Day 582 You cant be both parents

31 08 2014

Day 582 You cant be both parents.





Day 582 You cant be both parents

30 08 2014

My kids both finished their first week of school. My daughter started 7th grade and my son kindergarten. When I picked them up yesterday they had so much to tell me and I can understand why they were exhausted. I was just listening and was tired. My son said that being in kindergarten was going to make him a man. That is funny and I think he believes it.

When I hear a parent say I have to be both my either mom or dad I cringe. I understand what you’re trying to say but you have to stop saying. I cannot be a mom and if your female you can’t be a dad. It’s impossible because you have no clue what its like to be the other sex or what its supposed to be like. You can read all you want but its impossible.  It’s like asking a white person to be a black person you can’t do it.That’s because we need different things from each parent, and while many of us make it through childhood just fine without a father, it doesn’t lessen the yearning for one, or fill the hole caused by his absence. I’ll speak for just me here: Fatherlessness hurts sons and daughters, of course. But I’m focusing on males for several reasons. (1) Our culture spends enough time on women and girls and not nearly enough on boys and men. (2) Males are different from females in that they have a propensity to act out on their personal pain, and society suffers as a result. Women’s pain is more internally focused. (3) Boys are ‘men in the making’ and are therefore harmed by fatherlessness in a primal and unique way.The reality is, woman can’t be Dad. No matter how much u love you son, You can never identify with his masculinity. U can’t know or feel it the way his father can. U can’t teach your son what it means to be a man. U can’t help him navigate puberty the way U can your daughter. Boys need men. I understand that many men aren’t in their kids life but you a mom and only a mom. If you tell your child that I’m the dad your telling him that you are doing what a man can for him and that’s false and always will be.

Im caring, loving, a giver, and I know what a woman needs from a mans perspective but how dare I think that I could ever replace her mom because Im the other parent. There are things that a woman goes through that I could never understand. I could read about it,  ask women, but I just can’t do it. I truly believe that  if men would step up and be fathers 75% of the problems in the world would be fixed. Just because the other parent is missing doesn’t mean you are the other parent. Just look at your own life and see the absence of the parent that was missing and how hard and emotional that was. Im sure I’ll get a lot of push-back but ask counselors, teachers, coaches what the problems are and its the parent that’s missing not the one that’s there. Just keep doing what you do as mother or father. Its hard enough just doing that and your great at doing that.





Day 572 I know I hurt my children with our divorce

25 08 2014

Day 572 I know I hurt my children with our divorce.





Day 572 I know I hurt my children with our divorce

25 08 2014

Day 572 I know I hurt my children with our divorce.





Day 572 I know I hurt my children with our divorce

24 08 2014

I got to do my first speaking to high school students yesterday . Such a great day. The school is inner city and I was worried what I had to say wouldn’t really apply. It went off great and our team of speakers is something Im truly proud of .

Last night I was coming home and had one of those moments that stay with you for a while. I was coming up Hwy 35 going home and on the opposite side of the road you could see a car was on fire. It had just started  and since in flight or fight I always fight. I was trying to figure out where to park/ what to do to help call 911 etc.. When I pull up the car has a small explosion Im guessing the gas tank is on fire and then I look about 20 yards down the road and there are horses everywhere. There is also a truck and trailer overturned but then I see 3 people giving CPR to a man around my age right in the middle of the highway. Nobody had answers to anything and there was no emergency personal on site yet. I went as close as I could to the car on fire to see if there was a body but no and then I just came back and watched this lady perform CPR. She was working so hard but the guy still wasn’t breathing . I kind of caught my mind and went to gather the horses back up. I got one and tied it to the trailer but I couldn’t help but think of the guy. I have no idea if he died but for some reason I put myself as that guy and hoped more than anything that he lived and hope many people loved him. I have no idea what caused me to think  that but man it was so surreal.

When you get divorced and you have children Im not sure you ever know  the true pain it causes your children. They have emotion and feelings that they have no idea how to tell you about and usually they don’t come out until there older and the anger and bitterness is revealed with it. If I could change it I would and now I know that there are things that will come up over time and I just have to learn to deal with them in the right way. Friday morning I had no idea what to do. I was trying to get Brayden dressed since somehow he got his shirt on but it was inside out and backwards. While i was helping he said Dad are you coming to my first day of school on Monday? I said you know it I wouldn’t miss it. He said no are you coming with mommy. I said yes we will both be there. He said no daddy will you be there married to mommy. I m so glad there wasn’t a picture  of my face because Im sure it was like I was about to throw up. I stood up because I was about to cry and  sat down on the floor with him and explained about his mom and I also told him I was sorry which is the first time I told him that about our divorce.. I then let him play and walked into my bathroom and cried like a child. To know that age 3 when we got divorced I left a scar on him that deep. At 5 years old that he was able to tell me that was incredible. When we were ready to leave the house he looked at me said its okay daddy just be there Monday okay.

