Day 1516 Find your joy idiot

18 04 2017

Joy isn’t like happiness which is based upon happenings or whether things are going well or not. No, joy remains even amidst the suffering. Joy is not happiness. Joy is an emotion that’s acquired by the anticipation, acquisition or even the expectation of something great or wonderful. It could be described as exhilaration, delight, sheer gladness, and can result from a great success or a very beautiful or wonderful experience like a wedding or graduation but the definition of joy that the world holds is not what it should be.

I hear find your joy.  U really need to find your joy. Okay I’m an idiot I can’t find it. I thought happiness  was joy. Then I started reading what joy was. I came to the conclusion I don’t know anyone that’s joyful. I probably just pissed one of my friends off but based on the definition no. Now I know some of my friends parents who are but their at the stage that they don’t give a crap about the “important stuff”. They’ve been there done that and the t-shirt has already shrank. So I see these list 40 things to find joy.

Here are some of them: 1. Learn something new (play a new sport or game, learn how to cook a new dish). 2. Get out in nature. 3. Help someone in a small way (by carrying their groceries or paying their toll on the highway). 4.Count your blessings. 5. Spend time with your pet. 6 Laugh and smile, no matter how you’re feeling. 7.Sing out loud. 8.Connect authentically with friends and family, sharing your vulnerabilities. 9.Dance. If you can’t dance, just skip.

So I would agree with this list. I found myself being very happy in each of those but what about when Monday rolls around, or I’ve had a life event or I’m not doing one of those things. I think between 35-50 is the toughest part of being an adult. Life is complicated, hard to understand, kids are in their toughest stages. then we hit mid-life crisis.  So how do you find joy? I have no idea I’m still trying to know the difference between happiness and joy. I need to find what I like and do those things. In time joy comes from that? I think joy comes from the things that we don’t do because we think we don’t have the time, money, or dumping of fear to do so.

So something for us all to think about.  What is joy? Where do I find it? When I find it how do I keep it? More to the journey so here I go!

 





Day 784 Will you wear the ring please

20 03 2015

After 8 days away I get my babies back tonight. I can’t explain how much I missed them. I need their smile and wit Im losing my touch without them!!

So yes I will continue to blog. I got around 25 responses and all of them were heart-felt. I also met people who I had no idea that read. This one stood out the most to me Thank you Pat!: if you are inspired to continue to write this blog, I will continue to read it. You are touching more people than you realize. They may not respond or reach out to you but it always says things that need to be said. If they choose not to read it they can scroll past it or delete it. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul out on FaceBook, it takes a special Man to do that.  So here we are again and thank you!

One of pet peeves is people who are married and don’t wear their wedding rings. If you didn’t share weddings rings this doesn’t pertain to you so its okay. I know the rings are just symbolic but that’s exactly the point. On the day you were married and you slipped the ring on the person’s finger you made a promise to each other and God and that was a promise for forever. I hear all the excuses, she or he knows I love her, it was just symbolic, I don’t wear jewelry, they understand. My point is why did you even put the ring on your finger that day anyway. If it meant enough at that time to put on then it should stay on. I understand if you can’t because of work but as soon as you can put it back on your finger. It lets everybody else know your taken and that your proud of that fact.

When I’m out and about and I see an attractive woman that I might find the courage to talk to if she has a ring on I turn right around. She is taken and I respect and her marriage enough to stay away. I know that a ring doesn’t keep crappy human beings from approaching you because they are so much better than what you already have but at least its a deterrent. With or without your ring your married until you’re not but are you so attention starved and hate your spouse that you need to be approached so you would actually take your ring off. If you don’t want to wear your ring that’s your deal but you better start searching because without it on your mind goes places it shouldn’t. If your my friend and I catch you without your ring I wont say anything I’ll just point to your finger. It’s a sign of respect and love and if you can’t do the simple act of wearing your ring what else are you not doing.

I bring this up today and I know its dumb but I used my thumb today to check my ring finger and got paranoid today because my ring was gone. That was 2.7 years ago I was married and the only time I took it off was for my court divorce hearing and when the gavel was hit I dropped the ring in my pocket to symbolize it was over. I loved being married and what it meant to me. I wore my ring always except to workout, work with my hand or in the ocean.  You don’t have to wear your ring but remember why you put it on to begin with. Time to put the ring back because with this ring I thee Wed!





Day 731 Drunk enough to feel

28 01 2015

80 Degrees in Texas in January. Yep its the joys of being a Texan. Saturday we will need a coat but today sun tan lotion. The top of my head looks better with a tan anyway.

