Day 175 Tell me Im a good man

30 06 2013

Day 175 Tell me Im a good man.

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Day 175 Tell me Im a good man

30 06 2013

Have a weird weekend so far. I had a blast Friday night at the Texas Rangers baseball game with my buddy. We got the 24 inch hotdog  called the Boomstick and Waffle Fry brisket nachos and shared those. I usually don’t eat like that but one night. Until we found out that in both items there are 7000 calories in both. Rangers won so it was worth it. I met a friend  yesterday and it was great to catchup stir a lot of emotions from past that I didn’t know I had. Last night hung out in Fort Worth one of the coolest cities in the US and watched the idiots get their drink on. Nice looking crowd if your single A college friend died on Cancer Friday and then I woke up on the sad side of the bed today and I’m trying to fight through that.

When I got home last night I caught the last 15 minutes of saving Private Ryan. One of the greatest War movies ever created. You can run the gamete of emotions in the movie but the last 5 minutes pull at you from every way. In the clip below it the last 2 minutes that made me think something I always want to hear.

youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r8zgU7wE8w

Every man wants to hear: Tell me I’m a good man, Tell, me I lived a good life! You want to hear it from your father and your spouse. It’s the most powerful words that can be spoken over a man. There are very few times that we get to actually fell that way. I actually get chills listen to his words. On fathers day weekend when I went back to my dad’s grave I prayed I could hear his voice say those words and if could have been there he would have. When a man wants to hear tell me I’m a good man it entails the following: Was a great spiritual leader,Am I a good husband, provider, father, helper, do other man see me as an example of what to follow, Did I do all I could to change the world for the better, did I extend the helping hand when I got the opportunity, When it was time to rise to the occasion and nobody else wanted to I did, Are you proud of me, I never gave up, did I give the best of me first and not last.

It does not entail: Did I drink the most beer, did I throw the best parties, Did I turn my back on my spouse when she was unlovable, when my kids embarrassed me did I turn my back on them, when someone needed my help did I make excuses, when the heat gets turned up did I fall into the background.

If you get the chance to tell a man he is good please do it. Tell him he lived a good life. If you don’t think he has encourage him to do that he wants it more than anything. Sometimes he just doesn’t know how. Don’t give up on him!

I can’t wait to hear those words again, from my children (You were the best man and daddy) or when I get married again for my wife to look at me and say you are the best thing that ever happened to me, you’re a great man and have lived an amazing life!!

 

 





Day 172 One of the greatest gifts given to me

28 06 2013

Today is a great day in my life. My friend had her 7th birthday today. My almost 32-year-old  friend had her 7th birthday from a stem cell donation. 7 years ago I was allowed and given the greatest gift of being able to save Penny’s life through stem cell transfer. In 1996 I was sitting in the Dr office and I filled out an application to join the National Bone Marrow Registry thinking nothing about it. Then in 2006 I got the call.

National Bone Marrow Registry

My friend Penny has PNH- Paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria (PNH) is a rare, acquired, life-threatening disease of the blood. The disease is characterized by destruction of red blood cells (hemolytic anemia), blood clots (thrombosis), impaired bone marrow function, and a 3 to 5% risk of developing leukemia. PNH affects only 1-2 persons per million of the population and is a disease of young adults (median age of diagnosis 35-40 years of age) with occasional cases diagnosed in childhood or adolescence. PNH is closely related to aplastic anemia. In fact, up to 30% of newly diagnosed cases of PNH evolve from aplastic anemia. Similarly, the risk developing PNH after treatment for aplastic anemia with immunosuppressive therapy (anti-thymocyte globulin and cyclosporine) is approximately 20 to 30%. The median survival after diagnosis is 10 years; however, some patients can survive for decades with only minor symptoms.

Penny carried the disease for 10 years and then there was a match. To think that someone in the world matches that close to you.  I got the call and went through a series of test and then was given the opportunity to say no. Yes there is an option to say no. Even when you start the 7 day process you can say no on the last day. What I went through was nothing compared to Penny. They essentially destroyed her body and then waited for my stem cells. We would have done bone marrow but she needed it now and this was the fastest way. ON the last day you feel like you pneumonia but as soon as they draw out the stem cells you really at that moment go back to feeling normal. There was a man there waiting to get my stem cells to California. When you go through this you have no idea of who the person is except if they are female or male and age. After one year if both parties agree you can meet. Its kind of heartbreaking because you have no idea if the stem cells took.

