Day 1566 Why didn’t you just ask

8 06 2017

Hello world: On Tuesday of this week I approved my book and it went to the printer. it took me 2.5 years to decided I was worth writing a book and anyone would read it. Yes Im excited but having it my hands will feel amazing. You better buy a copy pretty please.

Why? One of the most thought-provoking questions we can ask? On the other end is the answer. Sometimes its good and sometimes it’s not. So why do we stop asking Why as an adult. A few reasons I believe: We don’t care, the answer is going to hurt, we think we already know the answer. Little kids ask why all the time yes we get tired of hearing why and finally because we said so. That doesn’t stop them though.  Brian Dodge was a speaker I heard once and he said as an adult when we stop asking why our learning is over. How scary is that? So then we go to the famous art of assuming. Every time I assumed I was wrong. Do you remember the last time someone said Why didn’t you just ask me? You say I don’t know and walk away like why didn’t I just ask?

I’ll agree that when you ask sometimes the answer is awful. I asked my ex-wife when it was over do you love me anymore. She said no. My heart dropped to me knees I felt sick but I knew I needed to hear it. In college I asked a girl who was out of my league that I flirted with forever why wouldn’t you go out with me. She looked me in the eye and said I will you just have to ask me.

Why is  gathering wisdom, understanding, caring and respect. So the next time you don’t ask why just remember this is what you’re missing out on:

Showing someone you care, asking why is letting them you took time out for them their special, To eliminate confusion, To demonstrate humility to another, To enable a person to discover answers for themselves, To gain empathy through better understanding another’s view, To begin a relationship, To strengthen a relationship, To gain a person’s attention, To solve a problem.

Why you don’t ask these things are also possible: To find a culprit, To embarrass and shame, To appear superior, to create fear, To manipulate, To play the victim, as in, “Why is this happening to me?

Every time I don’t ask why I miss out on something. If you know me I ask a lot of questions not because I’m nosy but I care. I want to know you, I want to know what makes you tick, you’re special but I don’t know why until I know you. Its called conversation which I know is a dying art, but my best relationships are the ones where I know why and Im talking the dirty why too.

Why ask why. We need to know, someone needs to know you care. Love is asking why. Sometimes you don’t want to the but you might be pleasantly surprised what the answer really is.

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Day 916 You can’t be mom and dad

29 07 2015

One of the many things I’ve learned since my divorce is that being a single parent maybe the hardest thing I’ve attempted to accomplish. You have your normal life of being an adult and then a parent to. At the end of the day there’s a lot more day than there is of you. You go back at the end of the day process and say I missed the boat on ABC but if you think about it you did pretty good. If your truly single and not in a relationship with the opposite sex you realize how much the other parent either male or female needs to be involved. sometimes they are but sometimes not. When there not I hear this. I have to be both mom and dad, or I guess I’m dad and mom. Nothing makes me cringe more than when I hear it. If you’re a woman you can read, every book, pray every day, but your DNA is not designed to be a man or understand as a man what your child needs. You might be cursing me or saying what an idiot but its true and that will never change. It’s not my opinion its fact. Women are caring, nurturing, loving, understanding, softer. yes  men have those characteristics and I do to but I’m not a woman. I’ve never carried a child or understand that bond nor can I ever. As a man to say that I’m all the things a woman is and I can do just as good of a job is laughable and vice versa. Men are risks takers, teach worth,  they are stern, they understand or see life in a different way, they like things most don’t, they respect differently and love totally differently. The bible lays out exactly how were different and whats expected of each.

So you want to argue with me and say you’re an idiot.If you read nothing else and understand nothing else let it be this:  If you’re a woman and tell your son your dad doesn’t matter I’m your dad, or your a dad and tell your daughter Im mom and dad what you have done is tell them that the other sex parent doesn’t matter. So what your telling them is that they being a woman or man doesn’t matter when they grow older and become a parent. I mean if one person that’s an opposite sex isn’t needed what will my role be. You take away what they were born or designed to be.  Tyler you don’t understand the other parent is absent. I do get it actually and it hurts you as a parent that the other parent just doesn’t give a damn but you are only who you are.

