Day 1116 What you didn’t do for me.

22 02 2016

Good evening from 70 degree Texas. We haven’t had a winter and it makes me mad. Just a little cold and snow is that too much to ask.  It has allowed the weeds in my yard to grow so we can swing from each one of them and some trees are blooming so everything is green 🙂

Think about this before you answer in your head. Do you do something so that you can get something in return? Are you nice so someone will be nice in return. Do you cook for  your spouse or anyone else  hoping that you  will get something back in return After a while do you keep a scorecard of all the things you have done but they didn’t do for you. Then when you gave them a back rub or foot rub and then all of a sudden you lose it and spill your scorecard out. There is no doubt the score card is in you favor and its 21-7 in your favor and your pounding your chest look what I have done for you and you didn’t even do half of what I did. Guess what we both just lost. Sure my scorecard was more on the positive than yours but since I only did for you so I would get back in return I lost too.

I get so sick of relationship problems when they area truly simple. This is just a spouse, or significant other, it’s a friend, a work relationship, a family relationship etc.. Do you do it to get something back? If you do quit now! Stop giving because if you’re expecting everyone to be a giver like you it doesn’t happen. We are all different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are takers usually one is a taker and one is a giver. A lot of people have no idea how to give, they didn’t come from it and never have. So it seems so foreign to you when they accept and never give back. We givers really stink at receiving just FYI.

I have two friends of mine that are failing miserably in their relationships. I’ve viewed from afar and close up. I was asked by both of them this past week : What do I do? Well first off throw away your scorecard! It doesn’t matter what you have done because it only sounds like what I have viewed and you told me that you gave only to get. You throw around what you have done like a badge of honor and it doesn’t matter  what have you done people don’t want to get beaten down by how great you are of you’re the master giver. (One relationship is a marriage and the other is a friendship). I have seen more damaged in relationships because the giver thought they were a Heisman Trophy winner in the giving world. One of many faults in my marriage was I was great at giving but you better bet your bottom I wanted her to recognize and repay me.

I got a text from one of my buddies today and all it said was its working she said thank you. My advice to him was if you don’t want to give to her then don’t but think about why you decided not to. If you give to her then shut up. Your appreciation will come but not when you already gave to yourself.

For me and everyone reading this: You don’t have to do anything for anyone but when its your nature you have to let nature take its course. Then give until your heart is filled and then be quiet. Give because that’s who you are, not for what you’re  getting back. Oh yeah and if someone takes advantage of you then you learned and you move on.

 





Day 1116 What you didn’t do for me.

21 02 2016

Good evening from 70 degree Texas. We haven’t had a winter and it makes me mad. Just a little cold and snow is that too much to ask.  It has allowed the weeds in my yard to grow so we can swing from each one of them and some trees are blooming so everything is green 🙂

Think about this before you answer in your head. Do you do something so that you can get something in return? Are you nice so someone will be nice in return. Do you cook for  your spouse or anyone else  hoping that you  will get something back in return After a while do you keep a scorecard of all the things you have done but they didn’t do for you. Then when you gave them a back rub or foot rub and then all of a sudden you lose it and spill your scorecard out. There is no doubt the score card is in you favor and its 21-7 in your favor and your pounding your chest look what I have done for you and you didn’t even do half of what I did. Guess what we both just lost. Sure my scorecard was more on the positive than yours but since I only did for you so I would get back in return I lost too.

I get so sick of relationship problems when they area truly simple. This is just a spouse, or significant other, it’s a friend, a work relationship, a family relationship etc.. Do you do it to get something back? If you do quit now! Stop giving because if you’re expecting everyone to be a giver like you it doesn’t happen. We are all different with our own strengths and weaknesses. Some people are takers usually one is a taker and one is a giver. A lot of people have no idea how to give, they didn’t come from it and never have. So it seems so foreign to you when they accept and never give back. We givers really stink at receiving just FYI.

