Day 1792 Why Divorced/single in 2018 is more devastating

20 05 2018

Good happy Sunday may evening, I’m about to have a Jr and 4th grader, The school years fly by when you get older. I thought Christmas break was just over and look here we are about to end school and start smelling like BO because of the Texas heat.  Here’s to grilling, BO, sunburns, farmers tan, peeing in the pool and chlorine/swimming pool bath.

Excuse my use of the word devastating put an end to the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it. This is not directed at anyone and I know there is always another side to my argument. To save your breath, your right I’ll just be the other side.

The world we live in now is ruled by social media, the fake life of what we want you to see. You leave someones, page, site, profile and like OMG they are so great why can’t I measure up.

People quit at everything now. there is no perseverance ( yes  i know there is some) in relationships, people think the next one will be right. For better or worse or let me get to know this person that doesn’t happen. My friend said her boyfriend or girlfriend did this why don’t you?Well because were different and we all bring good and bad to the table.

Loyalty I wonder without looking could someone tell you the definition. could someone tell you that an emotional affair is the same as a physical.  And honesty. Just be honest tell me everything. I know your not single in today’s world because you did nothing wrong. If its only 10% tell me your 10%. A date ender for me is what did you do wrong in your relationships. if the other person says well he! I stop it right there! Why because I’m not going to date him and I don’t care what he did at this moment. Tell me about you. Throw every damn card on the table and let me choose if I want to move  forward.

There is nothing more refreshing than someone being real and telling, I screwed up this way, I know it now and I want to change it and I’m working so hard on it. Im insecure but if you will be patient with me we can get through. Im like heck yes someone who gets.

I hear people say sex has to be great and they have to be physically attractive. Absolutely but if you can’t communicate and your checking over their shoulder every time they are doing something you will fail. If you don’t trust in the beginning, do you really think your going to trust down the road? What about the night sex sucks. wouldn’t it be great to say let me explain where my head was today. It wasn’t you and you list out why it sucked. She understands, she cares more, she gets you. She becomes more emotionally attached then you feel like she respects and wow you have a fully functional relationship. Who knew!!!!

Finally nobody really wants to be married anymore! It might be the hardest thing to do in this twisted, social media world, where you’re told to run rather than stay and fight (not actually fight). I would much rather have someone that loves me more often, wants to choke me some days but will just poke me with a toothpick (in love) than date!!!!

Why are you in a relationship if you’re not going to be devoted/ married to the person forever. Really whats the point. That is a first date question. Dont lie, if that’s not your intention that’s okay but for the love of God tell them. Just be honest! I want to be married again, if someone tells me that they don’t that’s okay, doesn’t make you a bad person just means you dont fit me.

PS. Not everyone is going to like you! Not every person you date is going to feel it. Dont get your under roos in a wad, learn one thing from the date and move on. We are looking for one great person not an army!

Okay that’s enough for today! Love you

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Day 1095 What I learned from being Shallow

1 02 2016

AC comes back on this weekend  as we reach 80 on Sunday. I know people are so happy but those same people complain about their allergies and bugs you can’t have them both people!! Oh I also want a blizzard just one time not the kind at Dairy Queen but where you can make real snowmen.

If I typed this out and said I wasn’t shallow almost my whole life that would be a huge lie. Sure guys are more physical creatures blah blah but I was worse. Looks were actually the only thing I cared about. Oh sure I would tell the girl all the stuff I was supposed to but honestly it was physical. I told “her” every chance I had how beautiful she was and sure she liked but what about who she was. The reason you either fall in or out of love with someone. The make or break stuff. Well I knew it but I never explained it. The way I was raised or maybe I forgot to but I didn’t get Tyler you are this and that. I did get I’m proud of you but I never knew why really. So in my marriage or dating life before my marriage I was always so astounded when I complimented your looks but never told you about the important things and “she complained” I would always tear her down real well with what I didn’t like but I never filled her heart with the things that mattered. It was either I didn’t want to, didn’t know how to, or just wouldn’t.

