Day 131 That was awesome

31 12 2012

My last blog of 2012. When I started writing this in July I never knew what to expect or what to do. I have had 4 people tell I helped change their life with my honesty and vulnerability. I will continue to write because it’s therapeutic for me and maybe just maybe somebody else will benefit. 2012 was the saddest year of my life with the most changes but as it ends I m so thankful that it happened. There have been many tears shed sitting typing on this computer, every doubt, fear, vulnerability anger and temptation has taken place here. Life isn’t controlled by a remote so I will get up and change my life myself. I thank everyone one of you who takes the time to read and comment. I have learned to smile more, I have learned to care and dig deep to love others. Mostly I have become an awesome father but who will make mistakes but I know how to say I m sorry and love my kids with ever fiber inside me.

Virgina is a beautiful state if you have never been here. People aren’t as friendly as us Texans but who is really. Well the 20 hr trip is in the books. I love to drive but even I got tired on this trip. It allowed me to clear my mind and on the way back start putting things in place. I head back to Texas and have never been this excited for a year to start like I am 2013.

I had the most amazing sports experience in my life last night. I got to see my Dallas Cowboys play the Washington Redskins in Fed EX Field in Washington. It was an amazing atmosphere starting with tailgating they do it right. The walk to the stadium, the ice being thrown at us for being Cowboy fans, the FU yells from the friendly Redskins fans. We got very lucky and got to sit on the 50 yard line row 16. It was a beautiful site. I know my Boys lost but it didn’t matter really. There are some things that are better that I don’t tell that happened just for my memory bank and my buddy Gil that was with me, but damn what a once in a lifetime experience. Also I had always heard the women in the north were not the prettiest. I for one at least this one time occurrence say that is crap. They were beautiful and very friendly.

My life has been full of excuses on why things didn’t happen or why I failed. I have a support system that I will rely on and them on me. I will only grow from this year and if I don’t learn from my past mistakes then shame on me. I just ask as the New Year starts tomorrow that every I can’t, I m afraid, it won’t happen only changes your life for what it can be. Find someone that will pull the best out of you even it pisses you off.

Thank you Jim McBride, Brian Hackney, Rena Rebecek, Jennifer Luney, Scott Neely for pouring your life into when you didn’t have to.

Time to release my inner badass.

Day 128 Not New Years Resolutions

28 12 2012

Hello from Hope Arkansas. I’m on my trip to Virgina and it has been so peaceful. I dropped my babies off today and both of them were so worried about me going but were glad that I could get away. I’ve never taken a car trip this far alone but there are a lot of things I have never done this year so add this to the list. I remember my dad always told me that no matter where you go things are the same, faces change but the only constant wherever you go is you. As I sit here I see that yet again.

I stopped believing in New years resolutions 3 years ago. I think they are very negative and set us up to fail. I agree with redoing goals and maybe what are some thing you may not do but not a list of things to do. Go back and look at your resolutions from the past 5 years (if you can find them) and see what you accomplished. maybe these sound like New Years Resolutions but these are things I m going to try not to do this year.

1. Toss out the damn checklist (especially when finding a mate) There are 4 things I want in a women and I won’t sacrifice that, but I m going to quit trying to make someone fit into the box. Living like that everyone will let me down and they will never see the real me. I want to just laugh again and grow with someone slowly.

2. I m not going to quit dreaming. My dream may make no sense to you but screw you if you don’t like its my dream go find your own.

3. I m going to quit being in fear of not taking chances. Life is about chances, if you don’t take them look at what you’re missing out on.

4. I’m not going to fear money I’m going to make it.

5. I’m not going to push people away that I could possibly be friends with.

6. I’m not going to let my past dedicate my future. I know what this means for me. I had a friend Jennifer L. who said that she would be my accountability partner and be a hard ass or whatever was needed to make me successful. I never had someone ask me for that. I have nothing to lose. Open heart, arms and ears. The inner badass is coming!!

On the road again to Nashville and then a nap and off again.

