Day 843 What we have here is a failure to communicate

19 05 2015

Once again I made myself so tired from the weekend that I feel asleep with a book in my hand last night. That crap of learning by osmosis isn’t working either. At least I look smart falling asleep.  I’m also pretty lucky because my family got to hear my testimony this weekend. Rock Bottom Outreach spoke at a church in Azle and everything just fell into place for them to be there. AS excited as I was I had no idea how they would respond. They cried and I know they understand me just a tad bit more. Needless to say Big Jesus showed up!

Sometimes I can be the greatest communicator on earth and other times not so much. I heard a speaker once say that once you stop asking questions, asking why, and assuming that you have started your trek to failure. I failed in my marriage because I thought I knew everything I needed to about her and our life and it started to show I didn’t care. I stopped asking. Assumption is poison. Why? How many times did you get mad at someone who didn’t ask you about something and you got mad. When you asked them why and they said I just thought I knew. I instill in my kids never assume because you will always be wrong. Why not ask and just save the pain?

Why because it hurts to hear the truth. It might be uncomfortable but if you can’t or don’t conflict arises and nobody likes conflict. Well mostly nobody! I have learned this more in the dating world. If you have a failure to communicate or won’t communicate I’m not the guy for you. I learned with hiding my junk it caused ripples which turned into waves. You don’t have to communicate and that’s okay but not for me. When I got real with God I got to see the true me but came to expect to see that in everybody else. It doesn’t happen that way. I want to see any and everything about you. Yes even that. I know your thinking he’s going to judge me. I try so hard not to judge but guess we all judge. No matter how hard we try. My first judging turns into appreciation that you shared. There is not a better compliment that I opened up to you because I feel I could talk to you about anything.

This blog may seem pointless and not very deep and I’m sorry it’s not more  but I think it has so much here in the few words I typed. If your hearing the great Cool Hand Luke in the back of your mind tell you “what we have here is a failure to communicate” then you have failure and its time to open that mouth and ask.

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Day 843 What we have here is a failure to communicate

18 05 2015

Once again I made myself so tired from the weekend that I feel asleep with a book in my hand last night. That crap of learning by osmosis isn’t working either. At least I look smart falling asleep.  I’m also pretty lucky because my family got to hear my testimony this weekend. Rock Bottom Outreach spoke at a church in Azle and everything just fell into place for them to be there. AS excited as I was I had no idea how they would respond. They cried and I know they understand me just a tad bit more. Needless to say Big Jesus showed up!

Sometimes I can be the greatest communicator on earth and other times not so much. I heard a speaker once say that once you stop asking questions, asking why, and assuming that you have started your trek to failure. I failed in my marriage because I thought I knew everything I needed to about her and our life and it started to show I didn’t care. I stopped asking. Assumption is poison. Why? How many times did you get mad at someone who didn’t ask you about something and you got mad. When you asked them why and they said I just thought I knew. I instill in my kids never assume because you will always be wrong. Why not ask and just save the pain?

Why because it hurts to hear the truth. It might be uncomfortable but if you can’t or don’t conflict arises and nobody likes conflict. Well mostly nobody! I have learned this more in the dating world. If you have a failure to communicate or won’t communicate I’m not the guy for you. I learned with hiding my junk it caused ripples which turned into waves. You don’t have to communicate and that’s okay but not for me. When I got real with God I got to see the true me but came to expect to see that in everybody else. It doesn’t happen that way. I want to see any and everything about you. Yes even that. I know your thinking he’s going to judge me. I try so hard not to judge but guess we all judge. No matter how hard we try. My first judging turns into appreciation that you shared. There is not a better compliment that I opened up to you because I feel I could talk to you about anything.

This blog may seem pointless and not very deep and I’m sorry it’s not more  but I think it has so much here in the few words I typed. If your hearing the great Cool Hand Luke in the back of your mind tell you “what we have here is a failure to communicate” then you have failure and its time to open that mouth and ask.

 

 





Day 824 This is what its like when someone understands you

29 04 2015

Howdy yall! I just wanted to sound like a Texan for a minute. The sun is shining and almost every lake around us is full of water which hasn’t been that way for 5 years. They are lifting water restrictions so most people are ready for the heat. I am, except the top of my head which is ready to burn and smell liked cooked bacon. Stayed tuned for further burning head debates.

I have some of the best friends,. They’re real and everyone is different but everyone  is needed to make my life where it is today. This person has been my friend for 25 years now. We took  a different path to become friends but have been able to talk about any and everything even with a 10 years of not talking much.

