Day 1792 Why Divorced/single in 2018 is more devastating

20 05 2018

Good happy Sunday may evening, I’m about to have a Jr and 4th grader, The school years fly by when you get older. I thought Christmas break was just over and look here we are about to end school and start smelling like BO because of the Texas heat.  Here’s to grilling, BO, sunburns, farmers tan, peeing in the pool and chlorine/swimming pool bath.

Excuse my use of the word devastating put an end to the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it. This is not directed at anyone and I know there is always another side to my argument. To save your breath, your right I’ll just be the other side.

The world we live in now is ruled by social media, the fake life of what we want you to see. You leave someones, page, site, profile and like OMG they are so great why can’t I measure up.

People quit at everything now. there is no perseverance ( yes  i know there is some) in relationships, people think the next one will be right. For better or worse or let me get to know this person that doesn’t happen. My friend said her boyfriend or girlfriend did this why don’t you?Well because were different and we all bring good and bad to the table.

Loyalty I wonder without looking could someone tell you the definition. could someone tell you that an emotional affair is the same as a physical.  And honesty. Just be honest tell me everything. I know your not single in today’s world because you did nothing wrong. If its only 10% tell me your 10%. A date ender for me is what did you do wrong in your relationships. if the other person says well he! I stop it right there! Why because I’m not going to date him and I don’t care what he did at this moment. Tell me about you. Throw every damn card on the table and let me choose if I want to move  forward.

There is nothing more refreshing than someone being real and telling, I screwed up this way, I know it now and I want to change it and I’m working so hard on it. Im insecure but if you will be patient with me we can get through. Im like heck yes someone who gets.

I hear people say sex has to be great and they have to be physically attractive. Absolutely but if you can’t communicate and your checking over their shoulder every time they are doing something you will fail. If you don’t trust in the beginning, do you really think your going to trust down the road? What about the night sex sucks. wouldn’t it be great to say let me explain where my head was today. It wasn’t you and you list out why it sucked. She understands, she cares more, she gets you. She becomes more emotionally attached then you feel like she respects and wow you have a fully functional relationship. Who knew!!!!

Finally nobody really wants to be married anymore! It might be the hardest thing to do in this twisted, social media world, where you’re told to run rather than stay and fight (not actually fight). I would much rather have someone that loves me more often, wants to choke me some days but will just poke me with a toothpick (in love) than date!!!!

Why are you in a relationship if you’re not going to be devoted/ married to the person forever. Really whats the point. That is a first date question. Dont lie, if that’s not your intention that’s okay but for the love of God tell them. Just be honest! I want to be married again, if someone tells me that they don’t that’s okay, doesn’t make you a bad person just means you dont fit me.

PS. Not everyone is going to like you! Not every person you date is going to feel it. Dont get your under roos in a wad, learn one thing from the date and move on. We are looking for one great person not an army!

Okay that’s enough for today! Love you





Day 891 Its time to touch the sky Tyler

5 07 2015

At midnight tonight I will start a 3 day detox from all social media. I was challenged by my counselor to try it to hear something and avoid the distractions that come with social media. I argued but there are a few issues I have to resolve and I’m at the point that I’m ready. So it may not be a big deal but I struggle with being lovable. So when I need to think about that I run to social media to see what my friends and the world is doing. Its time to be a big boy if I want to have a relationship where I love and want to be loved I have to concentrate on the issue and stop sabotaging myself. Here’s to a first for me!!

We get caught up in our lives, we do the same thing over and over and routine is a life killer. Even we when go on vacation we try to pack so much into our few days off that we need a vacation from our vacation. We never get to truly experience a sense of peace that belongs to just us. That when I get to my spot if its night or day I feel I’m touching the sky. You might be saying what a weirdo what is he talking about. I really feel bad you haven’t felt that but you still can. Maybe in your backyard, in a different county, the mountains, the beach, another country, in your car but you have to find it. It’s the place where you feel a sense of peace, that nothing is wrong, that you can talk out loud to someone that’s  1000’s miles away from you but can still hear you? Or  you connect with a loved one that’s passed or you can just sit there and nothing crosses your mind. It’s a place that God has you and nothing else. I have three of them. One is outside Boulder Colorado, One is in the Sequoia National Forest and the last is on a pier in San Diego California. All three places I have my piece of the sky, one I heard my God and my dad speak to me, one i sat down on a rock and saw the stars I never had and the last one I felt peace like never before. I felt I was going to be okay and every mistake I had made and every time I had fallen down was being handled. Each time when I got back into the car I knew that I had that moment where I felt “okay”  So what does all this mean?

