Day 486 Don’t read this blog please

30 05 2014

My kids are growing up so fast. I heard a comedian the other day say if you kids ask you to  hold them or pick them up because they grow up right in front of you. I went to pick my daughter at school  and said wow that girl is certainly grown up to be a sixth grader and it was my daughter.  I’m just glad that I removed my head out of my butt 3 years ago and started appreciating being a daddy. In 6 years she graduates and moves on.  May 27th I graduated high school 20 years ago. I remember telling myself I’m not sure I’m going to make it to the reunion that’s so far away. Well in two weeks we have our 20 year reunion. Either we live in it or it passes us by.

Every day we wake up (hopefully) and do our routine: bathroom, coffee, breakfast, get kids ready, shower etc..  We get in our car, take the kids to school, go to work, wish our day would hurry up and end, eat lunch probably the same thing, get sleepy about 2 and try anything to stay awake. We rush so we can get home, to our kids,, make dinner, do laundry, after school events,  watch a show, read etc.. Guess what we bitch and complain about all of it.  We may not say it out loud or post it on social media but we do. If you don’t please email me and tell me how you do it. I know have faith in God but then we become human and our free will takes over and we sometimes don’t follow it. I truly believe we all know better but we are so afraid that if we actually are happy then what do we complain about. All of us usually follow what our parents did. We always do what our parents do not what they say. They knew better and so do we.  We live for Saturday and Sunday then Sunday night we stress about going back to work. Why do we sap our life away with things we hate and know make us unhappy. FEAR. that stupid 4 letter word which makes us say a bunch of other 4 letter words.





Day 486 Don’t read this blog please

30 05 2014

My kids are growing up so fast. I heard a comedian the other day say if you kids ask you to  hold them or pick them up because they grow up right in front of you. I went to pick my daughter at school  and said wow that girl is certainly grown up to be a sixth grader and it was my daughter.  I’m just glad that I removed my head out of my butt 3 years ago and started appreciating being a daddy. In 6 years she graduates and moves on.  May 27th I graduated high school 20 years ago. I remember telling myself I’m not sure I’m going to make it to the reunion that’s so far away. Well in two weeks we have our 20 year reunion. Either we live in it or it passes us by.

Every day we wake up (hopefully) and do our routine: bathroom, coffee, breakfast, get kids ready, shower etc..  We get in our car, take the kids to school, go to work, wish our day would hurry up and end, eat lunch probably the same thing, get sleepy about 2 and try anything to stay awake. We rush so we can get home, to our kids,, make dinner, do laundry, after school events,  watch a show, read etc.. Guess what we bitch and complain about all of it.  We may not say it out loud or post it on social media but we do. If you don’t please email me and tell me how you do it. I know have faith in God but then we become human and our free will takes over and we sometimes don’t follow it. I truly believe we all know better but we are so afraid that if we actually are happy then what do we complain about. All of us usually follow what our parents did. We always do what our parents do not what they say. They knew better and so do we.  We live for Saturday and Sunday then Sunday night we stress about going back to work. Why do we sap our life away with things we hate and know make us unhappy. FEAR. that stupid 4 letter word which makes us say a bunch of other 4 letter words.

 

 

 





Day 481 I am important

26 05 2014

One of the best days in my life literally. I got baptized this morning with my babies there and some of my closest friends and family..

ImageImageImageImage

After the past three years I knew I deserved it but my kids needed to see it to. Brian my friend and Counselor baptized me and my Rock Bottom Outreach brothers helped just in case I was too much. I got hugs and love from so many. The most amazing part was when we went to he area in the back I got prayed over the words that were spoken over me were so amazing. I felt like looking around and making sure they were talking about me but everyone hands were on me. so I know it was me. The things I had done in others lives and the words I had said to them. I honestly had no idea and I cried because others did. It was the first time that I was making a difference and that all my changes were really making a difference. Brian spoke in front of the whole church and I was amazed to hear the words were spoken to the whole church. Then one by one the words flowed from others. I know most of us never hear anything positive about ourselves and we just move on. When adults stop and take the time to pour out their hearts its something you can carry  with you forever. I’m just thankful I heard God today because I know I needed it.

