Day 455 Im getting baptized

30 04 2014

Day 455 Im getting baptized.





Day 455 Im getting baptized

30 04 2014

Well another week with my babies is going great. My daughter got her stitches out and new cast yesterday. She has done so well, but I know she’s ready to walk again. I know she’s ready to take a shower to. A real one with no bad on her leg.  It was take my son to work today We had a great time we swept, played in the dirt hammered boards and also cleaned up. It’s the little things and I enjoyed being with him so much. He needed two showers to get clean though.

I was 8 years old in June when I got baptized. It was the only time I remember my dad being in church with me. I have no idea why I got baptized except I thought I should. I understand washing away my sins but I think because others were I thought I should. It was a great day because my dad let me sit in his lap and drive too. I was the spiritual leader of my family and still am. People will call and say pray for me please and I always do. If you have followed my blog you know that I’m a sinner like everyone I used to think my sins were worse and man I needed real help.

The start of my divorce process I stopped playing ping-pong with God and got serious. I had nowhere to go but up. I had hit my knees and they hurt from being there so long. I quit playing church and lying to myself and everyone else. I got close to those that mattered and opened up my heart and soul. I found a mens group to hold me accountable. I started repairing relationships and quit playing Roulette with God. Saying all of this I have struggled more in dealing with being real than I did when I was fake, but the good thing is I took my problems to others to get help. My counselor Brian Hackney helped me save my life. I literally was at the end and from the first day until now he has been there with love, a stern fist, positive  real words and never turned his back on me. I was a mess but he had been there and knew what I needed to get where God wanted me.  I hated him at times and wish he would just go away, but luckily he was more stubborn than me. ( I know you didn’t think that was possible).

I know getting baptized is really just a symbolic gesture, but I think after becoming a new man flaws and all I needed to get baptized. My kids need to see it, my mom, sister and my close friends, but I need it. I want to get dunked in the water and hold me down more than most so I remember this time. lol. I deserve it and God deserves it. To know that if God was in front of me he would say I’m proud of you my good and faithful son. So May 25th Brian Hackney will baptize me and I will have taken the next step in my journey..





Day 455 Im getting baptized

29 04 2014

Well another week with my babies is going great. My daughter got her stitches out and new cast yesterday. She has done so well, but I know she’s ready to walk again. I know she’s ready to take a shower to. A real one with no bad on her leg.  It was take my son to work today We had a great time we swept, played in the dirt hammered boards and also cleaned up. It’s the little things and I enjoyed being with him so much. He needed two showers to get clean though.

I was 8 years old in June when I got baptized. It was the only time I remember my dad being in church with me. I have no idea why I got baptized except I thought I should. I understand washing away my sins but I think because others were I thought I should. It was a great day because my dad let me sit in his lap and drive too. I was the spiritual leader of my family and still am. People will call and say pray for me please and I always do. If you have followed my blog you know that I’m a sinner like everyone I used to think my sins were worse and man I needed real help.

The start of my divorce process I stopped playing ping-pong with God and got serious. I had nowhere to go but up. I had hit my knees and they hurt from being there so long. I quit playing church and lying to myself and everyone else. I got close to those that mattered and opened up my heart and soul. I found a mens group to hold me accountable. I started repairing relationships and quit playing Roulette with God. Saying all of this I have struggled more in dealing with being real than I did when I was fake, but the good thing is I took my problems to others to get help. My counselor Brian Hackney helped me save my life. I literally was at the end and from the first day until now he has been there with love, a stern fist, positive  real words and never turned his back on me. I was a mess but he had been there and knew what I needed to get where God wanted me.  I hated him at times and wish he would just go away, but luckily he was more stubborn than me. ( I know you didn’t think that was possible).

I know getting baptized is really just a symbolic gesture, but I think after becoming a new man flaws and all I needed to get baptized. My kids need to see it, my mom, sister and my close friends, but I need it. I want to get dunked in the water and hold me down more than most so I remember this time. lol. I deserve it and God deserves it. To know that if God was in front of me he would say I’m proud of you my good and faithful son. So May 25th Brian Hackney will baptize me and I will have taken the next step in my journey.





