Day 1201 Inside the Minds of men

26 05 2016

Its been a while since I blogged. The world is crazy busy like everyone’s but I promise my mind is still working. Probably too much. Every-time I try to sit down either something drags me away or I my time is gone.

It’s almost been 5 years on August since my recovery journey started. I’ve always knew that I was destined for more than the standard work, eat dinner, dinner, spend time with kids and do it all over again. After reading close to 400 books in the past 5 years, digging into counseling, being a part of Rock Bottom Outreach, counseling people I knew I had to get this information out of my head and into others. I’ve been told I have a presence and when I speak people listen. I just never knew how or what to do about. My counselor Brian Hackney and I  fiddled around with ideas for 2 years how we could help with others. One is we’ll start an organization to help men, we never got excited about it. How about this and that but nothing stuck. I started checking around about speaking groups, there were a ton of women speaking to men, and men speaking to men but I couldn’t find any where men speaking to women. I was excited about the idea and about 6 months ago I was in counseling and finally brought the idea up to Brian. His eyes lit up and we started going through how we would be as real, vulnerable and authentic and let women really know whats inside the minds of men. The stuff nobody wants to talk about, porn, anger, yelling, workaholic, pride, fear lack of communication, and truly let it all hang out. We have a close friend John Finch that  started The Perfect Father ministry and https://www.facebook.com/The-Father-Effect-Movie-211007652267276/ and thought John would be a perfect complement and he gets it. We knew his struggles and we knew his heart. We asked him to join and be apart.

After months of trying to figure out what to and how we finally had a Guinea pig meeting. There were about 50 women there. It was truly an eye-opening experience. To have a vision, and allow it to happen is truly amazing. The ideas and words that the women left us with were truly awe-inspiring, We wanted to make a difference and after we had that meeting we all knew this was something great. Last night we had our first event that was paid. We had 42 women show up. there were tears, a few gasps, a few women holding on to their chair because it made them uncomfortable but what it did make a difference. When we closed and thank them we said that we hope you walk out knowing something more about men or you can go home and change your relationship. Every head nodded and the energy was amazing. We have something great here. We just need the word of mouth and positive  vibe to continue. I’ll ask you to look at or website and go to our Facebook. Hear the testimonials and if you can get us booked with your women’s group please go online. Just pass the word we appreciate it so much.

http://www.facebook.com/insidethemindsofmen.org/

http://www.insidethemindsofmen.org/

 





Day 1149 Im finally in an amazing realtionship

28 03 2016

Yesterday was the first big holiday without my mom. It was very different and she was missed terribly. Flashbacks of her being there, eating, laughing telling me if I didn’t use my manners she was going to shove an Easter egg down my throat and make me like it.
I would do anything to have her back, tell her I love her, and have her hug me one more time. Yesterday was just another day to remember how amazing she was and how she made everything so special.
A big thank you to my sister Meagan Wood for cooking like mom would have, but the bad part it was on time which would have never happened with my mom.

For almost 25 years I’ve been searching for someone to love ME. Not what I can do for them, or what my potential was but for me. I knew what I was capable of and for most of the relationships I was pretty decent in loving and showing love. I was broken and made a lot of wrong turns but now I made a change in my life and knew what I could be as a boyfriend and a future husband. I was ready to give up, from blind dates, to people I knew from my past, to dating websites I was ready to throw in the towel. Being a daddy, a warrior for God, speaker, and working I had accepted that I wasn’t going to find anyone else. In July of last year I saw a girl I thought was pretty sent her a message and then we started talking. She was in Austin so I thought it was just going to be something where I passed the time. We talked a lot and I was dating a few women here and there. I finally decided to go meet her. I drove down during the week thought I was crazy because I was going to get back so late for work the next day. Based on all the things I wanted in a woman she was it but we know that we all put on a good show when we meet. After dinner we were sitting there and she put her arm around my arm, 2 points for her. Physical touch is my love language, so she was a head of the game. She looked at me like nobody ever had and I wondered why.

