Day 356 I better give it back

31 12 2013

Happy New Year! I have been very blessed more than I know to have people come in and out of my life that helped make my life better and teach me lessons! What more can anyone ask for! Sure there are disappoints and things I failed to accomplish but I’m still here so they can still be done!I have been more afraid this year and more at a loss at times than any other point in my life! I also felt more confident and happier than I have ever felt. I tried dating some and I hope 2014 is better in the that category. The things I m the proudest of this year is my role in being a daddy! I took giant leaps sure some setbacks but my kids know how I feel about them and there is nothing they could do to cause me not to love them. 2nd. I made amends this year to those who mattered to me and those who I love I told them ,It wasn’t fake love they know it and they also know my changes are real and not to impress anyone but genuine!

In this Rubics Cube of life where some days I almost had all the colors together on one side and others I just sat with it twisted up and wondered how in God’s name does this ever get back I know this! I better give it back! I could make a long list of New Years Resolutions but here it is for me! I have to give it back! Every time I felt great and was happy is when I gave of myself to others. Wither it was my time, money, gift, an encouraging word, a hug, hello.My life was better. When I fault for doing for others I was miserable. When I felt the tug at my heart to be friendly and didn’t I walked away miserable. The more you do for others the better your life will be. Especially when you don’t want to just do it. I spent 37 years trying to find out how my life was going to be, get better and it always revolved what someone was going to do for me! When my days , weeks and months became for others I felt fulfilled and not separated from the world.Lord knows I probably only did this 20% of the year so I have a long way to go but at least I have a direction.  Extend the helping hand to those who need it.

This may all sound like generic, feel good crap, but guess what! You don’t have to lose weight, stop smoking, save more money, to do any of this. You wake up tomorrow morning and you have been wired to do this just the way you are!  Save the ink, get up tomorrow and give back to others. I promise 2014 will be the best year you will ever have.





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

30 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1. We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage: I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance. A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

via Day 354 With this ring I thee wed.





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

30 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!

I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1.  We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.

Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage:  I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance.  A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!

If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

 





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

29 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!

I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1.  We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.

Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage:  I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance.  A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!

If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

 





Day 351 I love you

27 12 2013

Merry Christmas and Happy new year from my little family. We are so happy this year look at this picture. My babies are awesome!

My babies

Christmas is so awesome and it was so hard to not get sometimes especially when I have to take them to their mom on Christmas but I’m glad we are both able to communicate and work things out so they can get the best of both of their parents.

Here are a few quotes that I saw this morning that I used to get my day started off right!

1. The bad news is that the past was in your hands, but the good news is that the future, my friend, is also in your hands.
–The Traveler’s Gift- Andy Andrews.

2. “LOVE SO DEEPLY IT CRACKS OPEN THE WORLD…Hug people hello…expose your soul, vulnerability is a gateway to strength…Lean into the abyss; do the thing that scares you most…Failure is only failure when it doesn’t move you forward…Do epic sh*t that matters

The most powerful words in the world are I love you! Sometimes we hear them and just don’t appreciate them the way we should because we expect to hear them or we are so used to them. You know that moment when you hear I love you and it warms your heart, make you cry,  or just your so damn thankful at that moment you heard it you feel the world stopped for just you. Sometimes people say love ya, love you, but when you stick the letter I in front of it adds so much more. I can tell you this: girl, guy, young, old, child, or even enemy we need and crave to hear it. We all need that feeling that can stir us to do more than any other thing in the world. I know guys struggle saying it but saying it to another guy just seems weird to us. I can promise that many guys need to hear it because their father didn’t tell them.I started 2013 telling the people I love that I loved them. It was uncomfortable because I wondered what they thought of me but then I didn’t care. I had my peeps that you told me right when they need to hear it. Sometimes I think telling someone is just as good as hearing it. You would think that people hear I love you a lot. It’s the best words to hear but the hardest to say because many didn’t grow up hearing it or have no idea how to accept it..

I say all of this because I heard it yesterday: Yes I hear the words from people but yesterday I heard it. A friend from college was coming from Laredo to head to Minnesota for the holiday. Nothing was open because of Christmas but he asked if e could just say hi. I met him in the Wal-Mart parking lot which was weird not having one car in the parking lot. I know he was lonely traveling by himself in the car which leads to a lot of deep thinking. He told me about losing the love of his life, his kids etc..  He was the type of friends that drank a lot together, acted like aholes but never talked on that level. It had been since 2001 since I saw him and it was like I was in weird dream. He was talking to me like we talked everyday and I was like how does he know all of this about me. He started following this blog so he felt like he was keeping up with my life but I really I had no clue about his. So I think maybe I said 50 words then he said he really needed to go. I was totally lost but I was glad I could just listen to him and again I’m still dumb founded about being there. As usual I was trying to “figure” out what this was about. I realized he just needed to talk and wanted to see me then he said it. I love you Tyler! You gave me hope when there was none not only for me but others. I love you brother. Got to go! We gave the bro hug and he left. I HEARD IT yesterday and lets just say I needed to. Not sure why at that moment or time but it felt good even though he was my friend he also seemed like a stranger and I love you is great from anywhere.

