Day 1566 Why didn’t you just ask

8 06 2017

Hello world: On Tuesday of this week I approved my book and it went to the printer. it took me 2.5 years to decided I was worth writing a book and anyone would read it. Yes Im excited but having it my hands will feel amazing. You better buy a copy pretty please.

Why? One of the most thought-provoking questions we can ask? On the other end is the answer. Sometimes its good and sometimes it’s not. So why do we stop asking Why as an adult. A few reasons I believe: We don’t care, the answer is going to hurt, we think we already know the answer. Little kids ask why all the time yes we get tired of hearing why and finally because we said so. That doesn’t stop them though.  Brian Dodge was a speaker I heard once and he said as an adult when we stop asking why our learning is over. How scary is that? So then we go to the famous art of assuming. Every time I assumed I was wrong. Do you remember the last time someone said Why didn’t you just ask me? You say I don’t know and walk away like why didn’t I just ask?

I’ll agree that when you ask sometimes the answer is awful. I asked my ex-wife when it was over do you love me anymore. She said no. My heart dropped to me knees I felt sick but I knew I needed to hear it. In college I asked a girl who was out of my league that I flirted with forever why wouldn’t you go out with me. She looked me in the eye and said I will you just have to ask me.

Why is  gathering wisdom, understanding, caring and respect. So the next time you don’t ask why just remember this is what you’re missing out on:

Showing someone you care, asking why is letting them you took time out for them their special, To eliminate confusion, To demonstrate humility to another, To enable a person to discover answers for themselves, To gain empathy through better understanding another’s view, To begin a relationship, To strengthen a relationship, To gain a person’s attention, To solve a problem.

Why you don’t ask these things are also possible: To find a culprit, To embarrass and shame, To appear superior, to create fear, To manipulate, To play the victim, as in, “Why is this happening to me?

Every time I don’t ask why I miss out on something. If you know me I ask a lot of questions not because I’m nosy but I care. I want to know you, I want to know what makes you tick, you’re special but I don’t know why until I know you. Its called conversation which I know is a dying art, but my best relationships are the ones where I know why and Im talking the dirty why too.

Why ask why. We need to know, someone needs to know you care. Love is asking why. Sometimes you don’t want to the but you might be pleasantly surprised what the answer really is.

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Day 961 Im going to teach a sexual purity class

14 09 2015

Football is here and the world is a better place. My Cowboys are going to  crank it up tonight and my college teams are doing pretty good so far. It actually cooled down yesterday to 88 and it felt so good. I only slightly cooked the top of my bald head.  Here’s to the Cowboys winning the Superbowl and the rest of you crying about it 🙂

Yes you read that right I’m going to teach a Men’s  sexual purity class. I’m sure a few of you that know me are sitting at your computer with your mouth dropped open. Two weeks ago I was asked before counseling that I was recommended and would I consider it. I laughed at first because God is a funny dude. You mean me that has been with 190 women in my life, the same guy that struggled with porn and boobie bars, that objectified women and still many times does. They guys who had/ has received pictures and sent pictures that had no business asking for or receiving.  Yes that’s me and I’m sure a few are saying Tyler is the last person that needs to be doing this. Well when I first was asked that’s what I thought but then I got some words of wisdom and prayer.

To me there is nothing worse that getting advice or help from someone who doesn’t have a clue. Someone who speaks about divorce but never been there, a Dr that’s a podiatrist but telling a patient about their cancer, someone who lost a parent or child how to handle it but never lost either, or someone telling me how to remodel or build a house because you watched HDTV. Sure your entitled to your opinion but that doesn’t mean you know. Having a sinner  teach other sinners is better than having someone who doesn’t think they sin teach sinners.

I’m teaching this men’s sexual purity class for a few reasons, 1.I know the sexual struggle and its real. It maybe one of the biggest killer of relationships from porn, cheating, lust etc. I have lived it and it sucks but I know the steps to take and I’m somewhat pretty decent at following through, In 5 years I’ve only had sex 5 times. Considering my past that is a victory. 2. God has asked me to do it. God will let you put your money with your mouth is. I talk a good game about being a different man and trying to live that way, well here you go Go help others. 3. I need it! I need to tell my story, tell what I struggle with, and be held accountable. 4. My openness and vulnerability will help someone. If you have never heard me speak or just talk in my daily life I let it all go. You may not like it but  its whats best for me and I know because what I have been told it has helped others. When a man who follows God, allows himself to be real and true others will be helped. Men normally just don’t let you know their mistakes, they won’t tell you why they failed. When  God gives you an ability to do something you go do it.