Last year my daughter I was talking to her and told her I’m so proud of you Morgan and she asked me why. She had never done that. I always tell her everyday shes beautiful. I just told her because she was my daughter. Guess what that’s not enough!! I went into counseling and talked about it and started reading online. If we don’t want to be superficial and don’t want our kids to focus on looks then we have to teach them that. We also have to teach adults that. True there must be physical attraction if your going to date , what about what you want to find in someone. What about just a friendship. If you’re building up someone telling them all the great things about them ,they will begin to believe it. If all we concentrate on is looks then that’s all we will find. Have you ever met someone who is beautiful and after getting to know them they became just an ugly human. Or you meet someone and say they are cute  and then you get to know them and your eyes open and you see them so beautiful.

For me I’m the second. I’m cute but once you get to know me your like why isn’t he on chubby GQ. lol. I have a great responsibility to my kids and anyone in my circle to  tell them they physically look good but also what makes them so special. If we spend more time telling others to find the beautiful person inside then our relationships become more lasting and fulling.

If you have never watched Shallow Hal go rent it download it or whatever we do nowadays. I was Jack Black in the movie. If your relationships are failing then try find the beauty inside. I’ve worked so hard to let my kids know their inner beauty and it’s still a struggle because all of theirs lives I just concentrated on the outside. Especially with girls and women, society all ready beats them up enough about their looks its time for men to make a stand and teach them what matters. Relationships and marriages didn’t fail because of looks they failed because you never knew what to look for and when the newness of the looks faded you were like crap I don’t like this person. Take it from a recovering Shallow Hal looks matter but its the ones inside that last forever.

 





Day 1095 What I learned from being Shallow

29 01 2016

AC comes back on this weekend  as we reach 80 on Sunday. I know people are so happy but those same people complain about their allergies and bugs you can’t have them both people!! Oh I also want a blizzard just one time not the kind at Dairy Queen but where you can make real snowmen.

If I typed this out and said I wasn’t shallow almost my whole life that would be a huge lie. Sure guys are more physical creatures blah blah but I was worse. Looks were actually the only thing I cared about. Oh sure I would tell the girl all the stuff I was supposed to but honestly it was physical. I told “her” every chance I had how beautiful she was and sure she liked but what about who she was. The reason you either fall in or out of love with someone. The make or break stuff. Well I knew it but I never explained it. The way I was raised or maybe I forgot to but I didn’t get Tyler you are this and that. I did get I’m proud of you but I never knew why really. So in my marriage or dating life before my marriage I was always so astounded when I complimented your looks but never told you about the important things and “she complained” I would always tear her down real well with what I didn’t like but I never filled her heart with the things that mattered. It was either I didn’t want to, didn’t know how to, or just wouldn’t.

Last year my daughter I was talking to her and told her I’m so proud of you Morgan and she asked me why. She had never done that. I always tell her everyday shes beautiful. I just told her because she was my daughter. Guess what that’s not enough!! I went into counseling and talked about it and started reading online. If we don’t want to be superficial and don’t want our kids to focus on looks then we have to teach them that. We also have to teach adults that. True there must be physical attraction if your going to date , what about what you want to find in someone. What about just a friendship. If you’re building up someone telling them all the great things about them ,they will begin to believe it. If all we concentrate on is looks then that’s all we will find. Have you ever met someone who is beautiful and after getting to know them they became just an ugly human. Or you meet someone and say they are cute  and then you get to know them and your eyes open and you see them so beautiful.

For me I’m the second. I’m cute but once you get to know me your like why isn’t he on chubby GQ. lol. I have a great responsibility to my kids and anyone in my circle to  tell them they physically look good but also what makes them so special. If we spend more time telling others to find the beautiful person inside then our relationships become more lasting and fulling.

