Day 703 I finally have fallen in love again

For all of those new Years Resolutions people here is a fresh idea. Go back to what you wanted to do last year, figure out why you didn’t accomplish those. You will never have solutions to your resolutions until you figure out why you didn’t accomplish what you wanted to from the year before. When you figure it our reevaluate. Don’t try to move forward when you haven’t moved from last year. just an idea!

Yes I have finally fallen in love again. Its been a few years coming and its so much better than before. No I haven’t fallen in love with a new woman but my children again. I know some of you thought really I had no idea you had a woman I don’t, I’m not sure if I will master that but I sure have with my kids.

My kids are growing up and they aren’t as dependent on me in different ways than when they younger. My daughter is in 7th grade my son started Kindergarten this year. They are both so smart and witty.I can carry on conversations with them about so many different things. They even make me raise my eyebrows with how smart they are and what they know.When you don’t have you kids 7 days at time one you appreciate your time with them so much more when you have them, but you also see how much they grow up in  7 days. If you your married or have your kids all the time it’s just life but you don’t see the subtle changes than when they’re not there.  When they were here for the week of Christmas we talked a lot about God, being grateful and giving back. I think I stink at teaching about those things but even my 6 year gave me examples of how I was teaching  them through my words and bringing them to Rock Bottom events.  When I dropped them back off with their mom Christmas eve I hugged them like I wouldn’t see them again I’m sure they wondered what was up. That night I spent with myself just appreciating  how far I had come as a parent. June 2012 I moved out of my house and my first thought is I can’t be a single daddy. I m going to fail so miserably. I’m going to damaged them more than I already have. Christmas eve 2014 I fell in love with them all over again. I didn’t know it was possible to love two human beings as much as I do my children. No matter what I put them through they love me, I feel it, I see it, and they reflect that.

No matter what you have done wrong as a parent kids are forgiving: spend time with your kids, tell them how amazing they are, build them up, set examples for them, and fall in love with them all over again. BTW  if you don’t believe in God and miracles Im  living proof that God can take a big pile of nothing (not true but my thoughts at one time) and transform you into changing lives most importantly your children’s.

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Day 449 The one thing I will never be used to

Another busy week that started out total suck but ended well. IF you have ever lived in Texas you know spring time weather is pretty scary at times. Yesterday in 30 minutes the sky went from cloudy to all out hell breaking loose. We had softball size hail (yes softball) and the normal tornado sirens, hail, and flooding but we got some rain so it was all worth it I guess.

I have joint custody of my kids which is a rarity in Texas. It was the one thing in my divorce I would have fought until the bitter end to get. Kids need their dad as much as their mom and I need them too. I get them on Friday and I swear my heart fills with joy. Their smile. laughs and all the things they have to tell me about the week I didn’t have them is something I crave and look forward to. Like all divorced parents things are different at my house compared to their moms and its a good change both ways I m sure. When my kids aren’t around it is literally apart of me is missing. I do try to pack as much into the weeks I don’t have them working on me and do things I couldn’t do when I have them. Being a single dad is tough like being a single mother, but I promise I couldn’t think of any thing I would like to do more. We go to church together and talk about God, I learn about building legos, how to put on makeup, what is cool or not cool in Jr high, about why girls are gross. I get to read teenage mutant ninja turtle good night stories, why I should have a girlfriend, I get both kids to watch me workout or (help) me. I watch my daughter go out tot he car every morning and realize that beautiful girl has only 6.5 years left before she moves out. I get to see all the mistakes I made in life allowed me to be the father I am and I get tot teach them and help mold their life. Every night before I walk out their bedroom door and tell them goodnight I get to do one of patented flex moves or dance moves from the 80′s and the last sound I hear from both of them  is I love you daddy. Can any man ask for more! Yes I could!

Then there’s the Friday I come home and there is no race to see who gets to the door first and as I take my keys out of my pocket I always pause before putting my key in the door knob because that is my Friday turn-key hell. There is no arguing, no yelling, no  laughing, burping, farting, the life is gone. AS I look in the doorway the place is silent and Im left with just me. I sigh and wish it to be different but my babies are gone for 7 days. I see the toys on the floor or the sucker stuck to the dresser, the dishes that didn’t get put in the dishwasher, the lego pieces on the floor, the breakfast that didn’t get cleaned off the table, the make up wipes that didn’t make it to the trash, the smell of my daughters perfume and my son’s sink still full of toothpaste. I will never get used to not having them with me.It gets easier to deal with sure but it still hurts. It leaves a bit of emptiness that isn’t filled until they get back. It’s a reminder also that when I get into a relationship of why I have to treat her in the best way so I won’t be alone like this again. My kids are a gift from God that I took for granted for many years. We all I have to learn and my 7 days by myself is my burden from my mistakes but also what helps me to the be the best father. I can only hope that my kids one day will see me, the sacrifices made ,  what Im trying to be as a father and never have to have a Friday turn-key hell.