When I left I thought I really needed to see her again but didn’t know when I was going to “TRY” again. I kept trying and we became closer and closer. Still the whole time I did everything I could to push her away. Not because I didn’t want her but because I was afraid. I mean I already said I was good being single the rest of my life and how could anyone possibly love me. She didn’t budge. I knew she thought about leaving but she has something I never had and that she was loyal. We told me from our first date that she thought that I was incredible. She hasn’t stopped since. I’m weird, I’m different, I march to the beat of my own drum, but I’m also loving, caring, a giver, loyal, a man’s man, a great father and she’s helped show me that. My mom, sister, kids, and my close friends thought she was great but for some reason I couldn’t get over me. The day before my mom died we had a serious conversation and I thought it might be over , and the next day my mom died. She got here as quick as she could. Like anyone else she had no idea what to do so she was there. Through my tears, my stories, my laughs, my deepest fears, and the hardest thing that had happened to me. I had always said before If I  ever stayed with someone forever again I had to know what she was like when shit hit the fan. Well lets just say she bought the best toilet paper and wiped it clean lol.

She had grown closer to my kids, Rock Bottom Outreach, God and me. When I think of what I wanted in woman, mother and lover she exceeds those expectations. There will never be another woman like my mom but Stephanie Lemburg is following closely. About 3 weeks ago God and I had one of our one on ones. I asked that he lets my heart accept all of her and let my heart fall truly, madly , deeply in love. God spoke to me and said don’t let her go for any reason and Tyler you deserve this woman its time to let go of your junk.

I have done that and I couldn’t be happier. Sure we have the ups and downs of getting to know one another but at the end of the day I’m not worried about her walking out on me. There may not be a better feeling for a 40-year-old man to know the love of a loyal woman and that she’s even on my side when she’s about ready to hit me with a hammer.

AS my journey changes Im glad to walk it with Stephanie. I love you Stephanie and thank you.

 





Day 1116 What you didn’t do for me.

22 02 2016

Good evening from 70 degree Texas. We haven’t had a winter and it makes me mad. Just a little cold and snow is that too much to ask.  It has allowed the weeds in my yard to grow so we can swing from each one of them and some trees are blooming so everything is green 🙂

Think about this before you answer in your head. Do you do something so that you can get something in return? Are you nice so someone will be nice in return. Do you cook for  your spouse or anyone else  hoping that you  will get something back in return After a while do you keep a scorecard of all the things you have done but they didn’t do for you. Then when you gave them a back rub or foot rub and then all of a sudden you lose it and spill your scorecard out. There is no doubt the score card is in you favor and its 21-7 in your favor and your pounding your chest look what I have done for you and you didn’t even do half of what I did. Guess what we both just lost. Sure my scorecard was more on the positive than yours but since I only did for you so I would get back in return I lost too.

I get so sick of relationship problems when they area truly simple. This is just a spouse, or significant other, it’s a friend, a work relationship, a family relationship etc.. Do you do it to get something back? If you do quit now! Stop giving because if you’re expecting everyone to be a giver like you it doesn’t happen. We are all different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are takers usually one is a taker and one is a giver. A lot of people have no idea how to give, they didn’t come from it and never have. So it seems so foreign to you when they accept and never give back. We givers really stink at receiving just FYI.

I have two friends of mine that are failing miserably in their relationships. I’ve viewed from afar and close up. I was asked by both of them this past week : What do I do? Well first off throw away your scorecard! It doesn’t matter what you have done because it only sounds like what I have viewed and you told me that you gave only to get. You throw around what you have done like a badge of honor and it doesn’t matter  what have you done people don’t want to get beaten down by how great you are of you’re the master giver. (One relationship is a marriage and the other is a friendship). I have seen more damaged in relationships because the giver thought they were a Heisman Trophy winner in the giving world. One of many faults in my marriage was I was great at giving but you better bet your bottom I wanted her to recognize and repay me.

I got a text from one of my buddies today and all it said was its working she said thank you. My advice to him was if you don’t want to give to her then don’t but think about why you decided not to. If you give to her then shut up. Your appreciation will come but not when you already gave to yourself.

