Day 1392 My first Christmas without my mom

14 12 2016

Merry Christmas! These last 2 months have been crazy. Trying to balance it all and dealing with the holidays have been tough but today I wanted to write/blog.  I hope you realize how great my mom was. Until the next one!

I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since my mom left us to go be with my dad in heaven on 12-29-15 .  Christmas will never be the same but how I appreciate her so much more now which I didn’t know was possible.

Christmas are the best memories of my mom. when we were younger and finances were better we were spoiled. my parents had a hard time saying no. We got what we asked for. so much so my dad told  years later my mom drove 4 hrs to Oklahoma city to get Junkyard Dog wrestling figure  an 8 hr trip for a $20 dollar toy.
starting in 8th grade my dad became disabled and we tried to live on a teacher’s salary .  nobody knew we were poor my mom didn’t allow for it. i never knew sometimes how were going to eat but things worked out . after my freshman year of high school I stopped asking for things. I didn’t want to ask for things because I felt selfish. When Christmas started rolling around mom asked over and over just tell me just one thing you want. Finally after she tried to rip my ear off I would tell her but told her I never expected anything, what you  do for us is enough. then Christmas morning Santa always came. I never could grasp how in the hell when we struggled to eat sometimes how she did it.
When I got to the point I appreciated my parents in my late 20’s I sat down one day and said how did you do it.
She said you always sacrifice and you try you damnedest  to never let your kids down. She said you sell things, you ask favors, you  drop your pride. which I told I promise you never did let us down . I have so many stories of her undying sacrifice ,  love, her heart of gold, her love of other people.
I have no idea how she juggled the job of a wife caring for a disabled husband, an amazing mother,  a school teacher, a friend, daughter, sister, super woman, a great cook, a disciplinarian, the loudest fan at her kids games, the first one to offer to help and then do it and finally the jolliest, most giving Santa Claus, whose  toy bag always  had the right toy in it every time.
This Christmas will never be the same but what she taught me on Christmas  is one thing I will cherish and pass along forever .

I miss you daddy

4 12 2016

Last night we were able to watch the premiere of the father effect documentary. it was 4 years in the works by my amazingly talented friend John Finch. My part in the documentary was 4 years ago. I was so new to discovering myself and rising from  the ashes  that watching it brought tears to my eyes at least 4 times. 

I was very thankful  to John to put me in as much as getting did

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