I saw all of this to tell you. That no matter what you think divorce will scare your kids. If you can do anything to save your marriage do it. It takes work and letting go of a lot of things. Kids don’t want to see their parents in a bad marriage either but they will remember good or bad. My job and our job as parents is to always have open lines of communication and take responsibility for your marriage mistakes so hopefully our kids wont repeat them.





Day 568 2 years divorced tomorrow

20 08 2014

I had the best vacation I can remember.  My whole family went that included my mother, sister nephew, my kids and myself. We haven’t done that since I was 10. I worried with all of us with ADD in the car we would smack each other repeatedly. I can say it was so much better than I cold have thought. One of the coolest thing and a side I had never seen of my mom is that she rode every ride we did at Schiltterbahn water park.. She has Parkinson’s and said she can still do everything she used to. It surprised us but it shouldn’t she one’s one f the greatest women God every created. She is an example for any woman to follow and I just got lucky enough to call her my mom. We even got a few pics which made me happy and its memories I can’t forget.

At 9:10 August 20 2012 I was divorced in the Denton County Courthouse.  It was a day I was so ready for but yet had no clue how to feel, what to do or who to tell.  I wanted our marriage to stay together for our kids but I promise it was best for both of them that we go our own ways.  When everything changes in life you either go to ways together or apart. We were the unlucky ones who couldn’t keep it together and that morning sitting next to her I felt like every single memory good or bad just rushed at me in a 5 minute span. People think when they file papers that they are divorced. i will argue with you until you actually hear the gavel hot the desk and its over you truly don’t understand what its like to be divorced. 4 1/2 minutes and 14 years of a part of my life ended quicker than it  began. I walked out that morning weak kneed and sick at my stomach. Why for something you know you wanted and needed so bad could make you feel so empty and alone.

Lets fast forward to today. I would love for my kids sake for them to be together and in a healthy home. It didn’t happen but here’s what did. I still fall short, Im still lonely, not always sure of myself but because I was divorced: Im a better man, MAN being the key word, Im not a little boy searching for something that I won’t find, Im a better christian man, Im a better giver, better man for the next woman who gives me a chance to prove that to her, Im honest, Im humble, I see pain and have true compassion for people who before I could have cared less about. Im vulnerable, I protect the ones I love, and the biggest thing Im a great daddy. My children are my world and I know that their chance of succeeding in life is far better today and Im an actual example that they can be proud of.

You see sometimes no matter how much you loved or thought you were loved two people cannot be married. We fell in love early and grew apart not because of the other one but because we needed to find something in us that we were missing.  We didn’t come into each others life because we weren’t supposed to be there we were and learn from each other. I know we both did that and even though we have our differences I think we can both say that we better for being together for 14 years. We work together for our kids and there’s not much more one can ask of the other. Two years ago I was a weak kneed, empty soled boy who was so lost but today I have a soul and its a bright burning light not only for me but any others that care to have a piece of me. Thank you for always reading and following my journey. It’s funny because I hated writing and now I am a writer because I was divorced.





Day 568 2 years divorced tomorrow

19 08 2014

I had the best vacation I can remember.  My whole family went that included my mother, sister nephew, my kids and myself. We haven’t done that since I was 10. I worried with all of us with ADD in the car we would smack each other repeatedly. I can say it was so much better than I cold have thought. One of the coolest thing and a side I had never seen of my mom is that she rode every ride we did at Schiltterbahn water park.. She has Parkinson’s and said she can still do everything she used to. It surprised us but it shouldn’t she one’s one f the greatest women God every created. She is an example for any woman to follow and I just got lucky enough to call her my mom. We even got a few pics which made me happy and its memories I can’t forget.

At 9:10 August 20 2012 I was divorced in the Denton County Courthouse.  It was a day I was so ready for but yet had no clue how to feel, what to do or who to tell.  I wanted our marriage to stay together for our kids but I promise it was best for both of them that we go our own ways.  When everything changes in life you either go to ways together or apart. We were the unlucky ones who couldn’t keep it together and that morning sitting next to her I felt like every single memory good or bad just rushed at me in a 5 minute span. People think when they file papers that they are divorced. i will argue with you until you actually hear the gavel hot the desk and its over you truly don’t understand what its like to be divorced. 4 1/2 minutes and 14 years of a part of my life ended quicker than it  began. I walked out that morning weak kneed and sick at my stomach. Why for something you know you wanted and needed so bad could make you feel so empty and alone.