Love ya

Day 126 Almost there

26 12 2012

I cleared the hurdle! AS I woke Christmas and my kids weren’t there I was sad to say the least, but I tried to look at the good that my kids were waking up to Santa presents and they were smiling and in a few hours snow would be coming. I love the snow it truly makes me happy. I got my kids that day and we ran home and opened presents. I had to crying moments with my kids that I will never forget especially how my daughter said dad you never stop amazing me. IT just made me overcome with emotion.

I had a great speaker Bryan Dodge tell me once that you have 48 hrs to do something that you want tot do or you want to do it. I have to try to prove that theory wrong and every time I have been wrong. This time I wish I would have been wrong. Since I moved out-of- my-place I wanted to go visit Mrs. Riley. She was the closest thing to a grandma to me. She fed me all the time took me places, told me great stories and always gave me encouragement. She has been in the nursing home and I was going to go see her but I was too late. She died this morning and I went into the bathroom, said a prayer and cried during my shower. I feel like shit I never said goodbye and her funeral is this Saturday and I won’t be there  for it. 48 hrs people do it or you will regret it.

Life is about having something to look forward to. Well I have that. This Friday I m heading to Virgina to see one of my closet friends. It’s a 20 hr drive there and 20 back. I enjoy driving its my mind clearing that I need and gives me a new perspective. Its been three years since I’ve been on a vacation and I need it. My buddy Gil is always a great comedy show and I get to do one of the greatest sports events in my life. Sunday night my Dallas Cowboys play the Washington Redskins in Washington D.C. and I will be there to watch. If the Boys win they win the division and are in the playoffs I will be wearing my Cowboy blue and cheering my ass off.

I’m looking forward to blogging to on this trip because different mindset and different scenery.

Day 123 My final Hurdle

23 12 2012

I hope at least once in your life you have watched a track and field meet. The athletes are amazing and do things that many of us would not believe. I’ m always amazed at the 400 meter hurdles. To run full speed around a track and jump a hurdle and never miss a stride is awesome. When they get to the last hurdle that is the difference in winning and losing.. It gets a lot of hurdlers and sometimes the best, but when they make it over they have very little left but know the finish line is within reach and the hardest part is over.

That’s my life right now. 2012 has sucked but been amazing at the same time. I m at my last hurdle and all I have to do is clear it. I have been with my children at every big moment and event in their life.  I have been thankful that I have had the opportunity and many times made that a priority. Christmas morning is an amazing time for a parent I know it’s for the kids but that is the day you see expressions on your kids faces that you will never see any other time of the year. This year I miss that moment. The divorce robbed me of that. I think I m doing the right thing though even though it breaks my heart. I have my kids and we only have to share Christmas day but I think for my kids sake that it would be best that they spend Christmas eve night with their mom and wake up in their home. It’s the only home they have known and it’s not an apartment like I live in.  I thought a lot that this was my final punishment /hurdle in my divorce journey for helping screwing up my marriage and being such a shitty guy for 4 years. It’s just another step in remembering what I did and try to never repeat myself. A lesson learned so the next women will get the best of me and so will me children. It honestly hurts more that I ever imagined but the sacrifice for my kids are worth it.

I know my last hurdle is in less than 48 hours. I have made it around the track this year. I missed some hurdles fell over some, and cleared many. I am at the last hurdle  and can see the finish line. I have to muster this up one more time and reach the finish line. I ve had a lot of great people cheering me on and I don’t want to let myself, friends or my children down.

Look out world 2013 is the year of Tyler Wood releasing his inner badass.

Merry Christmas

Day 121 My favorite books

21 12 2012

I have my beautiful kids back. I missed them and their stories are so great when I get them back. The kids got to see what was under the tree and I was informed that  I need to practice wrapping presents. I m glad to have my 10-year-old throw me under the bus.

This time of year there are always those moments of what can I get to finish my Christmas shopping. Most people love to read so here are my suggestions to help you finish your Christmas shopping.