For me and everyone reading this: You don’t have to do anything for anyone but when its your nature you have to let nature take its course. Then give until your heart is filled and then be quiet. Give because that’s who you are, not for what you’re  getting back. Oh yeah and if someone takes advantage of you then you learned and you move on.

 





Day 1116 What you didn’t do for me.

21 02 2016

Good evening from 70 degree Texas. We haven’t had a winter and it makes me mad. Just a little cold and snow is that too much to ask.  It has allowed the weeds in my yard to grow so we can swing from each one of them and some trees are blooming so everything is green 🙂

Think about this before you answer in your head. Do you do something so that you can get something in return? Are you nice so someone will be nice in return. Do you cook for  your spouse or anyone else  hoping that you  will get something back in return After a while do you keep a scorecard of all the things you have done but they didn’t do for you. Then when you gave them a back rub or foot rub and then all of a sudden you lose it and spill your scorecard out. There is no doubt the score card is in you favor and its 21-7 in your favor and your pounding your chest look what I have done for you and you didn’t even do half of what I did. Guess what we both just lost. Sure my scorecard was more on the positive than yours but since I only did for you so I would get back in return I lost too.

I get so sick of relationship problems when they area truly simple. This is just a spouse, or significant other, it’s a friend, a work relationship, a family relationship etc.. Do you do it to get something back? If you do quit now! Stop giving because if you’re expecting everyone to be a giver like you it doesn’t happen. We are all different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are takers usually one is a taker and one is a giver. A lot of people have no idea how to give, they didn’t come from it and never have. So it seems so foreign to you when they accept and never give back. We givers really stink at receiving just FYI.

I have two friends of mine that are failing miserably in their relationships. I’ve viewed from afar and close up. I was asked by both of them this past week : What do I do? Well first off throw away your scorecard! It doesn’t matter what you have done because it only sounds like what I have viewed and you told me that you gave only to get. You throw around what you have done like a badge of honor and it doesn’t matter  what have you done people don’t want to get beaten down by how great you are of you’re the master giver. (One relationship is a marriage and the other is a friendship). I have seen more damaged in relationships because the giver thought they were a Heisman Trophy winner in the giving world. One of many faults in my marriage was I was great at giving but you better bet your bottom I wanted her to recognize and repay me.

I got a text from one of my buddies today and all it said was its working she said thank you. My advice to him was if you don’t want to give to her then don’t but think about why you decided not to. If you give to her then shut up. Your appreciation will come but not when you already gave to yourself.

For me and everyone reading this: You don’t have to do anything for anyone but when its your nature you have to let nature take its course. Then give until your heart is filled and then be quiet. Give because that’s who you are, not for what you’re  getting back. Oh yeah and if someone takes advantage of you then you learned and you move on.

 

 





Day 948 Man I have bad luck

31 08 2015

7 days of no soda as of today and Ive calmed down. A few days last week I was sure I was going to rip someone’s head off. Now I’m like a butterfly flying tree to tree. Okay if you know me you know that’s never true but I feel a lot better. After 2 deaths and two memorial services I’m glad to say that last week being over is a great thing. With my heart change of life I’ve become compassionate and needless to say I shed a lot of tears but glad I could be there for the families.

Man I have bad luck or no luck at all. One of the crutch phrases for so many when things don’t go their way.  I used it all the time. I said it so much I believed it more than anything else that came out of my mouth. Here’s what I have now: Nothing good or bad luck. I don’t believe in luck. Here’s what I believe.

