Day 54 What if

15 10 2012

I had an amazing weekend. The kids and I went to the State Fair on Friday. Which is the best grease fest in Texas. I had fried oreos which is the worst thing we had to eat. We enjoyed the car and show and I think we got to pet every animal at the fair. Also saw a 1000 lb pig with the biggest testicles I have ever seen in my life. I have no idea why I was looking and I m sorry I even mentioned that. We had soccer and a lot of time together. Last night my mom kept my kids I first went and had mens  group night and about 15 of us celebrated my birthday. It was a really cool evening. I have a new great group of friends. Now if they can just push me to do what I asked them last night we will be that much better off. To Nathan and Chelsea thank you for a great night after everybody else went country dancing.

Today we went Halloween shopping. starting over with buying holiday  decorations kind of sucks but we had fun. Then we came home and hung them all. it almost looks like a home  so yea me/

Also I have a new fascination is women with tattoos I liked a FB page about tattoos.  Man the women are beautiful. I am sure their judged and stereotyped but I learn not to do that you’ll miss out on some awesome people. The tattoo page

What if you could change one thing about your life. I mean just one where you can go back and say if I do this my life would be different in this manner. I m not saying regret I said what would you change. This is something I was asked again this weekend. God gave us free will so we could have had a different out come in life if we changed a 2 second decision.  It doesn’t mean we would have a better life just different. I always here well this is the life we were supposed to have. Not necessarily with free will we changed our lives. Example: I was going to leave the bar 10 minutes before my ex (Amy) arrived there. I was heading home to get some sleep but I decided to stay and finish my drink. What if I would have left where would I be today. I m not saying I would change it just making an example.

My what if would be what if I wouldn’t have answered the phone on August 12 1992. I was ready to take my life that day. I being a teenager thought their was no way out of my personal hell. I wanted this girl to call me forever and I left message s and to no avail she never did. (She was on vacation with her family). I really liked her and I thought she liked me but she didn’t return my calls so I thought again I was ugly and had nothing to offer along with  the other problems I had (read previous blogs). I literally had put the note under my pillow and walked out the door and got in my truck. I had it all planned out. Then my sister comes out side and said the magic words.  Christi is on the phone. I looked at my sister and said Christi the one I wanted to talk to forever. My sis said yes idiot. I started crying and looked up and said I guess I m worth something. I actually told me sister I would call her back and I left. I drove to my place that I got away and sat for at least an hour out thinking about nothing. I then drove to Christi’s house and she answered the door and I hugged her I’m sure she thought the breath was going to leave her and that I was an idiot. I told her one day I would explain and please go on a date with me. She said yes and we had three dates. I did my standard push her away but that’s another blog. So my what if I would have left 30 seconds sooner. I would be dead today. 30 seconds and there are a lot of people’s lives different today.

Love ya pass this along.

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