1. the shack- William Young

2. The crossroads- William Young

3.  Anything by Mitch Albom Here are the list of his books

A. Tuesdays with Morrie, The 5 people you meet in Heaven, For one more day, Have a little Faith

,4.  Friday Night Lights- h. G. Bissinger  You don’t have to like football just an amazing story that tells about a Friday night in Texas.

5. Same Kind of Different as Me- Ron Hall and Denver These story are about the homeless and how lives are transformed

6. What difference do it make- Ron Hall and Denever

7.  Hunger Games- Suzanne Collins

8. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

9. Strong Fathers Strong Daughters Dr. Meg Meeker. Book changed my life


Let me know what you think




Day 118 Slow Parade

18 12 2012

I adore my daughter more and more everyday. Were all proud of our kids but today I m sitting in my daughters awards program and I actually teared up. Her mother and I have dragged her through hell this year and she received 4 awards. The one I m most proud of her for is dealing with the star kids. They are the kids in the developmental programs (special needs) and Morgan gives up her recess everyday to work with these kids. One of her goals is to open a home for Down syndrome children whose parents don’t want them. I have one of the greatest kids God ever made. Thank you God despite my mistakes you have made her amazing.

I know we have all seen parades. I think we worry more about when it’s going to end than watching. I have never seen a slow parade but I can only imagine when it goes past  it felt so good I  knew it couldn’t last And all too soon the end was gonna come without a warning And I’m going to  have to just go home. Sometimes I never want to go home and when it all went by somebody said come on it’s getting late. Dammit and its going to end if I look the other way. I left anyway I wish I would have stuck around and I always knew I missed something. Please parade don’t leave me now I need it so much  this town has gotten to big and know body knows my name anymore. I have so much more to fix please parade slow down and don’t leave me now.

After last nights message at church and listening to a few songs this is how my brain works.  I just wanted to share.



Day 116 What is darkness

16 12 2012

AS I had a very heart this weekend about the Connecticut Shooting it still makes me so heart-broken for the families that of last night because of forensics the parents still had not been able to see their children and they were laying in the classroom. I would absolutely lose it and get in some sort of trouble to make sure I held my child dead or not.

I think our pastor Toby Slough is one of the best in the country. He always preachers not only from his heart because of experience in his life. We scrapped our series today and he preached on the Connecticut tragedy. He brought up so many points they people are asking about in the country and I thought were worth talking about.  Could we at least bury these beautiful children before we start having agendas about guns and God.

Where was God in all of this? One question I Have heard many times in the past three days? Pastor Toby answered this with ” I don’t know” That’s the only answer we all should have because guess what were not God and we don’t know. God understands suffering he let his son die on the cross and get the crap beat out of him so he understands. Don’t you think the followers of Jesus where asking God what are you doing why did you let this happen? They didn’t get an answer and we won’t either.

He also brought up a topic about darkness. He stated ” Scientists have studied darkness and the only thing they can say that darkness is the absence of light. So when light hits darkness light always prevails. Darkness is in our country but is has nothing to do with guns, government, the White house or hell Facebook. It has to do with our country is broken and has turned away from the light (God) and started trying to find other means (darkness). The worst mass murders and horrible things in this country have happened in the past 10 years and guess what that’s when we took, God, prayer, etc. away from everything. Find another answer that can dispel this.

Darkness wants us to live in fear be afraid to go to the movies send our kids to school, walk into a bank building. Fear is crippling and if you hear people talk its start to cripple. Light always winds and guess what the best thing I heard today. If you’re a follower of Christ the Bible says we win!  Read Revelation we win we don’t lose. There is peace in that.

I m not sure why innocence has to be lost, I m not sure about anything except that one crazy human being took out the most innocent of society. The brokenes of one and I promise there are many more that are just waiting. I will not walk around afraid and you shouldn’t either. If you don’t believe in God it’s time. That doesn’t mean we won’t get gunned down, ran over, but I ‘ll take my chances.

Darkness never wins. Only the light!

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