Lucky for me my stem cells took and around 18 months later I got to meet Penny. She is amazing and took on many of my qualities like, lactose intolerance. Today Penny and I are close and in the fall she starts her Masters Degree in Colorado. Im just so thankful that I got a chance for the gift of saving a life.

 





Day 172 One of the greatest gifts given to me

27 06 2013

Today is a great day in my life. My friend had her 7th birthday today. My almost 32-year-old  friend had her 7th birthday from a stem cell donation. 7 years ago I was allowed and given the greatest gift of being able to save Penny’s life through stem cell transfer. In 1996 I was sitting in the Dr office and I filled out an application to join the National Bone Marrow Registry thinking nothing about it. Then in 2006 I got the call.

National Bone Marrow Registry

My friend Penny has PNH- Paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria (PNH) is a rare, acquired, life-threatening disease of the blood. The disease is characterized by destruction of red blood cells (hemolytic anemia), blood clots (thrombosis), impaired bone marrow function, and a 3 to 5% risk of developing leukemia. PNH affects only 1-2 persons per million of the population and is a disease of young adults (median age of diagnosis 35-40 years of age) with occasional cases diagnosed in childhood or adolescence. PNH is closely related to aplastic anemia. In fact, up to 30% of newly diagnosed cases of PNH evolve from aplastic anemia. Similarly, the risk developing PNH after treatment for aplastic anemia with immunosuppressive therapy (anti-thymocyte globulin and cyclosporine) is approximately 20 to 30%. The median survival after diagnosis is 10 years; however, some patients can survive for decades with only minor symptoms.

Penny carried the disease for 10 years and then there was a match. To think that someone in the world matches that close to you.  I got the call and went through a series of test and then was given the opportunity to say no. Yes there is an option to say no. Even when you start the 7 day process you can say no on the last day. What I went through was nothing compared to Penny. They essentially destroyed her body and then waited for my stem cells. We would have done bone marrow but she needed it now and this was the fastest way. ON the last day you feel like you pneumonia but as soon as they draw out the stem cells you really at that moment go back to feeling normal. There was a man there waiting to get my stem cells to California. When you go through this you have no idea of who the person is except if they are female or male and age. After one year if both parties agree you can meet. Its kind of heartbreaking because you have no idea if the stem cells took.

Lucky for me my stem cells took and around 18 months later I got to meet Penny. She is amazing and took on many of my qualities like, lactose intolerance. Today Penny and I are close and in the fall she starts her Masters Degree in Colorado. Im just so thankful that I got a chance for the gift of saving a life.

 





Day 170 Truth laid down with me

26 06 2013

I spent Sunday night going back through all of my blogs and I caught up with a friend of 20 years that we had not spoken but more than  twice in that time frame. Wow i really put myself out there in my blogs. I really don’t remember it all. I sit down in front of the computer and something different comes over me. It’s a cool feeling but at the same time I know when I push send the fear of a teenager comes back. I set the fire, watch it burn and wait to see what happens when it burns out. The past two years I felt alive, I felt dead, I felt like curling in a ball, I felt on was on top of the world, Ive cried like the first time I got a shot, I hit my knees more than ever, I have reached up for someone and their was an empty hand, I tried to love me, I tried to hate me, I sat in my apartment with nothing but the sound of my breath, I fought with me and talked to myself a lot, I sat in fields and admired the stars, I went to a hospital and watched the babies sleep, I drove past my old house and wondered what happened, I drove half way across the country trying to find myself, I drank myself silly wondering can I be loved, I gave two people all I had left, I questioned God, I loved God I acted like everything was okay. I looked someone in the eyes and told them I was a scared little boy, I pushed at least 6 people out of my life and told them I wasn’t good enough for them, I sat at the Rugby field and wondered why my athletic career was over, I went to the Casino and went to be close to people but not to close, I stopped a domestic abuse situation, I held a homeless man, I finally went back to my dad;s grave, I baptized my daughter, I held my son over my head like he was a baby, I stopped the car and picked a piece of cotton, I went to the animal shelter and told the animals that it was going to be okay you won’t always be alone, I looked my ex in the eye and told myself you were flawed but remember the good.

