Day 822 Just go ahead and quit

27 04 2015

What do you do with a sick boat? You take it to the doc!! Okay I laughed but you don’t have to. A busy weekend seems to always find me but I m not good at sitting still so good for me. We at Rock Bottom Outreach had a photo shoot Sunday that was fun. Most photo shoots aren’t but being around people you share a common bond with  and knowing we will do with our marketing material is very exciting. We were told to look serious and smiling. Here is my serious. I look so scary!! 🙂

RBO photo shoot

It’s hard to beat a person that doesn’t quit. Sometimes you can’t do it. You never fail at anything until you quit. Just because it didn’t work the way you wanted you still succeeded until you just throw int he towel. To be:honest Ive quit twice in my life: First time is when I left TCU and decided I wasn’t playing football anymore. And in August 2011 when I decided it was time to take my life. Both of those moments in my life were the most pain staking but my life actually got better from both. I can relate to anyone is ready to throw in the towel. No matter how much better life gets life is about peeks, valleys, Sometimes you’re at the top and sometimes at the bottom. The top is not always as good as we think and the bottom is never has bad as we think. Saying all of this I’m just in a dead place in my life. It’s not horrible but its nothing.  The nothing of life sucks. So much so that you can’t appreciate right in front of you.  I know in this place God is working on me and in me. It frustrates those around me so much and I’m sure more than they tell me, but I do know and I promise I’m working on it.

When I need answers I look to others because I know if I rely on myself I fail. Ive asked for help and direction and listened. I heard the same answers I was used to or expecting.  I was looking for different so I went to my atheist buddy. He was a christian and devote but he just go tired of the what he called ” Jesus crap and people” and became and athiest. When we talk we debate not don’t argue and his points are very valid. You need friends  not like you because different views and ideas is what helps you grow as a person. I could bore you with the details but after 45 minutes he said you should just go ahead and  quit. He said your burden of knowledge has you head locked and just quit because you’re not going to get there with what you know. He said what you are dealing with is why I left God because I never got the answers I thought he was going to give me.

I looked  at him and told I always appreciate our talks but not this time. I will bust my butt to get where God wants me this time without throwing in the towel. I have quit and know better. People are relying on me and I’m so close to a breakthrough in my life-like I’ve never had.  I know some days are going to be good and some will suck but that door for you and for me is 6 inches away and if we claw, scratch and struggle when the door opens the life we thought is right there.

If you’re at the end of your rope, lost, lonely or just want an answer people don’t give up. Only when you quit do you fail. God is waiting for you to ask and he’s telling you just a bit further and trust me. He never left us, we left him and for me not this time Satan, take a hike.


Day 496 Love PFFT

8 06 2014

It has been a busy week. My son graduated from preschool, my daughter finally got to have her birthday at a pool because her cast is she’s better,  my grandmother became the oldest person attending a George strait concert last night at 96 and today we started packing my moms house.

B's graduation


I never knew packing up boxes could be so difficult but packing certain things brought up memories and then you find the photo albums. I got to show my kids a lot of people and places but mostly I got to see pictures of my dad smiling when I was younger. I almost forgot he smiled because I only remembered him sick.Left me with some good memories which I needed to.

I know there are some couples in love even after 5, 10, and 20 years. I mean real love that no matter what they are going to be there and fight to there is no more breathe in their body. Then I get around friends, church members, work people and I feel horrible about love. People have forgotten about it and have no clue about. Love isn’t about us it’s about the other person. I hear all the time man I envy the situation you’re in. You can find anybody, fall in love or just screw around to you find someone to love.I can count right now 10 couples on the verge of divorce and the reason is that they aren’t loved. The challenge here is that you cannot desire to GET LOVE and BE LOVING at the same time. The intent to get love will always lead to a closed heart and controlling behavior, which shuts out love. The intent to be loving, and to learn what is loving to yourself and others in any given moment, is what opens the heart. When you choose the intent to be loving with yourself and others, you will experience real love.I want more than anything to have that love but even reading the bible about  the disciples they struggled with the definition of love and carrying it through. In the microwave society I’m begging to believe that people either get what they want from someone now or they dump them and move to the person that will give them what they need. They never find it so they end up with nothing.Or you can be like me that you have got to the point that you believe that the love that we all desire isn’t real you put a wall and see if someone will tear it down. If they don’t you just move on.

If you asked me do you believe in love I would say yes: I believe in the superficial, Facebook, Hollywood love that isn’t real. Do I believe in the I would take a bullet for you, real, loyal, that no matter what you did we will get through it love the answer is no. I want it and Im working on opening my heart to it. I always wondering why there is a mandatory relationship class in high school to teach us to deal and love with others. We go in so blind, then try to mold and shape someone to love  us the way we think we should be loved,  but we don’t know that for ourselves so now we get into relationships and wonder how did this fail, Thats what happens when you trying to hit a nail with a screwdriver. I do know this I can love that way and have and I sum it up into one word that if I can find someone who knows and can use the word I will be in love again. SACRIFICE! It’s so simple but yet almost impossible to find in someone.



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