Lets fast forward to today. I would love for my kids sake for them to be together and in a healthy home. It didn’t happen but here’s what did. I still fall short, Im still lonely, not always sure of myself but because I was divorced: Im a better man, MAN being the key word, Im not a little boy searching for something that I won’t find, Im a better christian man, Im a better giver, better man for the next woman who gives me a chance to prove that to her, Im honest, Im humble, I see pain and have true compassion for people who before I could have cared less about. Im vulnerable, I protect the ones I love, and the biggest thing Im a great daddy. My children are my world and I know that their chance of succeeding in life is far better today and Im an actual example that they can be proud of.

You see sometimes no matter how much you loved or thought you were loved two people cannot be married. We fell in love early and grew apart not because of the other one but because we needed to find something in us that we were missing.  We didn’t come into each others life because we weren’t supposed to be there we were and learn from each other. I know we both did that and even though we have our differences I think we can both say that we better for being together for 14 years. We work together for our kids and there’s not much more one can ask of the other. Two years ago I was a weak kneed, empty soled boy who was so lost but today I have a soul and its a bright burning light not only for me but any others that care to have a piece of me. Thank you for always reading and following my journey. It’s funny because I hated writing and now I am a writer because I was divorced.





Day 561 Please save me Robin Williams

13 08 2014

I guess you could say I did have mental illness and a fellow struggler and one of my favorite actors of all time died yesterday by taking his life. Called suicide. The most grossly understood of all diseases and draws more reaction and so-called “experts” when it happens. I never get the request to blog but today I was sent a request and some information about suicide so here I go trying to give my thoughts on it. Robin Williams had everything that society says you need to have to have a good life, but it didn’t matter. WE ARE ALL THE SAME no matter what you want to think. Robin Williams is proof that you have it but you can’t buy your way out of a disease. He made millions of people laugh, cry, at peace and think they were okay. Today we sit here and he couldn’t find any of those things for himself.  Nanu Nanu

3.5 years ago I was ready to take my life. Nothing made sense and the pain pf my life was too much. I knew no other way. Sure it was selfish to think that way but when your there your think you’re doing people a favor. How dare someone who has never struggled with it beat down someone who has. You do many selfish things as well but you do them out of your own selfish ways not because you think you’re doing people a favor. Suicide is not a choice you make, but rather a choice that happens onto when your pain was greater than your ability to cope. I was lucky and I have no idea why or what caused me not to do the act, but I’m thankful today I didn’t. I can still feel that day of pain and everything leading up to it and I bet there is not one of you that would want to take that from me because its too much!

Suicide is not a weak decision. It is a decision that takes an incredible amount of strength to make, actually. Someone isn’t weak if they end their life. They are desperate. There is a difference. It’s okay to feel angry at the person for dying. It’s okay to question, to rail against the forces that caused this. But it isn’t weakness. Mental illness isn’t weakness. It’s a disease, a pervasive, sometimes awful disease. The person doesn’t deserve anger and skepticism forever. They deserve compassion. Their family deserves compassion.

Ending a life is incredibly, incredibly tragic. It represents a lost battle with mental illness. In that, it is no different from cancer, or diabetes, or a heart attack. Where it is different is that suicide is a choice. Whether it is the right or wrong choice for that person is solely the business of that person who commits suicide. But for the family left behind, it is devastating.

Don’t rail against Robin Williams, or anyone else, for committing suicide (if indeed, that is the cause of his death). Instead, reach out. Let people know you’re there for them. Find a crisis line in your area to call if you are feeling desperate and like you want to do something you can’t take back. Support the family and friends left behind in the best way you can. Let the people you love know that you love them and that you are thinking about them. Let them know that they are not alone. (Not sure where these came from but it was sent to me to write about).

If you know of someone who is struggling and you do nothing its a hell of a burden to carry. Isolation is a killer and yes its devastating but don’t try to  understand their pain just know its real and do whatever you can to get them help.





