Day 843 What we have here is a failure to communicate

19 05 2015

Once again I made myself so tired from the weekend that I feel asleep with a book in my hand last night. That crap of learning by osmosis isn’t working either. At least I look smart falling asleep.  I’m also pretty lucky because my family got to hear my testimony this weekend. Rock Bottom Outreach spoke at a church in Azle and everything just fell into place for them to be there. AS excited as I was I had no idea how they would respond. They cried and I know they understand me just a tad bit more. Needless to say Big Jesus showed up!

Sometimes I can be the greatest communicator on earth and other times not so much. I heard a speaker once say that once you stop asking questions, asking why, and assuming that you have started your trek to failure. I failed in my marriage because I thought I knew everything I needed to about her and our life and it started to show I didn’t care. I stopped asking. Assumption is poison. Why? How many times did you get mad at someone who didn’t ask you about something and you got mad. When you asked them why and they said I just thought I knew. I instill in my kids never assume because you will always be wrong. Why not ask and just save the pain?

Why because it hurts to hear the truth. It might be uncomfortable but if you can’t or don’t conflict arises and nobody likes conflict. Well mostly nobody! I have learned this more in the dating world. If you have a failure to communicate or won’t communicate I’m not the guy for you. I learned with hiding my junk it caused ripples which turned into waves. You don’t have to communicate and that’s okay but not for me. When I got real with God I got to see the true me but came to expect to see that in everybody else. It doesn’t happen that way. I want to see any and everything about you. Yes even that. I know your thinking he’s going to judge me. I try so hard not to judge but guess we all judge. No matter how hard we try. My first judging turns into appreciation that you shared. There is not a better compliment that I opened up to you because I feel I could talk to you about anything.

This blog may seem pointless and not very deep and I’m sorry it’s not more  but I think it has so much here in the few words I typed. If your hearing the great Cool Hand Luke in the back of your mind tell you “what we have here is a failure to communicate” then you have failure and its time to open that mouth and ask.

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Day 843 What we have here is a failure to communicate

18 05 2015

Once again I made myself so tired from the weekend that I feel asleep with a book in my hand last night. That crap of learning by osmosis isn’t working either. At least I look smart falling asleep.  I’m also pretty lucky because my family got to hear my testimony this weekend. Rock Bottom Outreach spoke at a church in Azle and everything just fell into place for them to be there. AS excited as I was I had no idea how they would respond. They cried and I know they understand me just a tad bit more. Needless to say Big Jesus showed up!

Sometimes I can be the greatest communicator on earth and other times not so much. I heard a speaker once say that once you stop asking questions, asking why, and assuming that you have started your trek to failure. I failed in my marriage because I thought I knew everything I needed to about her and our life and it started to show I didn’t care. I stopped asking. Assumption is poison. Why? How many times did you get mad at someone who didn’t ask you about something and you got mad. When you asked them why and they said I just thought I knew. I instill in my kids never assume because you will always be wrong. Why not ask and just save the pain?

Why because it hurts to hear the truth. It might be uncomfortable but if you can’t or don’t conflict arises and nobody likes conflict. Well mostly nobody! I have learned this more in the dating world. If you have a failure to communicate or won’t communicate I’m not the guy for you. I learned with hiding my junk it caused ripples which turned into waves. You don’t have to communicate and that’s okay but not for me. When I got real with God I got to see the true me but came to expect to see that in everybody else. It doesn’t happen that way. I want to see any and everything about you. Yes even that. I know your thinking he’s going to judge me. I try so hard not to judge but guess we all judge. No matter how hard we try. My first judging turns into appreciation that you shared. There is not a better compliment that I opened up to you because I feel I could talk to you about anything.

This blog may seem pointless and not very deep and I’m sorry it’s not more  but I think it has so much here in the few words I typed. If your hearing the great Cool Hand Luke in the back of your mind tell you “what we have here is a failure to communicate” then you have failure and its time to open that mouth and ask.

 

 





Day 824 This is what its like when someone understands you

29 04 2015

Howdy yall! I just wanted to sound like a Texan for a minute. The sun is shining and almost every lake around us is full of water which hasn’t been that way for 5 years. They are lifting water restrictions so most people are ready for the heat. I am, except the top of my head which is ready to burn and smell liked cooked bacon. Stayed tuned for further burning head debates.

I have some of the best friends,. They’re real and everyone is different but everyone  is needed to make my life where it is today. This person has been my friend for 25 years now. We took  a different path to become friends but have been able to talk about any and everything even with a 10 years of not talking much.