If you have never watched Shallow Hal go rent it download it or whatever we do nowadays. I was Jack Black in the movie. If your relationships are failing then try find the beauty inside. I’ve worked so hard to let my kids know their inner beauty and it’s still a struggle because all of theirs lives I just concentrated on the outside. Especially with girls and women, society all ready beats them up enough about their looks its time for men to make a stand and teach them what matters. Relationships and marriages didn’t fail because of looks they failed because you never knew what to look for and when the newness of the looks faded you were like crap I don’t like this person. Take it from a recovering Shallow Hal looks matter but its the ones inside that last forever.





Day 617 What Im scared of

6 10 2014

My sports weekend was greatness. My high school won their homecoming game which  I attended, my TCU Horned Frogs upset  the Oklahoma Sooners, and my beloved Cowboys Won and actually look like a real team. Most importantly though my sons team won their first flag football game 21-7. They were so happy. The innocence s it’s still a game at that age is greatness and no matter do they get snack.

When I don’t have my kids a try to fill my schedule to keep my mind occupied. It maybe blogging, concert, church, men’s group, sporting event, or driving. I escape when I drive I crank up the radio and take my mind many places. Some good and some not so good. It says in Philippians 4 versus 6 and 7: Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as your trust in Christ Jesus. Okay so I believe it and I promise I try to follow it but I fall so short. Replace worry with scared I think they go hand in hand.  When I drive my mind goes to those places where I’m worry and I get scared. I do pray about them but I haven’t found that peace but I know it’s still I’m trying to understand Jesus and what he’s doing with me. So what scares me: I never said any of this was right, thoughtful, logical, not selfish, or good to think about just my thoughts.

Not fulfilling my life. I miss the boat and I never get the fill the peace because what I thought was fulfilling was for me and not others. That something happens to me the week I don’t have my kids and nobody finds me for a few days. Do my kids reach their potential, or did what we do  to them through our divorced screw them up. Will I truly have fun again or put on a funny face so people think its real, will I do half of the things on my bucket list. Will I let go of the past things that I still beat myself up about, will people look back and say that’s what you need to pattern yourself as a man. Will I ever fall in love again, will I allow myself to fall in love again. Will I get married again, will I wear a ring on my finger again, will I love you ever have the same meaning, Do I have to keep doing this dating bullshit because it sucks, How will my mom deteriorate from Parkinson’s. Will I get to see my son and daughter married, will I be a grandparent, when okay isn’t enough, do I make enough money, will I lose my health, am I really a changed man, why can’t I find my happiness, what are my dreams now. What happens when I get lost.

So that’s what goes through my mind. I know pretty scary place. I will continue following God’s word and putting people in my life that are there to help carry on my life and write more chapters. I can only handle one at a time so I start by grabbing one of those. Anyway I know that worrying will get me a big fat zero so Im working on faith and that I can only do what its in front of me. I also know Im not on a island with my thoughts and that helps too.





Day 617 What Im scared of

5 10 2014

My sports weekend was greatness. My high school won their homecoming game which  I attended, my TCU Horned Frogs upset  the Oklahoma Sooners, and my beloved Cowboys Won and actually look like a real team. Most importantly though my sons team won their first flag football game 21-7. They were so happy. The innocence s it’s still a game at that age is greatness and no matter do they get snack.

When I don’t have my kids a try to fill my schedule to keep my mind occupied. It maybe blogging, concert, church, men’s group, sporting event, or driving. I escape when I drive I crank up the radio and take my mind many places. Some good and some not so good. It says in Philippians 4 versus 6 and 7: Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as your trust in Christ Jesus. Okay so I believe it and I promise I try to follow it but I fall so short. Replace worry with scared I think they go hand in hand.  When I drive my mind goes to those places where I’m worry and I get scared. I do pray about them but I haven’t found that peace but I know it’s still I’m trying to understand Jesus and what he’s doing with me. So what scares me: I never said any of this was right, thoughtful, logical, not selfish, or good to think about just my thoughts.

