Day 1828 I dont need you but want…

25 06 2018

Welcome to the season of we Texans call hell. Its hot but not just hot, your skin stings. BO is a 3 minute monster, some people’s legs chap, beads of sweat are your friends, and the smell of bacon cooking off of a bald men’s head is a pleasant smell. Well anyway come to Texas you eventuality tan to a some color other than red.

I was actually asked to write by 3 people they missed me. It’s not that I don’t want to just sometimes there’s so much it feels like theirs nothing. but here I go.

In counseling I used the word I need a lot. I need this person, i need this job, this house. Over a period of time I got straightened out fairly well. We as humans need only these things. Three basic needs of humans are drinkable water, nourishing food and adequate sleep, according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The ability to breathe is also necessary for humans.

So there you have it blog is over.. No wait, I get really tired of hearing I need her or him. If that was true the moment they left we would die, or how did we make it all of those years without them. (Tyler come on your being dramatic). I understand the feeling of need but there is no need to want anybody. Now when you want the other person you have got something magical. Wanting someone allows you to do more for them. If you need them you expect them to do things they can’t or wont. Wanting holds no expectation and when you get it you feel overjoyed, blessed and lucky to have them. rather than I must have them, they need to do this for me. Do we all need love and respect yes but we can discuss that another time too.

Here’s what this means for me. I can never be a mom and a woman can’t be a dad. What I can do is be the best man I can possibly be in my life. I cannot perform the function of a woman so when the one comes into my life I will appreciate her so much more. I can do whatever is needed to provide to my kids, I can love them, I can love others, I can change my part of the world, I can do and be better always. If a woman never shows up in my life for whatever reason and decides to stay I will still be the amazing man that I am with or without one. I don’t need her to live. BUT if I find the woman I want i will experience love like I pictured in my head, my heart will be full, my family will be complete again. I will have a true partner that i always wanted. My problem is I thought I need a woman to be whole, be a better man, love my  kids more, help change the world. Truth is I needed me to be the person i was designed to be.

This might be a completely foreign concept- need vs want. You want to be successful in a relationship find the things you want and you work on you being what you need for yourself. Stop making people out to be a need. What happens when they leave or die. Then you die? No you hope the one your with mourns, misses you but can pickup and continue to want whats missing but can live because they now the basic needs.

I always appreciate you reading and WANT you to continue.  Peace out peeps

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Day 1792 Why Divorced/single in 2018 is more devastating

20 05 2018

Good happy Sunday may evening, I’m about to have a Jr and 4th grader, The school years fly by when you get older. I thought Christmas break was just over and look here we are about to end school and start smelling like BO because of the Texas heat.  Here’s to grilling, BO, sunburns, farmers tan, peeing in the pool and chlorine/swimming pool bath.

Excuse my use of the word devastating put an end to the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it. This is not directed at anyone and I know there is always another side to my argument. To save your breath, your right I’ll just be the other side.

The world we live in now is ruled by social media, the fake life of what we want you to see. You leave someones, page, site, profile and like OMG they are so great why can’t I measure up.

People quit at everything now. there is no perseverance ( yes  i know there is some) in relationships, people think the next one will be right. For better or worse or let me get to know this person that doesn’t happen. My friend said her boyfriend or girlfriend did this why don’t you?Well because were different and we all bring good and bad to the table.

Loyalty I wonder without looking could someone tell you the definition. could someone tell you that an emotional affair is the same as a physical.  And honesty. Just be honest tell me everything. I know your not single in today’s world because you did nothing wrong. If its only 10% tell me your 10%. A date ender for me is what did you do wrong in your relationships. if the other person says well he! I stop it right there! Why because I’m not going to date him and I don’t care what he did at this moment. Tell me about you. Throw every damn card on the table and let me choose if I want to move  forward.

There is nothing more refreshing than someone being real and telling, I screwed up this way, I know it now and I want to change it and I’m working so hard on it. Im insecure but if you will be patient with me we can get through. Im like heck yes someone who gets.

I hear people say sex has to be great and they have to be physically attractive. Absolutely but if you can’t communicate and your checking over their shoulder every time they are doing something you will fail. If you don’t trust in the beginning, do you really think your going to trust down the road? What about the night sex sucks. wouldn’t it be great to say let me explain where my head was today. It wasn’t you and you list out why it sucked. She understands, she cares more, she gets you. She becomes more emotionally attached then you feel like she respects and wow you have a fully functional relationship. Who knew!!!!

Finally nobody really wants to be married anymore! It might be the hardest thing to do in this twisted, social media world, where you’re told to run rather than stay and fight (not actually fight). I would much rather have someone that loves me more often, wants to choke me some days but will just poke me with a toothpick (in love) than date!!!!

