Day 1792 Why Divorced/single in 2018 is more devastating

20 05 2018

Good happy Sunday may evening, I’m about to have a Jr and 4th grader, The school years fly by when you get older. I thought Christmas break was just over and look here we are about to end school and start smelling like BO because of the Texas heat.  Here’s to grilling, BO, sunburns, farmers tan, peeing in the pool and chlorine/swimming pool bath.

Excuse my use of the word devastating put an end to the existence of (something) by damaging or attacking it. This is not directed at anyone and I know there is always another side to my argument. To save your breath, your right I’ll just be the other side.

The world we live in now is ruled by social media, the fake life of what we want you to see. You leave someones, page, site, profile and like OMG they are so great why can’t I measure up.

People quit at everything now. there is no perseverance ( yes  i know there is some) in relationships, people think the next one will be right. For better or worse or let me get to know this person that doesn’t happen. My friend said her boyfriend or girlfriend did this why don’t you?Well because were different and we all bring good and bad to the table.

Loyalty I wonder without looking could someone tell you the definition. could someone tell you that an emotional affair is the same as a physical.  And honesty. Just be honest tell me everything. I know your not single in today’s world because you did nothing wrong. If its only 10% tell me your 10%. A date ender for me is what did you do wrong in your relationships. if the other person says well he! I stop it right there! Why because I’m not going to date him and I don’t care what he did at this moment. Tell me about you. Throw every damn card on the table and let me choose if I want to move  forward.

There is nothing more refreshing than someone being real and telling, I screwed up this way, I know it now and I want to change it and I’m working so hard on it. Im insecure but if you will be patient with me we can get through. Im like heck yes someone who gets.

I hear people say sex has to be great and they have to be physically attractive. Absolutely but if you can’t communicate and your checking over their shoulder every time they are doing something you will fail. If you don’t trust in the beginning, do you really think your going to trust down the road? What about the night sex sucks. wouldn’t it be great to say let me explain where my head was today. It wasn’t you and you list out why it sucked. She understands, she cares more, she gets you. She becomes more emotionally attached then you feel like she respects and wow you have a fully functional relationship. Who knew!!!!

Finally nobody really wants to be married anymore! It might be the hardest thing to do in this twisted, social media world, where you’re told to run rather than stay and fight (not actually fight). I would much rather have someone that loves me more often, wants to choke me some days but will just poke me with a toothpick (in love) than date!!!!

Why are you in a relationship if you’re not going to be devoted/ married to the person forever. Really whats the point. That is a first date question. Dont lie, if that’s not your intention that’s okay but for the love of God tell them. Just be honest! I want to be married again, if someone tells me that they don’t that’s okay, doesn’t make you a bad person just means you dont fit me.

PS. Not everyone is going to like you! Not every person you date is going to feel it. Dont get your under roos in a wad, learn one thing from the date and move on. We are looking for one great person not an army!

Okay that’s enough for today! Love you

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Day 845 Divorce is the only answer

20 05 2015

I’ve tried to tell my friends that aren’t in Texas how much we have received in two months. I know after 4 years of drought floods come but hey were good now. Lets send the rain to California. One lake was 32 feet down in February which means on 21% of it was filled. After lasts night rain it 9 feet down. The lake that is closet to us was 12 feet down and now its 6 feet above level.  What it means is that we took our rain dance to far. Milli Vanilli said it best Blame it on the rain. Okay I’m sorry I typed that out but hopefully you laughed.

If you have read my blog for very long you know I despise divorce. Not only for the adults but the kids are never the same. I could give you stats and blah blah about why about keeping you family in tact is best but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.  I’m a proponent for fighting to the bitter end (no pun intended) to save your family. I know because I did it. I wasn’t perfect in trying to plug all the wholes in the boat but when it was over I knew I did everything within what God gave me to save my marriage. I walked away with no regrets. I mean none. The church and Christians have done a horrible thing to divorcees to shame them about divorce and quoting what the bible says. I can read my bible and I know what it says about divorce but I can also show you in the bible where God dislikes bad marriage and the the life we have. God never wanted us miserable, broken or hopeless. That’s a promise! The broad paint brush that people use is so funny because if you bring up their sin they want to move on from that and just focus on what divorce is doing. I’m here to give another side.

