Day 1291 Today is my 5 year sucicide anniversary 

27 08 2016

​At 7:10 am 5 years ago I sat on a hill in Aubrey Texas ready to finally take my life. Sucicide was my only way out. I had written a letter to my ex wife explained why I was doing what I was doing and saying I’m sorry. I had kissed my kids and over explained in my head  that this was best for everyone. 

I had done science work and realized if I hit the 18th pole going 57 miles hour on the Lewisville lake bridge the crash wouldn’t kill but I would drown in the Lake.

I sat there then  turned the car on put my foot on the gas and heard a voice, what about your kids. I looked around looking for who was talking to me and I realized I finally heard from God. I yelled out I’m doing this for my kids they don’t need this broken, loser of a father. I asked why are you showing up now I waited 36 years to hear from you and now you show up.

I turned the car around drove back home and when I got out I suddenly hit my knees and said God I have no idea what you’re doing but either you fix my life or I’ll take it.

As I sit here typing this I still remember  that day and the feelings I had which  I’ve realized over 5 years that so many struggle with hatred, unworthiness, lack of love, doubt, failure etc..

I’m living proof that God restores the most broken of souls, even though I still lost everything, I gained back everything the locust ate and more. 

I will tell you every time I see you that no matter what you have done you are loveable, you are worthy, you were never a mistake and there is so much good in you.  The world still needs you because you’re still here. 

There is never a day where I’m not thankful to be here. I have a purpose and if it’s only to provide hope I’m great with that.  I love you and I’m here for you even if you don’t know me because I know the feelings and I would do anything to stop those feelings.

I’m not sure why I was soared that but I’m going to make sure to pack as much into others as I can.

Here’s to another amazing 5 years and changing lives 1 person at a time.

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