Day 561 Please save me Robin Williams

12 08 2014

I guess you could say I did have mental illness and a fellow struggler and one of my favorite actors of all time died yesterday by taking his life. Called suicide. The most grossly understood of all diseases and draws more reaction and so-called “experts” when it happens. I never get the request to blog but today I was sent a request and some information about suicide so here I go trying to give my thoughts on it. Robin Williams had everything that society says you need to have to have a good life, but it didn’t matter. WE ARE ALL THE SAME no matter what you want to think. Robin Williams is proof that you have it but you can’t buy your way out of a disease. He made millions of people laugh, cry, at peace and think they were okay. Today we sit here and he couldn’t find any of those things for himself.  Nanu Nanu

3.5 years ago I was ready to take my life. Nothing made sense and the pain pf my life was too much. I knew no other way. Sure it was selfish to think that way but when your there your think you’re doing people a favor. How dare someone who has never struggled with it beat down someone who has. You do many selfish things as well but you do them out of your own selfish ways not because you think you’re doing people a favor. Suicide is not a choice you make, but rather a choice that happens onto when your pain was greater than your ability to cope. I was lucky and I have no idea why or what caused me not to do the act, but I’m thankful today I didn’t. I can still feel that day of pain and everything leading up to it and I bet there is not one of you that would want to take that from me because its too much!

Suicide is not a weak decision. It is a decision that takes an incredible amount of strength to make, actually. Someone isn’t weak if they end their life. They are desperate. There is a difference. It’s okay to feel angry at the person for dying. It’s okay to question, to rail against the forces that caused this. But it isn’t weakness. Mental illness isn’t weakness. It’s a disease, a pervasive, sometimes awful disease. The person doesn’t deserve anger and skepticism forever. They deserve compassion. Their family deserves compassion.

Ending a life is incredibly, incredibly tragic. It represents a lost battle with mental illness. In that, it is no different from cancer, or diabetes, or a heart attack. Where it is different is that suicide is a choice. Whether it is the right or wrong choice for that person is solely the business of that person who commits suicide. But for the family left behind, it is devastating.

Don’t rail against Robin Williams, or anyone else, for committing suicide (if indeed, that is the cause of his death). Instead, reach out. Let people know you’re there for them. Find a crisis line in your area to call if you are feeling desperate and like you want to do something you can’t take back. Support the family and friends left behind in the best way you can. Let the people you love know that you love them and that you are thinking about them. Let them know that they are not alone. (Not sure where these came from but it was sent to me to write about).

If you know of someone who is struggling and you do nothing its a hell of a burden to carry. Isolation is a killer and yes its devastating but don’t try to  understand their pain just know its real and do whatever you can to get them help.





Day 559 Be like the Cool Kids

11 08 2014

Hanging out last night you always hear very intriguing conversations and this one I didn’t expect to hear at a bar. There’s a song out right now by a band called Echosmith Cool Kids and its about wanting to be one of the cool kids in school. Here are the lyrics:

[Verse 1]
She sees them walking in a straight line, that’s not really her style
They all got the same heartbeat, but hers is falling behind

Nothing in this world could ever bring them down
Yeah, they’re invincible and she’s just in the background
And she says

[Hook]
I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to fit in
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids

[Verse 2]
He sees them talking with a big smile, but they haven’t got a clue
Yeah, they’re living the good life, can’t see what he is going through
They’re driving fast cars, but they don’t know where they’re going
In the fast lane, living life without knowing
And he says

[Hook 2]
I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to fit in
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids
I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to get it
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids
And they said

[Outro]
I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to fit in
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids
I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to fit in
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids
I wish that I could be like the cool kids cuz all the cool kids, they seem to get it
I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids

message of the song is simple: the coolest thing you can be is yourself. But more often than not, kids, teenagers, or even adults that they relate to the kids they’re singing about. That they feel like the outsider looking in.

The cry to be like the cool kids… it’s something that everyone kind of goes through whether you want to act like it or not, There’s always somebody out there that you kind of wish, If only I could do this, or do that.’ I think that’s why the song connects with people so well. Which leads me to the conversation last night.

The conversation was between around 21-year-old kids and they were talking about how they always wished they would have been cool kids. They had everything, everything was easy, they had no problems. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing but then I remembered high school and how people thought of the cool kids. I was never the cool kid just popular because I treated everybody with respect but I knew the “cool kids” and hung with some of the them. I saw the problems, I saw the drug use, the alcohol, the crappy home life, but we always choose what we want to see. Money or being cool didn’t solve crap. Now a lot of the “cool  kids” struggle and people seem surprised at the reunion or parties or get togethers that there life hasn’t gone the way we thought it would. I understand  how kids can relate because they really don’t know better.  We have adults though think and believe the same way. We see Peoples FB posts, or we see this or that. We hear from someone elses screwed up perspective how great someones elses life is based on what we see outside of the home or on FB. Once the door closes on someone’s home I promise nobody is a cool kid. Sure some are better than others but everybody is in a season. It may be good now but  seasons change. So what does all this mean: Stop trying to be like someone else, living their life, or wishing you had their life because one day you may just get it and being the cool kid ain’t easy.








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