Day 486 Don’t read this blog please

30 05 2014

My kids are growing up so fast. I heard a comedian the other day say if you kids ask you to  hold them or pick them up because they grow up right in front of you. I went to pick my daughter at school  and said wow that girl is certainly grown up to be a sixth grader and it was my daughter.  I’m just glad that I removed my head out of my butt 3 years ago and started appreciating being a daddy. In 6 years she graduates and moves on.  May 27th I graduated high school 20 years ago. I remember telling myself I’m not sure I’m going to make it to the reunion that’s so far away. Well in two weeks we have our 20 year reunion. Either we live in it or it passes us by.

Every day we wake up (hopefully) and do our routine: bathroom, coffee, breakfast, get kids ready, shower etc..  We get in our car, take the kids to school, go to work, wish our day would hurry up and end, eat lunch probably the same thing, get sleepy about 2 and try anything to stay awake. We rush so we can get home, to our kids,, make dinner, do laundry, after school events,  watch a show, read etc.. Guess what we bitch and complain about all of it.  We may not say it out loud or post it on social media but we do. If you don’t please email me and tell me how you do it. I know have faith in God but then we become human and our free will takes over and we sometimes don’t follow it. I truly believe we all know better but we are so afraid that if we actually are happy then what do we complain about. All of us usually follow what our parents did. We always do what our parents do not what they say. They knew better and so do we.  We live for Saturday and Sunday then Sunday night we stress about going back to work. Why do we sap our life away with things we hate and know make us unhappy. FEAR. that stupid 4 letter word which makes us say a bunch of other 4 letter words.

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Day 486 Don’t read this blog please

30 05 2014

My kids are growing up so fast. I heard a comedian the other day say if you kids ask you to  hold them or pick them up because they grow up right in front of you. I went to pick my daughter at school  and said wow that girl is certainly grown up to be a sixth grader and it was my daughter.  I’m just glad that I removed my head out of my butt 3 years ago and started appreciating being a daddy. In 6 years she graduates and moves on.  May 27th I graduated high school 20 years ago. I remember telling myself I’m not sure I’m going to make it to the reunion that’s so far away. Well in two weeks we have our 20 year reunion. Either we live in it or it passes us by.

Every day we wake up (hopefully) and do our routine: bathroom, coffee, breakfast, get kids ready, shower etc..  We get in our car, take the kids to school, go to work, wish our day would hurry up and end, eat lunch probably the same thing, get sleepy about 2 and try anything to stay awake. We rush so we can get home, to our kids,, make dinner, do laundry, after school events,  watch a show, read etc.. Guess what we bitch and complain about all of it.  We may not say it out loud or post it on social media but we do. If you don’t please email me and tell me how you do it. I know have faith in God but then we become human and our free will takes over and we sometimes don’t follow it. I truly believe we all know better but we are so afraid that if we actually are happy then what do we complain about. All of us usually follow what our parents did. We always do what our parents do not what they say. They knew better and so do we.  We live for Saturday and Sunday then Sunday night we stress about going back to work. Why do we sap our life away with things we hate and know make us unhappy. FEAR. that stupid 4 letter word which makes us say a bunch of other 4 letter words.

 

 

 





Day 481 I am important

26 05 2014

One of the best days in my life literally. I got baptized this morning with my babies there and some of my closest friends and family..

ImageImageImageImage

After the past three years I knew I deserved it but my kids needed to see it to. Brian my friend and Counselor baptized me and my Rock Bottom Outreach brothers helped just in case I was too much. I got hugs and love from so many. The most amazing part was when we went to he area in the back I got prayed over the words that were spoken over me were so amazing. I felt like looking around and making sure they were talking about me but everyone hands were on me. so I know it was me. The things I had done in others lives and the words I had said to them. I honestly had no idea and I cried because others did. It was the first time that I was making a difference and that all my changes were really making a difference. Brian spoke in front of the whole church and I was amazed to hear the words were spoken to the whole church. Then one by one the words flowed from others. I know most of us never hear anything positive about ourselves and we just move on. When adults stop and take the time to pour out their hearts its something you can carry  with you forever. I’m just thankful I heard God today because I know I needed it.

After my baptism I got to drive down and see my 96-year-old grandmother and be there for her birthday. It’s really cool to be able to know someone that’s almost 100 and could still kick my butt if she put her mind to it. She’s an amazing lady and she gave us my mom so I couldn’t be more thankful.  May 25 2014 one awesome day.