After my baptism I got to drive down and see my 96-year-old grandmother and be there for her birthday. It’s really cool to be able to know someone that’s almost 100 and could still kick my butt if she put her mind to it. She’s an amazing lady and she gave us my mom so I couldn’t be more thankful.  May 25 2014 one awesome day.





Day 481 I am important

25 05 2014

One of the best days in my life literally. I got baptized this morning with my babies there and some of my closest friends and family..

ImageImageImageImage

After the past three years I knew I deserved it but my kids needed to see it to. Brian my friend and Counselor baptized me and my Rock Bottom Outreach brothers helped just in case I was too much. I got hugs and love from so many. The most amazing part was when we went to he area in the back I got prayed over the words that were spoken over me were so amazing. I felt like looking around and making sure they were talking about me but everyone hands were on me. so I know it was me. The things I had done in others lives and the words I had said to them. I honestly had no idea and I cried because others did. It was the first time that I was making a difference and that all my changes were really making a difference. Brian spoke in front of the whole church and I was amazed to hear the words were spoken to the whole church. Then one by one the words flowed from others. I know most of us never hear anything positive about ourselves and we just move on. When adults stop and take the time to pour out their hearts its something you can carry  with you forever. I’m just thankful I heard God today because I know I needed it.

After my baptism I got to drive down and see my 96-year-old grandmother and be there for her birthday. It’s really cool to be able to know someone that’s almost 100 and could still kick my butt if she put her mind to it. She’s an amazing lady and she gave us my mom so I couldn’t be more thankful.  May 25 2014 one awesome day.





Day 481 I am important

25 05 2014

One of the best days in my life literally. I got baptized this morning with my babies there and some of my closest friends and family..

 

ImageImageImageImage

 

After the past three years I knew I deserved it but my kids needed to see it to. Brian my friend and Counselor baptized me and my Rock Bottom Outreach brothers helped just in case I was to much. I got hugs and love from so many. The most amazing part was when we went to he area in the back I got prayed over the words that were spoken over me were so amazing. I felt like looking around and making sure they were talking about me but everyone hands were on me. so I know it was me. The things I had done in others lives and the words I had said to them. I honestly had no idea and I cried because others did. It was the first time that I was making a difference and that all my changes were really making a difference. Brian spoke in front of the whole church and I was amazed to hear the words were spoke to the whole church. Then one by one the words flowed from others. I know most of us never hear anything positive about ourselves and we just move on. When adults stop and take the time to pour out their hearts its something you can carry  with you forever. I’m just thankful I heard God today because I know I needed it.

After my baptism I got to drive down and see my 96 year old grandmother and be there for her birthday. Its really cool to be able to know someone that’s almost 100 and could still kick my butt if she put her mind to it. She’s an amazing lady and she gave us my mom so I couldn’t be more thankful.  May 25 2014 one awesome day.





Day 476 Mirror Mirror on your wall

21 05 2014

Day 476 Mirror Mirror on your wall.





Day 476 Mirror Mirror on your wall

20 05 2014

Sometimes writing just helps. I used to vocalize everything and most times it was in a punishing way.  I used to hate writing because I wasn’t interested in the topic but now the topic can be whatever or wherever my heart and mind desire. I know 3 people who have started blogging because I blog. That’s a heck of a compliment. They don’t have to blog like me but just the fact they can find themselves and express themselves  can be life changing.

Mirror Mirror on the wall who has no damn idea at all. That would be most of us. When you look at the mirror in the mornings whats the first thing you tell yourself.  Is it good and if its good are you doing so you feel like your covering up your true feelings about yourself. In the past 3 weeks I’ve had 3 people ask me about suicide. Not because they wanted my thoughts but they were calling out for a desperate plea to know if they were okay. I wanted to know what they thought about themselves and it is what most have or haven’t thought about themselves. This hurts too much, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, he/she didn’t love me, nothing I do is right, God’s not listening to me, I don’t matter to anyone, my past won’t leave me.   The problem is we all have a disability and that is us. Many days I believe it would be better to blind so we couldn’t see ourselves.  We then compare ourselves to that supposed person that has it together. That person who is trying so hard to show you how they have it all together is the one dying the most. We still take that and go home and look in the mirror and wonder why I can’t be like them.