I’m scraping up the money and I’m going back to one  of my places. I have to not just want to. There are some amazing things that have happened in the past 3 years. I couldn’t be more proud of my journey but I know I’m not hearing  some important things in my life. Its time to complete my family, its time to believe in my direction and that what I’m doing with my life is truly what God wants and not me. One day the love of my life can go and share in these places but not until I let whoever she is come in. So if you would pray that I find the finances, listening ear and open heart. Not my will but his.  Until my detox is over love ya!!





Day 852 Its time to let go

28 05 2015

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning and its the last place I thought I would be sitting. I wont go into details  but I was trying to get something that had belonged to me for three years. It was something that I never thought would get to this point but it did. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and I did. I should have done it sooner but I can’t understand why in God’s name why this person still feels the way they do towards me, So that leads to this.

Call it forgiveness, letting go or just finding your happiness. It really doesn’t matter what someone has done or perceived done to you. If you still hold hatred, bitterness, fear, anger towards someone I’m betting they have moved on and your still holding on to it. Its like your drinking poison from a big cup but hoping the other person gets sick. They don’t get sick only you. Life will never be what you want or dream it to be if you hold onto the crap. You think if I continue to rip them apart, talk and say the worst things about them, poke holes in their weaknesses I’ll feel better and I’ll show them. It will never happen. The person being hurt is you! Again the only person hurt is you. Since we are human we are entitled to the feelings and hurting a hurt with a hurt sometimes would feel better until you do it then you realize you lowered yourself to the level of the person you can’t stand.

God forgave us all! Tyler stop talking about God you don’t understand. I do understand, what forgiveness does and you don’t forgive, you don’t get it back. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person its for you. Believe I have a list of about 5 people who if I could give a piece of my mind to I could make them cry and bring them to their knees but truthfully what does that do.  What you’re hoping for is that somebody that you loved or maybe didn’t doesn’t ever feel the way you did. I can honestly say I still care for the person and truly wish only great things for them, but seeing the feelings that they have cared with them their whole not about me but everyone from their past is downright sad.

IF your stuck and the only things you want to do is make someone like a fool in public, rip them apart on social media or talk crap to your kids about someone your truthfully the one that looks like a fool. Its time!!! Its time to let it go. Your life begins again when you realize the crap you hold onto is only poisoning you.

God gave me a 2nd chance to change my life and without forgiving my dad, and a few other people I would still be the miserable piece of crap I was. I’m living proof that forgiveness or letting go opens your eyes to life. Let go and let God. If you don’t believe in God I’m sorry but believe in something or your fall for anything!!!!





Day 852 Its time to let go

27 05 2015

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning and its the last placed I thought I would be sitting. I wont go into details  but I was trying to get something that had belonged to me for three years. It was something that I never thought would get to this point but it did. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and I did. I should have done it sooner but I can’t understand why in God’s name why this person still feels the way they do towards me, So that leads to this.

Call it forgiveness, letting go or just finding your happiness. It really doesn’t matter what someone has done or perceived done to you. If you still hold hatred, bitterness, fear, anger towards someone I’m betting they have moved on and your still holding on to it. Its like your drinking poison from a big cup but hoping the other person gets sick. They don’t get sick only you. Life will never be what you want or dream it to be if you hold onto the crap. You think if I continue to rip them apart, talk and say the worst things about them, poke holes in their weaknesses I’ll feel better and I’ll show them. It will never happen. The person being hurt is you! Again the only person hurt is you. Since we are human we are entitled to the feelings and hurting a hurt with a hurt sometimes would feel better until you do it then you realize you lowered yourself to the level of the person you can’t stand.

God forgave us all! Tyler stop talking about God you don’t understand. I do understand, what forgiveness does and you don’t forgive, you don’t get it back. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person its for you. Believe I have a list of about 5 people who if I could give a piece of my mind to I could make them cry and bring them to their knees but truthfully what does that do.  What you’re hoping for is that somebody that you loved or maybe didn’t doesn’t ever feel the way you did. I can honestly say I still care for the person and truly wish only great things for them, but seeing the feelings that they have cared with them their whole not about me but everyone from their past is downright sad.

IF your stuck and the only things you want to do is make someone like a fool in public, rip them apart on social media or talk crap to your kids about someone your truthfully the one that looks like a fool. Its time!!! Its time to let it go. Your life begins again when you realize the crap you hold onto is only poisoning you.

God gave me a 2nd chance to change my life and without forgiving my dad, and a few other people I would still be the miserable piece of crap I was. I’m living proof that forgiveness or letting go opens your eyes to life. Let go and let God. If you don’t believe in God I’m sorry but believe in something or your fall for anything!!!!








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