Day 1005 I finally own a home again

28 10 2015

The roller coaster of life is something that we all struggle with. The highs are so great and when we start the downhill we can do nothing to stop it. If you followed my blog you know August 2011 I attempted suicide, I had lost my dad, my business, filed personal and business bankruptcy, found out I had diabetes, lost my marriage, car. dignity, pride, friends, ego. I was at Rock bottom and truthfully nowhere to go. June 2012 I moved out of my house. Essentially every major life event took place in that house. You can see the memories, feel them, smell them and feel them course through your veins. The first home I bought, I brought my children home to this., all the firsts of life were there. I’ll never forget that I asked my buddy Lew to wait in the moving truck while I said my goodbyes. I looked around touched some walls, look at the trees I planted in the backyard, went and opened the doors to my kids rooms for one last time. I started crying because I had no idea how I would ever own a home again. Blood, sweat, tears, every human emotion I had experienced was in the that house and I was walking out of it for the last time. I wiped the tears off my face said goodbye and thank you. My buddy Lew just said its alright man! Not much more I could say.

I moved into an apartment with the emptiness of feelings. My kids had to share a room, my dog had no yard and I was left with something that wasn’t mine. AS the months went by I started being thankful for what I did have. I started repairing myself and slowly stopped beating myself up for the mistakes. Then in 2014 I went and started the home buying process. I was told you had been self-employed and you didn’t make enough, you had bankruptcy and you needed to get rid of some debt. I was devastated and thought I guess this will never happen. My faith was tested and I lost. I had asked God and his answer was no. It was just no for a bit! In May of this year I dropped my pride and ego and asked someone help me. That they did and the pieces started falling into place. I wanted to be back out close to where my first house was so my kids surroundings would be the same. I looked at 8 houses and nothing made sense. The house I really wanted was so over priced I sad maybe next year. 5 weeks ago I drove past the house and the sign was still in the yard. I called my Realtor and asked her to look at the house and said contract fell through and  it had been overpriced. I looked the next day and made an offer. 2 days of negotiating and the offer was accepted. Then the hard part getting the mortgage done. To say it was a challenge would be an understatement, with divorce, bankruptcy, self-employed etc.. but it was done.

Last Friday at 2:00 I became a homeowner again. I sat in my car and the tears of joy, happiness, a life left behind all came falling out of my eyes. I was relieved, ecstatic, but mostly thankful. Thankful that God restores people like me. A world-class loser, who had lost everything, who gave up on himself, who was ready to quit and end it all. God saw me for who I am, when I wanted to quit on this journey and the person came along to say the right thing at the right time. If your reading this I’m a story of someone who was ashes and from those ashes God lifted me up and he said are you ready to follow me now. I had no choice. If you don’t believe in hope or that there is a God I’m living proof. It has not ever been easy but as I always say its been worth it.  Best thing now is I get to mow my yard again and clean up dog poop which actually makes me pretty happy that I can.

Thank you to the people that helped me. Your part of my journey have been so appreciated.





Day 998 Do you really believe that crap

22 10 2015

Finally my friends outside of Texas it has cooled off. My head doesn’t smell like cooked bacon anymore and the leaves are changing into  mulch because the color here goes from green to dead. It is great at night when its 60 and you can walk around without dripping in sweat. Welcome Fall and pumpkin spice whatever.

I try a few times a week to  post to my Facebook something truthful and meaningful to me. In turn I hope someone else gets something out of it. It could be about God, life, kids, overcoming something etc.. I just hope that I read it and remember but also lives change. I know what its like to be in the depths of hell and I hope that people just have hope.