Why are you in a relationship if you’re not going to be devoted/ married to the person forever. Really whats the point. That is a first date question. Dont lie, if that’s not your intention that’s okay but for the love of God tell them. Just be honest! I want to be married again, if someone tells me that they don’t that’s okay, doesn’t make you a bad person just means you dont fit me.

PS. Not everyone is going to like you! Not every person you date is going to feel it. Dont get your under roos in a wad, learn one thing from the date and move on. We are looking for one great person not an army!

Okay that’s enough for today! Love you





Day 1871 is the past the past

30 04 2018

Another week and another day getting Balder. Man the patch on my head if I let me hair grow just a little bit looks like i have mange.  Also the fact next week my daughter will be 16 I’m officially getting more seasoned. I don’t use the word old.

The past is the past or is it? I believe it is. What I did in my past will never change. I’m sorry, and wish more than anything I could change the pain i caused people, the people I stepped on to get what I wanted, the conditions I put on people that I wouldn’t follow, the relationships I wrecked because of fear, or the men I hurt because honestly it made me feel better.  I paid my penance and some days I relieve it. I will never forget what happened or what I did but I’m taking my past to help change people’s lives. I never thought one day I’m going to take this crappy relationship or whatever and help change people lives. I wish you could have been with me when my life started the tumble that I  saw coming (at that point it was too late). Would I blow my brains out, try to drown slowly, have a car crash, or just ove dose. I get it and I was alone during my walk by my choice. People who struggle with anger, self-worth, addictions, sex, manipulation. Why do i do this because people harbor their past and live in it. Living in the past will kill you one way or another. I want to help the people who want to learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. We’re a rare bird but we attract other rare birds which is one cool flock.

If you’re a person that constantly reminds people of their past, or you can’t forgive them of their past especially when trying to get better! You’re the one with the problem. Get out of the relationship. You need help. Don’t crush someone else because you can’t deal with yourself.

The past is the past and if you hold that against someone you need to be someone else’s past. People can never change if you continue to slap them with things that can’t be changed. Yes you can mend fences but what caused the fence to fall wont be forgotten. Its our job to look past the past and try to help that person move forward, if you cant, please step away, remember grace is a 2 way street

God died on the cross to forgive our sins from tomorrow, today, and yesterday. So stop playing God people, it is finished, let it go. He died for everyone, not the ones you can’t forgive. Dont try drinking a cup of poison and hope the other person gets sick.

Love you all.





Day 1856 Assuming? You will be a%%hole

15 04 2018

Good evening. Hope wherever you are you can just stop and say thank you for something in your life.

No matter how open, or honest I am or unafraid to ask someone something I still assume. It’s usually because I think I know, or past behavior or just you get used to it from that person. In honesty, if there are 50 times I assumed I might,just might, be right 5 times. Those are not good odds but since its easier than asking someone we take those horrible odds and assume. You can say I think, I know, I guess but bottom-line its assuming.

Every time I assume I look like an asshole, or I am an asshole or come a cross like I don’t care. I try so hard not to assume because it really hurts people. Usually its something important but even more important to them.  So why do we do it? Pure stupidity and laziness. I truly don’t think the intention is to hurt the other person but we do. Then we get upset that we hurt that person because we knew better. So whats my point?

This time I’m not going to tell you how I screwed up but how a few people this week hurt me bad. One broke my heart but because I’m a big tough guy I’m supposed to take. If you know me I’m the most real, honest (you may not want to hear it) person. All I want is you to do that back to me. If I react the wrong way that’s on me, you walk away and say hey I did what you asked. When you assume and are so blatantly wrong you are an asshole. I know we live in a world where everyone hides from true human connection, we think we know how someone is or whats going on by social media. Thats just stupid in the first place but to assume, that someone doesn’t need you, or they are okay, or you thought something they posted was about you. Come on people!! The good ole days were good in that people actually talked out their issues, or concerns and walked away agreeing to disagreeing but were still, friends, lovers whatever.

Or how about whenever someone gives you their answer that’s actually the answer, you don’t have to assume anymore they told. I dont give a crap if you like the answer or want it to change but thats their answer. I miss people, I miss real relationships, I miss love because people assume what they want. We are becoming the world of less courageous know it alls that know nothing but assume we know everything.

I guess my rant is over, just know you need to ask me, be honest with me, just don’t leave me hanging, then I’ll just assume  you’re an asshole. (See what I did there) .  Goodnight

 





Day 1777 Arrest that man

24 01 2018

Hello readers and friends. Hope 2018 has been better than expected and you haven’t had the flu. Most people I know have had the flu or stomach virus run through their home. Wash your hands and wash little kids. When they come home just dip them in soap and water please lol.

In all of my fun times in my youth I was never arrested I’m not saying I shouldn’t have been at least once or 12 times but I was lucky. Many of my friends were  arrested and at the times would have said they were innocent and didn’t do anything. With age most know why and understand why it was necessary.