I’m actually nervous about tomorrow night. I rarely get nervous but that just means something big is coming. Think about me tomorrow night, if you pray please pray not for my words but his. Those that don’t think this is a good idea its okay too, you’re right I’ll mess up but that makes God great he God forgives and allows us to get back on the saddle if we choose too.





Day 961 Im going to teach a sexual purity class

13 09 2015

Football is here and the world is a better place. My Cowboys are going to  crank it up tonight and my college teams are doing pretty good so far. It actually cooled down yesterday to 88 and it felt so good. I only slightly cooked the top of my bald head.  Here’s to the Cowboys winning the Superbowl and the rest of you crying about it 🙂

Yes you read that right I’m going to teach a Men’s  sexual purity class. I’m sure a few of you that know me are sitting at your computer with your mouth dropped open. Two weeks ago I was asked before counseling that I was recommended and would I consider it. I laughed at first because God is a funny dude. You mean me that has been with 190 women in my life, the same guy that struggled with porn and boobie bars, that objectified women and still many times does. They guys who had/ has received pictures and sent pictures that had no business asking for or receiving.  Yes that’s me and I’m sure a few are saying Tyler is the last person that needs to be doing this. Well when I first was asked that’s what I thought but then I got some words of wisdom and prayer.

To me there is nothing worse that getting advice or help from someone who doesn’t have a clue. Someone who speaks about divorce but never been there, a Dr that’s a podiatrist but telling a patient about their cancer, someone who lost a parent or child how to handle it but never lost either, or someone telling me how to remodel or build a house because you watched HDTV. Sure your entitled to your opinion but that doesn’t mean you know. Having a sinner  teach other sinners is better than having someone who doesn’t think they sin teach sinners.

I’m teaching this men’s sexual purity class for a few reasons, 1.I know the sexual struggle and its real. It maybe one of the biggest killer of relationships from porn, cheating, lust etc. I have lived it and it sucks but I know the steps to take and I’m somewhat pretty decent at following through, In 5 years I’ve only had sex 5 times. Considering my past that is a victory. 2. God has asked me to do it. God will let you put your money with your mouth is. I talk a good game about being a different man and trying to live that way, well here you go Go help others. 3. I need it! I need to tell my story, tell what I struggle with, and be held accountable. 4. My openness and vulnerability will help someone. If you have never heard me speak or just talk in my daily life I let it all go. You may not like it but  its whats best for me and I know because what I have been told it has helped others. When a man who follows God, allows himself to be real and true others will be helped. Men normally just don’t let you know their mistakes, they won’t tell you why they failed. When  God gives you an ability to do something you go do it.

I’m actually nervous about tomorrow night. I rarely get nervous but that just means something big is coming. Think about me tomorrow night, if you pray please pray not for my words but his. Those that don’t think this is a good idea its okay too, you’re right I’ll mess up but that makes God great he God forgives and allows us to get back on the saddle if we choose too.

 





Day 824 This is what its like when someone understands you

30 04 2015

Howdy yall! I just wanted to sound like a Texan for a minute. The sun is shining and almost every lake around us is full of water which hasn’t been that way for 5 years. They are lifting water restrictions so most people are ready for the heat. I am, except the top of my head which is ready to burn and smell liked cooked bacon. Stayed tuned for further burning head debates.

I have some of the best friends,. They’re real and everyone is different but everyone  is needed to make my life where it is today. This person has been my friend for 25 years now. We took  a different path to become friends but have been able to talk about any and everything even with a 10 years of not talking much.

I don’t know anybody that wouldn’t want someone who at least trys to understand them. Sometimes they get you and sometimes even if they don’t they try really hard well this person below is that person for me. I’ve been searching for 7 weeks for the words to explain to the people who love me and you my blog reader where I am at. I saw this person Saturday spent about two hours talking and I received this last night. All I could say is wow and I teared up because they hit it on the head and said everything I couldn’t. If you want to know what its like to have someone understand you here it is for me.

