Day 1728 I bleed too

Hello from a cold state of Texas. Monday putting up Christmas lights it was 84 today its 38 and we have snow flurries.  Merry Christmas to you all. Stop stressing you’ll get it all done! If not Christmas comes next year too.

The hardest thing I believe we as adults have to do now is be real! You would think that it would be real easy. People hide, I mean if this was a game  of hiding go seek, we have some real champions. People look you in the eye, tell you I’m fine, Im okay, its good. Then they walk away and go cry in the car. Im not sure when the stigma started that just give generic answers to people and I’ll be okay. It’s okay to admit that life sucks sometimes. I know we are all blessed and highly favored. We were all born that way but do you really think you’re fooling someone when it’s all okay. When you have been in the pits you know when someone is going through hell. You feel it, you know it, you understand that feeling. So why do we do it. Some say Im just trying to be positive, (You can put a dress on a pig it’s still a pig), some don’t know how to communicate, some have been told don’t say things like that, some are just to beaten down.

People care, proper to contrary belief. Not all but people care. You need the people who will let you bleed. not physically, I mean yes physically but not in this example, The emotional and mental bleeding which is healthy.

You have to get this crap out of you. Whatever your crap is You must bleed. I bleed quite often, sometimes by myself, I feel like a burden, I feel weak but then I realize I need others too. I want to be the strong one for everyone but my shoulders are only so big.

I know the holidays are tough especially the older we get, have a good cry, communicate your crap, yell but bleed it out to those who get you. If you don’t have  that person now you have something to do in 2018.  Being silent does not make you strong. bleeding out and being honest is a sign a strength and something someone needs from you too.

Make a memory this year, make that phone call you haven’t, tell someone how important they are to you. When you give a hug hold on just a bit longer. Love you

 

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Day 1549 so this is what its come to

Remember naps, kool aid, recess, playing outside until you were so tired you came in I took a bath passed out and did it again the next day.  What about getting something in the mail,run out to the mailbox but no yet, drinking from a water hose, jumping into a pond just because, or taking your shoes off just because. trying to have fun because it was fun,  not to have fun to compensate to make yourself feel better. Anyway I’m saying being an adult is dumb and we continue to do the same thing.

Let say the stats are correct and 2% of people live they life they want. I’ll be generous and say 10% are living the life they want. So that leaves us the other 90%. Here are the things we celebrate now,

1. I got to work on time,
2. They canceled the meeting,
3. Jeans day,
4. A catered lunch,
5. Getting to leave 5 minutes early
6. Living to get a tax return check that we shouldn’t have paid over tot he government anyway
7. Getting to eat a meal at home. It used to happen everyday
8. 2 weeks of vacation to work 50 weeks. Then we dread the end of vacation because how much work we have when we get back
9. Praying to God that the dr., lawyer or bank stay open past 5 so you can get business done so you don’t have to do everything Saturday.
10. That someone will celebrate your birthday
11. You go to the mailbox hoping its empty
12. That somebody would do their laundry
13. Can we order pizza because I don’t give a crap about anybody eating
14. Someone body I cared about texted me but I haven’t heard their voice in 2 years
15.  I worked to retirement YAY, now my health sucks so bad I can’t enjoy it
16. We get 2 breaks a day to go to the bathroom
17. Somebody waved at me. Do they like me. It used to mean people were friendly.
18. You have to be sick to feel like you can stay in bed
19. Someone pays you a compliment.
20. I paid my bills for the month yes, oh crap its time to start paying them again.

 

I could go on but how freaking sad is it that life has become this. Routine is a killer of the soul. Why have we accepted this. It’s not God’s plan. ts not our plan but we stick ourselves in the butt with it and wonder why it hurts. It’s just dub, we stopped having fun, or our fun is were going to drink until we don’t remember, because Hangovers are a blast.

My boss is a dumb arse and if you don’t think you’re a dumb arse you are the boss. We live this life to get to a point to enjoy it then our health fades,  our love dies, kids move on forget about us until were dying.

Im not trying to be a pessimist but I’m sick of people not living.  Take them damn trip,  eat the food you shouldn’t , if your job sucks find another one, if you want a dog buy one. Just live because if you were giving a month to live you would start but its to late.

Oh but Tyler I don’t what to do. Okay good stop doing this stupid crap I listed that’s a good start. The only person going to make your life better is you. I mean nobody else will. Don’t blame, just do it.