If I choose to follow God’s will my life will go has his plan, or when I choose the Tyler way it will go that way too. I hear man my luck is so bad, I have horrible luck with men or women, or things just always happen bad.  What if I told you that sometimes we are stupid and make bad decisions. Were imperfect and because of that bad things happen. If you drink and drive and you get arrested, guess what that wasn’t bad luck, that’s a bad decision. If you spent years druggin, thuggin, fighting, drinking, abusing others and now your bodies rebelling or your things aren’t working. The piper had to be paid and now its time the check gets cashed. No it’s not God punishing you because he doesn’t but our free will and others catches up to us. Our the person that said I have bad luck with men or women. Look its simple: We are attracted to a certain type person and if that type of person hasn’t worked for the eternity of your dating or married life for the Love of God stop going after them. People who need to be rescued, addicts, people who can’t love you because they can’t love themselves. If you find that person every time you have to stop it. That person maybe comfortable at first then they become like crumbs in your bed and eventually will just make you so upset you quit. Here’s an example for me: My whole life I have chosen to find women who I had long relationships with that were the following, not affectionate, tall, gorgeous, needing rescued, fake, hollow, and down right mean.  For me that does not work. Doesn’t make them bad women just means for me that they don’t work. My friends tell me that I could go into Cowboys stadium and there would be 50K great woman and I would walk by them all for the one I’m attracted to. I’ve learned what doesn’t work for me and if I choose them then it’s not bad luck, I’m an idiot.

I’ve read the entire bible and not once did I read about good or bad luck. What I read is following his will, that tug at your heart or the overwhelming don’t do that. When you follow his plan good things really happen, you might come into some money, or an opportunity, or your kid succeeds because you choose to teach them a lesson and not let the world teach them. Or your walk over to that stranger and start a conversation because you really wanted to but were afraid and now you’re in love. Or you send your testimony out over Facebook and when you push send you wanted to throw up because you’re afraid of the  response and 6 hours later. A total stranger tells you that they decided not to kill themselves because of what you posted. I could have taken credit for that or said what great luck I had. Nope no such thing as look good or bad. It’s about following your heart and mind. The two most powerful weapons we have in our body can be used for good or bad but not for luck.

When your about to say man my luck is good or bad stop and think: Maybe just maybe it was the decision I made and I followed God or I didn’t. Yes for the devils advocate people sometimes bad things happen to good people who didn’t deserve it. I don’t understand it either, I’m not God or Jesus and I have a list of questions I would like to ask when I get to heaven too but until then life happens with or without my approval so just deal with it as it comes.





Day 948 Man I have bad luck

31 08 2015

7 days of no soda as of today and Ive calmed down. A few days last week I was sure I was going to rip someone’s head off. Now I’m like a butterfly flying tree to tree. Okay if you know me you know that’s never true but I feel a lot better. After 2 deaths and two memorial services I’m glad to say that last week being over is a great thing. With my heart change of life I’ve become compassionate and needless to say I shed a lot of tears but glad I could be there for the families.

Man I have bad luck or no luck at all. One of the crutch phrases for so many when things don’t go their way.  I used it all the time. I said it so much I believed it more than anything else that came out of my mouth. Here’s what I have now: Nothing good or bad luck. I don’t believe in luck. Here’s what I believe.

If I choose to follow God’s will my life will go has his plan, or when I choose the Tyler way it will go that way too. I hear man my luck is so bad, I have horrible luck with men or women, or things just always happen bad.  What if I told you that sometimes we are stupid and make bad decisions. Were imperfect and because of that bad things happen. If you drink and drive and you get arrested, guess what that wasn’t bad luck, that’s a bad decision. If you spent years druggin, thuggin, fighting, drinking, abusing others and now your bodies rebelling or your things aren’t working. The piper had to be paid and now its time the check gets cashed. No it’s not God punishing you because he doesn’t but our free will and others catches up to us. Our the person that said I have bad luck with men or women. Look its simple: We are attracted to a certain type person and if that type of person hasn’t worked for the eternity of your dating or married life for the Love of God stop going after them. People who need to be rescued, addicts, people who can’t love you because they can’t love themselves. If you find that person every time you have to stop it. That person maybe comfortable at first then they become like crumbs in your bed and eventually will just make you so upset you quit. Here’s an example for me: My whole life I have chosen to find women who I had long relationships with that were the following, not affectionate, tall, gorgeous, needing rescued, fake, hollow, and down right mean.  For me that does not work. Doesn’t make them bad women just means for me that they don’t work. My friends tell me that I could go into Cowboys stadium and there would be 50K great woman and I would walk by them all for the one I’m attracted to. I’ve learned what doesn’t work for me and if I choose them then it’s not bad luck, I’m an idiot.