I posted last week: I’ve heard a lot this week I cant do this. To get to that point breaks my heart because the hopeless feeling is overwhelming.
My sophomore year of high school someone left this poem on my desk. I still have no idea this day who put it on my desk. The number of times I have read it, held it and cried are too many to count. It always helped me realize I have hope.
I hope it does for you and remember this:
If you’re reading this God is 100% on getting you through something that you thought you couldn’t handle. Have a great day please

Tyler Wood's photo.
I had a guy message me and said do you really believe the crap (he used another word) you post. I mean come on man life isn’t easy. Its hard and you post all of this stuff and there’s no way you believe it all.
I used to be very cynical and didn’t believe it. I always said that was for someone else. I mean look at my life how could any of those things possibly  work. Look at my life this stuff just doesn’t work for me.
Fast forward there are days where i post the things I do or write the blog because I need to see it. I stopped believing or feel far from God and all the things that are important to me. I feel like a non-believer at times that where Im at  is the best its going to be, That he doesn’t want any better for me,  where I am at in life is it. Then I have two people who wake me up. It might be a text or a slap in the face meeting.
Yes I believe this (crap). I got here because of it. The church did a horrible job when we grew up of letting us know that God (yes that God) wants the best for us in every aspect, relationships, love, money, job, helping etc.. There is no limit to his love.  It’s okay to be successful and wealthy as long as we are feeding his kingdom back and not taking credit for what he did.
I have to believe what I post, read and think. If I don’t I will be at my Rock bottom again. I NEVER want to be at that place of being alive but being dead. I know if I feel the crap of the world that people need to see the hope too. I do struggle and question but that’s normal. Staying in that place of non-belief is what will cause our downfall.
You have a story too. Please tell your story even if you don’t feel worthy. I’m no different from you at all I just listened to what God wanted and not me. I’m taking the 2nd chance and trying my best to make sure that “this crap” helps someone else and being convicted when I do wrong. So I’m off to find more crap to think about.




Day 998 Do you really believe that crap

21 10 2015

Finally my friends outside of Texas it has cooled off. My head doesn’t smell like cooked bacon anymore and the leaves are changing into  mulch because the color here goes from green to dead. It is great at night when its 60 and you can walk around without dripping in sweat. Welcome Fall and pumpkin spice whatever.

I try a few times a week to  post to my Facebook something truthful and meaningful to me. In turn I hope someone else gets something out of it. It could be about God, life, kids, overcoming something etc.. I just hope that I read it and remember but also lives change. I know what its like to be in the depths of hell and I hope that people just have hope.

I posted last week: I’ve heard a lot this week I cant do this. To get to that point breaks my heart because the hopeless feeling is overwhelming.
My sophomore year of high school someone left this poem on my desk. I still have no idea this day who put it on my desk. The number of times I have read it, held it and cried are too many to count. It always helped me realize I have hope.
I hope it does for you and remember this:
If you’re reading this God is 100% on getting you through something that you thought you couldn’t handle. Have a great day please

Tyler Wood's photo.
I had a guy message me and said do you really believe the crap (he used another word) you post. I mean come on man life isn’t easy. Its hard and you post all of this stuff and there’s no way you believe it all.
I used to be very cynical and didn’t believe it. I always said that was for someone else. I mean look at my life how could any of those things possibly  work. Look at my life this stuff just doesn’t work for me.
Fast forward there are days where i post the things I do or write the blog because I need to see it. I stopped believing or feel far from God and all the things that are important to me. I feel like a non-believer at times that where Im at  is the best its going to be, That he doesn’t want any better for me,  where I am at in life is it. Then I have two people who wake me up. It might be a text or a slap in the face meeting.
Yes I believe this (crap). I got here because of it. The church did a horrible job when we grew up of letting us know that God (yes that God) wants the best for us in every aspect, relationships, love, money, job, helping etc.. There is no limit to his love.  It’s okay to be successful and wealthy as long as we are feeding his kingdom back and not taking credit for what he did.
I have to believe what I post, read and think. If I don’t I will be at my Rock bottom again. I NEVER want to be at that place of being alive but being dead. I know if I feel the crap of the world that people need to see the hope too. I do struggle and question but that’s normal. Staying in that place of non-belief is what will cause our downfall.
You have a story too. Please tell your story even if you don’t feel worthy. I’m no different from you at all I just listened to what God wanted and not me. I’m taking the 2nd chance and trying my best to make sure that “this crap” helps someone else and being convicted when I do wrong. So I’m off to find more crap to think about.