I don’t know anybody that wouldn’t want someone who at least trys to understand them. Sometimes they get you and sometimes even if they don’t they try really hard well this person below is that person for me. I’ve been searching for 7 weeks for the words to explain to the people who love me and you my blog reader where I am at. I saw this person Saturday spent about two hours talking and I received this last night. All I could say is wow and I teared up because they hit it on the head and said everything I couldn’t. If you want to know what its like to have someone understand you here it is for me.

New Living Translation Ecclesiastes 1:18
The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
You are such a great speaker and dynamic and winsome that it is so easy to see you and see your facade.  Not that it is all a facade, but a facade in that you KNOW life.  You are not swayed by life’s antics and you are not faked out by what the world has to offer or what the world is promoting at the moment.  But in that, you are (in my opinion) striving to reach something different.  And in that you find discontentment in the gap between your knowledge and your desires.  Being unwilling to settle leaves you as a constant sojourner.  I think your soul is weary.  Very weary.  How else could a soul so full of vitality not be able to come up with any dreams except that it is burdened beyond capacity by the dreams themselves.  You do have dreams.  You have many, but you can’t name them.  I think you can’t name them because they are buried under the rubble of your tiredness of trying to live life to the fullest.
For days I have wanted to have a thought they made sense to me about your current “state”.  I was focusing on the fact that you can’t name a dream, but this morning I heard a sermon on Psalm 23 and it hit me!  It is not that you can’t dream, it is that you are so weary.  The man who wants to bridge the gap between this dreadful world and the world that Jesus promises.  The man who stands strong for his family, gives his heart to others, speaks to share his story, donates of his time and resources, reads, studies, prays, works, searches for love, searches for a career, carries a financial burden, carries the wreckage of his divorce,  wants a better life for his kids, wants to be there for his sister, nephew, and mom, the man who would give of his last breath is completely breathless.
So what do weary people need?  They need rest and reprieve.  I looked up Psalm 23 in several translations until I found this…
The Living Bible
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength.
The Message Bible   True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
The Amplified Bible
2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self);
What if you forgot all the other promises of God and just meditated on this?  What if you let go of striving and just focused on breathing?  Maybe for a week?  It is hard to not feel the burden of your knowledge. I am not suggesting it is easy, but I feel you are drowning in such a way that you don’t even realize the depth of your breathlessness.
I don’t know the answer for you, but I want you to take in a deep breathe and just let go.  Stop reading and thinking and contemplating and striving and trying to reach others.  Just breathe…
This is my prayer for you until I get something new.  I love you too much to let you wither.  =)
That my friends is what a friend is. This took time and concern. You know who you are and for that I can’t thank you enough….. For those that care now you know where my mind is, now time to find that restful spot.

 

 





Day 604 Have sex already man

22 09 2014

One of my most interesting weekends in a long time. I had a great time and even took a nap today. If you know me that’s a rarity. Friday night football in Texas is something you have to attend. It’s really remarkable how a whole town can be there. We went to speak and pray for two different teams on Friday. One in Bryson  Texas. 6 man football. It’s a town of about 500 people.  My friend Rick and I  get there and saw kids petting an animal. I said that’s a funny looking dog but when the kids stepped back it was a baby deer. The kids explained that  The mother deer had died,  the kids at the school started feeding it and taking care of the deer. It’s the most friendly animal ever. I leaned down to get a pic and it kissed me. Only in small town Texas on a Friday night do I get tongue kissed by a deer.

Tyler deer

Those who know me and read this blog for a while know Im trying really hard to be a man who is patterning himself to be like Jesus. I fail so often, my mouth is like  a sailor, Im inappropriate with jokes, I still get pretty angry sometimes, but the one thing I can say is when it comes to sex I have done a damn good job in following what I should. I love sex and always have and I have hurt a lot of women with my selfish desires in my lifetime. I have created soul-ties and scars on women that I never should have. Sure they were responsible too but I’m a man and my job is to lead and show a woman how she should be treated not treat her like every other man has. Since August of 2011 I ve had sex 3 times. That’s 3 to many too. One of them was more of I want to do it and get it over with. the other two were because I was dating and did it. It’s not that they weren’t enjoyable just wrong. Last time was last November and yes Im dying and I want it like any other man but I know if I do that I can’t defend women from me. That I putting my desires above whats best for them. Im not looking for a Jesus Christ trophy or way to go but Im trying to show others and myself that if you have sex with someone you don’t care about its a killer even at my age.