I don’t drink a lot anymore. I might drink twice a month. I’m pretty comfortable with who I am and don’t need to escape or have liquid courage to accomplish a night of fun but.. Saturday night was a different story. I went  to my aunts wedding reception and saw family I hadn’t seen in a while. I wasn’t going to go but my mom asked and I wanted to support my aunt. I kept looking at my watch  hoping the time would pass quicker but like all time it doesn’t pass when you want it to. I couldn’t stand the questions of when are you going to have a girlfriend, do you want to get remarried, just the long list of questions you get when you older and single.

I went and hung out with one of my buddies and had about a 45 minute drive there. I have demons and I kick their ass most days. The one demon that gets me the most is loneliness. AS I made the drive my mind wander over to the wrong lane and started feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to escape my mind for a bit but didn’t know what to do. I meet up with my buddy in this hole in the place. I enjoyed his company but my mind wouldn’t stop. Two drinks lead to 2 shots and you know how it goes. In my past i could get drunk enough not to feel anything which is where I was going I hoped. This time though I only got to the point I could feel things I didn’t want to. I felt my loneliness, my fear and my lack of faith in God in many things. I wanted for just a little while to get my mind to stop because I didn’t believe God could do it for me at that time.

I’m sure you’re wondering why is he telling us this! I’m not going to apologize  for being human but I am sorry for not following my own advice. People always say man you got it together. Sure if you want to believe that you can but Im just like you. I just have different convictions  than before so I can bounce back a little quicker. If you take your focus on God, isolate yourself and believe you can figure it all out you could be in a horrible place that you thought left a long time ago. I made it home but before I did I stopped on a pretty dark empty place on 35 in Ponder Texas got out of the car and screamed at the top of my lungs. Ironic thing its the same place when I was 20 years old I woke up so drunk I busted through the fence and had passed out. After screaming like I was in a Hollywood horror flick I need to remember that spot from almost 20 years earlier and thanked God for bringing me to where I was now. It’s funny how if you need a reminder God can always show you something you don’t want but need to see.

I write this for me to go back read and remember but for you too. You are okay and you’re not alone.You are not your past, the feelings you have do not justify you and if you fall of the horse get back up. Love you!





Day 731 Drunk enough to feel

27 01 2015

80 Degrees in Texas in January. Yep its the joys of being a Texan. Saturday we will need a coat but today sun tan lotion. The top of my head looks better with a tan anyway.

I don’t drink a lot anymore. I might drink twice a month. I’m pretty comfortable with who I am and don’t need to escape or have liquid courage to accomplish a night of fun but.. Saturday night was a different story. I went  to my aunts wedding reception and saw family I hadn’t seen in a while. I wasn’t going to go but my mom asked and I wanted to support my aunt. I kept looking at my watch  hoping the time would pass quicker but like all time it doesn’t pass when you want it to. I couldn’t stand the questions of when are you going to have a girlfriend, do you want to get remarried, just the long list of questions you get when you older and single.

I went and hung out with one of my buddies and had about a 45 minute drive there. I have demons and I kick their ass most days. The one demon that gets me the most is loneliness. AS I made the drive my mind wander over to the wrong lane and started feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to escape my mind for a bit but didn’t know what to do. I meet up with my buddy in this hole in the place. I enjoyed his company but my mind wouldn’t stop. Two drinks lead to 2 shots and you know how it goes. In my past i could get drunk enough not to feel anything which is where I was going I hoped. This time though I only got to the point I could feel things I didn’t want to. I felt my loneliness, my fear and my lack of faith in God in many things. I wanted for just a little while to get my mind to stop because I didn’t believe God could do it for me at that time.

I’m sure you’re wondering why is he telling us this! I’m not going to apologize  for being human but I am sorry for not following my own advice. People always say man you got it together. Sure if you want to believe that you can but Im just like you. I just have different convictions  than before so I can bounce back a little quicker. If you take your focus on God, isolate yourself and believe you can figure it all out you could be in a horrible place that you thought left a long time ago. I made it home but before I did I stopped on a pretty dark empty place on 35 in Ponder Texas got out of the car and screamed at the top of my lungs. Ironic thing its the same place when I was 20 years old I woke up so drunk I busted through the fence and had passed out. After screaming like I was in a Hollywood horror flick I need to remember that spot from almost 20 years earlier and thanked God for bringing me to where I was now. It’s funny how if you need a reminder God can always show you something you don’t want but need to see.

I write this for me to go back read and remember but for you too. You are okay and you’re not alone.You are not your past, the feelings you have do not justify you and if you fall of the horse get back up. Love you!








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