Please tell someone you love them. Tell them I love you even! It’s at that time you can change that day or week for that person. The world i so   full of pain and the only thing that can cure that is the love of the Father above and us little ones that walk this earth.  “LOVE SO DEEPLY IT CRACKS OPEN THE WORLD”

 





Day 351 I love you

26 12 2013

Day 351 I love you.





Day 351 I love you

26 12 2013

Merry Christmas and Happy new year from my little family. We are so happy this year look at this picture. My babies are awesome!

My babies

Christmas is so awesome and it was so hard to not get sometimes especially when I have to take them to their mom on Christmas but I’m glad we are both able to communicate and work things out so they can get the best of both of their parents.

Here are a few quotes that I saw this morning that I used to get my day started off right!

1. The bad news is that the past was in your hands, but the good news is that the future, my friend, is also in your hands.
–The Traveler’s Gift- Andy Andrews.

2. “LOVE SO DEEPLY IT CRACKS OPEN THE WORLD…Hug people hello…expose your soul, vulnerability is a gateway to strength…Lean into the abyss; do the thing that scares you most…Failure is only failure when it doesn’t move you forward…Do epic sh*t that matters

The most powerful words in the world are I love you! Sometimes we hear them and just don’t appreciate them the way we should because we expect to hear them or we are so used to them. You know that moment when you hear I love you and it warms your heart, make you cry,  or just your so damn thankful at that moment you heard it you feel the world stopped for just you. Sometimes people say love ya, love you, but when you stick the letter I in front of it adds so much more. I can tell you this: girl, guy, young, old, child, or even enemy we need and crave to hear it. We all need that feeling that can stir us to do more than any other thing in the world. I know guys struggle saying it but saying it to another guy just seems weird to us. I can promise that many guys need to hear it because their father didn’t tell them.I started 2013 telling the people I love that I loved them. It was uncomfortable because I wondered what they thought of me but then I didn’t care. I had my peeps that you told me right when they need to hear it. Sometimes I think telling someone is just as good as hearing it. You would think that people hear I love you a lot. It’s the best words to hear but the hardest to say because many didn’t grow up hearing it or have no idea how to accept it..

I say all of this because I heard it yesterday: Yes I hear the words from people but yesterday I heard it. A friend from college was coming from Laredo to head to Minnesota for the holiday. Nothing was open because of Christmas but he asked if e could just say hi. I met him in the Wal-Mart parking lot which was weird not having one car in the parking lot. I know he was lonely traveling by himself in the car which leads to a lot of deep thinking. He told me about losing the love of his life, his kids etc..  He was the type of friends that drank a lot together, acted like aholes but never talked on that level. It had been since 2001 since I saw him and it was like I was in weird dream. He was talking to me like we talked everyday and I was like how does he know all of this about me. He started following this blog so he felt like he was keeping up with my life but I really I had no clue about his. So I think maybe I said 50 words then he said he really needed to go. I was totally lost but I was glad I could just listen to him and again I’m still dumb founded about being there. As usual I was trying to “figure” out what this was about. I realized he just needed to talk and wanted to see me then he said it. I love you Tyler! You gave me hope when there was none not only for me but others. I love you brother. Got to go! We gave the bro hug and he left. I HEARD IT yesterday and lets just say I needed to. Not sure why at that moment or time but it felt good even though he was my friend he also seemed like a stranger and I love you is great from anywhere.

Please tell someone you love them. Tell them I love you even! It’s at that time you can change that day or week for that person. The world i so   full of pain and the only thing that can cure that is the love of the Father above and us little ones that walk this earth.  “LOVE SO DEEPLY IT CRACKS OPEN THE WORLD”





What Makes A Man: That 90% – 10% principle

23 12 2013

The Better Man Project ™

When I was young I thought you had to hold onto everything you cared about as tight as you could. To think of it, my stuffed turtle Speedy was probably locked in a stranglehold most nights I fell asleep. Being scared of the dark sucked. Combine that with a flowing imagination and you have some interesting evenings.

As I grew older I realized just how little control you really have over life. Things slip and sift through your fingers without your control and you begin to learn what the feeling of loss is like. When you are used to having a grasp on everything, that feeling of having no control can come as quite a surprise. Eventually, songs like Hold On Loosely by .38 Special became pretty relevant.

So life moved on and it continued to teach me some pretty valuable lessons about not holding on too tight to things…

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Day 347 I miss my daddy

23 12 2013

Guess who is done with their Christmas shopping three days? Yep this guy! I know I’m  awesome but someone has to old up their end of this. My Cowboys  did the impossible and won today. I hope they don’t break our little lovey hearts next week. I’m going to start offering free hugs to everyone. The rage and anger of the world is becoming unbearable and my hugs are known to make people smile so if you want one let me know. I ll find you. I’m going to make people smile somehow.