So what do you do. You only be the best mom or dad you can be. Don’t diminish the opposite sex parent. They will figure out eventually how the other parent is but they need to know that there are things that you can’t provide because you weren’t designed that way.  Help them find a mentor, push them to read about being a man, woman parent so they can appreciate what were doing but build who they are and what is expected of them as they become parents. I know this isn’t going to be a popular blog but I would tell you study this before you blast and if your into books read the oldest book made The Bible and see what is expected of a man and woman by God himself. No matter what your opposite sex parent is doing your job is to continue to be the awesome parent you are.





Day 885 I’m going to be famous

29 06 2015

Are you a fan of pizza? If you are I need your input on all the different types of pizza and the best ones. I never knew all the types but I got an education and now I’m ready for opinions but next blog. We had a tremendous weekend with our Rock Bottom Family and my little babies got to experience it as well. We got to go to sunny south Dallas and administer 200 backpacks and 100 hygiene packs. Mostly we got to love on people and my kids are turning into some of the best. Not only with hugs but to take the lead and love on others when society says don’t do that. I’m a super proud daddy.

After our radio show last Monday I got some of the negative feedback that rolls with doing what we do but almost all of it was positive. Two people who I would consider very good friends mentioned you’re going to be famous very soon based on your speaking and radio appearances.. I smiled and started processing that thought because that’s what I do. Most of my life I wanted to be famous either as a football, rugby player or stand-up comedian. I wanted people to worship the ground I walked on. All the names in lights, the money, the free stuff, and mostly the pick of women. I dreamed about it as a little kid, for a long time I thought it might happen then the dreams shattered and I wanted it more. I knew I was capable. How would it be to snap your fingers and get people to do what you wanted because they feared you and not respect you. At one time in my remodeling business I won Top 12 under 40 year remodelers in the United States. I thought I’m on my way. I’m going to be the go to guy, this will bring me more money, fame and you never know will it will lead.  Well it all eventually lead to my trying to take my life because of how I thought I failed. Through all of that what I wasn’t was remembered. The one thing you can’t control is being famous, I mean we have the Kardishans, the Hilton’s and various other people who have no talent and are famous. I mean grumpy cat is famous and he just was born with a grumpy face. Society dictates whose famous and its usually for the wrong reasons.

My two friends and anybody else that thinks Im going to be famous. I mean this thank you but I honestly I could care less. What I want is to be remembered. I want in my everyday walk in life for people to say that’s a tremendous man of God, he was an amazing father, one of the best husbands that walked  the earth, and real and genuine. When my funeral comes hopefully many years from now that there are so many people lined up they close down the streets to tell my children that your dad  loved God,  he was the best friend, son, brother, he believed in me when I couldn’t, he change my life, he loved me, he gave me what he didn’t have, and you should be proud of the man he was.  If that makes me famous I’ll sign up for that. The money, fame, name  in lights is about me, what I just mentioned is about God. Ill never forget when my dad passed away they talked about he did for others not the stuff he had. If I’m striving for the stuff I’ll get it but I know the outcome, if Im striving to be a warrior for God, with a broken past, foul mouth, wounded heart and people come to know Jesus through that I’ll be what I was designed for. I just want my kids to look people in the eye and say my dad was famous because he loved us and were proud of him. You can have your Hollywood I’ll take my Morgan and Brayden everyday!





Day 784 Will you wear the ring please

20 03 2015

After 8 days away I get my babies back tonight. I can’t explain how much I missed them. I need their smile and wit Im losing my touch without them!!

