Day 1828 I dont need you but want…

25 06 2018

Welcome to the season of we Texans call hell. Its hot but not just hot, your skin stings. BO is a 3 minute monster, some people’s legs chap, beads of sweat are your friends, and the smell of bacon cooking off of a bald men’s head is a pleasant smell. Well anyway come to Texas you eventuality tan to a some color other than red.

I was actually asked to write by 3 people they missed me. It’s not that I don’t want to just sometimes there’s so much it feels like theirs nothing. but here I go.

In counseling I used the word I need a lot. I need this person, i need this job, this house. Over a period of time I got straightened out fairly well. We as humans need only these things. Three basic needs of humans are drinkable water, nourishing food and adequate sleep, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The ability to breathe is also necessary for humans.

So there you have it blog is over.. No wait, I get really tired of hearing I need her or him. If that was true the moment they left we would die, or how did we make it all of those years without them. (Tyler come on your being dramatic). I understand the feeling of need but there is no need to want anybody. Now when you want the other person you have got something magical. Wanting someone allows you to do more for them. If you need them you expect them to do things they can’t or wont. Wanting holds no expectation and when you get it you feel overjoyed, blessed and lucky to have them. rather than I must have them, they need to do this for me. Do we all need love and respect yes but we can discuss that another time too.

Here’s what this means for me. I can never be a mom and a woman can’t be a dad. What I can do is be the best man I can possibly be in my life. I cannot perform the function of a woman so when the one comes into my life I will appreciate her so much more. I can do whatever is needed to provide to my kids, I can love them, I can love others, I can change my part of the world, I can do and be better always. If a woman never shows up in my life for whatever reason and decides to stay I will still be the amazing man that I am with or without one. I don’t need her to live. BUT if I find the woman I want i will experience love like I pictured in my head, my heart will be full, my family will be complete again. I will have a true partner that i always wanted. My problem is I thought I need a woman to be whole, be a better man, love my  kids more, help change the world. Truth is I needed me to be the person i was designed to be.

This might be a completely foreign concept- need vs want. You want to be successful in a relationship find the things you want and you work on you being what you need for yourself. Stop making people out to be a need. What happens when they leave or die. Then you die? No you hope the one your with mourns, misses you but can pickup and continue to want whats missing but can live because they now the basic needs.

I always appreciate you reading and WANT you to continue.  Peace out peeps





Day 460 Its over

5 05 2014

Spent my weekend in Austin in the Texas Rugby Championships. Got to sight see and if you have never Austin has everything. People, food, bats, and places. Ate well and healthy and somewhat healthy.  The one thing I was disappointed in was the unfriendliness of people. I try to speak and wave to a lot of people. The response back was almost none. It’s the first time it had ever been that way there maybe because the high Saturday reached 95 and it was to hot for May.

For 17 years I have played the most physically violent sport on the plant. I have loved it and hated it. I have won state championships, played in Western US championships, played teams from all over the world. Have won way more than I lost and been very humbled with butt kickings that taught me so much. Saturday we lost in the TRU championships in Austin. The first 15 minutes we played better than we had all year. We got inside the 5 yard line 3 times and only scored once. If you have placed sports you know that can be a killer and it was. The outcome sucked but I was so proud of how we played.  I walked off the field for my final time. I have been playing the past 7 weeks with a  fractured ankle so saying walked was an understatement. I actually teared up when I got to he sidelines because I’m no longer an athlete. I’m retired(I promise this time) I have played contact sports since I was 5.  33 years later my body is a mess but I’m a warrior and couldn’t be more proud of what I accomplished over the 33 years. Its hard knowing that I REALLY am done but its time to find something else to do. Rugby has given me my best friends and tons of memories both Good and bad.  No I get Tuesdays, Thursday nights back and Saturdays. Not much more to say but what a ride!





Day 460 Its over

4 05 2014

Spent my weekend in Austin in the Texas Rugby Championships. Got to sight see and if you have never Austin has everything. People, food, bats, and places. Ate well and healthy and somewhat healthy.  The one thing I was disappointed in was the unfriendliness of people. I try to speak and wave to a lot of people. The response back was almost none. It’s the first time it had ever been that way there maybe because the high Saturday reached 95 and it was to hot for May.

For 17 years I have played the most physically violent sport on the plant. I have loved it and hated it. I have won state championships, played in Western US championships, played teams from all over the world. Have won way more than I lost and been very humbled with butt kickings that taught me so much. Saturday we lost in the TRU championships in Austin. The first 15 minutes we played better than we had all year. We got inside the 5 yard line 3 times and only scored once. If you have placed sports you know that can be a killer and it was. The outcome sucked but I was so proud of how we played.  I walked off the field for my final time. I have been playing the past 7 weeks with a  fractured ankle so saying walked was an understatement. I actually teared up when I got to he sidelines because I’m no longer an athlete. I’m retired(I promise this time) I have played contact sports since I was 5.  33 years later my body is a mess but I’m a warrior and couldn’t be more proud of what I accomplished over the 33 years. Its hard knowing that I REALLY am done but its time to find something else to do. Rugby has given me my best friends and tons of memories both Good and bad.  No I get Tuesdays, Thursday nights back and Saturdays. Not much more to say but what a ride!








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