Yes there are exceptions to every rule so lets through that out. 1.Sometimes people suck at being married. They just aren’t or won’t be capable of being faithful. Sure you can get help but they usually follow what they saw growing up and that circle hasn’t been broken yet. Just because God created us to be together doesn’t mean everyone is cut out for it. If you get married in your teens or early 20’s your destined to fail. You change so much in your 20’s that by the time you get to 30 you have no idea who the heck is the person you married is. I know this for a fact. The ones that married in there 20’s (again not all) have to trick up their life sexually etc.. with a job that travels so they didn’t see each other. 3.God has left their marriage- You got married in a church and that was the last time you were there,  or you went to church so your neighbor saw you went but God is page 20 of your newspaper.

4. Its takes two to be successful in a marriage and especially if you’re trying to repair it. YOU cannot fix a marriage if you’re the only one getting help because YOU CANT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. They can change but you can’t change them. If you divorce someone because the snore you’re an idiot. Everybody has things that the other person isn’t going to like. That’s the magic of marriage is taking the difference in two opposite people and make a beautiful cracked vase out of it.

If your physically being abused get out now. That typically doesn’t change and once the first punch is thrown it only gets easier to continue for you to be the punching bag of choice. Otherwise I say this, alcoholism, verbal abuse ( thats a 2 way street), drugs, family curses ,relatives, religious difference, greed, laziness, selfish etc.. With each one of these and more you don’t just leave your spouse. The vows said for better and worse. Not this is getting hard now leave. You fight your butt off to love, guide,  get counseling, direct, lead, hug, cry, fear for your spouse but sometimes after you have given your all. It’s okay to hang up and move on. People with demons won’t change, it’s always someone else  fault and I promise you have to hit Rock Bottom and lose it all to realize what you had. Some will never change and that’s not your fault. If you have given it your all God’s going to love you no matter what. He knows if you truly gave it your all or when it got tough you just quit.

Your only a failure in life when you don’t try! You get married it gets hard you quit, yes then you failed. Im tired of knowing that I have a lot of great people getting beat down because they got divorced. I know they tried and I know how bad your heart hurts, from betrayal, failed dreams, broken souls kids tears. If you have never been down the journey of being divorced it’s probably better you stay in your glass house and keep your mouth shut.  To my divorced peeps. Mend the heart, open it up again and find someone who didn’t quit and fought their butt off then ask God to show you his way and not your own.

SOAPBOX OVER.





Day 845 Divorce is the only answer

20 05 2015

I’ve tried to tell my friends that aren’t in Texas how much we have received in two months. I know after 4 years of drought floods come but hey were good now. Lets send the rain to California. One lake was 32 feet down in February which means on 21% of it was filled. After lasts night rain it 9 feet down. The lake that is closet to us was 12 feet down and now its 6 feet above level.  What it means is that we took our rain dance to far. Milli Vanilli said it best Blame it on the rain. Okay I’m sorry I typed that out but hopefully you laughed.

If you have read my blog for very long you know I despise divorce. Not only for the adults but the kids are never the same. I could give you stats and blah blah about why about keeping you family in tact is best but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.  I’m a proponent for fighting to the bitter end (no pun intended) to save your family. I know because I did it. I wasn’t perfect in trying to plug all the wholes in the boat but when it was over I knew I did everything within what God gave me to save my marriage. I walked away with no regrets. I mean none. The church and Christians have done a horrible thing to divorcees to shame them about divorce and quoting what the bible says. I can read my bible and I know what it says about divorce but I can also show you in the bible where God dislikes bad marriage and the the life we have. God never wanted us miserable, broken or hopeless. That’s a promise! The broad paint brush that people use is so funny because if you bring up their sin they want to move on from that and just focus on what divorce is doing. I’m here to give another side.

