when they barley can complete themselves. When we rely on the opposite sex to fulfill our life we will search the rest of our life trying to find “whatever it is we are looking for”. IF WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH US, WE WILL NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER BE HAPPY WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. The reason we fail at relationships is for many reasons but the reason we continue to hop to one after another is for many reasons: hurt, or insecure, or very vulnerable, they have  the need of being in a relationship so they can lick the wounds they were dealt, Some people cannot stand to be alone and must have the intimate bond of a relationship. That intimacy is usually more important than choosing the right person, By changing people, they develop new feelings for them, and since there’s only room for so much the old exit, you love to rebound, you think you need sex, you’re a cheater, you love to pass the pain, You love the abuse, emotional, physical or mental. So how do you fix it. If you don’t fix it you will ALWAYS wind up in the same relationship, different name and face but the outcome is always the same. Try me and argue with me and I can show you that you have been dating the same person or married to the same person and we attract whats comfortable. Not whats right.

You see after 2.5 year of counseling I know this is what I’m normally attracted to and I promise one of my friends pointed out that there could be 50,000 great women in Cowboys stadium and you would find that one. She needs to be rescued, shes tall, darker hair, mean, bigger boobs, fake,  bitchy and hollow and will never be truthful.. Every time we go out I have to ask my friends is she mean and bitchy and I always pick her. I could date her but I don’t even ask. It’s comfortable to me and I have been dating that person since I was 15. Not all, but if they were good I pushed them out the door like a bad dog.

How do you stop it. Stop telling people the following, you’re judging me, you have never walked in my shoes, you don’t know me. We are not some mythical creature from a book. Most people are the same. We can sit back and watch your world crumble around you and know whats causing it and you would never know because your to busy telling everyone how wrong they are. We all need help and counseling. We don’t know everything and we cant. We know how to fail at relationship but don’t know how to succeed. I PROMISE ITS NOT ALWAYS THE OTHER PERSONS FAULT. If we have failed at many relationship guess who the common denominator is.

For me I may have gone to far and now I don’t have anyone in my life because I’m to picky. I would rather be safe than sorry. I made a promise to myself to never purposely hurt another woman. I know whats wrong me which is a lot and why would I bring someone into my life that I knowingly know will not work. It’s just stupid and I don’t want to bring tears to another woman’s eyes. I know it takes two but I’m only responsible for me so If I can save “her” from me I will. I don’t need the blind the blind leading the blind anymore.

So now go ahead and attack me and tell you’re a  know it all, and you think your right about this. I was a world-class relationship failure so yeah I made it a goal to change it. If you haven’t even tried to learn leave your crap and hot air at the door. It’s not even worth it. I know everyone has an opinion but that doesn’t mean it needs to be heard. Your reading my blog that I’m not writing about you so if it touches a nerve look in the mirror and you’ll find all the answers you need to right there.

 

PS I know my grammar and writing style sucks sometimes. I don’t care but I appreciate the feedback. If I go back and correct it Ill change what I wrote. So I’m uncut and unprotected.








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