Day 449 The one thing I will never be used to

Another busy week that started out total suck but ended well. IF you have ever lived in Texas you know spring time weather is pretty scary at times. Yesterday in 30 minutes the sky went from cloudy to all out hell breaking loose. We had softball size hail (yes softball) and the normal tornado sirens, hail, and flooding but we got some rain so it was all worth it I guess.

I have joint custody of my kids which is a rarity in Texas. It was the one thing in my divorce I would have fought until the bitter end to get. Kids need their dad as much as their mom and I need them too. I get them on Friday and I swear my heart fills with joy. Their smile. laughs and all the things they have to tell me about the week I didn’t have them is something I crave and look forward to. Like all divorced parents things are different at my house compared to their moms and its a good change both ways I m sure. When my kids aren’t around it is literally apart of me is missing. I do try to pack as much into the weeks I don’t have them working on me and do things I couldn’t do when I have them. Being a single dad is tough like being a single mother, but I promise I couldn’t think of any thing I would like to do more. We go to church together and talk about God, I learn about building legos, how to put on makeup, what is cool or not cool in Jr high, about why girls are gross. I get to read teenage mutant ninja turtle good night stories, why I should have a girlfriend, I get both kids to watch me workout or (help) me. I watch my daughter go out tot he car every morning and realize that beautiful girl has only 6.5 years left before she moves out. I get to see all the mistakes I made in life allowed me to be the father I am and I get tot teach them and help mold their life. Every night before I walk out their bedroom door and tell them goodnight I get to do one of patented flex moves or dance moves from the 80’s and the last sound I hear from both of them  is I love you daddy. Can any man ask for more! Yes I could!

Then there’s the Friday I come home and there is no race to see who gets to the door first and as I take my keys out of my pocket I always pause before putting my key in the door knob because that is my Friday turn-key hell. There is no arguing, no yelling, no  laughing, burping, farting, the life is gone. AS I look in the doorway the place is silent and Im left with just me. I sigh and wish it to be different but my babies are gone for 7 days. I see the toys on the floor or the sucker stuck to the dresser, the dishes that didn’t get put in the dishwasher, the lego pieces on the floor, the breakfast that didn’t get cleaned off the table, the make up wipes that didn’t make it to the trash, the smell of my daughters perfume and my son’s sink still full of toothpaste. I will never get used to not having them with me.It gets easier to deal with sure but it still hurts. It leaves a bit of emptiness that isn’t filled until they get back. It’s a reminder also that when I get into a relationship of why I have to treat her in the best way so I won’t be alone like this again. My kids are a gift from God that I took for granted for many years. We all I have to learn and my 7 days by myself is my burden from my mistakes but also what helps me to the be the best father. I can only hope that my kids one day will see me, the sacrifices made ,  what Im trying to be as a father and never have to have a Friday turn-key hell.

Day 212 I got peed on

 Just one of the many Joys of being a parent:
My son climbs into bed with me at about 3:00 this morning. As usual he clings to me even though the bed is a king size. About 5:00 this morning I woke up and said man he is really sweating until I smelled pee. There are horses that wished they could pee this much and I thought I had wet my pants. I picked him up and he was still asleep until the shower came on. I love being a dad and even the urine. Another lesson make sure Brayden pees before he sleeps.

Im posting this from a friend of mine who has become closer and closer since the divorce. He asked I keep his name quiet.  This is for anyone that has been divorced or even in a long relationship that has ended.

This Single Dad Survived His First Love, and Heartbreak, After Divorce. You Can, Too!

Recently, I experienced my first official breakup since the divorce: I got dumped. 

I saw it coming … and one of us would have pulled the trigger eventually. She was the first woman I’ve dated that I’ve really liked to this point. 

Aside from the divorce, it’s been a long time since I’ve had this happen and I’ve come to realize how different romantic relationships are at this stage in my life. 

First, for me, is the importance of friendship. She and I are trying to keep our friendship alive, and I am more sad at the prospect that it may not work out than at the loss of a romantic partner. 

It’s interesting how different my relationship goals are now compared to when I was a kid. Through the divorce, I kept hearing stories of people cutting loose and experiencing a period of wild sexual freedom. I’m not sure what it says about me but that’s not something I want. While I’m not seeking to get married anytime soon, I do want meaningful relationships; friendship first, then intimacy. 

The next realization is that I definitely know what I want. I totally get that everyone I meet at this stage has lived and shaped their lives, so there is no delusion of perfection like when I was a kid. For me though, I’m seeking to be in a relationship with a woman where the “what I do want” side of my list outweighs the “what I don’t want”. 

Thanks to a lot of soul searching, I know that my “do” list includes some must-haves: 

• speaks directly and is forthright, 
• does what they say they’ll do, 
• is able to express needs and make decisions based on those, 
• has 1 or more children, 
• a career of any kind, and
• is available. 

You might think that last one is obvious, but it’s been a bit trickier for me than I expected; in part because, until recently, I haven’t actually been emotionally available myself. Similarly, some of the women I have met have not been available for a variety of reasons. 

In this recent relationship, we both believed she was initially available but as we progressed and she reflected upon herself and us, she discovered otherwise. I suppose it’s a good thing that this was discovered before we went much further, and that it is enabling her to address and heal underlying issues, but still, it hurts. 