I’ve read the entire bible and not once did I read about good or bad luck. What I read is following his will, that tug at your heart or the overwhelming don’t do that. When you follow his plan good things really happen, you might come into some money, or an opportunity, or your kid succeeds because you choose to teach them a lesson and not let the world teach them. Or your walk over to that stranger and start a conversation because you really wanted to but were afraid and now you’re in love. Or you send your testimony out over Facebook and when you push send you wanted to throw up because you’re afraid of the  response and 6 hours later. A total stranger tells you that they decided not to kill themselves because of what you posted. I could have taken credit for that or said what great luck I had. Nope no such thing as look good or bad. It’s about following your heart and mind. The two most powerful weapons we have in our body can be used for good or bad but not for luck.

When your about to say man my luck is good or bad stop and think: Maybe just maybe it was the decision I made and I followed God or I didn’t. Yes for the devils advocate people sometimes bad things happen to good people who didn’t deserve it. I don’t understand it either, I’m not God or Jesus and I have a list of questions I would like to ask when I get to heaven too but until then life happens with or without my approval so just deal with it as it comes.





Day 885 I’m going to be famous

30 06 2015

Are you a fan of pizza? If you are I need your input on all the different types of pizza and the best ones. I never knew all the types but I got an education and now I’m ready for opinions but next blog. We had a tremendous weekend with our Rock Bottom Family and my little babies got to experience it as well. We got to go to sunny south Dallas and administer 200 backpacks and 100 hygiene packs. Mostly we got to love on people and my kids are turning into some of the best. Not only with hugs but to take the lead and love on others when society says don’t do that. I’m a super proud daddy.

After our radio show last Monday I got some of the negative feedback that rolls with doing what we do but almost all of it was positive. Two people who I would consider very good friends mentioned you’re going to be famous very soon based on your speaking and radio appearances.. I smiled and started processing that thought because that’s what I do. Most of my life I wanted to be famous either as a football, rugby player or stand-up comedian. I wanted people to worship the ground I walked on. All the names in lights, the money, the free stuff, and mostly the pick of women. I dreamed about it as a little kid, for a long time I thought it might happen then the dreams shattered and I wanted it more. I knew I was capable. How would it be to snap your fingers and get people to do what you wanted because they feared you and not respect you. At one time in my remodeling business I won Top 12 under 40 year remodelers in the United States. I thought I’m on my way. I’m going to be the go to guy, this will bring me more money, fame and you never know will it will lead.  Well it all eventually lead to my trying to take my life because of how I thought I failed. Through all of that what I wasn’t was remembered. The one thing you can’t control is being famous, I mean we have the Kardishans, the Hilton’s and various other people who have no talent and are famous. I mean grumpy cat is famous and he just was born with a grumpy face. Society dictates whose famous and its usually for the wrong reasons.

My two friends and anybody else that thinks Im going to be famous. I mean this thank you but I honestly I could care less. What I want is to be remembered. I want in my everyday walk in life for people to say that’s a tremendous man of God, he was an amazing father, one of the best husbands that walked  the earth, and real and genuine. When my funeral comes hopefully many years from now that there are so many people lined up they close down the streets to tell my children that your dad  loved God,  he was the best friend, son, brother, he believed in me when I couldn’t, he change my life, he loved me, he gave me what he didn’t have, and you should be proud of the man he was.  If that makes me famous I’ll sign up for that. The money, fame, name  in lights is about me, what I just mentioned is about God. Ill never forget when my dad passed away they talked about he did for others not the stuff he had. If I’m striving for the stuff I’ll get it but I know the outcome, if Im striving to be a warrior for God, with a broken past, foul mouth, wounded heart and people come to know Jesus through that I’ll be what I was designed for. I just want my kids to look people in the eye and say my dad was famous because he loved us and were proud of him. You can have your Hollywood I’ll take my Morgan and Brayden everyday!








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