Day 1777 Arrest that man

24 01 2018

Hello readers and friends. Hope 2018 has been better than expected and you haven’t had the flu. Most people I know have had the flu or stomach virus run through their home. Wash your hands and wash little kids. When they come home just dip them in soap and water please lol.

In all of my fun times in my youth I was never arrested I’m not saying I shouldn’t have been at least once or 12 times but I was lucky. Many of my friends were  arrested and at the times would have said they were innocent and didn’t do anything. With age most know why and understand why it was necessary.

If we could arrest that part of us that needs to be locked up and thrown away or would we make excuses and justify. Let me explain If you knew the fear holding you back but because it been with you your whole life would you make excuses to hold it. Would you listen to those around who couldn’t do whatever it is talk you out of it or say its my life I have to do this with or without your support. Or do you just put your hands behind your back, duck your head and get into the cop car.

Would you arrest the part of you that picks the same person, different name in a relationship because at the beginning it feels right but you know whats coming. Or that type person which is out your league (that’s a lie, there is no league) you finally talk to them. You accept, I will be loved, I will have someone who does something for me, that doesn’t quit, and truly sees me and loves that part of me. Or do you handcuff yourself again and go sit in the cop car waiting to go sit in the same damn jail cell that has held you since you were 18.

What about the jail in your head that you deserve better, your smart and have a great idea that you know will work and now you look back and you’ve been at the job you hate 10 years with your imagination and creativity dying because you need the paycheck. A paycheck that has made you miserable and a life left unfilled. So you take your paycheck stub and use it to handcuff yourself and now you’re sitting in the jail sail with nothing but others like you.

You can’t smoke, drink, complain, drug, hope away your arrest. When your arrested you’re sitting in the cell by yourself. Its nobody’s fault except yours. We have the key but what if it works, what if I can get out of this arrest and be free. The only way we will know is stop getting handcuffed. You have been arrested your whole life its time to clean your record. Love you!!

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Day 611 I have a pretty kick butt life

29 09 2014

There have been a lot of changes in life lately. Sometimes I want to blog about them and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Also there are actually things in my life I don’t talk about because its nobody’s business.  I have been told the past two weeks that my blogs have been  really good. I guess the others have sucked lol. When I speak from my heart no matter, how raw or hurtful, or deep they may go those are my best blogs. I appreciate you reading and also when I see you out in public and I had no idea you read them but you let me know.

I always get suggestions about my blog. Write about this or that. I use a lot of them and Im using one I got Friday. My friend said you never write about being happy. I know you and you’re a really happy person. It’s not that I don’t because if you follow my blog where I am at today in my life I think my blogs come across more like than I am happy than not.  I write my blog to help me but to also helps those that feel a certain way or feel in the future. I have been through hell and back and where  am at now is pretty good. So with the advice here I go.

I have the best intermediate family any man could ask for. My kids are so amazing they have overcome everything we threw at them and are still standing tall.. My mother is the best mom even with Parkinson’s you would n’t know, she has never let me down and I always can count on her.  I love her so much and Im still her little boy. My sister is a badasss. She loves and is an amazing giver. My nephew is the smartest and most athletic kid. Im a grinder, Im an over-comer. I have shed more bad crap in my life in the past 2.5 years than most will do in a lifetime. I see things that most people  cant or wont. Im vulnerable, raw open, loving, I will give the shirt off my back. Those things are new but so happy that I can finally be that way. I have the best friends in the world. They are all different in their friendship with me but bring something amazing to the to the table. I have 3 very good friends that I guess would be called secret friends because of life circumstances but they have been my rock and carried me through some tough times. I wish I could mention them but they are okay just be there for me and vice versa. I have finally found my calling in that I have Rock Bottom Outreach which is my new family. I was accepted with open arms and now we have a bond and connection that we using to change lives. This has allowed me to speak to different groups of men, women and high school kids. Since I layout it all on the line my story is helping people change themselves.

I get to blog and have tons of readers and support, Sure I have haters but haters are just people waiting to let go of themselves so they can gone my team to help others. Im learning to love again. Its so slow and somedays painful but Im taking steps. If my journey is 100 steps Im on step three. I was on step one for 36 years so that a good thing. Sure I could give a list of problems but Im choosing to live my life moving forward and not backward. That is making me happy. If you talk to me everyday you know my struggles but you also know Im great to be around and Im funny. I love-making others laugh and that makes me happy. I weigh less and look better than any other point in my life. I weigh what I did in 8th grade. So with that. Im happy and lucky to be where I am at. My life is pretty kick butt and where I struggle Im fighting it and trying to make it better. Im bring in the good and getting rid of the bad. I couldn’t ask for much more but I do, but its to do better for others When I decided that my life will be lived for others my live became pretty kick butt. I appreciate the journey and truly thankful for the pain, anguish, the lost people , the lost life I had so I could be here.  Im kicking butt and only have more planned.