Yesterday I saw a friend of mine and he told, so proud of you and your journey and how your helping others etc.. After about 5 minutes he said I know you’re not dating anyone but are you scoring. (I know ladies we are pigs and you don’t want to know what we say about you when your not around!)I said no you know I trying not to. It said whats wrong with you, we as men need it, it feels good, it would calm you down too. He grabs my shoulder and said just have sex man nobody is going to think less of you. I told him maybe but I will and that’s too much to bear. I explained to him that we all want to be loved and have people think that we are the best thing under the sun. One of the only ways we truly show it is through sex. If I knowingly have sex with someone I don’t care about but just need to get my rocks off then that makes me a pretty shitty man. I said have you ever sat down in front a woman and asked her for forgiveness for taking something (sex) that ddidn’tbelong to you? If you have never watched a woman cry big tears because 1. a man has never  apologized for having sex with her when I didn’t care 2. I left a wound on her that she carried 20 years later. I said I have and Im trying not to do that again one because I don’t want to have another woman cry over me in that way, but I have a daughter and she deserves better to. I have to be an example starting now. He said I don’t understand but i want to. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done and many times I want to pick up the phone, call, drive over and be done. The feelings that come with that are indescribable. Not saying I wont fail and do it maybe even tomorrow but Im trying to be what Jesus asked.

So Im not better than any man that’s not trying it Im just trying to be the example that I had never  had been before. It’s hard to get up and tell young men and grown man how to overcome when you’re not doing different. I also know that If I can fight my desires that when I fall in love again it will be love and not lust. I failed in the lust war so its time to try love.





Day 604 Have sex already man

21 09 2014

One of my most interesting weekends in a long time. I had a great time and even took a nap today. If you know me that’s a rarity. Friday night football in Texas is something you have to attend. It’s really remarkable how a whole town can be there. We went to speak and pray for two different teams on Friday. One in Bryson  Texas. 6 man football. It’s a town of about 500 people.  My friend Rick and I  get there and saw kids petting an animal. I said that’s a funny looking dog but when the kids stepped back it was a baby deer. The kids explained that  The mother deer had died,  the kids at the school started feeding it and taking care of the deer. It’s the most friendly animal ever. I leaned down to get a pic and it kissed me. Only in small town Texas on a Friday night do I get tongue kissed by a deer.

Tyler deer

 

Those who know me and read this blog for a while know Im trying really hard to be a man who is patterning himself to be like Jesus. I fail so often, my mouth is like  a sailor, Im inappropriate with jokes, I still get pretty angry sometimes, but the one thing I can say is when it comes to sex I have done a damn good job in following what I should. I love sex and always have and I have hurt a lot of women with my selfish desires in my lifetime. I have created soul-ties and scars on women that I never should have. Sure they were responsible too but I’m a man and my job is to lead and show a woman how she should be treated not treat her like every other man has. Since August of 2011 I ve had sex 3 times. That’s 3 to many too. One of them was more of I want to do it and get it over with. the other two were because I was dating and did it. It’s not that they weren’t enjoyable just wrong. Last time was last November and yes Im dying and I want it like any other man but I know if I do that I can’t defend women from me. That I putting my desires above whats best for them. Im not looking for a Jesus Christ trophy or way to go but Im trying to show others and myself that if you have sex with someone you don’t care about its a killer even at my age.

Yesterday I saw a friend of mine and he told, so proud of you and your journey and how your helping others etc.. After about 5 minutes he said I know you’re not dating anyone but are you scoring. (I know ladies we are pigs and you don’t want to know what we say about you when your not around!)I said no you know I trying not to. It said whats wrong with you, we as men need it, it feels good, it would calm you down too. He grabs my shoulder and said just have sex man nobody is going to think less of you. I told him maybe but I will and that’s too much to bear. I explained to him that we all want to be loved and have people think that we are the best thing under the sun. One of the only ways we truly show it is through sex. If I knowingly have sex with someone I don’t care about but just need to get my rocks off then that makes me a pretty shitty man. I said have you ever sat down in front a woman and asked her for forgiveness for taking something (sex) that didn’t belong to you? If you have never watched a woman cry big tears because 1. a man has never  apologized for having sex with her when I didn’t care 2. I left a wound on her that she carried 20 years later. I said I have and Im trying not to do that again one because I don’t want to have another woman cry over me in that way, but I have a daughter and she deserves better to. I have to be an example starting now. He said I don’t understand but i want to. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done and many times I want to pick up the phone, call, drive over and be done. The feelings that come with that are indescribable. Not saying I wont fail and do it maybe even tomorrow but Im trying to be what Jesus asked.

So Im not better than any man that’s not trying it Im just trying to be the example that I had never  had been before. It’s hard to get up and tell young men and grown man how to overcome when you’re not doing different. I also know that If I can fight my desires that when I fall in love again it will be love and not lust. I failed in the lust war so its time to try love.








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