Yes there are exceptions to every rule so lets through that out. 1.Sometimes people suck at being married. They just aren’t or won’t be capable of being faithful. Sure you can get help but they usually follow what they saw growing up and that circle hasn’t been broken yet. Just because God created us to be together doesn’t mean everyone is cut out for it. If you get married in your teens or early 20’s your destined to fail. You change so much in your 20’s that by the time you get to 30 you have no idea who the heck is the person you married is. I know this for a fact. The ones that married in there 20’s (again not all) have to trick up their life sexually etc.. with a job that travels so they didn’t see each other. 3.God has left their marriage- You got married in a church and that was the last time you were there,  or you went to church so your neighbor saw you went but God is page 20 of your newspaper.

4. Its takes two to be successful in a marriage and especially if you’re trying to repair it. YOU cannot fix a marriage if you’re the only one getting help because YOU CANT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. They can change but you can’t change them. If you divorce someone because the snore you’re an idiot. Everybody has things that the other person isn’t going to like. That’s the magic of marriage is taking the difference in two opposite people and make a beautiful cracked vase out of it.

If your physically being abused get out now. That typically doesn’t change and once the first punch is thrown it only gets easier to continue for you to be the punching bag of choice. Otherwise I say this, alcoholism, verbal abuse ( thats a 2 way street), drugs, family curses ,relatives, religious difference, greed, laziness, selfish etc.. With each one of these and more you don’t just leave your spouse. The vows said for better and worse. Not this is getting hard now leave. You fight your butt off to love, guide,  get counseling, direct, lead, hug, cry, fear for your spouse but sometimes after you have given your all. It’s okay to hang up and move on. People with demons won’t change, it’s always someone else  fault and I promise you have to hit Rock Bottom and lose it all to realize what you had. Some will never change and that’s not your fault. If you have given it your all God’s going to love you no matter what. He knows if you truly gave it your all or when it got tough you just quit.

Your only a failure in life when you don’t try! You get married it gets hard you quit, yes then you failed. Im tired of knowing that I have a lot of great people getting beat down because they got divorced. I know they tried and I know how bad your heart hurts, from betrayal, failed dreams, broken souls kids tears. If you have never been down the journey of being divorced it’s probably better you stay in your glass house and keep your mouth shut.  To my divorced peeps. Mend the heart, open it up again and find someone who didn’t quit and fought their butt off then ask God to show you his way and not your own.

SOAPBOX OVER.





Day 746 Today 10 years ago I got my wish granted… My dad died

11 02 2015

At 8:20 am 10 years ago today  father passed away. Sorry if you have heard the story before but this helps me deal with it and maybe you can get something out of it. I had never been more embarrassed, disappointed, and down right sickened by a human in my life than my dad. My dad was taking 27 pills a day to stay alive. We had brought him home from the hospital about 5 weeks earlier so he could die at home. He had a variety of things wrong with him they said he died of COPD but you could have chosen 5 or 6 other things. They had given him morphine under the tongue 2 weeks before so it had been a while since I had seen him “normal”. My problems started in life at 10 when my dad said that it was time for me to be the man of the family and I wore that with a badge of honor. It is by far the worst thing anything can put on a little boy. I truly believed in my head my dad thought I could handle the pressure and that he took a step back and started the deterioration process. It’s not like he didn’t do anything but when I was 14 he became disabled and quit. I was so pissed. I m a fighter and I don’t quit and he left my mom and I to take care of him and my sister. I know he was sick and his body was failing him but he could have tried to do something. He made me a promise that if I graduated from college that he would be there and stand for me when they called my name. Well he did that in December of 1998. It was the last time I could say I was proud of him. He was there and then had to go to the car. He had to carry an oxygen tank with him but I know that day he was proud of me. AS the years went on I saw less of him. I was embarrassed and now I know I was really pissed at him. I saw the man he was becoming, he couldn’t take care of himself at all and my mother waited on him hand over fist. September 2004 I started my own business. I will never forget that day he said “( I m so proud you had the courage to do something I wouldn’t) I remember mumbling to myself yeah You could have and he wouldn’t have been so damn poor.

