Day 1523 Who are you when the door closes

26 04 2017

It was 76 degrees at 9:00 am this morning. At 12:00 it was 61 and now its 52 with a low of 45. Friday it will 90. I can’t change my underwear as fast at the weather changes in the beautiful state of Texas.  If you’ve never been to Texas make sure to get some BBQ and Mexican food it may give you gas but its worth it I promise!

I hate surprises when it comes to people. I would rather you be yourself from jump than pretend to be someone you’re not. I would never ask you to be like me and just put yourself out there from the get go. If you know me I’ll say just about anything, I volunteer information you probably didn’t want to know, I’ll let you know my faults, Ill tell a joke that might cause you to gasp, if the moment calls to cry with you I can and will, if you need me to defend you, I might lose my crap and get angry. I’ve been told and asked do you try to scare people away  before they get to know you? No I just want you to get to know me sooner than later. If you don’t like me you can move on and not waste time or say this is someone I want in my life forever. I want real! In any friendship or relationship there’s always a probationary period 1 month to 9 months. You kind of get a pass but we are who we are. What do you think is going to happen when people see the real you? I mean really think  about it if you become the bride or groom of chucky after 6 months do you think your relationship is going to flourish.

I have friends right now that long relationships are ending for the following, they were a drinker and hid it, one guy had kids that he never said anything about, another a porn addiction, one she sniffs markers when her kids go got school and passes out but gets up in enough time to still be mom and get the house ready. Another had an anger problem and she never knew he had until the first time she questioned him.  When you go home and close the door who knows that person.

Do you allow people to see the real you or do you put on a show? Do you exhaust yourself so much trying to prove you’re a great Christian, or mom, dad, friend but when you get home all hell breaks loose. The door closes behind you and your Halloween costume comes on. Being real is rare. I don’t have many friends, lots of people who claim to be friend but I have heard you are like nobody I’ve ever met. I always say thank you I wear that proudly. I tried to be a famous actor, and put my Halloween costume  on for people. It drove me to the point to try to take my life. I hope never again. I want you to like me but if you don’t its okay too. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I might be the best cup of tea you’ve had.

PS: Your closet door is open:)

 





Day 187 Pick these underwear

14 07 2013

A really great weekend. My daughter is having a blast in California which makes me feel better. My boy Gil is home from the Navy and we got to hang out last night at the Winstar Casino in Oklahoma . He won $1K on the $20 I gave him so I gave him the best birthday present. I also got to clean up my apartment a bit it amazing where dust can get. I also went underwear and workout shorts shopping yesterday. I’ve turned into the ultimate dork because it took me 20 minutes to pick the exact package of underwear I wanted. I’m the guy who wears his underwear until there holier than Swiss cheese. It’s a big choice I guess because I’m older and I wanted to feel more protected. It was so bad that the lady asked me sir do you need any help? I asked her which ones do you like and she gave me her opinion so finally I went with those and I can say they fill great and I look like a male underwear model kind of.

Cleaning yesterday I found pictures. yes those kind of pictures from the past with my marriage and past life.So what did I do I looked through them, smiled some, got a tad upset, teared up and finally sighed. I asked myself what do I do with them? I felt burn them, box them up, hide them, trash them. I felt juvenile for wanting to burn them. No matter what that’s my past good, bad or indifferent. I was remembering while going through each picture, where if I would have done this here, or change that there would there be more pictures for today, but the answer was no. So I got a box and decided that I will keep them and I’m sure one day I will open the box again and go through them with my kids. It was probably 100 pictures and 14 years of my life and I started to put the lid on the box and stopped. This was it (the past) is just that a lid on a box and I can take the lid off or leave it closed and one day whats in the box turns into a good thing. So lid on and 14 years sealed shut and just a little more peace about life and my direction.  No matter whats in our box the box is our past and nothing can change that. Tomorrow what goes into that box is shaped by letting go. Letting go of pain hurts. I know that doesn’t make sense but sometimes we are so riddled with pain that’s all we know so there is comfort in our pain. Freeing ourselves form that pain actually does feel great. Please listen tape the box shut and let it go!!!

 








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