Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.
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Day 1629 Let’s run away

20 08 2017
School has started and I have a 10th grader and a 3rd grader. Either I’m getting old or time is passing to fast.  I know that seeing them grow up is a great feeling. Parenting is tough though. My Lord where is the manual?
We all want to run away.  Some people actually run they pack up, sell their home, and go somewhere that it will be”different”. Some people put on headphones and actually run hoping at the end of the mileage “its gone”. Some just get in the car and drive with no destination in site. Hoping when they return “its gone”. We spend hours, tears, new jobs, money, relationships, trying  to see if we can make sure “its gone”.
“Its gone” is us. Pastor TD  Jakes  says run from the garbage and people etc.. Run to what you want, problem is we usually run from the things we don’t want, not to what we do want.
I get people sending me things all the time and I was sent this:

There is no such thing as taking the right road, every time, but the road you take can turn into one you’re meant to be on. You choose whether to ‘stop’ along the way or keep going. Imperfection is part of everyone and is a part of decision making in life. Don’t let that mountain you’re traveling on crumble on top of you so that you can’t get back up. When that first rock falls, start to run and keep running until you are out of harm’s way. Stay away from the rubble.
What I take from this is that we have to be okay being imperfect! We cant run from that. We all want to be perfect and when we don’t lets run away. Now don’t get me wrong running away to break routine and getting a fresh thought is great but we have to run back.
My dad used to tell me when I was in high school that no matter where you go,  even the other end of the earth, everything will be the same because you are there. You can’t run away from you. Once the new of a person or area wheres off the person in the mirror is still you.
So run away but turn right back around because before you go trying to find this magic happiness and fulfillment stand in place and fix what is here. Then run but do it for fun quit trying to escape you because you are really great. I promise.




Day 1549 so this is what its come to

22 05 2017

Remember naps, kool aid, recess, playing outside until you were so tired you came in I took a bath passed out and did it again the next day.  What about getting something in the mail,run out to the mailbox but no yet, drinking from a water hose, jumping into a pond just because, or taking your shoes off just because. trying to have fun because it was fun,  not to have fun to compensate to make yourself feel better. Anyway I’m saying being an adult is dumb and we continue to do the same thing.

Let say the stats are correct and 2% of people live they life they want. I’ll be generous and say 10% are living the life they want. So that leaves us the other 90%. Here are the things we celebrate now,

  1. I got to work on time,
  2. They canceled the meeting,
  3. Jeans day,
  4. A catered lunch,
  5. Getting to leave 5 minutes early
  6. Living to get a tax return check that we shouldn’t have paid over tot he government anyway
  7. Getting to eat a meal at home. It used to happen everyday
  8. 2 weeks of vacation to work 50 weeks. Then we dread the end of vacation because how much work we have when we get back
  9. Praying to God that the dr., lawyer or bank stay open past 5 so you can get business done so you don’t have to do everything Saturday.
  10. That someone will celebrate your birthday
  11. You go to the mailbox hoping its empty
  12. That somebody would do their laundry
  13. Can we order pizza because I don’t give a crap about anybody eating
  14. Someone body I cared about texted me but I haven’t heard their voice in 2 years
  15.  I worked to retirement YAY, now my health sucks so bad I can’t enjoy it
  16. We get 2 breaks a day to go to the bathroom
  17. Somebody waved at me. Do they like me. It used to mean people were friendly.
  18. You have to be sick to feel like you can stay in bed
  19. Someone pays you a compliment.
  20. I paid my bills for the month yes, oh crap its time to start paying them again.

 

I could go on but how freaking sad is it that life has become this. Routine is a killer of the soul. Why have we accepted this. It’s not God’s plan. ts not our plan but we stick ourselves in the butt with it and wonder why it hurts. It’s just dub, we stopped having fun, or our fun is were going to drink until we don’t remember, because Hangovers are a blast.

My boss is a dumb arse and if you don’t think you’re a dumb arse you are the boss. We live this life to get to a point to enjoy it then our health fades,  our love dies, kids move on forget about us until were dying.

Im not trying to be a pessimist but I’m sick of people not living.  Take them damn trip,  eat the food you shouldn’t , if your job sucks find another one, if you want a dog buy one. Just live because if you were giving a month to live you would start but its to late.

Oh but Tyler I don’t what to do. Okay good stop doing this stupid crap I listed that’s a good start. The only person going to make your life better is you. I mean nobody else will. Don’t blame, just do it.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

23 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.





Day 757 Climb this mountain with me please

22 02 2015

Dallas Fort Worth is about to get old man winter and he’s going to be upset. 2 inches of ice by tomorrow morning and the temp not above 32 for two days. They have already closed school and all bread and milk has disappeared off the face of the earth.  Oh well maybe I can catch up on sleep and not fall and bust my butt like last year.