August 2004 my dad got the words you only have 6-9 months left to live. He started the I m sorry and started to bear his soul. He apologized to my mom and I heard  his words he was sorry and my mom waited 34 years to hear those words. He apologized to my sister and requested that she do a few things which she agreed. He then started his process with me. It took a full 5.5 months to get it all out. I learned things about him that I never knew. He was a great card player, a real sharp dresser. He owned bowling alleys and restaurants, he played with his close friend Buddy Holly in his band and some other things that I will keep to myself. At first I was so happy to hear all of this and then I became bitter that he would wait until he was gone and couldn’t do anything about it. His last words that he said to me were son I wish I was half the man you had become. It was the most powerful thing I have ever heard but it should have been me saying that to him.

The last time I saw my dad alive was February 4th 2005. They got him out of bed and sat him in his chair. He had no idea we were there but he did have enough to tell me he was proud of me. I sat in front of him and talked to him like nothing was wrong but knew it wouldn’t be long before he died. I left that night and hoped God would take him I wished for more than anything. He was a shell of a man, he was so sick and my mom deserved better. Thursday February 10 at 9:40 pm my mom called its time son. We had many false alarms but this time her voice said it was really happening. He asked my mom to go to the store and get him some juice. He knew what he was doing when she got back my dad was in a coma. I got there at 11:00 that night. It was the longest drive I had made from Denton to Cleburne.  I wanted to have something to say to calm everyone down when I got there but I didn’t. I gave my sister, my mom and the hospice nurse a hug and went into the bedroom. No matter how ready you think you are you’re not ready to see you parent laying there taking their last breaths . The nurse told me that he could hear me so talk to him but he wouldn’t respond. Probably since the first time since I was a baby I went in laid in my dads arm and didn’t say a word. I laid there about 2 hrs and nobody came in there. I guess they knew I needed my time. I talked to my dad about what I was doing in my business and how I struggled with being a dad and husband. I told him I was mad about him leaving me here but I would hold up to the end of the bargain of taking care of my mom and sister. I got up and let some other people who came by the house come by and pay their respects. I sat outside in the dark for about an hr. I just kept praying for God please take him. His lungs were filling with fluid so his breathing was like that of a drowning person. At 8:00 that morning his breaths became fewer and fewer. My mom and sister came and said goodbye and I laid next to him holding his hand. at 8:20 I heard his last breath. A very surreal moment happened and his warm body became cold and his spirit left. It was my last time that I had to be the man of the family with him there!!

December 7th 2011 I went to my father’s grave for the first time. I was going through counseling and all kinds of help try to find peace and that day in the cold, mud, and sleet I hit my knees at his tombstone. I told him I was sorry for all the things I said and would he please forgive me and I forgave him. At that moment I looked over my right shoulder to see who was grabbing my shoulder and it was the spirit of the Lord lifting the burden off of me that I had carried for 25 years. My life has never been the same. My life hit Rock Bottom but because of that simple act of forgiveness for a man who did the best he could with the knowledge he had I’m here today still a broken man but gluing it all back together. At the beginning of January this year took a trip to the Sequoia National Forest and saw the largest trees in the world. It was the most majestic and quite place I had ever been on earth. In the quite I heard my Father speak to me and tell me that he loved me and he was proud of me. I promise its worth the fight and struggle to get to a place of peace and forgiveness.

I thought because of the decade time frame  that it would be harder today , but today I’m very much at peace. I never thought I could get here but with God, forgiveness and a willing heart I’m so thankful for my dad today. AS I typed this out it brought back so many memories and tears dripping onto my computer but More than anything I know he’s in Heaven today pumping out his chest saying that’s my boy and I’m so proud of him.