Not fulfilling my life. I miss the boat and I never get the fill the peace because what I thought was fulfilling was for me and not others. That something happens to me the week I don’t have my kids and nobody finds me for a few days. Do my kids reach their potential, or did what we do  to them through our divorced screw them up. Will I truly have fun again or put on a funny face so people think its real, will I do half of the things on my bucket list. Will I let go of the past things that I still beat myself up about, will people look back and say that’s what you need to pattern yourself as a man. Will I ever fall in love again, will I allow myself to fall in love again. Will I get married again, will I wear a ring on my finger again, will I love you ever have the same meaning, Do I have to keep doing this dating bullshit because it sucks, How will my mom deteriorate from Parkinson’s. Will I get to see my son and daughter married, will I be a grandparent, when okay isn’t enough, do I make enough money, will I lose my health, am I really a changed man, why can’t I find my happiness, what are my dreams now. What happens when I get lost.

So that’s what goes through my mind. I know pretty scary place. I will continue following God’s word and putting people in my life that are there to help carry on my life and write more chapters. I can only handle one at a time so I start by grabbing one of those. Anyway I know that worrying will get me a big fat zero so Im working on faith and that I can only do what its in front of me. I also know Im not on a island with my thoughts and that helps too.





Day 454 What I deserve

10 04 2014

Day 454 What I deserve.





Day 439 Must do Checklist for men

26 03 2014

Another week and another funeral. I’ve had three of my high school friends lose their fathers in the past two weeks. It’s a sad day for them and I hope they have forgiven them so that burden doesn’t stick with for a long time. I mentioned in the last blog how I listen to a lot of conversations and if you go back and listen to people how many times did you hear the following: Well it happened to me so you can deal with it. After being on the learning curve here is what I know: Just because it happened to you doesn’t mean we have to let it happen to someone else. Most  will say there is nothing I can do. Yes you can step up and say something. True most won’t listen but if you’re trying to live by example and turn your pain and experience into help is something we can do. I know many times when I was about to run into the wall at 110mph I wish someone would have reached it. We don’t have to save everyone we just start with one! 

On Facebook you can find any list to better yourself, I found this great one about a checklist for men: These are things our dads should have told us but maybe didn’t. I’ll highlight a few of the ones I think I really liked or missed in my life.

1. Go for women who you perceive to be out of your league: “You’ll surprise yourself”. It’s funny because the first thing your guy friends will do is tell you she’s out of your league because they don’t want you to get her and they wouldn’t ask. Nobody is out of your league and if she thinks she is it’s probably good she thinks that because then you won’t get messed up in her crap.

5. Never take her to a movie on a first date: What your telling her is that you’re trying to do something you want and you don’t have to talk to her.

10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger. This is self-explanatory and the mess is worth a $3 plunger.

14. Call your parents every week. I talk to my mom everyday. Never know when you or they won’t be here.

17.  Compliment her shoes: My dad told me to do that and her hair. I promise it works.

24. Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose. I have seen friendships and family end over stuff that wasn’t returned. IF I give it to you sure I want it back but you must need it more than me.

28- Manliness  is not only being able to take care of yourself but care for others as well. Men were created to provide, lead and serve.

29- Go with the decision that makes for a good story-  It didn’t  make the best decision. If you know me I have some stories that people don’t believe  but I swear they are true. If you heard them sorry they made you uncomfortable or made you laugh so hard you peed your pants..

33- Don’t let the little head do the thinking for the big head. Thank God I changed this about myself. Good Lord I spent way to much time doing this one.

44 and 45 is what I’m working on now!

44. Do whatever you want to do in life but be the best at it. Enough said.

45. No one is  on their deathbed wishing they spent more time working. Enjoy your life. Maybe the hardest thing to train my brain.

45 tips-to-being-a-man

 








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