New Living Translation Ecclesiastes 1:18
The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
You are such a great speaker and dynamic and winsome that it is so easy to see you and see your facade.  Not that it is all a facade, but a facade in that you KNOW life.  You are not swayed by life’s antics and you are not faked out by what the world has to offer or what the world is promoting at the moment.  But in that, you are (in my opinion) striving to reach something different.  And in that you find discontentment in the gap between your knowledge and your desires.  Being unwilling to settle leaves you as a constant sojourner.  I think your soul is weary.  Very weary.  How else could a soul so full of vitality not be able to come up with any dreams except that it is burdened beyond capacity by the dreams themselves.  You do have dreams.  You have many, but you can’t name them.  I think you can’t name them because they are buried under the rubble of your tiredness of trying to live life to the fullest.
For days I have wanted to have a thought they made sense to me about your current “state”.  I was focusing on the fact that you can’t name a dream, but this morning I heard a sermon on Psalm 23 and it hit me!  It is not that you can’t dream, it is that you are so weary.  The man who wants to bridge the gap between this dreadful world and the world that Jesus promises.  The man who stands strong for his family, gives his heart to others, speaks to share his story, donates of his time and resources, reads, studies, prays, works, searches for love, searches for a career, carries a financial burden, carries the wreckage of his divorce,  wants a better life for his kids, wants to be there for his sister, nephew, and mom, the man who would give of his last breath is completely breathless.
So what do weary people need?  They need rest and reprieve.  I looked up Psalm 23 in several translations until I found this…
The Living Bible
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength.
The Message Bible   True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
The Amplified Bible
2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self);
What if you forgot all the other promises of God and just meditated on this?  What if you let go of striving and just focused on breathing?  Maybe for a week?  It is hard to not feel the burden of your knowledge. I am not suggesting it is easy, but I feel you are drowning in such a way that you don’t even realize the depth of your breathlessness.
I don’t know the answer for you, but I want you to take in a deep breathe and just let go.  Stop reading and thinking and contemplating and striving and trying to reach others.  Just breathe…
This is my prayer for you until I get something new.  I love you too much to let you wither.  =)
That my friends is what a friend is. This took time and concern. You know who you are and for that I can’t thank you enough….. For those that care now you know where my mind is, now time to find that restful spot.





Day 694 God if your real you need to show up now

22 12 2014

I appreciate those people who go all out with Christmas Decoration. My babies, mom and nephew went through a Christmas Display in Arlington Texas Called Interlocken. It’s about 300 houses. It’s just beautiful and knowing its been going on for over 30 years is just stunning. I’m done wrapping, buying and thinking about Christmas. Its time to enjoy and make Thursday morning amazing.