So yes I will continue to blog. I got around 25 responses and all of them were heart-felt. I also met people who I had no idea that read. This one stood out the most to me Thank you Pat!: if you are inspired to continue to write this blog, I will continue to read it. You are touching more people than you realize. They may not respond or reach out to you but it always says things that need to be said. If they choose not to read it they can scroll past it or delete it. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul out on FaceBook, it takes a special Man to do that.  So here we are again and thank you!

One of pet peeves is people who are married and don’t wear their wedding rings. If you didn’t share weddings rings this doesn’t pertain to you so its okay. I know the rings are just symbolic but that’s exactly the point. On the day you were married and you slipped the ring on the person’s finger you made a promise to each other and God and that was a promise for forever. I hear all the excuses, she or he knows I love her, it was just symbolic, I don’t wear jewelry, they understand. My point is why did you even put the ring on your finger that day anyway. If it meant enough at that time to put on then it should stay on. I understand if you can’t because of work but as soon as you can put it back on your finger. It lets everybody else know your taken and that your proud of that fact.

When I’m out and about and I see an attractive woman that I might find the courage to talk to if she has a ring on I turn right around. She is taken and I respect and her marriage enough to stay away. I know that a ring doesn’t keep crappy human beings from approaching you because they are so much better than what you already have but at least its a deterrent. With or without your ring your married until you’re not but are you so attention starved and hate your spouse that you need to be approached so you would actually take your ring off. If you don’t want to wear your ring that’s your deal but you better start searching because without it on your mind goes places it shouldn’t. If your my friend and I catch you without your ring I wont say anything I’ll just point to your finger. It’s a sign of respect and love and if you can’t do the simple act of wearing your ring what else are you not doing.

I bring this up today and I know its dumb but I used my thumb today to check my ring finger and got paranoid today because my ring was gone. That was 2.7 years ago I was married and the only time I took it off was for my court divorce hearing and when the gavel was hit I dropped the ring in my pocket to symbolize it was over. I loved being married and what it meant to me. I wore my ring always except to workout, work with my hand or in the ocean.  You don’t have to wear your ring but remember why you put it on to begin with. Time to put the ring back because with this ring I thee Wed!





Day 716 I finally found my life

13 01 2015

The trip is over and were home. 46.30 hours and 3360 miles. That my friends is a road-trip in 5 days and we even ate at a waffle house. I can’t tell you everything went on because some of it belongs to my friend Jim and I and the other reason is you wouldn’t understand.  When I write this blog tonight it’s very deep for me. There was so much purpose and meaning to it. I ask you to have an open mind and continue to pray for me as I continue to grow.

I never would have appreciated going on this trip three years ago. Seeing the Sequoia trees was a bucket list item but like most bucket list items in my life I complained and bitched that it wasn’t this or that etc.  God ALWAYS knows what he’s doing.  His timing is perfect even though I have told him many times he didn’t know what he was doing. National Geographic put an article out about the trees in April or May of 2014 and I mentioned to my buddy Jim how cool it would be to see the trees up close. So for my birthday he got us the trip and sat the date. We both love to drive and this was a perfect way to experience part of the country that we hadn’t seen. It causes you to slow down appreciate whats outside the window rather just flying, rushing to a rental car etc.. It allows you to have conversation and be real because what else do you have to do. Jim had never been to Vegas so we took that experience and if you ave never been to Vegas go. On the way we stopped at Hoover dam. Its amazing what we did building that and the amount of concrete and people it must have taken. I’m afraid of heights and we were out there 5 years ago and I couldn’t walk on the dam. I literally froze and my legs wouldn’t move. This time I walked on the entire left side crossed over the dam and walked down the right side. I was so proud of myself. I still had fear but I also had belief. I even leaned over the edge. Another small victory in my life. Something so amazing and not only did I overcome my fear I truly appreciated it. Friday we got to the Sequoia National Forest and it was dark and freezing. From the time we entered the park to our lodge we stayed it its only 23 miles but it takes 1:20 minutes to get there because of the curves and elevation. We were right at 7300 feet high. I’m so glad it was dark or I would have passed out seeing over the edge which I got to see when we left the lodge. at the lodge we had no cell service and the wi-fi would have been better with two tin cans. That’s another good thing because I wasn’t married to my phone like normal. So we ate dinner Friday night at the lodge tried to get adjusted to the elevation and settled in for the night. I went to bed being very anxious and I had no idea why.  I mean okay you’re going to see big trees so what. After breakfast we drove down the mountain and there were two trees in particular we wanted to see which were The Sherman (largest tree by diameter) and The President ( around 350 ft tall) Only thing was it was 2.5 mile round trip and even though I think I’m in good shape I wondered if I could make it as usual doubting myself. The Sherman is the first tree and there are no words or pics that can do the tree justice. its 36 feet in diameter. I was in absolute awe. There were a good number of people around that tree and a little further up the path but to see the President which is the one on front of National geographic we had to keep hiking. We took a few breaks to catch our breath, but as we continued up you couldn’t hear the cars below, nobody else was making the hike with us, and the snow on the ground was drowning out the other sounds of the forest. I boosted my buddy Jim up on a rock which was super high but he got up there and the pic was so great because he conquered it but he had accomplished so much more and that pic was proof for him.