Day 995 Remember when that old pic was cool

19 10 2015

 

The most amazing women in the world turned 73 today. That women is my mom. I couldn’t be more thankful for her. She is a giver of everything, she never let’s you down. She’s strong enough to smack you around if need be but hug you until you feel whole again. She has never asked for anything, when she always should have.
When nobody else was there for me she always was. Today is a celebration of one of the greatest women God created. Thank you for the example you are to the world. We all got to spend time with my mom today and yesterday. Even through her Parkinson’s she not missing a beat.

I was speaking to a customer last week. They were very wealthy and some very exotic things and just neat things that you don’t normally see in people’s homes. I was in awe of his wood workings and chess, sets, and musical instrument he had made. HE had some made of black African veneer which is $500 a sheet and just stunningly beautiful. I started asking about each pieces and he stopped me and said you know whats really sad. I walk by these pieces everyday and I don’t notice them anymore. He told me a story about a home he had in Santa Barbara CA I knew exactly where it was. I said it was the most beautiful view of the world I ve seen. He said I lived there 15 years and I stopped even noticing its beauty until last month I went back  and  I lived there after for 15 years and 14 years into it I stopped noticing it. He asked me do you remember a cool pic you took or a piece of art etc.. you put on the wall and 6 months later you haven’t looked at once. Not until someone else mentions it to you do you appreciate it again then it fades away again quickly.

When I drove away I thought about all the says I have on my wall, pics of my kids, a couple of really cool art pieces and that I haven’t looked at them in months. I have family rules on my wall and I’ve broken all of them maybe because I never look at my rules.  It made me think a lot about what we take for granted and that everything. Not just some old pic,  or art, or stuff but our relationships, our family, our job. I’m not sure why we do but we do everyday until: Life happens , someone gets sick, we lose a job, a relationship ends that we never knew would. We do it with God and not until the bottom starts falling out of our life do we start seeing the view differently. I wish the words of this blog would cause me to wake up differently and see something differently tomorrow. I wish that you would say because of you I looked at a photo on my wall and remembered how blessed I am, Or I walked into my kid’s bedroom and no matter how mad I was at them today I love them so, or your spouse that your ready to give up you remember today why you fell in love in the first place and rather than quitting on your marriage you decided to stay and fight for it.

My failures are not because of what I don’t have, my failures come from not being grateful for what I do have. The attitude of gratitude is waning. Try tonight or tomorrow  to see the view, the family, the old pic when it was cool. Be grateful because when its gone it never comes back.





Day 995 Remember when that old pic was cool

18 10 2015

The most amazing women in the world turned 73 today. That women is my mom. I couldn’t be more thankful for her. She is a giver of everything, she never let’s you down. She’s strong enough to smack you around if need be but hug you until you feel whole again. She has never asked for anything, when she always should have.
When nobody else was there for me she always was. Today is a celebration of one of the greatest women God created. Thank you for the example you are to the world. We all got to spend time with my mom today and yesterday. Even through her Parkinson’s she not missing a beat.

I was speaking to a customer last week. They were very wealthy and some very exotic things and just neat things that you don’t normally see in people’s homes. I was in awe of his wood workings and chess, sets, and musical instrument he had made. HE had some made of black African veneer which is $500 a sheet and just stunningly beautiful. I started asking about each pieces and he stopped me and said you know whats really sad. I walk by these pieces everyday and I don’t notice them anymore. He told me a story about a home he had in Santa Barbara CA I knew exactly where it was. I said it was the most beautiful view of the world I ve seen. He said I lived there 15 years and I stopped even noticing its beauty until last month I went back  and  I lived there after for 15 years and 14 years into it I stopped noticing it. He asked me do you remember a cool pic you took or a piece of art etc.. you put on the wall and 6 months later you haven’t looked at once. Not until someone else mentions it to you do you appreciate it again then it fades away again quickly.