I know many people who stopped believing in God because he didn’t answer their prayer. I know many others that made a choice that they will be in God when he only shows them miracles I for one doubted, challenged God, told him I hated him, and I  walked away from him. I knew what was best for me and I was going to show God. Its funny I didn’t know sH%t and I had plenty of nothing to show for it. God was there for me every time he never left me but I thought differently. I know three different occasions where I asked God to show up because I was tired of trying to believe him and knowing what “he” was doing wasn’t working. Each of these times I said God if your real I need you to show up now: 1st one was when my dad got into a coma the day he died. He had COPD and his lungs were filling up with fluid. If you have never heard the sound its one of the most horrible ways to hear someone die. I couldn’t stand it anymore and after 11 hrs I finally said God if your real please take him now. about 4 minutes later my dad stopped breathing and he went home. 2. I got into a horrible fight in the Northside of Fort Worth. One of my friends got jumped and the guys there all had knives daring someone to jump in. Well in all my infinite wisdom I did just that. When I jumped in many others did too. I asked God if he was real now would be a great time to show it. 8 people got stabbed nobody to bad but I got nothing except a broken knuckle, swollen  eye and my shirt had to be replaced. 3.  The day I moved out my house when I was getting divorced. I packed the final box I asked my friend Lew to give me a minute. I went inside looked around and cried. I told God I couldn’t do this by myself. I was so scared, I didn’t know how to be a daddy by myself, but if you are real I need you to show me now. Well here Ia flawed and all but god stepped up time and time again. When I didn’t ask he was there, when I asked he was there. I made some promises to God that if you will do this and that I will do fill in the _____________. He has and I am. God gives us opportunities everyday to bless someone else. People say God show up now. It may not be in a white rob, Charleton Heston voice, or some noble stead but it could be a 39-year-old man who reached Rock Bottom and has the most compassionate heart for others. It’s about being humble so the things I do very few know about. It’s not about the pat on the back, it’s about knowing that someone never has to feel the sense of hopelessness I did. I got the chance to help two people this week. Neither asked but I felt and knew. One person posted on FB a status and I knew exactly what they meant. Long story short I was able to send some money. It wasn’t a lot but it made a difference. I gave him the check and he said I asked God to please show me your still real and he showed up as you.  You see God is always where we need to be. We have to put down our pride, ego, anger, and sometimes just plain stupidity to see him. I will continue to teach that it’s about helping others. Sometimes just helping them see who they really are after years of being told otherwise. Sometimes its just listening, sometimes its just a check. We are the hands and feet of Jesus and no matter how you choose to see it sometimes you and I are how God shows up for others. So if your real and proclaim God is the foundation for your life its time for us to show up now.





Day 396 Maybe not on second marriage

10 02 2014

Its official I m ready for spring. The weather in Texas has been off its Zanex and were all sick. Somebody is sneezing, couching or wiping their nose every time you turn around! I almost bought one of those white Michael Jackson masks to protect myself! I wonder sometimes if Obamacare is to blame! That’s a joke if anyone cared to laugh! Im also watching the Olympics and I wish I knew how to snowboard but not sure when you weigh 250 lbs your meant to do it!

I would to preface this by saying  this is something that I hope doesn’t happen! My dad had a friend we called uncle and at 29 he got divorced and had two kids. The month before I graduated  he told me that he was never getting married again and that the pain that divorce caused him and his children just wasn’t worth it! Well in all my infinite wisdom at 18 I told him how stupid he was and that there is no way that would happen and the loneliness would catch up to him. Well  Uncle died at 72 and his longest relationship was 3 months between the ages of 29-72. I couldn’t imagine how that would have felt until now. I thought of it many times but I get it now.  That whole thing that time heals all wounds is crap! With Time the mind protecting its sanity covers it with scar tissue and it lessons and the pain  but it never disappears. Please don’t give me the crap that you’re not healed and you haven’t  dealt with it. I promise that Im better than 95% of the men in the world dealing with divorce because I dug myself into making myself better and learning and trying not to escape the pain. So if your over your divorce and you never think about and it never bothers you will congrats. I will let you borrow my Superbowl trophy and Grammy I won!

Here’s what I believe which makes me think today I may never be married again! I have a fear to learn to love someone else! Sure I could be in a hollow, go through the emotions relationship. I could find the women that is gorgeous, fake, can’t carry a conversation, doesn’t know how to laugh and judges everyone, but I’ll pass. Sure at times I crave so much to be touched and hold a  womens but then Im like nope that’s too much to do! I know Im a strange bird. I could just go have sex with random women and feel that temporary relief and that person cares about me and then move on but I will not do that. I played that game and hear this ladies: It does bother us men and we carry a burden but we are to macho to let you know it!

Im not blaming women this is my problem: I think if I ever came to love again I would be better at because I learned how bad I was at it the first time even though through society standards for 10 of the 14 years I was pretty good. I will never be the exception to the rule either no matter how hard I try or pretend. I have to stop seeing Jesus the way I do myself so then maybe I would let someone in. I have to ask Jesus to let me be the man he sees me for. Okay so I do that but I never want to walk around in a relationship again where these feelings were present: hurt, thinking she has never loved me, alone in a relationship, no loyalty and giving up at just the moment you need them.