Day 694 God if your real you need to show up now

21 12 2014

I appreciate those people who go all out with Christmas Decoration. My babies, mom and nephew went through a Christmas Display in Arlington Texas Called Interlocken. It’s about 300 houses. It’s just beautiful and knowing its been going on for over 30 years is just stunning. I’m done wrapping, buying and thinking about Christmas. Its time to enjoy and make Thursday morning amazing.

I know many people who stopped believing in God because he didn’t answer their prayer. I know many others that made a choice that they will be in God when he only shows them miracles I for one doubted, challenged God, told him I hated him, and I  walked away from him. I knew what was best for me and I was going to show God. Its funny I didn’t know sH%t and I had plenty of nothing to show for it. God was there for me every time he never left me but I thought differently. I know three different occasions where I asked God to show up because I was tired of trying to believe him and knowing what “he” was doing wasn’t working. Each of these times I said God if your real I need you to show up now: 1st one was when my dad got into a coma the day he died. He had COPD and his lungs were filling up with fluid. If you have never heard the sound its one of the most horrible ways to hear someone die. I couldn’t stand it anymore and after 11 hrs I finally said God if your real please take him now. about 4 minutes later my dad stopped breathing and he went home. 2. I got into a horrible fight in the Northside of Fort Worth. One of my friends got jumped and the guys there all had knives daring someone to jump in. Well in all my infinite wisdom I did just that. When I jumped in many others did too. I asked God if he was real now would be a great time to show it. 8 people got stabbed nobody to bad but I got nothing except a broken knuckle, swollen  eye and my shirt had to be replaced. 3.  The day I moved out my house when I was getting divorced. I packed the final box I asked my friend Lew to give me a minute. I went inside looked around and cried. I told God I couldn’t do this by myself. I was so scared, I didn’t know how to be a daddy by myself, but if you are real I need you to show me now. Well here Ia flawed and all but god stepped up time and time again. When I didn’t ask he was there, when I asked he was there. I made some promises to God that if you will do this and that I will do fill in the _____________. He has and I am. God gives us opportunities everyday to bless someone else. People say God show up now. It may not be in a white rob, Charleton Heston voice, or some noble stead but it could be a 39-year-old man who reached Rock Bottom and has the most compassionate heart for others. It’s about being humble so the things I do very few know about. It’s not about the pat on the back, it’s about knowing that someone never has to feel the sense of hopelessness I did. I got the chance to help two people this week. Neither asked but I felt and knew. One person posted on FB a status and I knew exactly what they meant. Long story short I was able to send some money. It wasn’t a lot but it made a difference. I gave him the check and he said I asked God to please show me your still real and he showed up as you.  You see God is always where we need to be. We have to put down our pride, ego, anger, and sometimes just plain stupidity to see him. I will continue to teach that it’s about helping others. Sometimes just helping them see who they really are after years of being told otherwise. Sometimes its just listening, sometimes its just a check. We are the hands and feet of Jesus and no matter how you choose to see it sometimes you and I are how God shows up for others. So if your real and proclaim God is the foundation for your life its time for us to show up now.





Day 527 What is inner strength

9 07 2014

Never a dull moment in my life anymore. With my kids this week we are always on the go especially since its summer but the weeks off are even busier. Lots of positive changes on the way as well. My career was the last part of me that I worked on. I know I’m not defined by money or what I do so I put it on the back-burner. Its time and things are starting to fall in place. I hope I will listen to God and be patient.