President tree Burnt tree

As we got closer to The President tree we stopped talking to each other so much and it got quite but mostly my mind got quite. You look around the forest and there are broken branches many places where fire had burned the trees, but you saw new life, you saw trees that were 2-3 years old that were thriving and my mind just went quite. We finally get up to the president tree and you look up and almost fall over backwards trying to see up to the top.  Theres a bench that you can sit on to take a pics and I sat down. I sat and never in my life had I heard the quite that I did for the 5 minutes I sat there. Jim went up a hill to do his own thing and there I was then it hit me. I heard God and he said. I brought you here so you can see your life. You see the trees that are burnt but thriving that’s you. The forest fire blacked the trees but they don’t die. It is so proof that life can take broken and destroyed and make them new and better. Even the inside of the trees looked so burnt that there useless: I got to see the fallen pieces the parts that didn’t make it but there were little saplings 2-3 years old like my life sprinkled along the way but the big trees with burned marks, and missing bark we’re stronger and in awe to see. There were so many levels to them and I thought the only thing I was going to see were big trees but I saw my life. In the still of the moments I was there. I thanked God for not only this creation but bringing me half way across the United states to see out of so much destruction the beauty that can come out of it. The piece before Jim came down the hill is I looked up for the final time and either I wanted to hear it or I heard it but my dad said son I’m proud of you. I had told a few if only I could here my dad say that just one more time and that I did.

So I process all of this as we leave yesterday heading back its a lot to take in and I’m still in awe of what I feel and the peace that I have. I also got to see my ex wife’s family in Tucson last night for about 10 minutes. I really love them and they love me too. Its part of divorce that sucks when you miss family but it was the best 10 minutes. The hugs when we left were great and I got a few miles down the road and cried. I got to put to rest some fears about seeing them but also just letting family know I love them. They left me with some great words and I intend to remember them. Between Tucson and El PAso last night while Jim was sleeping and it was just literally me and the road I came to this realization.  For the first time in my 39 years I understand my life. It’s very simple: I was broken and will always be broken, I’m a sapling in my new life, Im a good man,  a good father and someone people love and respect me and that no matter what happens from this minute to the end of my life that will not change. God can and will take anything and only makes the most beautiful things out of the most broken. Yes life is that simple and I finally found my life in the quietest place that I had ever been and simply put thank you.

Thanks for allowing me to ramble but I needed to write this for myself so if I forget I can go back. It was my wow moment and here’s to you finding yours..





Day 716 I finally found my life

12 01 2015

The trip is over and were home. 46.30 hours and 3360 miles. That my friends is a road-trip in 5 days and we even ate at a waffle house. I can’t tell you everything went on because some of it belongs to my friend Jim and I and the other reason is you wouldn’t understand.  When I write this blog tonight it’s very deep for me. There was so much purpose and meaning to it. I ask you to have an open mind and continue to pray for me as I continue to grow.