I don’t know anybody that wouldn’t want someone who at least trys to understand them. Sometimes they get you and sometimes even if they don’t they try really hard well this person below is that person for me. I’ve been searching for 7 weeks for the words to explain to the people who love me and you my blog reader where I am at. I saw this person Saturday spent about two hours talking and I received this last night. All I could say is wow and I teared up because they hit it on the head and said everything I couldn’t. If you want to know what its like to have someone understand you here it is for me.

New Living Translation Ecclesiastes 1:18
The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
You are such a great speaker and dynamic and winsome that it is so easy to see you and see your facade.  Not that it is all a facade, but a facade in that you KNOW life.  You are not swayed by life’s antics and you are not faked out by what the world has to offer or what the world is promoting at the moment.  But in that, you are (in my opinion) striving to reach something different.  And in that you find discontentment in the gap between your knowledge and your desires.  Being unwilling to settle leaves you as a constant sojourner.  I think your soul is weary.  Very weary.  How else could a soul so full of vitality not be able to come up with any dreams except that it is burdened beyond capacity by the dreams themselves.  You do have dreams.  You have many, but you can’t name them.  I think you can’t name them because they are buried under the rubble of your tiredness of trying to live life to the fullest.
For days I have wanted to have a thought they made sense to me about your current “state”.  I was focusing on the fact that you can’t name a dream, but this morning I heard a sermon on Psalm 23 and it hit me!  It is not that you can’t dream, it is that you are so weary.  The man who wants to bridge the gap between this dreadful world and the world that Jesus promises.  The man who stands strong for his family, gives his heart to others, speaks to share his story, donates of his time and resources, reads, studies, prays, works, searches for love, searches for a career, carries a financial burden, carries the wreckage of his divorce,  wants a better life for his kids, wants to be there for his sister, nephew, and mom, the man who would give of his last breath is completely breathless.
So what do weary people need?  They need rest and reprieve.  I looked up Psalm 23 in several translations until I found this…
The Living Bible
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength.
The Message Bible   True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
The Amplified Bible
2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self);
What if you forgot all the other promises of God and just meditated on this?  What if you let go of striving and just focused on breathing?  Maybe for a week?  It is hard to not feel the burden of your knowledge. I am not suggesting it is easy, but I feel you are drowning in such a way that you don’t even realize the depth of your breathlessness.
I don’t know the answer for you, but I want you to take in a deep breathe and just let go.  Stop reading and thinking and contemplating and striving and trying to reach others.  Just breathe…
This is my prayer for you until I get something new.  I love you too much to let you wither.  =)
That my friends is what a friend is. This took time and concern. You know who you are and for that I can’t thank you enough….. For those that care now you know where my mind is, now time to find that restful spot.

 

 





Day 782 Would you like to continue reading this blog!

18 03 2015

I have and do truly enjoy writing my blog. I appreciate over the past 2.7 years all the comments and people I have met through this blog. I started writing for me and only me. It was my therapy when nothing else made sense. In that time I got to see I wasn’t alone, rock bottom was okay, and there are people that hurt as bad as me and worse. I ve had people turn there back on me, love me more, cry with me, criticize me, laugh at me and it has all been worth it. I wouldn’t take back any of it. I will always blog because it still helps me. The blog and my life isn’t about me though its about helping others just if anything to feel they’re not alone. I can always set the blog to private and let those closest to me read it.

My question is do you want to continue reading it. Please Im not not looking for praise or oh your so great. What I want to know does it still touch you and speak to you. based on the response I get I will make my decision. In turn if people want to continue reading it I m going to write more of what I TRULY feel and also let you see my funny side. I’m not always serious and I want people to see that side of me too.  I promise though to keep my spelling and grammar terrible just to irritate those grammar and spelling NAZI’s So its up to you! I appreciate any feedback  positive or negative.





Day 782 Would you like to continue reading this blog!

18 03 2015

I have and do truly enjoy writing my blog. I appreciate over the past 2.7 years all the comments and people I have met through this blog. I started writing for me and only me. It was my therapy when nothing else made sense. In that time I got to see I wasn’t alone, rock bottom was okay, and there are people that hurt as bad as me and worse. I ve had people turn there back on me, love me more, cry with me, criticize me, laugh at me and it has all been worth it. I wouldn’t take back any of it. I will always blog because it still helps me. The blog and my life isn’t about me though its about helping others just if anything to feel they’re not alone. I can always set the blog to private and let those closest to me read it.

My question is do you want to continue reading it. Please Im not not looking for praise or oh your so great. What I want to know does it still touch you and speak to you. based on the response I get I will make my decision. In turn if people want to continue reading it I m going to write more of what I TRULY feel and also let you see my funny side. I’m not always serious and I want people to see that side of me too.  I promise though to keep my spelling and grammar terrible just to irritate those grammar and spelling NAZI’s So its up to you! I appreciate any feedback  positive or negative.





Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!





Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!








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