Day 481 I am important

25 05 2014

One of the best days in my life literally. I got baptized this morning with my babies there and some of my closest friends and family..

ImageImageImageImage

After the past three years I knew I deserved it but my kids needed to see it to. Brian my friend and Counselor baptized me and my Rock Bottom Outreach brothers helped just in case I was too much. I got hugs and love from so many. The most amazing part was when we went to he area in the back I got prayed over the words that were spoken over me were so amazing. I felt like looking around and making sure they were talking about me but everyone hands were on me. so I know it was me. The things I had done in others lives and the words I had said to them. I honestly had no idea and I cried because others did. It was the first time that I was making a difference and that all my changes were really making a difference. Brian spoke in front of the whole church and I was amazed to hear the words were spoken to the whole church. Then one by one the words flowed from others. I know most of us never hear anything positive about ourselves and we just move on. When adults stop and take the time to pour out their hearts its something you can carry  with you forever. I’m just thankful I heard God today because I know I needed it.

After my baptism I got to drive down and see my 96-year-old grandmother and be there for her birthday. It’s really cool to be able to know someone that’s almost 100 and could still kick my butt if she put her mind to it. She’s an amazing lady and she gave us my mom so I couldn’t be more thankful.  May 25 2014 one awesome day.





Day 481 I am important

25 05 2014

One of the best days in my life literally. I got baptized this morning with my babies there and some of my closest friends and family..

 

ImageImageImageImage

 

After the past three years I knew I deserved it but my kids needed to see it to. Brian my friend and Counselor baptized me and my Rock Bottom Outreach brothers helped just in case I was to much. I got hugs and love from so many. The most amazing part was when we went to he area in the back I got prayed over the words that were spoken over me were so amazing. I felt like looking around and making sure they were talking about me but everyone hands were on me. so I know it was me. The things I had done in others lives and the words I had said to them. I honestly had no idea and I cried because others did. It was the first time that I was making a difference and that all my changes were really making a difference. Brian spoke in front of the whole church and I was amazed to hear the words were spoke to the whole church. Then one by one the words flowed from others. I know most of us never hear anything positive about ourselves and we just move on. When adults stop and take the time to pour out their hearts its something you can carry  with you forever. I’m just thankful I heard God today because I know I needed it.

After my baptism I got to drive down and see my 96 year old grandmother and be there for her birthday. Its really cool to be able to know someone that’s almost 100 and could still kick my butt if she put her mind to it. She’s an amazing lady and she gave us my mom so I couldn’t be more thankful.  May 25 2014 one awesome day.





Day 476 Mirror Mirror on your wall

21 05 2014

Day 476 Mirror Mirror on your wall.





Day 476 Mirror Mirror on your wall

20 05 2014

Sometimes writing just helps. I used to vocalize everything and most times it was in a punishing way.  I used to hate writing because I wasn’t interested in the topic but now the topic can be whatever or wherever my heart and mind desire. I know 3 people who have started blogging because I blog. That’s a heck of a compliment. They don’t have to blog like me but just the fact they can find themselves and express themselves  can be life changing.

Mirror Mirror on the wall who has no damn idea at all. That would be most of us. When you look at the mirror in the mornings whats the first thing you tell yourself.  Is it good and if its good are you doing so you feel like your covering up your true feelings about yourself. In the past 3 weeks I’ve had 3 people ask me about suicide. Not because they wanted my thoughts but they were calling out for a desperate plea to know if they were okay. I wanted to know what they thought about themselves and it is what most have or haven’t thought about themselves. This hurts too much, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, he/she didn’t love me, nothing I do is right, God’s not listening to me, I don’t matter to anyone, my past won’t leave me.   The problem is we all have a disability and that is us. Many days I believe it would be better to blind so we couldn’t see ourselves.  We then compare ourselves to that supposed person that has it together. That person who is trying so hard to show you how they have it all together is the one dying the most. We still take that and go home and look in the mirror and wonder why I can’t be like them.

I can’t stop the pain. I can’t change anyone if they don’t want to change. I would tell you to throw all your mirrors away but you won’t. So tomorrow morning wake-up and walk to your mirror and just say I look good today, Im worthy, I matter. Anything that will help you see the great in you. GOD DIDN”T MAKE MISTAKES. It doesn’t matter what you have done, it’s never to late to start over, or see yourself in a way you haven’t. Sometimes  its the people in our life that can help us through this journey, pick wisely and keep the ones close that help make you better. Those reading this that know me. I know take my own advice and I’m trying!








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