I never would have appreciated going on this trip three years ago. Seeing the Sequoia trees was a bucket list item but like most bucket list items in my life I complained and bitched that it wasn’t this or that etc.  God ALWAYS knows what he’s doing.  His timing is perfect even though I have told him many times he didn’t know what he was doing. National Geographic put an article out about the trees in April or May of 2014 and I mentioned to my buddy Jim how cool it would be to see the trees up close. So for my birthday he got us the trip and sat the date. We both love to drive and this was a perfect way to experience part of the country that we hadn’t seen. It causes you to slow down appreciate whats outside the window rather just flying, rushing to a rental car etc.. It allows you to have conversation and be real because what else do you have to do. Jim had never been to Vegas so we took that experience and if you ave never been to Vegas go. On the way we stopped at Hoover dam. Its amazing what we did building that and the amount of concrete and people it must have taken. I’m afraid of heights and we were out there 5 years ago and I couldn’t walk on the dam. I literally froze and my legs wouldn’t move. This time I walked on the entire left side crossed over the dam and walked down the right side. I was so proud of myself. I still had fear but I also had belief. I even leaned over the edge. Another small victory in my life. Something so amazing and not only did I overcome my fear I truly appreciated it. Friday we got to the Sequoia National Forest and it was dark and freezing. From the time we entered the park to our lodge we stayed it its only 23 miles but it takes 1:20 minutes to get there because of the curves and elevation. We were right at 7300 feet high. I’m so glad it was dark or I would have passed out seeing over the edge which I got to see when we left the lodge. at the lodge we had no cell service and the wi-fi would have been better with two tin cans. That’s another good thing because I wasn’t married to my phone like normal. So we ate dinner Friday night at the lodge tried to get adjusted to the elevation and settled in for the night. I went to bed being very anxious and I had no idea why.  I mean okay you’re going to see big trees so what. After breakfast we drove down the mountain and there were two trees in particular we wanted to see which were The Sherman (largest tree by diameter) and The President ( around 350 ft tall) Only thing was it was 2.5 mile round trip and even though I think I’m in good shape I wondered if I could make it as usual doubting myself. The Sherman is the first tree and there are no words or pics that can do the tree justice. its 36 feet in diameter. I was in absolute awe. There were a good number of people around that tree and a little further up the path but to see the President which is the one on front of National geographic we had to keep hiking. We took a few breaks to catch our breath, but as we continued up you couldn’t hear the cars below, nobody else was making the hike with us, and the snow on the ground was drowning out the other sounds of the forest. I boosted my buddy Jim up on a rock which was super high but he got up there and the pic was so great because he conquered it but he had accomplished so much more and that pic was proof for him.

President tree Burnt tree

As we got closer to The President tree we stopped talking to each other so much and it got quite but mostly my mind got quite. You look around the forest and there are broken branches many places where fire had burned the trees, but you saw new life, you saw trees that were 2-3 years old that were thriving and my mind just went quite. We finally get up to the president tree and you look up and almost fall over backwards trying to see up to the top.  Theres a bench that you can sit on to take a pics and I sat down. I sat and never in my life had I heard the quite that I did for the 5 minutes I sat there. Jim went up a hill to do his own thing and there I was then it hit me. I heard God and he said. I brought you here so you can see your life. You see the trees that are burnt but thriving that’s you. The forest fire blacked the trees but they don’t die. It is so proof that life can take broken and destroyed and make them new and better. Even the inside of the trees looked so burnt that there useless: I got to see the fallen pieces the parts that didn’t make it but there were little saplings 2-3 years old like my life sprinkled along the way but the big trees with burned marks, and missing bark we’re stronger and in awe to see. There were so many levels to them and I thought the only thing I was going to see were big trees but I saw my life. In the still of the moments I was there. I thanked God for not only this creation but bringing me half way across the United states to see out of so much destruction the beauty that can come out of it. The piece before Jim came down the hill is I looked up for the final time and either I wanted to hear it or I heard it but my dad said son I’m proud of you. I had told a few if only I could here my dad say that just one more time and that I did.