Day 453 I thought I killed my weeds

28 04 2014

I love Denton Texas. Its weird and its so personable.  It’s a little Austin Texas and it had started being developed the last 10 years. You can do just about anything here. Every year we have the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. It brings on about 30 different acts Blues, Jazz, Country and some light rock. Vendors and fair type food. Our Rugby club gets to work security for the gates and I usually get to work the main stage. Last night I counted in over 5600 people of all shapes, sizes and colors but the best thing is everyone is friendly. I would say it was my good looks but I’ll stick to everyone is friendly.  If you have never been please come to  the Arts and Jazz Fest its a great time.I’m writing this blog so I can go back and read it over and over. If you happen to get something out of it I hope you can move you to make a few changes. We talked in church today about unforgiveness and bitterness. The church was pretty quite and nobody seemed to have to go tot he bathroom either. People listened even me.. No matter how far I have come I still have both bitterness and unforgiveness for people.  My list is smaller but I thought I was done with it until I heard this message today. When I had my house I loved planting a garden. The one thing I hated was those pesky weeds but I my tried hard everyday picking those weeds. If I didn’t my garden would have started to be choked out then eventually is would die. Our life is like our garden. Unforgiveness (weeds) will lead us to start growing the bad things day by day and then before you know it the good in our heart and life is gone which then develops bitterness. We have to pick those weeds and start now because once bitterness sets in  we start  saying I can’t do (forgive, we can’t love, we can’t see people for they are). We actually can but we won’t because of our harden heart . UnForgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to get sick. We start finding peace in the pain. We begin to believe that we are above the spiritual laws of the kingdom.I thought I was done with my weeds of unforgiveness. Sitting in church I realized I am still bitter. Its caused me to close off my heart and not to trust. You can’t love someone when you haven’t forgiven. You can’t live the life that you deserve when your bitter. You can’t believe in yourself and when the weeds start choking you we are destined to choke out and die. At least I know the weeds I need to pull. I will ask a few to hold me accountable and as usual I always have something to work on. This isn’t something Roundup works on either. You have to pull them at the root. So here’s to earning my green thumb.

 





Day 453 I thought I killed my weeds

28 04 2014

I love Denton Texas. Its weird and its so personable.  It’s a little Austin Texas and it had started being developed the last 10 years. You can do just about anything here. Every year we have the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. It brings on about 30 different acts Blues, Jazz, Country and some light rock. Vendors and fair type food. Our Rugby club gets to work security for the gates and I usually get to work the main stage. Last night I counted in over 5600 people of all shapes, sizes and colors but the best thing is everyone is friendly. I would say it was my good looks but I’ll stick to everyone is friendly.  If you have never been please come to  the Arts and Jazz Fest its a great time.

I’m writing this blog so I can go back and read it over and over. If you happen to get something out of it I hope you can move you to make a few changes. We talked in church today about unforgiveness and bitterness. The church was pretty quite and nobody seemed to have to go tot he bathroom either. People listened even me.. No matter how far I have come I still have both bitterness and unforgiveness for people.  My list is smaller but I thought I was done with it until I heard this message today. When I had my house I loved planting a garden. The one thing I hated was those pesky weeds but I my tried hard everyday picking those weeds. If I didn’t my garden would have started to be choked out then eventually is would die. Our life is like our garden. Unforgiveness (weeds) will lead us to start growing the bad things day by day and then before you know it the good in our heart and life is gone which then develops bitterness. We have to pick those weeds and start now because once bitterness sets in  we start  saying I can’t do (forgive, we can’t love, we can’t see people for they are). We actually can but we won’t because of our harden heart . UnForgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to get sick. We start finding peace in the pain. We begin to believe that we are above the spiritual laws of the kingdom.

I thought I was done with my weeds of unforgiveness. Sitting in church I realized I am still bitter. Its caused me to close off my heart and not to trust. You can’t love someone when you haven’t forgiven. You can’t live the life that you deserve when your bitter. You can’t believe in yourself and when the weeds start choking you we are destined to choke out and die. At least I know the weeds I need to pull. I will ask a few to hold me accountable and as usual I always have something to work on. This isn’t something Roundup works on either. You have to pull them at the root. So here’s to earning my green thumb.