Truth is last night I sat in my bed listening to music and turned it off. I looked at the ceiling of my apartment and truth laid next to me. You’re a good man and there are many that think the same thing. You have changed lives for the better. I know your heart-broken for many reasons but your almost there. See the good remember the bad and stop living in it. For the first time in probably 5 years I heard me say thank you  before I went to sleep God and truth thank you  because I am a good man  and Im almost there.

 





Day 170 Truth laid down with me

25 06 2013

I spent Sunday night going back through all of my blogs and I caught up with a friend of 20 years that we had not spoken but more than  twice in that time frame. Wow i really put myself out there in my blogs. I really don’t remember it all. I sit down in front of the computer and something different comes over me. It’s a cool feeling but at the same time I know when I push send the fear of a teenager comes back. I set the fire, watch it burn and wait to see what happens when it burns out. The past two years I felt alive, I felt dead, I felt like curling in a ball, I felt on was on top of the world, Ive cried like the first time I got a shot, I hit my knees more than ever, I have reached up for someone and their was an empty hand, I tried to love me, I tried to hate me, I sat in my apartment with nothing but the sound of my breath, I fought with me and talked to myself a lot, I sat in fields and admired the stars, I went to a hospital and watched the babies sleep, I drove past my old house and wondered what happened, I drove half way across the country trying to find myself, I drank myself silly wondering can I be loved, I gave two people all I had left, I questioned God, I loved God I acted like everything was okay. I looked someone in the eyes and told them I was a scared little boy, I pushed at least 6 people out of my life and told them I wasn’t good enough for them, I sat at the Rugby field and wondered why my athletic career was over, I went to the Casino and went to be close to people but not to close, I stopped a domestic abuse situation, I held a homeless man, I finally went back to my dad;s grave, I baptized my daughter, I held my son over my head like he was a baby, I stopped the car and picked a piece of cotton, I went to the animal shelter and told the animals that it was going to be okay you won’t always be alone, I looked my ex in the eye and told myself you were flawed but remember the good.

Truth is last night I sat in my bed listening to music and turned it off. I looked at the ceiling of my apartment and truth laid next to me. You’re a good man and there are many that think the same thing. You have changed lives for the better. I know your heart-broken for many reasons but your almost there. See the good remember the bad and stop living in it. For the first time in probably 5 years I heard me say thank you  before I went to sleep God and truth thank you  because I am a good man  and Im almost there.

 





Day 170 Truth laid down with me

25 06 2013

I spent Sunday night going back through all of my blogs and I caught up with a friend of 20 years that we had not spoken but more than  twice in that time frame. Wow i really put myself out there in my blogs. I really don’t remember it all. I sit down in front of the computer and something different comes over me. It’s a cool feeling but at the same time I know when I push send the fear of a teenager comes back. I set the fire, watch it burn and wait to see what happens when it burns out. The past two years I felt alive, I felt dead, I felt like curling in a ball, I felt on was on top of the world, Ive cried like the first time I got a shot, I hit my knees more than ever, I have reached up for someone and their was an empty hand, I tried to love me, I tried to hate me, I sat in my apartment with nothing but the sound of my breath, I fought with me and talked to myself a lot, I sat in fields and admired the stars, I went to a hospital and watched the babies sleep, I drove past my old house and wondered what happened, I drove half way across the country trying to find myself, I drank myself silly wondering can I be loved, I gave two people all I had left, I questioned God, I loved God I acted like everything was okay. I looked someone in the eyes and told them I was a scared little boy, I pushed at least 6 people out of my life and told them I wasn’t good enough for them, I sat at the Rugby field and wondered why my athletic career was over, I went to the Casino and went to be close to people but not to close, I stopped a domestic abuse situation, I held a homeless man, I finally went back to my dad;s grave, I baptized my daughter, I held my son over my head like he was a baby, I stopped the car and picked a piece of cotton, I went to the animal shelter and told the animals that it was going to be okay you won’t always be alone, I looked my ex in the eye and told myself you were flawed but remember the good.

Truth is last night I sat in my bed listening to music and turned it off. I looked at the ceiling of my apartment and truth laid next to me. You’re a good man and there are many that think the same thing. You have changed lives for the better. I know your heart-broken for many reasons but your almost there. See the good remember the bad and stop living in it. For the first time in probably 5 years I heard me say thank you  before I went to sleep God and truth thank you  because I am a good man  and Im almost there.








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