I can’t stop the pain. I can’t change anyone if they don’t want to change. I would tell you to throw all your mirrors away but you won’t. So tomorrow morning wake-up and walk to your mirror and just say I look good today, Im worthy, I matter. Anything that will help you see the great in you. GOD DIDN”T MAKE MISTAKES. It doesn’t matter what you have done, it’s never to late to start over, or see yourself in a way you haven’t. Sometimes  its the people in our life that can help us through this journey, pick wisely and keep the ones close that help make you better. Those reading this that know me. I know take my own advice and I’m trying!





Day 474 What the eyes have seen FINAL

19 05 2014

I had a really cool weekend. I need a long nap but I lived it full this weekend. I got to speak again for Rock Bottom Outreach. I felt like myself and that my words really carried some meaning. I also went to the horses races mostly to see if California Chrome could attempt to win the Triple Crown. I really believe in two weeks we will have the first triple crown winner in many years. It’s unbelievable how much money is generated in horse racing. Now if I could  just own a horse!

I really appreciate all the responses I have gotten to this series of blogs I have been writing. Lots of encouragement and questions. When you traveled as much as I did for work you will have an experience where you think you may day in an airplane, We just dropped 15K feet in 13 seconds. I made my final call and left a VM telling my ex it was over and I loved her. You life will really flash before your eyes. When you travel just know the strongest become weak. Never get close to the point of being alone with people who you travel to all the time. If you have doubts on your wedding day end it then not later.If you think that something that happens early in a relationship wont care to the end your wrong. Just take the damn trip! It’s just money don’t complain just buy it for her. Take the guy trip it’s about memories and stories not woulda shoulda coulda. If they tell you Blair Witch Project will make you sick believe them. Just don’t drink the water in Mexico. Beer before liquor does make you sick! Trust but verify. Then check again. Go see your parents whenever you can because sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come. If someone offers you a can’t miss financial opportunity at least look at it because it could be worth millions. Love is not a feeling its a decision and some days you don’t have it but that’s , okay. Never accept 2nd best. Never give up on anyone because they could give up on you! Say your sorry and meant. Never tell someone you love them when you don’t. Never expect a pat on the back for the good you have done.  Learn to be alone but don’t isolate. Never lie to your kids. Tell you kids how awesome they are all the time. If they ask to pick them up do it because they grow up before your eyes. Just ask that person out all they can do is say no. Sometimes trust yourself you don’t have to smell it to know its gross.  Finally, be vulnerable, trust, laugh until it hurts, stop taking the same road all the time, do something different’ always say hi to someone you never know how that can change their life, compliment yourself, because if you don’t believe nobody will, say yes and not no, kiss like its your last, talk to God out loud, say thank you, and make  amends with anyone that you think you need to.





Day 474 What the eyes have seen FINAL

18 05 2014

I had a really cool weekend. I need a long nap but I lived it full this weekend. I got to speak again for Rock Bottom Outreach. I felt like myself and that my words really carried some meaning. I also went to the horses races mostly to see if California Chrome could attempt to win the Triple Crown. I really believe in two weeks we will have the first triple crown winner in many years. It’s unbelievable how much money is generated in horse racing. Now if I could  just own a horse!