Day 453 I thought I killed my weeds

27 04 2014

I love Denton Texas. Its weird and its so personable.  It’s a little Austin Texas and it had started being developed the last 10 years. You can do just about anything here. Every year we have the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. It brings on about 30 different acts Blues, Jazz, Country and some light rock. Vendors and fair type food. Our Rugby club gets to work security for the gates and I usually get to work the main stage. Last night I counted in over 5600 people of all shapes, sizes and colors but the best thing is everyone is friendly. I would say it was my good looks but I’ll stick to everyone is friendly.  If you have never been please come to  the Arts and Jazz Fest its a great time.

I’m writing this blog so I can go back and read it over and over. If you happen to get something out of it I hope you can move you to make a few changes. We talked in church today about unforgiveness and bitterness. The church was pretty quite and nobody seemed to have to go tot he bathroom either. People listened even me.. No matter how far I have come I still have both bitterness and unforgiveness for people.  My list is smaller but I thought I was done with it until I heard this message today. When I had my house I loved planting a garden. The one thing I hated was those pesky weeds but I my tried hard everyday picking those weeds. If I didn’t my garden would have started to be choked out then eventually is would die. Our life is like our garden. Unforgiveness (weeds) will lead us to start growing the bad things day by day and then before you know it the good in our heart and life is gone which then develops bitterness. We have to pick those weeds and start now because once bitterness sets in  we start  saying I can’t do (forgive, we can’t love, we can’t see people for they are). We actually can but we won’t because of our harden heart . UnForgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to get sick. We start finding peace in the pain. We begin to believe that we are above the spiritual laws of the kingdom.

I thought I was done with my weeds of unforgiveness. Sitting in church I realized I am still bitter. Its caused me to close off my heart and not to trust. You can’t love someone when you haven’t forgiven. You can’t live the life that you deserve when your bitter. You can’t believe in yourself and when the weeds start choking you we are destined to choke out and die. At least I know the weeds I need to pull. I will ask a few to hold me accountable and as usual I always have something to work on. This isn’t something Roundup works on either. You have to pull them at the root. So here’s to earning my green thumb.





The other side of fear

25 04 2014

Cristian Mihai

fear“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”Jack Canfield

Let me tell you about fear. It’s poison. It’s poison for your mind. It makes you lose control, it makes you freeze, it makes you take the wrong decision. When you let fear take over, you’re just an echo of your former self. An empty shadow and nothing more.

But we’re all afraid, aren’t we? Even the brave are afraid. There’s no such thing as fearless. There’s always something to be afraid of. What will happen, what might happen, what we might lose, what we might never gain.

So… what is there to be had on the other side of fear?

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Day 466 Honesty is the liar

21 04 2014

Day 466 Honesty is the liar.





Day 466 Honesty is the liar

21 04 2014

This past week was my toughest as a single parent yet. My daughter had surgery and went from Miss independent to totally needy. I dealt with a roller coaster of emotions with her having the surgery, was I doing a good enough job taking care of her, what I still being a good daddy to my son and still doing all the things you have to do. My half-sister then became very sick and they had to sedate her and put her on a ventilator. Honestly I know I’m whining and sound but I really don’t care if you think that  because it was just a struggle. I think I handle it okay on the outside but inside it hurt pretty bad. To top it off I have realized that if you’re not getting one of your love language filled your going to be out of sorts. Mine is physical touch and quality time. Its been 3 years and I can tell I need it. This week would have been great to be able to just sit down with someone on the couch and hold their hand and have them listen to me or say nothing and just be content. Oh well its a new week so back to be awesome!!! lol

If you know me I’m blatantly honest sometimes I have been told to honest. That maybe one of the dumbest things I have ever heard but I have. The past two weeks I have these things. Please be honest with me no matter how bad it hurts. Okay are you sure? Then I tell them and I get I didn’t think you would do it and that really hurt.  Or another: You should never be that honest with someone it only causes problems. Another: Don’t you know people can’t handle the truth so just tell them what makes them feel better. Or my favorite of this week: You made the mistake you don’t have to make it worse by telling the truth.