And that last point is what I think is the most positive aspect for me; that I was not only open to being hurt again, but that I have made it through. It’ll happen again; I’ll open myself to love and maybe I’ll even get hurt. But now I know I want this again and that I can DO this again!

Day 79 Life Rules Reblog

I wrote this article blog back at the end of October and I like it more than most. Its a true depiction of who I am and what I stand for. Please enjoy and give me your feedback.

I wrote over a period of time my life rules. I never finished them but here they are and my last one:

1. You will receive only this body

2. You will be presented with lessons

3.There are no mistakes only lessons

4. A lesson is repeated until learned

5. Learning will never end

6. There is nothing better than the here

7. Others are only mirrors of us

8. What our life becomes is only up to us

Finally  Number 9:You will remember and you will forget

Each lesson in our lives is like a rock along our path. As we travel along and learn lesson some look and feel familiar. When something resonates in  for you or yo finally get one of the lessons you are remembering what you originally knew. When you have an “aha” moment you are remembering. When we remember and forget with are dancing with our consciousness. remembering is waking up to the truth Forgetting is the temporary amnesia that sets in when your truth is occluded. When we feels tuck, when we cannot break through we have forgotten.

I believe all of my rules come down to this one basic point remember the truth. . We have to find ways, either by faith, wisdom, time, to go to a deeper level so we can always remember the truth.I have heard ignorance is bliss, We have to forget that and live with life’s luster. It’s the only way to have an amazing and meaningful life.

Faith: Faith is the gift of the spirit that allows the soul to remain attached to its own unfolding. Thomas Moore

If you have faith you will remember the truth stored deep in all of us. Faith is the only thing that can help us through the darkness. We may stumble but every time we come out of the darkness where we should be. Without faith there is no joy. I lost the joy but with faith I was ale to experience a true me and what was truly in my soul.. Faith sometimes has to be restored by surrounding yourself with people who will speak the truth and see things in you that we stopped seeing. When we forget keep those people close to remind you of who you are and where you came from.

Wisdom: We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us : Marcel Post

Limitlessness: What we call results are beginnings : Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know this is deep but remember this: God did not put a limit  to our compassion, patience, willingness, commitment, tolerance or any other pocket of understanding. We have infinite permission to love, grow and to remember.

Day 70 Life rules

A much better day today. My car was actually there when I woke up.

I got to sit in a new Starbucks and work for about three hours today catching up on paperwork and people watching. Starbucks is an amazing place not only for the coffee but the eclectic group of folks that come in there. I always hear conversations that I know nothing about so I learn a lot. I was asked today if one of my chairs could be borrowed to use as a sitting apparatus. I just said whatever dude. I guess I need to be a bit more sophisticated and use the words apparatus more.

We went tot he fall festival at Gateway church tonight. There were roughly about 3000 people. It’s great to watch all the little kids get so excited over candy and cotton candy. I can’t eat cotton candy its sticky. Long story for another time. I got really offended tonight and usually I don’t get offend by much. I let my kids have cotton and when we were walking away two ladies said out loud he shouldn’t be letting them have cotton candy so late but he is  a single dad. So I told them that we were poor and that’s all I could afford (it was free)and walked away. I know I should have let it go but if I would have said what I wanted to I would have made them cry.

I wrote over a period of time my life rules. I never finished them but here they are and my last one:

1. You will receive only this body

2. You will be presented with lessons

3.There are no mistakes only lessons

4. A lesson is repeated until learned

5. Learning will never end

6. There is nothing better than the here

7. Others are only mirrors of us

8. What our life becomes is only up to us

Finally  Number 9:You will remember and you will forget

Each lesson in our lives is like a rock along our path. As we travel along and learn lesson some look and feel familiar. When something resonates in  for you or yo finally get one of the lessons you are remembering what you originally knew. When you have an “aha” moment you are remembering. When we remember and forget with are dancing with our consciousness. remembering is waking up to the truth Forgetting is the temporary amnesia that sets in when your truth is occluded. When we feels tuck, when we cannot break through we have forgotten.

I believe all of my rules come down to this one basic point remember the truth. . We have to find ways, either by faith, wisdom, time, to go to a deeper level so we can always remember the truth.I have heard ignorance is bliss, We have to forget that and live with life’s luster. It’s the only way to have an amazing and meaningful life.

Faith: Faith is the gift of the spirit that allows the soul to remain attached to its own unfolding. Thomas Moore

If you have faith you will remember the truth stored deep in all of us. Faith is the only thing that can help us through the darkness. We may stumble but every time we come out of the darkness where we should be. Without faith there is no joy. I lost the joy but with faith I was ale to experience a true me and what was truly in my soul.. Faith sometimes has to be restored by surrounding yourself with people who will speak the truth and see things in you that we stopped seeing. When we forget keep those people close to remind you of who you are and where you came from.

Wisdom: We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us : Marcel Post

Limitlessness: What we call results are beginnings : Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know this is deep but remember this: God did not put a limit  to our compassion, patience, willingness, commitment, tolerance or any other pocket of understanding. We have infinite permission to love, grow and to remember.