Day 611 I have a pretty kick butt life

28 09 2014

There have been a lot of changes in life lately. Sometimes I want to blog about them and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Also there are actually things in my life I don’t talk about because its nobody’s business.  I have been told the past two weeks that my blogs have been  really good. I guess the others have sucked lol. When I speak from my heart no matter, how raw or hurtful, or deep they may go those are my best blogs. I appreciate you reading and also when I see you out in public and I had no idea you read them but you let me know.

I always get suggestions about my blog. Write about this or that. I use a lot of them and Im using one I got Friday. My friend said you never write about being happy. I know you and you’re a really happy person. It’s not that I don’t because if you follow my blog where I am at today in my life I think my blogs come across more like than I am happy than not.  I write my blog to help me but to also helps those that feel a certain way or feel in the future. I have been through hell and back and where  am at now is pretty good. So with the advice here I go.

I have the best intermediate family any man could ask for. My kids are so amazing they have overcome everything we threw at them and are still standing tall.. My mother is the best mom even with Parkinson’s you would n’t know, she has never let me down and I always can count on her.  I love her so much and Im still her little boy. My sister is a badasss. She loves and is an amazing giver. My nephew is the smartest and most athletic kid. Im a grinder, Im an over-comer. I have shed more bad crap in my life in the past 2.5 years than most will do in a lifetime. I see things that most people  cant or wont. Im vulnerable, raw open, loving, I will give the shirt off my back. Those things are new but so happy that I can finally be that way. I have the best friends in the world. They are all different in their friendship with me but bring something amazing to the to the table. I have 3 very good friends that I guess would be called secret friends because of life circumstances but they have been my rock and carried me through some tough times. I wish I could mention them but they are okay just be there for me and vice versa. I have finally found my calling in that I have Rock Bottom Outreach which is my new family. I was accepted with open arms and now we have a bond and connection that we using to change lives. This has allowed me to speak to different groups of men, women and high school kids. Since I layout it all on the line my story is helping people change themselves.

I get to blog and have tons of readers and support, Sure I have haters but haters are just people waiting to let go of themselves so they can gone my team to help others. Im learning to love again. Its so slow and somedays painful but Im taking steps. If my journey is 100 steps Im on step three. I was on step one for 36 years so that a good thing. Sure I could give a list of problems but Im choosing to live my life moving forward and not backward. That is making me happy. If you talk to me everyday you know my struggles but you also know Im great to be around and Im funny. I love-making others laugh and that makes me happy. I weigh less and look better than any other point in my life. I weigh what I did in 8th grade. So with that. Im happy and lucky to be where I am at. My life is pretty kick butt and where I struggle Im fighting it and trying to make it better. Im bring in the good and getting rid of the bad. I couldn’t ask for much more but I do, but its to do better for others When I decided that my life will be lived for others my live became pretty kick butt. I appreciate the journey and truly thankful for the pain, anguish, the lost people , the lost life I had so I could be here.  Im kicking butt and only have more planned.

 





Day 50 Love is Not Enough… The Making of a Relationship

19 02 2013

This was a great article. Just something to think about.

This article:by Bill Malone, MSW, LISW

“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new…, all the time, made new…”
Amy E. Dean

We think that the hardest thing in a relationship is finding the right person. After that, we fall in love and live happily ever after, right? Those in a relationship know all too well that fairy tales are only true in the movies. The truth of the matter is that having and maintaining a relationship is not easy. The rate of divorce tells us that love is not enough; other factors are needed to keep a relationship going.

As a therapist, I am privileged to work with many couples who come for help with their relationship problems. Looking back, it would be safe to say that the major problem that brings a couple in for counseling is because one or both of the parties are at their wits end and are seriously wanting out of the relationship unless some major change occurs. In working with couples, I don’t see that any one is at fault. Rather, the problems are usually caused by faulty interactions that have gone on for so long that the root cause for the problems are unknown to the couple. It is interesting to note that women tend to call for assistance more frequently than men do, but I believe this has to do with the fact that males have been socialized to be tough and handle all problems. Women on the other hand are reared to ask for assistance. Men need to learn to ask for help.

Communication problems are a major source for relationship problems. People in most cases just do not know how to talk to each other. Usually, the couple has spent years arguing, fighting or even avoiding problems, but the inevitable occurs, someone reaches the end of their rope. Loss of trust, confusion over whether we still love each other, fights all the time and the inability to agree on anything are some of the cues to recognize that a relationship is having serious communication problems. Many times a child’s misbehavior and conduct problems at home or school are directly related to a couple’s inability to communicate.