I joke about what God thinks about me sometimes. Like I know he’s shaking his head and slaps his forehead Tyler what in the name of me are you doing. Come to me Tyler stop trying to always do things by yourself. Since the beginning of February I had some deep internal struggles. I was told by two people what they were and neither knew me very well. Aug 27th 2011 God reached out and said it time to quit dodging the mountain of life, take my hand and lets climb it together. I knew it was never going to be easy but I never knew how hard it was going to be. I mean no clue. I will preface all of this by saying I’m proud of myself to be where I am at. I’m still, broken , learning and hurt but Im proud. Faith is going though the storm, being hurt. The false teaching that God is here to make us happy is the biggest load of crap. In our happiness we don’t come to him. We take the credit and only through the storms and valleys do we reach up and say dad take my hand I can’t do this anymore.  Its amazing and every time he has provided so much more than I would with my crappy planning. You can never build faith standing up on a hill you must walk up the mountain. So here I am again with my mountain climbing gear on. Its different this time though because I’m not supposed to walk this one with just he and I. This time I need to do it with somebody and God. I got this piece of information and I’m sure the person that reads it is smiling because I get it.

I’ve been divorced for 2.6 years and single even though married by paper for 3.6 years. I’ve really wanted to be in a relationship with someone. My problem has been the following: I struggle with living in the moment, I over analyze me and what I’m doing in life. Then that causes my insecurities. My mind struggles from there and then I try to convince “you” that Im okay because I don’t believe it. My marriage broke me at depths I never knew and I’m just now realizing the deep of hurt and pain it caused. I’m working on it I promise but I tried to work on only parts of my heart and just stitch the others up for now. What that does is causes scar tissue and can reopen the wound.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about heart 3 weeks ago and this weekend I heard these same words I heard in my prayer. Tyler the only way your going to help heal your heart is give someone a chance to help heal it. Climb that mountain with someone. Shes going to hurt  your heart but it will be different. You can’t heal a heart of a relationship by yourself. Just quit trying to sell yourself and  be yourself. I promise there is  a woman out there that is dying to find a man like you and guess what she will take that crap you were dealt and you dealt and love you more for it.

I really thought the biggest mountains of my life were over. Great thing about life is there are flat spots but there are mountains. Im ready for someone to climb the mountain with God and I. Its a real beautiful view now but it’s another up hill battle that I have an open hand for and that’s never happened.

Be ready to climb your mountain. Stop dodging whatever mountain is in your life but also stop making hills mountains. When you can’t take another step reach up and take Gods hand. He’s been waiting there the whole time.

 





Day 600 Do you believe in me really?

17 09 2014

Trying to protect yourself from your kids and all of the other germ factories in their school is like trying to protect yourself from a rain cloud. We are all three sick. I’m better and now they are sick. With all the booggies, sneezing, Kleenex and washing hands we look like a soap opera.

We all search for the meaning in life. I’m searching for my meaning maybe when I find mine I can help you find yours. I can say I’m about as close as I will ever be. Yesterday I had the opportunity  speak to Brock  high school and Jr, high along with  30 adults.It accounted for around 425 kids.   The sense of being where your supposed to be is so peaceful to me. Sure I get nervous but it’s not for the reasons you think. I could care less what other people think of me, how they judge me or watch someone drop their jaw when I say the things I do. I get nervous because I have one shot to have the words that are needed. I pray to God that I can say the one thing that a kid or adult walks out with and sad that big bald guy said not to do this or do that.  The stories are true and I’m not lying about any of it. I just become peaceful because maybe one child walks away and their life changes and they don’t walk down the path of destruction I did. When you have a path of destruction not only do you hurt yourself but you’re dragging others along your nail ridden path too. You see kids looking at you like what a weirdo but when your done they know that they heard the truth. What they choose to do with it is up to them. When the talks were  over I got to shake a few hands and one girl named Brooke said to me. Do you believe the things you told us? I paused because I knew what I said next mattered. I said without a shadow of a doubt I  believe it and I believe in you. Whatever it is that is causing you confusion or anger you have to believe that it can change. She said I hope so and I have to go to class but thanks for pour your heart out.  I said wow and shook hands with her.

I was there in life and especially that age. I had a life nobody knew of and because the way I was wired I m not sure I believed anything except I can’t sit back and keep going down the path in life. I have to believe its going to be better and I had to believe in me. I believed I could things but wasn’t sure I could do good things. I felt her pain and wanted to do for more for her but I know she heard me. Its time like that I got in my car and prayed and thanked God that I got the chance.  Then I had a long drive back to Dallas where I questioned everything about what I said and did I make a difference. Do I believe in me?

No matter how far I’ve come I still struggle with me. The worst beatings I’ve ever had in my life I administered them to myself. I ask myself and sometimes and I always want to ask others Do you believe in me really? Sure you might say it doesn’t matter what others say. It does  and to know that someone believes in you because their not getting something from you that ,but they believe in you because they see things you can’t is an amazing feeling. Its been a long time since I believed in me and thought I had found what I should be doing. AS this journey continues to push on I ask that you pray for me to continue to believe that I can do this and that lives change because of my story and not me. God put us on this earth to help others and I finally believe  that I may be doing that.





Day 582 You cant be both parents

31 08 2014

Day 582 You cant be both parents.








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