When I drove away I thought about all the says I have on my wall, pics of my kids, a couple of really cool art pieces and that I haven’t looked at them in months. I have family rules on my wall and I’ve broken all of them maybe because I never look at my rules.  It made me think a lot about what we take for granted and that everything. Not just some old pic,  or art, or stuff but our relationships, our family, our job. I’m not sure why we do but we do everyday until: Life happens , someone gets sick, we lose a job, a relationship ends that we never knew would. We do it with God and not until the bottom starts falling out of our life do we start seeing the view differently. I wish the words of this blog would cause me to wake up differently and see something differently tomorrow. I wish that you would say because of you I looked at a photo on my wall and remembered how blessed I am, Or I walked into my kid’s bedroom and no matter how mad I was at them today I love them so, or your spouse that your ready to give up you remember today why you fell in love in the first place and rather than quitting on your marriage you decided to stay and fight for it.

My failures are not because of what I don’t have, my failures come from not being grateful for what I do have. The attitude of gratitude is waning. Try tonight or tomorrow  to see the view, the family, the old pic when it was cool. Be grateful because when its gone it never comes back.





Day 989 Happy 40th birthday to me

12 10 2015

Yesterday after all the anticipation of it being here I did it. I turned 40. Friday I went back to my high school homecoming and got to see a lot of people. Conversation was generic but good to see people you grew up with.  Saturday got to watch my little boy play flag football and the light switch went on so he started playing amazing. Saturday night I had an amazing birthday party with my closest friends and then Sunday I had a surprise birthday with my family. I’ve never had a surprise party. It was really cool. I ate too much cake but that’s what it’s there for.

Last week after 3 years of getting my life back in order I was approved for a house and the option ended. At the end of this month I will be a home owner again. My kids will have their own room and my dog her own yard. Its been a road I wouldn’t change but man its been curvy, filled with pot holes, excuses, tears, blood, but new experiences, overcoming obstacles, great new friends, belief in myself, a new outlook on life and a true relationship with Jesus. I got overwhelmed yesterday in church and cried those big tears that rolled down my cheeks. 4 short years ago I sat in my car and had said I was sorry to everyone and said I’m sorry I wouldn’t make it to 40 years. To believe that I was ready to take my life and now I wouldn’t know what to do without the life I had is truly a miracle.

I’ve experienced a hell of a lot of life in these 40 years. So great and some not so much. I’ve seen myself at my worst and now to see what God made me to be at my best. I have the best surrounding me. People who want whats best for not because it benefits them but because that truly care about who I am. I got a ton of happy birthday messages on FB and text yesterday but I got 2 that touched my heart. Paraphrasing: you deciding to not take your life helped me get my life back and thank you. The world is a better place with you in it. When I read things like that turning 40 wasn’t so bad.  I have no idea what life has in store but man I’m so glad im here to experience it.

Thank you for reading this blog! Allowing me to throw out some thoughts, feeling and opinions that most don’t have. Loving me and my heart, watching me grow as a man, and never allowing me to do nothing more than be my best.

 





What Makes a Marriage Successful? (And Why Divorce Does Not Mean Failure)

12 10 2015

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

I’ve always found it funny/sad how we classify marital success purely by its duration. I mean, imagine if we applied this same metric to other areas of our lives –

She was a really great student – she was in school for fifty years!

He was an amazing dog, but he was a failure as a pet because he died before he turned ten.

It was a wonderful dinner. The service was so slow that the meal lasted for hours!

I’m afraid I have to give the book only one star because it ended.

Pretty crazy, huh?

So why do we then so easily apply this faulty logic to marriages? Classifying them as failures if they end and successes if they persist?

I think we all have seen (either from within or from the outside looking in), marriages that go the duration yet are filled with contempt, isolation and misery.

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