I really appreciate all the responses I have gotten to this series of blogs I have been writing. Lots of encouragement and questions. When you traveled as much as I did for work you will have an experience where you think you may day in an airplane, We just dropped 15K feet in 13 seconds. I made my final call and left a VM telling my ex it was over and I loved her. You life will really flash before your eyes. When you travel just know the strongest become weak. Never get close to the point of being alone with people who you travel to all the time. If you have doubts on your wedding day end it then not later.If you think that something that happens early in a relationship wont care to the end your wrong. Just take the damn trip! It’s just money don’t complain just buy it for her. Take the guy trip it’s about memories and stories not woulda shoulda coulda. If they tell you Blair Witch Project will make you sick believe them. Just don’t drink the water in Mexico. Beer before liquor does make you sick! Trust but verify. Then check again. Go see your parents whenever you can because sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come. If someone offers you a can’t miss financial opportunity at least look at it because it could be worth millions. Love is not a feeling its a decision and some days you don’t have it but that’s , okay. Never accept 2nd best. Never give up on anyone because they could give up on you! Say your sorry and meant. Never tell someone you love them when you don’t. Never expect a pat on the back for the good you have done.  Learn to be alone but don’t isolate. Never lie to your kids. Tell you kids how awesome they are all the time. If they ask to pick them up do it because they grow up before your eyes. Just ask that person out all they can do is say no. Sometimes trust yourself you don’t have to smell it to know its gross.  Finally, be vulnerable, trust, laugh until it hurts, stop taking the same road all the time, do something different’ always say hi to someone you never know how that can change their life, compliment yourself, because if you don’t believe nobody will, say yes and not no, kiss like its your last, talk to God out loud, say thank you, and make  amends with anyone that you think you need to.





Day 470 What these eyes have seen Part 2

15 05 2014

I have a request for you my followers and readers. Would you please like and comment on this blog posts for me. I’m keeping stats to show someone and the likes and comments help me justify what I’m trying to show.

One of the hardest days in a long time happened yesterday. The great thing about having a friend that will speak truth to you is that you see things that you ignored or just didn’t know. I have carried for probably 25 years and just thought it was normal. I was somewhat called out by my friend and also encouraged. After I hung up I pulled over and cried. I asked God to relieve this burden I had been carrying all by myself. I had a better day today. I saw things a tad bit different as well.

I got a few questions about why Im writing this blog. Mostly you get to know me but also where my inspiration comes from. It helps others know that no matter what they have done they are not alone and there is someone there with them if they choose to accept the feelings.

I realized in high school that if you’re an athlete and hurt that nobody cares until you can help them again. I know what its like to watch the last assets your parents have been taken away. I learned about being isolated and where your mind can go if you allow it. I was never so happy to get a phone a call that saved my life because I was ready to take it. That when a girl in high school tells you she loves you that you can go weeks on that feeling. The overwhelming joy of Padre Island and the guilt you can leave with from there. When you need money you will do just about anything to make sure you can eat. That high school graduation is really the last time you will see the people you grew up with. That pulling a trigger never solves anything. That the things you learn in high school about sex don’t translate to your marriage.

If you treat people right and go out of your way people will go out of their way for you. College was fun and that I lived a full throttle life. There are certain places in Austin you shouldn’t go. Having people fear you is not a way to live life. People do die from taking drugs. Holding a friend in your arms watching him take his last breath never leaves your thoughts. The people you hate or dislike could one day become your best friends. If you quit once you will quit again. First real loves will always stay with you.  Just try it you may not like it but you will have a story. Being drunk 38 days in a row will flunk you out of school. What happens at Rugby parties should stay at Rugby parties. My fraternity was awesome and we had a fun that can’t be explained.  A 3 second decision will change your life. Just kiss her what do you have to lose. You will finally appreciate your parents. Never forget about the little guy. The comal River in New Braufuls is cold and will cause you to swallow your dip and never dip again.  Drinking a bottle and a half of Jim Beam will cause  you not  to remember your last fraternity formal and you will lose your girlfriend. Open the door for a woman every time. Skip class and go fishing it s a story you will never forget. Just ask her out she may say yes. Being only the second college graduate in your entire family is an awesome feeling. Be thankful that your dad was able to muster the strength to sit through your graduation because he promised you he would. When you get your first offer letter for a job where your making more money than you can count don’t spend it before you start your job.

One more part and I will be done. Thanks for always reading.








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