Inner strength: Definition the quality or state of being strong; bodily, mentally, or muscular power; vigor. I was asked yesterday  what I thought. inner strength meant to me. I will start off saying that we all have it and are born with it. Sure it can be learned like anything but it’s there you just have to be able to train it. That is mostly done through trails and tribulations. You don’t have to dig down when life is going great. Gandi said- Strength does not come from winning. Struggles develop your strength. You go through struggles and decide not to surrender that is strength.  I more than anything its the NOT SURRENDER that is inner strength.We all get down, we may have a week, month or months but when we don’t surrender we are developing that strength. I would say  that many of the people in my life have developed so much inner strength it s impossible to find anymore but we all know better. I know 6 people who lost the inner strength battle and took their life. They are no less of people they just surrendered and sometimes that may feel the best thing to do. It’s not or will it ever be. If you surrender yourself with the right people they will never let you go down that road. Isolation is a killer in so many ways.Doing the “thing” that feels so hard to do is what you have to overcome to find your inner strength. You may not want to but you must.  When my friend asked me what it meant to me this is what I told her. 1. When my marriage was crumbling having the strength to step up and forgive and put my pride down to save my family. If I would have surrendered without a good fight how could I look my kids in the eyes. I damn sure had more moments of screw this but I did it. I’m so much better for it. 2. I forgave my dad,I was never going to I felt I had paid my dues but until the moment I knelt at his grave did I even to know what forgiveness was or how to have inner strength. 3. I lost everything in my life and I didn’t kill myself. The demons were pushing for it and I was ready but I fought that. Now I try to help others fight those demons so they can get to the best part of their life. You have no idea how many people need your story or my story to help save them from themselves. 4.  I forgave me. I hated me, every part of me. I didn’t see any good about me at all. I had a moment of hitting my knees and asked God to please let me forgive myself and it happened. I still struggle many days but it’s so much better and I get a ton of encouragement as well. Never give and fight your ass off because your worth it.





Day 527 What is inner strength

9 07 2014

Never a dull moment in my life anymore. With my kids this week we are always on the go especially since its summer but the weeks off are even busier. Lots of positive changes on the way as well. My career was the last part of me that I worked on. I know I’m not defined by money or what I do so I put it on the back-burner. Its time and things are starting to fall in place. I hope I will listen to God and be patient.

Inner strength: Definition the quality or state of being strong; bodily, mentally, or muscular power; vigor. I was asked yesterday  what I thought. inner strength meant to me. I will start off saying that we all have it and are born with it. Sure it can be learned like anything but it’s there you just have to be able to train it. That is mostly done through trails and tribulations. You don’t have to dig down when life is going great. Gandi said- Strength does not come from winning. Struggles develop your strength. You go through struggles and decide not to surrender that is strength.  I more than anything its the NOT SURRENDER that is inner strength.We all get down, we may have a week, month or months but when we don’t surrender we are developing that strength. I would say  that many of the people in my life have developed so much inner strength it s impossible to find anymore but we all know better. I know 6 people who lost the inner strength battle and took their life. They are no less of people they just surrendered and sometimes that may feel the best thing to do. It’s not or will it ever be. If you surrender yourself with the right people they will never let you go down that road. Isolation is a killer in so many ways.Doing the “thing” that feels so hard to do is what you have to overcome to find your inner strength. You may not want to but you must.  When my friend asked me what it meant to me this is what I told her. 1. When my marriage was crumbling having the strength to step up and forgive and put my pride down to save my family. If I would have surrendered without a good fight how could I look my kids in the eyes. I damn sure had more moments of screw this but I did it. I’m so much better for it. 2. I forgave my dad,I was never going to I felt I had paid my dues but until the moment I knelt at his grave did I even to know what forgiveness was or how to have inner strength. 3. I lost everything in my life and I didn’t kill myself. The demons were pushing for it and I was ready but I fought that. Now I try to help others fight those demons so they can get to the best part of their life. You have no idea how many people need your story or my story to help save them from themselves. 4.  I forgave me. I hated me, every part of me. I didn’t see any good about me at all. I had a moment of hitting my knees and asked God to please let me forgive myself and it happened. I still struggle many days but it’s so much better and I get a ton of encouragement as well. Never give and fight your ass off because your worth it.








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