No matter how far away the death of my daddy was it still hurts this time of year the most.December 19th 2004 we brought my dad from the hospital and put him in hospice at home. I really thought he may die before Christmas but my dad was stubborn and lived until February 11th 2005. We brought him home because we were just in the waiting game . There was nothing for the Dr’s to do and all we can do is wait for him to die. The biggest reason though is the holidays was my dad’s time. He loved it most because his family was together and under the same roof. He didn’t smile a lot the last three years of his life but when we all sat at the table his face somehow found a smile. He never wanted gifts only to see his family together , but I think for the biggest reason he knew his days were numbered.

I was numb to who my dad was. I had already went through the stages of sadness, despair, total disbelief, anger, hate. At this point I was numb to his disability and sickness and was ready for him  to die. Even though I knew it was his last I saw a man who couldn’t even wipe himself and who essentially given up on life. I didn’t want him alive and I didn’t want to see him that way anymore. I still did like to watch him open his presents though. Every year I bought him summer sausage from Hickory Farms, shirts, and peanuts. He was easy to please and he always was surprised to get the gifts every time. That last Christmas he showed a little emotion I think the 27 medicines he was on didn’t allow him to do much except to stare into space. My mom told me later that he didn’t take some of his medicine that day so  he could be a part, even though he was in extreme pain. We had steak, potato and all the things that went along with it. I sat across from him and remembered so many things as he took about 3 minutes to chew and swallow every bite. The one thing I didn’t do is appreciate him while he was alive.

If you know my story my daddy died about 7 weeks after we brought him home. He died in his bed , in his room with me holding his hand. December 7th 2011. I went to my father’s grave and told him I forgive you dad and please forgive me. Since that day my life has changed in so many positive ways but also it hurts a little more too during the holidays. I wish he knew that I did appreciate him, and I was still growing as a man and I would do anything to hear his voice and wisdom again. I miss daddy and I really wish he knew it as much as I feel it. I went to the mall last week and walked by the Hickory Farms display and just smiled and wished one more time I could buy it and let me dad be surprised that he got it. This time of the year is to give thanks and start over and its never to late to tell those that you love or should be loving how important they are. Forgiveness isn’t for them it’s for us! Do yourself a favor and tell them before you can’t. When they’re gone you have memories and nothing more, but his year even though I miss him I’m starting to appreciate our times and smiles together.

 





Day 347 I miss my daddy

22 12 2013

Guess who is done with their Christmas shopping three days? Yep this guy! I know I’m  awesome but someone has to old up their end of this. My Cowboys  did the impossible and won today. I hope they don’t break our little lovey hearts next week. I’m going to start offering free hugs to everyone. The rage and anger of the world is becoming unbearable and my hugs are known to make people smile so if you want one let me know. I ll find you. I’m going to make people smile somehow.

No matter how far away the death of my daddy was it still hurts this time of year the most.December 19th 2004 we brought my dad from the hospital and put him in hospice at home. I really thought he may die before Christmas but my dad was stubborn and lived until February 11th 2005. We brought him home because we were just in the waiting game . There was nothing for the Dr’s to do and all we can do is wait for him to die. The biggest reason though is the holidays was my dad’s time. He loved it most because his family was together and under the same roof. He didn’t smile a lot the last three years of his life but when we all sat at the table his face somehow found a smile. He never wanted gifts only to see his family together , but I think for the biggest reason he knew his days were numbered.

I was numb to who my dad was. I had already went through the stages of sadness, despair, total disbelief, anger, hate. At this point I was numb to his disability and sickness and was ready for him  to die. Even though I knew it was his last I saw a man who couldn’t even wipe himself and who essentially given up on life. I didn’t want him alive and I didn’t want to see him that way anymore. I still did like to watch him open his presents though. Every year I bought him summer sausage from Hickory Farms, shirts, and peanuts. He was easy to please and he always was surprised to get the gifts every time. That last Christmas he showed a little emotion I think the 27 medicines he was on didn’t allow him to do much except to stare into space. My mom told me later that he didn’t take some of his medicine that day so  he could be a part, even though he was in extreme pain. We had steak, potato and all the things that went along with it. I sat across from him and remembered so many things as he took about 3 minutes to chew and swallow every bite. The one thing I didn’t do is appreciate him while he was alive.

If you know my story my daddy died about 7 weeks after we brought him home. He died in his bed , in his room with me holding his hand. December 7th 2011. I went to my father’s grave and told him I forgive you dad and please forgive me. Since that day my life has changed in so many positive ways but also it hurts a little more too during the holidays. I wish he knew that I did appreciate him, and I was still growing as a man and I would do anything to hear his voice and wisdom again. I miss daddy and I really wish he knew it as much as I feel it. I went to the mall last week and walked by the Hickory Farms display and just smiled and wished one more time I could buy it and let me dad be surprised that he got it. This time of the year is to give thanks and start over and its never to late to tell those that you love or should be loving how important they are. Forgiveness isn’t for them it’s for us! Do yourself a favor and tell them before you can’t. When they’re gone you have memories and nothing more, but his year even though I miss him I’m starting to appreciate our times and smiles together.








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