The goal of the counseling process is to teach the couple specific skills that are essential in keeping a relationship alive and growing. Many times the couples that I have seen had a deficit in one or more of the essential ingredients needed to cook up a great relationship. I don’t want to mislead anyone, love is important to a relationship. It is the catalyst that gets the whole thing going, but the following are ingredients that keep the love alive and the relationship healthy.

TWO MATURE INDIVIDUALS

A mature individual is defind as a person who has a sense of self. He/she is able to recognize that both members in the relationship are different. They are able to see that each has a different heritage, a different way of thinking, feeling and possibly different beliefs. The mature person is able to recognize the I, Me and the Us in the relationship. With all the differences in personalities, thoughts and feelings, it’s a wonder that we got together in the first place.

Without the element of maturity, a couple can get all messed up just because they lose themselves in a relationship. They can become jealous, dependent, resentful and distant. All of which can erode the reason the couple became a couple in the first place.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS

The ability to tell each other thoughts, feelings and wants is so important to a relationship. Good, open, and honest communication is like oil to a car. Without oil in the car, internal parts will burn up and the car will be ready for the scrap pile. Communication is important!

There are no mind readers. For a relationship to grow and prosper, likes, dislikes, desires, hopes, dreams and problems need to be said. If a couple’s communication is restricted, the relationship is destined for major problems down the road. We take cars for oil changes to keep them going strong, why not seek a professional’s assistance to change our communication patterns in order to keep the relationship in tip top shape just like our automobiles?

THE ABILITY TO CHANGE

Relationships are not static. They are ever changing. If they become static for too long, they can become extinct like the dinosaurs. Relationships go through a life cycle: the honeymoon, with children, mid-life crisis, the empty nest and the reacquainting period and then death of a spouse and the end of the relationship. All of these stages require change, learning and exploration of new territory. If one or both members in the relationship becomes rigid and resistant to needed changes the relationship could end in divorce. In my opinion, one of the major reasons that couples end in divorce is because they were unable to change to meet the new needs and demands of the relationship. One or both were unable or unwilling to make the needed changes to keep the relationship growing; as a result, the relationship died. Change we must, it is part of the human condition. If it was not, we would all still be infants in diapers.

ABILITY TO COMPROMISE

The ability to compromise refers to an individual’s willingness and proficiency at finding the middle ground. Being able to compromise is a sign of maturity. It is also needed in any relationship. If one person always gets his/her way, the other person is bound to feel dominated, and resentful. These negative feelings can rip the heart right out of any relationship. Finding the happy middle can provide the best of both worlds… giving and receiving. Sharing the last dish of ice cream with a friend is always better than eating it all alone, isn’t it?

A WILLINGNESS TO WORK TOGETHER

A relationship is like a business partnership; it has common goals, assets and liabilities. Like in a business, if members don’t work together, the business will become ineffective and possibly not exist for too long. The ability to work together means recognizing each person’s strengths and helping them come out at the same time recognizing each member’s weaknesses and learning to turn weaknesses into assets. Two heads are better than one and if couples follow this rule, they will see that the deep depressing valleys that lie ahead may be nothing more than pot holes once they approach them.

KNOWING WHEN TO BACK OFF

Every one needs room to breath, room to sort out their own thoughts, feelings and problems. If someone is always hanging on you, there is a tendency to want to push them off to reduce the burden of carrying them all the time. Providing individual spaces gives any individual the ability to see things more clearly.

SUPPORT AND TRUST

One of the benefits of a relationship is that we will have someone in our corner to support us and to affirm our existence. This support adds to the trust that is needed in any relationship. Without mutual support, a trusting relationship will not develop. Each member must have its emotional needs met in order to continue to invest in the relationship. The continued support and the being there for the other person emotionally is the way in which trust is developed. If a trusting relationship is cultivated and maintained, the ability to try new adventures and take new risks are enhanced. A supportive trusting relationship outside of the bedroom always increases the activity in the bedroom.

LOVE, HUGS, KISSES AND LOVEMAKING

The open expression of feeling in any relationship is vital to the continued growth of the relationship. Lovemaking should not be overlooked in a relationship, but it need not be the only ingredient that exists in a relationship either. Lovemaking is the icing on the cake and it gets there by mixing all of the above mentioned ingredients.

Good lovemaking starts outside of the bedroom. If you want to increase the frequency and intensity of your lovemaking, try to increase the frequency and intensity of your communication, willingness to work as a team, sharing of self, being kind and supportive, give space and freedom to explore individual interests. All of these ingredients will add to the makings of a fine, wonderfully iced cake.








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