I have two friends of mine that are failing miserably in their relationships. I’ve viewed from afar and close up. I was asked by both of them this past week : What do I do? Well first off throw away your scorecard! It doesn’t matter what you have done because it only sounds like what I have viewed and you told me that you gave only to get. You throw around what you have done like a badge of honor and it doesn’t matter  what have you done people don’t want to get beaten down by how great you are of you’re the master giver. (One relationship is a marriage and the other is a friendship). I have seen more damaged in relationships because the giver thought they were a Heisman Trophy winner in the giving world. One of many faults in my marriage was I was great at giving but you better bet your bottom I wanted her to recognize and repay me.

I got a text from one of my buddies today and all it said was its working she said thank you. My advice to him was if you don’t want to give to her then don’t but think about why you decided not to. If you give to her then shut up. Your appreciation will come but not when you already gave to yourself.

For me and everyone reading this: You don’t have to do anything for anyone but when its your nature you have to let nature take its course. Then give until your heart is filled and then be quiet. Give because that’s who you are, not for what you’re  getting back. Oh yeah and if someone takes advantage of you then you learned and you move on.

 

 





Day 455 Im getting baptized

30 04 2014

Well another week with my babies is going great. My daughter got her stitches out and new cast yesterday. She has done so well, but I know she’s ready to walk again. I know she’s ready to take a shower to. A real one with no bad on her leg.  It was take my son to work today We had a great time we swept, played in the dirt hammered boards and also cleaned up. It’s the little things and I enjoyed being with him so much. He needed two showers to get clean though.

I was 8 years old in June when I got baptized. It was the only time I remember my dad being in church with me. I have no idea why I got baptized except I thought I should. I understand washing away my sins but I think because others were I thought I should. It was a great day because my dad let me sit in his lap and drive too. I was the spiritual leader of my family and still am. People will call and say pray for me please and I always do. If you have followed my blog you know that I’m a sinner like everyone I used to think my sins were worse and man I needed real help.

The start of my divorce process I stopped playing ping-pong with God and got serious. I had nowhere to go but up. I had hit my knees and they hurt from being there so long. I quit playing church and lying to myself and everyone else. I got close to those that mattered and opened up my heart and soul. I found a mens group to hold me accountable. I started repairing relationships and quit playing Roulette with God. Saying all of this I have struggled more in dealing with being real than I did when I was fake, but the good thing is I took my problems to others to get help. My counselor Brian Hackney helped me save my life. I literally was at the end and from the first day until now he has been there with love, a stern fist, positive  real words and never turned his back on me. I was a mess but he had been there and knew what I needed to get where God wanted me.  I hated him at times and wish he would just go away, but luckily he was more stubborn than me. ( I know you didn’t think that was possible).

I know getting baptized is really just a symbolic gesture, but I think after becoming a new man flaws and all I needed to get baptized. My kids need to see it, my mom, sister and my close friends, but I need it. I want to get dunked in the water and hold me down more than most so I remember this time. lol. I deserve it and God deserves it. To know that if God was in front of me he would say I’m proud of you my good and faithful son. So May 25th Brian Hackney will baptize me and I will have taken the next step in my journey..





Day 455 Im getting baptized

29 04 2014

Well another week with my babies is going great. My daughter got her stitches out and new cast yesterday. She has done so well, but I know she’s ready to walk again. I know she’s ready to take a shower to. A real one with no bad on her leg.  It was take my son to work today We had a great time we swept, played in the dirt hammered boards and also cleaned up. It’s the little things and I enjoyed being with him so much. He needed two showers to get clean though.

I was 8 years old in June when I got baptized. It was the only time I remember my dad being in church with me. I have no idea why I got baptized except I thought I should. I understand washing away my sins but I think because others were I thought I should. It was a great day because my dad let me sit in his lap and drive too. I was the spiritual leader of my family and still am. People will call and say pray for me please and I always do. If you have followed my blog you know that I’m a sinner like everyone I used to think my sins were worse and man I needed real help.