Day 1361 You cant see it

The election is over and we survived. I think most people did. I wish people cared about their own lives as much as they care about things they have no control over. It’s a lesson we as a people may never understand or follow. In my short 41 years I see people fighting over politics trying to change someone else’s mind but they will continue to go to a job everyday they hate and they have control over it.

If I had my life to live over again I wouldn’t need to see it. I would just do it.  What are you talking about Tyler? We resist change because we have to see the whole staircase put together but until we do life stays the same. We wake up unhappy, stay in turbulent times, continue making the same mistakes, not wanting to deal with pain of rejection, failure, criticize  , losing, defeat, not being liked etc.  So we duck the pain popping up to see if the staircase is complete then we think we will walk right over and take the world by the private parts. Martin Luther King said that faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole staircase. Think about how many things in life you didn’t do because you didn’t the end of the road or top of the staircase. Life is about pain you can’t hide from it. So we think lets not take the step and therefore I don’t get hurt. That’s such a lie because of the regret of life is the hardest to cope with and it never is forgotten.

Most us go through life trying to pretend it okay when it’s not. Hoping we please someone else that can’t please themselves. Rather than saying I listened to them long enough and I know what I’ve already lost and now I’m going to do what is best for me. There is a quote not sure who from but it goes something like this: Courage is what feels most right for you! Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste death but once. Meaning they taste the fear but move forward.

Please today take the leap of faith, build the staircase one step at a time, start putting the puzzle together. You already know what its like to live in pain and fear and all we’ve done is created more fear and deep seeded pain. Where our lives are right now is just now they can be so much better. Think about the mistakes we’ve made, the destruction we created and look how far we have come. Since tomorrow isn’t promised now is a great time to start. Love you!

Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.

Source: Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.

Day 68 Rising from the ashes

I hope you all had a great weekend. I had an amazing weekend.  I m also a dumb butt because I talked politics and racism at a bar with people who were drunk. I know not smart lesson learned. I enjoyed people watching all the people at the bar in costumes To say that some people should never show their body in public is an understatement. I saw things that Hollywood wouldn’t put on screen but at least they had fun.

I have heard and now I understand” If you want God to laugh tell him your plans.” I m a planner by nature and always get bent out of shape when my plans go crazy. I m learning but this weekend was another test with my plans. Alright duly noted.

Rising from the ashes is this man I write a lot about the bad but it is all from the past. Not that their aren’t a lot of trials in my life but I want to give you  a contrast from 1 year ago to today. Out of the past 4 years some many wonderful things had transpired. Here on the left is the past and the right is the good in red. Look at it like this. If you drop a piece of glass all you want to do is sweep it up and throw it away. God takes the time to pick up every piece glue it back together and it never looked better.

Now you don’t have a purpose I have a purpose and a mighty one.
You don’t let anybody in           I let those in that want me.
You don’t understand why she don’t love you I understand why I didn’t love myself
But you don’t understand yourself Closer than I have ever been. I know I m worthy
Now you’re out there with no target Target is closer than ever
So you friends become your aim I stopped blaming others
But there is no one left around you I have true friends that love me
So there is no one left to blame Always was true

And what you don’t know it wont hurt you I never let people know my pain and hurt no I open up
And what you don’t know will save you from some pain I learned it only made it worse
But if I could choose I’d let it hurt you
Cause there’s something bout life in the pain I wanted others to feel my pain now I want to help them with theirs.

Now there’s something inside you starting It the truth
Like there’s a fight coming your way I used to wait for the fight now I turn away
But there will be no fists you’ll be throwing
Just some words you’ve got to say I hurt others with my words now I try to speak out of love
And you’ll scream for our repentance I believe God hears me when i request repentance. I thought God forgot about me
Or you’ll hide behind what’s fake My whole life was fake now its a matter of honesty and what you don’t want to know
But there aint nothing to forgiveness Forgiveness is all that matters
You give as freely as you take I try to give. I struggle to receive

And I don’t need to know your stories I want to here your stories. I m finally compassionate
Don’t need to understand your pain I want to understand your pain. I feel it somewhat
Cause I’ve been here since the beginning
And I’ll be here the rest of the way
And I’ll be here the rest of the way I promise I will be there for you
Now you’ve tried your hand at running I stopped running I stand firm
Why don’t you try your hand at faith? Faith and God is all I have
Because there’s a moment to be taken
But it is right before you break I thought I was broken and couldn’t get put back together. What a lie I told myself