Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.
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Day 922 When you sleep in somebody elses bed

4 08 2015

A buddy yesterday texted me and said my wife and I want to know why your single you could have your pick of women. I said: over the years a few didn’t say yes and the other reason is me.  So I picked up the phone and got real. There’s so much about me that very few know. I like it that way because that is saved for the next Mrs. Wood but there are things that people need to know so they can see the outside of the puzzle. Today in counseling it was brought up again and we addressed it. I don’t trust! Most of you that read this blog know that already but it’s what people tell me all the time that drives me crazy. I hear (you that’s a lot of people in the world) tell people just forgive and forget. Forgiveness absolutely one of the most important aspects of a healthy life but stop telling people to forget. God not one time asked us to forget. He asked us to forgive.

My 3 three longest relationships in my life I was cheated on and bad in each one. I had no idea it was happening either. I was oblivious to it because never in my wildest dreams would I cheat on someone. After it happened I was so upset with everyone except me. Then I got into well you didn’t treat women right until you got married so its your punishment. I never understand why if you’re so unhappy tell that person and walk away because never will cheating be better than just being brutally honest. We all know that its stupid to believe that its better in today’s society to be honest. I mean how hard is it to look someone in the eye and say I don’t love you anymore but its easier to say I dropped my clothes on the floor and had sex with ABC.  I never heard the person respond OMG thank you for letting me know after the fact. So where am I going with this.

Love is a decision it is not or never will it be a feeling. Once the newness of a relationship wears off and the real hits you better have two things: You better have Jesus guiding and you better know without a shadow of a doubt that I will lay my life down for this person because I just said in my vows till death do us part. It didn’t say because I had a crappy Monday and he didn’t listen, or we haven’t had sex in two months, or I’m sick of being broke. No it said til death do u part. That’s one hell of a decision but I see a lot of people I know doing it.Oh and that grass is greener on the other is BS too. They still have pee and poop on their side but you forgot to look.

I know I have to trust again because if not I will be single! I will not forget what happened. How come people never say man you need to forget that really cool thing that happened to you? Why? That would be dumb. Same as telling people to forget something bad. It’s through the bad and unfortunate things in life that make us who we are today and with that I’m slowly turning over my heart to trust again and my eyes are opening.

There are some amazing people who are loyal. Not everyone is a cheater, sure capable but hasn’t yet and probably won’t. I don’t forget because it’s through not forgetting I will find what I deserve. Remember this that a cheater gets what comes to them, it’s just the way the world works. Its our job to be graceful , understanding and open with our thoughts to show a cheater that there is life on the other side. When that person sleeps in someone elses bed and it ripped your soul out don’t take it out on the next person. Start believing that people are still good, listen to what God says about us. He didn’t make us perfect but made us good.

Sorry for the little rant and my brain puking on you, but now you know.  So if someone asks why is Tyler still single send them to this blog. Save someone a phone call! Love ya





Day 660 This realization hit me like a brick today

17 11 2014

If you have friends that are single during the holidays reach out to them. This is a tough season on anybody but single people get alienated in society this time of year. I promise just do it please its needed.

Got a an email yesterday about a guy in my men’s group. Brad was trying to make a fire in his home – at some point poured gasoline on a smoldering log, and it flashed, catching him on fire.  He ran outside and pulled his shirt off, dropped and rolled, then ran back inside to put fire out in-house.  He is in Parkland with 2nd and 3rd degree burns from waste up. (His face didn’t look too bad in pic, mostly side of face and ears I think. I went to see him and I hate hospitals, nothing good happens there but I needed to go to let him know he was loved and not by himself. They were doing a skin peel when I got there which is something I hope to never see again. I talked to his wife and her mind was everywhere, she was handling so much and doing an amazing job. I just kind of watched him  sleep and said a few prayers. He eventually woke up and  he was doing rather well considering what he had gone through. He made a few points to his wife about things that needed to be done which she had already done them and then listed off a few more she already taken care of. Then my being uncomfortable and seeing someone I cared about being burned up got to me and I left. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

If something happened to me I’m alone and I have nobody to take care of me. Sure people would come by and do things but I’m talking about caring for my every need until I can again. I’m a stubborn ahole so I would try my best to not let people help me but there comes a time and place where somebody has to help. I watched my mom take care of my dads every need and I mean every need and want. She lived her vows like God asked us to so I’ve seen it and know what it’s about. I had a long walk to my  car and I thought i have never thought about it but I’m alone and I would just be sitting in a room waiting for a nurse to take care of me. The realization made me so sad. I wasn’t afraid of it but its something that you don’t want to think about, but could happen. I know there’s nothing I can do about it, well I guess I could but you know what I mean. I know that I was in love once and would have done anything for her. I hope this time I find someone who would do that for me because I would for them. Just knowing if it’s now or when were 80 to know that one person would do anything for you no matter what the circumstance stance is a very peaceful feeling. If you have that someone be thankful, it’s always easy to find all their faults but when you need them to live the vows there may not be anything more rewarding in life.





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

30 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1. We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage: I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance. A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

via Day 354 With this ring I thee wed.





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

30 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!

I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1.  We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.

Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage:  I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance.  A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!

If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

 





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

29 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!

I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1.  We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.

Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage:  I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance.  A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!

If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

 








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