Day 1488 This is why you change -866 Days and counting

20 03 2017

Hello People. 92 degrees in Texas I know its the first day of spring but Summer decided to wave hi first. I’m so thankful to have this outlet to be able to share me. I know some thinks it’s a weird way to do it but that’s okay because I know I’m weird. I’m embrace it!

I’m a single man again. Never thought I would be here again but life threw   me a huge upper cut when  my mom died. I became numb and couldn’t even fake it some days. The blended family was also a huge problem that until you’re living there is no way to know how to handle it. So in the journey again with a different path. I really need to find a path and stay on it 🙂

I’m not a glass half full, or half empty I’m just thankful something is in my glass. So writing this please know The days I get I’m so thankful for but I’m here to help so this is real talk.

Since I moved out of my old house with my ex-wife almost 5 years ago. I have missed 866 days of my kids lives. Yes that means I’ve had them for 866 days and I promise I’ve done my best to make all of that time matter. You don’t have to mess up the time like I did. We all know when something isn’t right with ourselves and our relationship. You ignore it or just say that’s the way it is then your left listening to your kids grow up on phone.

866 days of their life I missed. thank God I fought for joint custody but its hard to have your kids come home and they truly changes. The first 2 days my son is here he calls me mom, they don’t feel close, they don’t communicate as much and then its Sunday and just the time of us seems like its gone because we have to get ready for school. I learn about their day  by asking questions right before bedtime. When I want to do something with them that only comes around once a year I can’t. My flesh and blood is missing. I know I will find them but I can never get those days back. Hello, I love you, thank you sounds different on the phone.

Like I said earlier, realize a few things:. we are all screwed up, we all have a hurt, habit, or hang-up, we all have a past. Some worse than others, we had someone break us down, break our heart, we all medicate our pain some how. So you’re never alone. Never. You don’t know what I’ve done Tyler, but I know someone who has. The thing is we can’t live there anymore because living “their” allows someone else to raise your kids, and just have voice memories to carry you through.

Find your weakness, absorb, accept it, and get help, counseling, recovery group, just a voice to listen. Anyone that sits on an island by themselves will drown every time. I believe in Jesus Christ so I go there but find something. Nothing  is worse than losing everything because I said said,  I don’t know what to do. There are options everywhere. Its pride and ego that will steal your life and soul. It doesn’t have to be that way. reach out to me, do something because you are worth it and those beautiful children are too. You can drink, dope, and yell your life away but you can’t get back what you destroyed.

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Day 1477 Dear 30 year old Tyler Wood

9 03 2017

Life has taken so many twists and turns in the past year and half. Some I’m proud of, most I struggle to see the lesson in them but there always is. Blogging was a release for me. Nobody would understand half of the stuff that goes on in this brain of mine so I blogged. the past year I bet I only wrote 10 blogs. I’m truly going to start blogging again. Its how I release without picking up the bottle again, or creeping over to watch something I shouldn’t. I heard twice this week I really miss reading your blog so maybe they will continue to help someone or give someone something to read when their bored.

I’m going through my past and cleaning out my closet for a lack of a better term. It’s easy to go back to your closet to look at that old shirt and remember a good time in it but realize it doesn’t fit. My past is my mind not actual closet 🙂

Im writing to myself but it’s also lessons I would like to teach my two babies.

1.Find out what forgiveness is: Don’t shake your head and act like you know. You destroyed 4 different relationships because of having to have all the answers.

2. Just go dance or tell the jokes you wanted to. Take the comedy class.

3.  Stop eating eggs and drinking milk the world doesn’t need your gas any longer.

4. You stopped telling people you love them because you didn’t love yourself. They needed it no matter what you think.

5. Stop working for a trip and just take the damn trip.

6. Take the walk after dinner Im really what are you going to miss sitting on the couch.

7. Don’t ask God to show you ways to help people then when the opportunity presents itself then say that can’t be it. It was!

8. If you don’t like your job quit doing it and do what you wanted.You lost everything doing something you hated.

9. Take care of your health. I know you were invincible but it catches up to you.

10. You are not your mistakes. Try just one day not beating yourself up. Your worth it.

11. Skydive- do it twice

12. When your kids ask you to play with them stop and play. There is nothing more important than that moment. Those moments don’t come back.

13. Believe in forever no matter what happens.

14. Stop and look at the historical marker,or pet the cow or horse that you thought was beautiful on your road trip. You’ll get there. PS. Keep looking for bears one day you’ll see one.

15. Dont ever forget where you came from. If you’re looking down on someone it better be because your picking them up

16 Dont lose track of your friends. They may day and you never saw them or  spoke to them again.

17. Tell your daughter everyday how amazing, and beautiful she is if not some gross boy will.

18. Call you mom everyday. Don’t skip a day. Trust me on this!

19 Love your sister she thinks  your pretty awesome.

20. Dont think your since your son is  just like you so much he’s going to do the things you did. Thats why your teaching him.

21. Dont say something to a woman that you wouldn’t want to hear about yourself.

22. When you know you shouldn’t be driving after trying to drink your thoughts away, thank God he let you get home and don’t do it again.

23. Never stop asking why. You cant stop learning.

24. Apolgise for hurting someones feelings.

25. When you don’t think someone needs you thats when you must be there.

26. Take the word cant and replace with must!

27. When you find someone who kisses like her hang onto her.

 

 








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