So I process all of this as we leave yesterday heading back its a lot to take in and I’m still in awe of what I feel and the peace that I have. I also got to see my ex wife’s family in Tucson last night for about 10 minutes. I really love them and they love me too. Its part of divorce that sucks when you miss family but it was the best 10 minutes. The hugs when we left were great and I got a few miles down the road and cried. I got to put to rest some fears about seeing them but also just letting family know I love them. They left me with some great words and I intend to remember them. Between Tucson and El PAso last night while Jim was sleeping and it was just literally me and the road I came to this realization.  For the first time in my 39 years I understand my life. It’s very simple: I was broken and will always be broken, I’m a sapling in my new life, Im a good man,  a good father and someone people love and respect me and that no matter what happens from this minute to the end of my life that will not change. God can and will take anything and only makes the most beautiful things out of the most broken. Yes life is that simple and I finally found my life in the quietest place that I had ever been and simply put thank you.

Thanks for allowing me to ramble but I needed to write this for myself so if I forget I can go back. It was my wow moment and here’s to you finding yours.

 





Day 503 A really great reunion/Fathers Day

16 06 2014

Our 20 year reunion was last night and it was great. Seeing people I haven’t seen in 10/20 years and see that everyone got along and treated each other with such respect.. I put the reunion together  not to get a gold ribbon but to make sure that we got to get together. I got hugs and thank you from everyone. It was truly appreciated and real happy night.  For those that missed it you missed a really good time.

This is a day of mixed emotions for sure. Is miss my dad greatly. This is my 9th Father Day’s without him. With the sadness of him not being here there is a great sense of peace as well. December 7th 2011 I was able to forgive my dad at his grave and ask for forgiveness for me. That day changed my life and has helped me work on a being a great. Sometimes as parents we just do the best we can. We may not  have the knowledge or the pain runs to deep to be able to move on to be a great parent.  I know my dad loved me and he poured his heart on his deathbed to let me know so. I was to busy trying to think of reasons not to believe and didn’t hear his words until years later. I remember the nights and days that he sat at the edge of his bed staring at the floor and now I only wonder the horrible thoughts he was thinking of himself has he was also coughing up pieces of his lungs into a bucket. He worked his ass off 14 -16 hrs a day but life just didn’t workout for him. He left me his burden on me and  I would walk by and tell myself see I’m a man, I’m taking the world on my shoulders as you sit and rot away and quit on us. Im so glad that those feelings are gone and I appreciate  the small things about him. He taught me so much when I would listen. His smile was amazing and when he told me he loved me I would die to hear that one more time. This day maybe has some sadness but it comes with more happiness knowing I appreciate the man who I didn’t really know. He told me the week before he died that being a dad was the greatest accomplishment he had since his kids turned out so well. He made me promise that I would never take being a dad for granted and it took me 9 years to learn but I agree there is nothing better.

At 3:30 today I get my babies for a few hours with them and there is not a better gift than that.  I promise I struggle I lay awake at night and wonder am I good at this, am I teaching them what they need to be successful, what am I doing wrong, I pray to God and tell him I have no idea what I am doing.  Especially being a single dad I probably worry or question more. I do know this when I see my kids after a week they run to me and hug me my heart melts but then I hear the words I love you daddy. The world is better place and I feel like Im doing something right.

Men being a daddy is a gift. If you haven’t been involved or good father you can always start now. Kids forgive and we got to show them that they are loved by us or they will go find it somewhere else. I know a lot of amazing fathers and I know its hard but Im so proud of you all. Happy Fathers Day!








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