Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.




Day 210 Why I do this

6 08 2013

I’m a dork and always take surveys. I usually win once a year well I got a package in the mail today and I won a Samsung galaxy tab 2 with cover and 50 dollar gift card. So now I’m cool and have a tablet. Okay I’m trying to become cool.

I started writing in WordPress this time 1 year ago and I get asked about once a week why do you do this. I always take a deep breath and sigh and tell that person I needed to be heard. I was so lost in the midst of getting a divorce and I thought I had something important to say. It never mattered if I thought I had something to say other people do that for you. I felt better letting go of all of my crap. I had a lot of it to and finally the truth set me free. The messages I get telling me thank you or I can’t believe you said that but thank you I thought okay this is pretty cool.  Honestly at that time it felt good that there were so many screwed up like me. So why are I am I writing now?

That was the question asked of me Friday. What are you getting out of it now. I sometimes sit and wonder why myself. I mean do people really give a crap about what I have to say. Sure sometimes it feeds my ego and I like to be heard, but I do it because I want to show the world that their are Godly, truthful, flawed men out there that can admit to there wrong. I write and readership sucks and other days its amazing. I’m all about results and when a lot of people don’t read I tell myself well you wasted your time. Then I remember I only need one person to hear this.  On Thursday I got this message from a lady in Portland Oregon ” I just wanted to say thank you! I went back and read all of your blog posts and your amazing! Please don’t stop writing I need to hear you. I hate when you don’t write everyday like you did in the beginning. PLEASE DON”T STOP” I really needed to hear that because I have thought about not writing anymore.

Like you I’m human and we always need some reassurance and that really helped. When I go back and read what I wrote about I think I have covered so much: Death, anger, hatred, suicide, parenthood, love, divorce, friendship, money, idols, God, travel, loneliness, dealing with your past, etc.. I have cried many times sitting in front of this computer, I have felt like my heart was going to burst with joy talking about kids. I have hoped many times that someone would reach through the computer and give me a hug because I needed one so bad.  I still feel like I’m on an island sometimes and I’m drowning. I want to be positive more when I write but most times people learn through th  hell rather than the heaven.  In the movie Cast away with Tom Hanks he was truly on an island and his only friend was a volleyball named Wilson. I could so relate to that and sometimes still do. When he lost Wilson he thought it was over and in a way his life was starting over when Wilson went away. Starting over which is what I have done is the hardest thing in the world to do, but its a clean slate and a blessing if looked at it this way.

With all of this rambling what I’m saying is that I understand the sh%t of life and I’m starting to see the good to. Please don’t think your by yourself in life, people do understand or they really want to.  We will all have our days feeling depressed or lonely, but pray, listen and know you can always write me and I will be willing to listen and hopefully offer some words of encouragement. I have learned to love truly love and would be honored to hear from you and walk your journey with you.





Day 154 Things you may not know about me

9 06 2013

I had a great weekend with my kids.  My daughter and I had an daddy/daughter date going to the mall and eating dinner together. We walk into the mall and she asked can I hold your hand. It’s good to know at 11 she still loves like that. We shopped for girls stuff and dad stuff to. Mostly we talked I enjoy because I can actually have an adult conversation with her about a lot of things. I never appreciated my time with her alone until I got divorced so another great thing from divorce.

Today my daughter with my mom to spend a few days and my son get to spend guy time. One of his favorite things to do is say butt-hole because he can’t at any other time. So I allow but only during guy time. We also rented a baseball game for the PS3 and ate breakfast burritos together. We played the game together high 5 and farted like men do. When he laid down he said dad you’re the best. My heart melted and then he gave me his Brayden hug. Their awesome!

I got lost in my marriage, from who I was, what I like, I wrote poems, wrote 2 songs and stopped. One of my favorite things to do is drive. I like to drive anywhere. Thats where I find myself and where i want to go.I have made the drive from here to Los Angeles   three times and many find it boring but I found it amazing. Im a big fan of stopping in places that most won’t. I enjoy the smell. the history, but mostly the people. I can talk to a wall if it will crack back at me. I enjoy people and their stories. It’s not a great way to pickup women to go to a hole in the wall but you sure can appreciate it. In a lot of my travel driving I stop at truck stops. Some are scary but the people are amazing and the stories are even better. All the stories aren’t true but amazing all the less. I remember one story after stopping at the same truck stop three times and was invited to the table to listen. I was asked why do you think I drive a truck. I said honestly because you like to be alone and couldn’t do anything else. ( Yes I judged) He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said son I lost my wife and two daughters in a car wreck and I only wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to live and couldn’t commit suicide so I did what lonely people do and drove a truck. He has a cat named some patches and that’s go enough for him. I like seeing the real people of the world those who just don’t give a F%^K. They live life the way I can’t but for a few hrs I get to play that way. I like to watch those same people get high and wonder where they go because I have never been.

I love Southern California. It’s the only place in my life I have ever felt at peace. I like the weather, the laid back attitude and yes the women. I would move there  in a heart beat but wouldn’t ever give up my kids.

I like weird beer, I like music you don’t like. I like people with the sparkle in their eye. You may have no idea what I’m talking about sparkle but once you see it you will know. I like picking up pennies on the ground and aluminum cans.

I like to kiss (only women) it’s the most intimate  act two people can do and I’m really good at it.I like hugging people like they have never been hugged before. I like to change the stereotype that people have about me when they see me.I like the cut cactus apart and suck the water out them. I like the smell of fresh-cut grass but not when its wet because that reminds me of two a days.

I like to go to a place where nobody knows me and make friends with a total stranger. I like bagpipes, I love pretty feet, I like horses races, I like to people watch and see people smile. I like to watch an equalizer on a stereo to see when the voices get excited and when they get low. I like to stare at people and get caught then wink. It makes them think your weird which I am but I like to get a rise out of people. Maybe one day it will get me a date.

I have more but Im saving some of them for that someone special.

 








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