Day 45 sick and tired

4 10 2012

I thought today I had strep but thank goodness it’s only sinus infection. I have 7 fractured facial bones in my sinus passages so I m prone to sinus infections. I feel sometimes that my head is going to explode. I got Levequin so hopefully I wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed. I actually got 8 hrs rest last night for the first time in 5 months.

I made a post on FB today stating the following: No matter what the media try’s to get us to believe there are still some amazing people walking around u right now. Well I was shown twice today how great people are. I can’t them enough for making my day better than I deserved.

I said I would like to promote some of the blog I read and here is another great one. This is by Patrick Latter his photos are amazing Winter is coming

I m going to finish up how the last few months of my marriage ended. So I mentioned how on March 10th I broke my leg pretty bad. Well I remember laying on the field that day questioning God and letting him know that was going to end our marriage. I thought that because our marriage already sucked but then I usually did all the house work. Now that role would have to go to my ex. She did a great job for about 9 days but then you could tell that it bugged her. I knew it so then I got up and started doing more than I should one because of guilt but two I thought I needed to do something to try to save this. I wish for the longest time I would have known to end it because she had checked out a long time ago. I learned in counseling that the one that wants the divorce has been checked out mentality for a long time.  I kept asking everyday why do you hate me and why won’t you love me. I just got pushed aside. We got into a huge fight one night in our kitchen and the light bulb finally come on. This women hates me and hates me horribly. I really dug into my men’s group and my counseling because I kind of knew it was over. The beginning of May was out daughter’s birthday and somehow we manged to get through that. I think because no matter what we loved our kids. Then came about 4 days before mother’s day. She was actually very nice to me. I planned a big mother’s day planned and spent close to $600 on gifts horses races etc.. We also went to the casino that night. We had a good time and talked some which we hadn’t done in a while. Forward to March 20. We went to An Advocare meeting and when we got home I was pissed because she acted like I was dead to her. Long story short that night after a fight she said that she hated me and she wanted a divorce. I actually said you’ll regret it but I would do that.

When the process started  I moved out officially on June 16th. The hardest thing I had ever done. My daughter was 6 months old when we moved their. We brought our son home there. There was Christmas, Thanksgiving, love, fights etc.. That was hard to walk away from. I had people help me move that I had pushed out of my life. That day was hard but it was also that day I knew my life was going to be okay. When you go back and look and put the pieces together you realize how blinded by love you can be. I know that I was used on mother’s day. I know that the day I broke my leg I might as well asked her not to come. The first few weeks were a blur truly living by myself. Getting adjusted to being without my kids, money, being alone. I had many night crying and questioning why I didn’t do more and what I could have done to save my marriage. She moved quick on getting a divorce. I think she had the documents ready before she ever said anything. Two weeks before I moved out I started Divorce recovery by far the best thing I ever did. Getting around other people going through the something but also understanding things at a level I had never seen. There was a tone of pain in the group but the small group discussion was amazing. I can say that I have about 4 close friends from it. It has also helped me to be able to help others and also prepare those that are thinking about divorce to slam the breaks on and let’s get some help.

One person I want tot think is Scott  Tucker. We met one night at Starbucks and talked about many different things but he said journal. I told him that I had already done that and it did nothing for me. He said blog or do something to get your thoughts out. Because of Scott this Blog started July 1 and I can honestly say that 10 people’s lives that I know have been changed forever and mine as well.

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