God is not an enabler he gives you what you seek (see free will) and I can say this my picker of women was broken and as two of my friends tell me all the time( every girl you like is really hot, fake and bitchy) Then when they slap realty into my face Im like crap this train I have been on picking women is not good! Why can’t I change it! So we go with what is comfortable! No matter how bad it is for us! I have to change my type but also I can’t look for a women that’s like me. I don’t want to be rescued or have to rescue someone else.  Ive done that and I sank the boat.

So what do I do: First and foremost don’t lead another women on! I have to give someone a chance. I keep hearing when you find the right one! Well you actually have to give “her” a chance” for her to ever be the right one!  I have to know she will hurt me but hopefully its out of an accident and not intentional!  Want to be loved again not just say it! Finally pray and listen. I have to come to the end of myself so God can open the door! All these things apply to me and you as well! Otherwise I will be 72 and die alone!





Day 396 Maybe not on second marriage

10 02 2014

Its official I m ready for spring. The weather in Texas has been off its Zanex and were all sick. Somebody is sneezing, couching or wiping their nose every time you turn around! I almost bought one of those white Michael Jackson masks to protect myself! I wonder sometimes if Obamacare is to blame! That’s a joke if anyone cared to laugh! Im also watching the Olympics and I wish I knew how to snowboard but not sure when you weigh 250 lbs your meant to do it!

I would to preface this by saying  this is something that I hope doesn’t happen! My dad had a friend we called uncle and at 29 he got divorced and had two kids. The month before I graduated  he told me that he was never getting married again and that the pain that divorce caused him and his children just wasn’t worth it! Well in all my infinite wisdom at 18 I told him how stupid he was and that there is no way that would happen and the loneliness would catch up to him. Well  Uncle died at 72 and his longest relationship was 3 months between the ages of 29-72. I couldn’t imagine how that would have felt until now. I thought of it many times but I get it now.  That whole thing that time heals all wounds is crap! With Time the mind protecting its sanity covers it with scar tissue and it lessons and the pain  but it never disappears. Please don’t give me the crap that you’re not healed and you haven’t  dealt with it. I promise that Im better than 95% of the men in the world dealing with divorce because I dug myself into making myself better and learning and trying not to escape the pain. So if your over your divorce and you never think about and it never bothers you will congrats. I will let you borrow my Superbowl trophy and Grammy I won!

Here’s what I believe which makes me think today I may never be married again! I have a fear to learn to love someone else! Sure I could be in a hollow, go through the emotions relationship. I could find the women that is gorgeous, fake, can’t carry a conversation, doesn’t know how to laugh and judges everyone, but I’ll pass. Sure at times I crave so much to be touched and hold a  womens but then Im like nope that’s too much to do! I know Im a strange bird. I could just go have sex with random women and feel that temporary relief and that person cares about me and then move on but I will not do that. I played that game and hear this ladies: It does bother us men and we carry a burden but we are to macho to let you know it!

Im not blaming women this is my problem: I think if I ever came to love again I would be better at because I learned how bad I was at it the first time even though through society standards for 10 of the 14 years I was pretty good. I will never be the exception to the rule either no matter how hard I try or pretend. I have to stop seeing Jesus the way I do myself so then maybe I would let someone in. I have to ask Jesus to let me be the man he sees me for. Okay so I do that but I never want to walk around in a relationship again where these feelings were present: hurt, thinking she has never loved me, alone in a relationship, no loyalty and giving up at just the moment you need them.

God is not an enabler he gives you what you seek (see free will) and I can say this my picker of women was broken and as two of my friends tell me all the time( every girl you like is really hot, fake and bitchy) Then when they slap realty into my face Im like crap this train I have been on picking women is not good! Why can’t I change it! So we go with what is comfortable! No matter how bad it is for us! I have to change my type but also I can’t look for a women that’s like me. I don’t want to be rescued or have to rescue someone else.  Ive done that and I sank the boat.

So what do I do: First and foremost don’t lead another women on! I have to give someone a chance. I keep hearing when you find the right one! Well you actually have to give “her” a chance” for her to ever be the right one!  I have to know she will hurt me but hopefully its out of an accident and not intentional!  Want to be loved again not just say it! Finally pray and listen. I have to come to the end of myself so God can open the door! All these things apply to me and you as well! Otherwise I will be 72 and die alone!








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