The start of my divorce process I stopped playing ping-pong with God and got serious. I had nowhere to go but up. I had hit my knees and they hurt from being there so long. I quit playing church and lying to myself and everyone else. I got close to those that mattered and opened up my heart and soul. I found a mens group to hold me accountable. I started repairing relationships and quit playing Roulette with God. Saying all of this I have struggled more in dealing with being real than I did when I was fake, but the good thing is I took my problems to others to get help. My counselor Brian Hackney helped me save my life. I literally was at the end and from the first day until now he has been there with love, a stern fist, positive  real words and never turned his back on me. I was a mess but he had been there and knew what I needed to get where God wanted me.  I hated him at times and wish he would just go away, but luckily he was more stubborn than me. ( I know you didn’t think that was possible).

I know getting baptized is really just a symbolic gesture, but I think after becoming a new man flaws and all I needed to get baptized. My kids need to see it, my mom, sister and my close friends, but I need it. I want to get dunked in the water and hold me down more than most so I remember this time. lol. I deserve it and God deserves it. To know that if God was in front of me he would say I’m proud of you my good and faithful son. So May 25th Brian Hackney will baptize me and I will have taken the next step in my journey.





Day 110 Deaths Door

22 04 2013

A really good day for a Monday.  I got a text last night from a friend from Jr. high that I caught back up with two years ago thru Facebook. He told me Rex died. Rex was one of those men that just scared the shit out of you. He was 6’6 probably 250 tatted up, long black hair in a pony tail and a deep booming voice. He had tattoos covering up scars from what we would call bad boy time in his life. He was married to one of the nicest, smallest women I have ever been around. She (Ms. R) was a round 4’11 probably 90lbs but could put him in his place. In high school he loved watching his Jackets play sports. He knew my dad and worked with him for probably 5 years and knew my dad had become disabled and kind of took me under his wing. He knew a lot of the things I was doing and didn’t want me to go down that path.

He has a son that died at 2 years old which had him spiral out of control. He took every wrong path you could, but he found a great women that no matter her stature she was able to breakdown the walls he created. He moved to Cleburne to work at the nuclear power plant my dad worked at. Some of the things he did in his past didn’t allow to have any more children and the women he married couldn’t have kids either so it worked well. My dad invited to watch my sporting events because I think my dad felt sorry for him but he really tried to be a father/friend to me. Sorry I’m rambling here but trying to make a point I promise.  He always praised my dad as I cursed or ignored his statement. I remember he always said that we will all make mistakes but we can come back. I used to think I could beat up anybody and one day I was talking smack and he said you think you could whip me and I said I know it.  About 10 seconds later and I got one punch in I thought I was about to die and  get my arm broken. I learned a lesson that day that there’s always someone who is badder than me.

The other lesson he taught me was about no matter what you do you leave a legacy. He had a horrible life until about the last 20 years and did things that even if I told you would tell me I was lying. I bonded with him because of our paths were very similar. His legacy was a bad one until he made “the change”. He told me once that when you’re laying in your casket you wont care about what they are saying about you but those whose lives you touched good or bad will. Your funeral isn’t about you it’s about those left behind. He said remember and make sure your legacy is something your proud of and what do you do to touch the world before deaths doors touch you.

I was reading FB before I started writing and this popped up so I knew I should write.

I’m trying so hard to change my legacy. I feel so far sometimes and I m so embarrassed but I working on “the change” which is forgiving me. I want my children and my next spouse to be sad when I’m gone but to know I touched the world in a positive way and made a difference. When the church is full of people who loved me and remember me it’s not about my stuff but who I was to them and who when they needed me I always extended the helping hand.

Last time I talked to Rex was last August when I got divorced. He told me he was proud where I was now and knew the divorce would come but I was changing my legacy. He said that I would change the world if I would forgive myself and I actually forgot that until last night. So as I pondered that all day today (Ms. R) called me to tell me that Rex died of a heart attack but with what he did to his body its amazing that he lived this long. She said he wanted to be cremated and they were going to spread his ashes up on the 101 in California and there was no need to come, but if I got to San Diego to let her know. She said 1100 people came to the visitation at the funeral home I guess he touched lives and left a legacy. I know he did on mine and as I think back about him today where he came from and where he left us that when death knocked on his door he had forgiven himself and is helping me to learn to forgive myself.

Sorry if this was rambling but this was a big part of my life that I needed to blog about. May not made sense but it made me feel better.








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