If we could arrest that part of us that needs to be locked up and thrown away or would we make excuses and justify. Let me explain If you knew the fear holding you back but because it been with you your whole life would you make excuses to hold it. Would you listen to those around who couldn’t do whatever it is talk you out of it or say its my life I have to do this with or without your support. Or do you just put your hands behind your back, duck your head and get into the cop car.

Would you arrest the part of you that picks the same person, different name in a relationship because at the beginning it feels right but you know whats coming. Or that type person which is out your league (that’s a lie, there is no league) you finally talk to them. You accept, I will be loved, I will have someone who does something for me, that doesn’t quit, and truly sees me and loves that part of me. Or do you handcuff yourself again and go sit in the cop car waiting to go sit in the same damn jail cell that has held you since you were 18.

What about the jail in your head that you deserve better, your smart and have a great idea that you know will work and now you look back and you’ve been at the job you hate 10 years with your imagination and creativity dying because you need the paycheck. A paycheck that has made you miserable and a life left unfilled. So you take your paycheck stub and use it to handcuff yourself and now you’re sitting in the jail sail with nothing but others like you.

You can’t smoke, drink, complain, drug, hope away your arrest. When your arrested you’re sitting in the cell by yourself. Its nobody’s fault except yours. We have the key but what if it works, what if I can get out of this arrest and be free. The only way we will know is stop getting handcuffed. You have been arrested your whole life its time to clean your record. Love you!!





Day 1728 I bleed too

7 12 2017

Hello from a cold state of Texas. Monday putting up Christmas lights it was 84 today its 38 and we have snow flurries.  Merry Christmas to you all. Stop stressing you’ll get it all done! If not Christmas comes next year too.

The hardest thing I believe we as adults have to do now is be real! You would think that it would be real easy. People hide, I mean if this was a game  of hiding go seek, we have some real champions. People look you in the eye, tell you I’m fine, Im okay, its good. Then they walk away and go cry in the car. Im not sure when the stigma started that just give generic answers to people and I’ll be okay. It’s okay to admit that life sucks sometimes. I know we are all blessed and highly favored. We were all born that way but do you really think you’re fooling someone when it’s all okay. When you have been in the pits you know when someone is going through hell. You feel it, you know it, you understand that feeling. So why do we do it. Some say Im just trying to be positive, (You can put a dress on a pig it’s still a pig), some don’t know how to communicate, some have been told don’t say things like that, some are just to beaten down.

People care, proper to contrary belief. Not all but people care. You need the people who will let you bleed. not physically, I mean yes physically but not in this example, The emotional and mental bleeding which is healthy.

You have to get this crap out of you. Whatever your crap is You must bleed. I bleed quite often, sometimes by myself, I feel like a burden, I feel weak but then I realize I need others too. I want to be the strong one for everyone but my shoulders are only so big.

I know the holidays are tough especially the older we get, have a good cry, communicate your crap, yell but bleed it out to those who get you. If you don’t have  that person now you have something to do in 2018.  Being silent does not make you strong. bleeding out and being honest is a sign a strength and something someone needs from you too.

Make a memory this year, make that phone call you haven’t, tell someone how important they are to you. When you give a hug hold on just a bit longer. Love you

 





Day 1678 What happened- is this real Mom

18 10 2017

Good afternoon peeps. It has finally cooled off and my mood is good. You can actually go outside  and not need a shower immediately. Pumpkin spice is in full roar. I think I got 87 Octane pumpkin spice gasoline yesterday. It’s good for horsepower or something.

Today my mom would have been 75 years old. I wanted something poetic or breathtaking to honor her I’m not sure this will do it. I can’t believe this is your 2nd birthday without you.

There is no shock today like last year. It has set in your gone. It is more real than I could imagine. I shed my tears today but there are more smiles too. Your impact on this word is missed but the impact on us cannot be put into words. I fight this life harder now because I know more than anything that’s what you wanted. I try everyday to make you proud and honor you by trying to be like you.

When I walked into your room that morning and saw you weren’t  breathing but peaceful I knew that you were in a much better place but we still needed you. You touched so many lives as a Grammie, teacher, friend, sister, aunt but what you did for Meagan and I could never be measured. You were my best friend, at times my punching bag, you loved me when no one else did, had a way with words that other person could, you never left my side, you had a way of getting through my stubborn head in a way nobody could.
Life has not been the same, I hear your voice in everyday life and when things get tough saying never quit. You were the most amazing creation from God. I wish today you were calling me to tell me all about the flowers we bought you and all the colors in them and smell the white diamonds perfume on you.
I know your watching us with a smile and probably cooking for everyone on your birthday because that’s who you are.
These words are not enough with tears streaming and a broken heart just know you were my everything. I love you mom and thank you.
Happy birthday Billie Louise Wood.








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