Yes all of those are true. I’m not saying everyone but society has a whole has got so used to lying that honesty is actually the liar. People would rather be lied to that actually hear the truth. Have you ever noticed that when people catch someone in a lie they say well that’s just who they are, but if you tell the truth they are actually mad and say can you believe the nerve of that asshole. We lie to ourselves so much that we begin to believe it so why should we let someone else tell us the truth. This is a problem that you can see everywhere you go and almost every situation you’re in.  We have accepted lying as the correct behavior. Even though we say always tell the truth and be honest with me that’s not what people want to hear. My response to them is please tell me the last time being honest was wrong. Just because it hurts doesn’t make it wrong it makes it what you need to hear. If you cry or get pissed maybe that’s what you need so you can correct  whatever it is that’s ailing you. Yes how you put something should be thought of too, and the truth hurts, but the truth can always set you free. If you tell someone the truth and they don’t want to have anything to do with you so what. Move on if not your going to have the hell to pay now or later.

If you want me to instantly shove you aside lie to me. If I did something wrong, I pissed you off, I hurt your feelings, I was rude. Please tell me how I react to it is my problem not yours. I’m not perfect but I can’t fix something if I don’t know about it. I appreciate honesty and yes it does hurt. If you lie to me I lose respect for you and will not have you in my life. I can find plenty of liars what I need are those people who care enough about me to be real. Being real allows relationships to grow and bonds to be cemented. Why do we teach our kids not to lie but as adults we will do it without thinking about. If honesty is a liar take a deep look at your relationships and see why they struggle. I bet you know the answer now.





Day 466 Honesty is the liar

20 04 2014

This past week was my toughest as a single parent yet. My daughter had surgery and went from Miss independent to totally needy. I dealt with a roller coaster of emotions with her having the surgery, was I doing a good enough job taking care of her, what I still being a good daddy to my son and still doing all the things you have to do. My half-sister then became very sick and they had to sedate her and put her on a ventilator. Honestly I know I’m whining and sound but I really don’t care if you think that  because it was just a struggle. I think I handle it okay on the outside but inside it hurt pretty bad. To top it off I have realized that if you’re not getting one of your love language filled your going to be out of sorts. Mine is physical touch and quality time. Its been 3 years and I can tell I need it. This week would have been great to be able to just sit down with someone on the couch and hold their hand and have them listen to me or say nothing and just be content. Oh well its a new week so back to be awesome!!! lol

If you know me I’m blatantly honest sometimes I have been told to honest. That maybe one of the dumbest things I have ever heard but I have. The past two weeks I have these things. Please be honest with me no matter how bad it hurts. Okay are you sure? Then I tell them and I get I didn’t think you would do it and that really hurt.  Or another: You should never be that honest with someone it only causes problems. Another: Don’t you know people can’t handle the truth so just tell them what makes them feel better. Or my favorite of this week: You made the mistake you don’t have to make it worse by telling the truth.

Yes all of those are true. I’m not saying everyone but society has a whole has got so used to lying that honesty is actually the liar. People would rather be lied to that actually hear the truth. Have you ever noticed that when people catch someone in a lie they say well that’s just who they are, but if you tell the truth they are actually mad and say can you believe the nerve of that asshole. We lie to ourselves so much that we begin to believe it so why should we let someone else tell us the truth. This is a problem that you can see everywhere you go and almost every situation you’re in.  We have accepted lying as the correct behavior. Even though we say always tell the truth and be honest with me that’s not what people want to hear. My response to them is please tell me the last time being honest was wrong. Just because it hurts doesn’t make it wrong it makes it what you need to hear. If you cry or get pissed maybe that’s what you need so you can correct  whatever it is that’s ailing you. Yes how you put something should be thought of too, and the truth hurts, but the truth can always set you free. If you tell someone the truth and they don’t want to have anything to do with you so what. Move on if not your going to have the hell to pay now or later.

If you want me to instantly shove you aside lie to me. If I did something wrong, I pissed you off, I hurt your feelings, I was rude. Please tell me how I react to it is my problem not yours. I’m not perfect but I can’t fix something if I don’t know about it. I appreciate honesty and yes it does hurt. If you lie to me I lose respect for you and will not have you in my life. I can find plenty of liars what I need are those people who care enough about me to be real. Being real allows relationships to grow and bonds to be cemented. Why do we teach our kids not to lie but as adults we will do it without thinking about. If honesty is a liar take a deep look at your relationships and see why they struggle. I bet you know the answer now.








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